Things change and they change quickly. This was a concept that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was all too familiar with. Her life had changed in the matter of minutes after meeting Derek Shepherd in medical school. For the first time in her life, she felt wanted and accepted. She developed a sense of confidence that never existed before that day. Things changed for the both of them when she peed on a stick that turned blue. It all changed in an hour the night that she cheated on her husband and then again when she discovered he had fallen in love with someone else. Now she was seated in the dimmly lit physicians' lounge with a piece of paper in her hands that would once again change her life.

"Dude, you okay?" Alex Karev asked when he noticed his suddenly pale superior staring down at a piece of paper. "You look like someone just killed your puppy."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. I haven't slept in a while."she murmured, forcing the most convincing smile she could muster. "Are you even allowed in here, Karev? I thought this was for attendings only. Don't you guys have your own hang out?"

Karev nodded, pulling an apple out of the fully loaded fridge. "But it's no where near as nice as this one. You guys have an actual espresso machine in here. Our coffee machine has been broken for like three months." he informed her. "But seriously, are you sure you're okay? I can cover your neonatal patients for you for a few hours. You've got me stuck on your service doing the most boring shit ever. At least I'd see some action in the NICU."

"I'm fine, I don't need you to cover for me." she replied to the usually unattentive and rude intern. "I'm just sleep deprived. I just need a few minutes and then I'll be okay. Can you go start prepping Mrs. Green for her c? I need her prepped and in OR in 20 minutes."

Alex bit into the apple and nodded with a distinct groan.

Addison looked back down at the piece of paper before neatly folding it and burying it in her lab coat pocket. Her initial desire was to burn It and go back to a time when that knowledge didn't exist in her head. That wasn't possible so Addison settled on destroying the evidence later. For the time being she ran to the one person who always put a smile on her face; her three and a half year old son Micheal.

Micheal was at the hospital's daycare center, all of his attention on the colorful picture book in front of him. He turned when he heard his mother's voice calling him and a smile grew on his face as he jumped from his seat and ran into her arms. "Mama!" he exclaimed, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

A smile formed on Addison's lips. Micheal may never know it but his smile, his innocent little voice and his small arms wrapped around her was one of the only reasons his mother had for waking up every morning. "I missed you, honey." she admitted softly.

Micheal looked at her quizzically because the day had barely just started and she'd seen him just a couple hours prior. "Go home?" he asked her.

"No, buddy, it's not time to go home." she answered, "I just really needed to see you because Mommy's had a pretty bad morning and you always cheer me up." she explained to her son who nodded understandingly.

He took a few seconds to think of the appropriate response to his mothers word then pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Betta?" he asked hopefully.

Addison smiled and nodded in response, "Yeah, baby, I feel much better now."

A week later she shunned herself in the crammed bathroom in the trailer, her head lingering over the small toilet. She sighed, sitting back to lean against the wall directly behind her. The heaving started to slow and she hoped the nausea would subside long enough to allow her some sleep. This has been the second consecutive night she'd spent locked in the bathroom. She returned to bed before dawn the previous day, knowing Derek would never realize she was gone and she planned to do the same again. She needed to hide the truth from her family for as long as she could.

"Hey, little man." Derek greeted his son who was sitting on his small bed. "What's wrong?"

"Mommy sick." he answered his father in a worried tone. "Icky in bafroom." Icky was his his way of saying vomit. Addison and Derek tried to get him to say puke or throw up but Micheal reasoned that whatever its name may be, it's icky and so he called it Icky.

"Don't worry, Mikey, I'm sure she will be okay in a day or two." Derek reassured his concerned son. "You wanna help your mom feel better?"

Micheal nodded. "You gots to help Mommy. You's a docta." his son answered.

"We can help Mommy by not making her mad, okay? So let's get you back in bed so she won't come out here and see you're still awake. It's way passed your bedtime."

Mikey nodded. "Mommy aways get mad at me when I's up late." He agreed as she lied down and let his father tuck him in. "Night, night Daddy." he whispered, curling up to go to sleep.

10 minutes later Addison got off the bathroom and moaned tiredly. "Derek..." she said when she saw him. "I wasn't expecting you home so early."

"It's not too early. It's 11." he answered, moving toward her to put his hand on her forehead.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed in an annoyed fashion as she pushed his hand away from her.

"I've been home for 15 minutes and you've been barfing the whole time. I have the right to be concerned. Even Micheal was up and wondering what's going on with you."

"It's probably the stomach flu, it's been going around." she lied, she knew the exact cause of her symptoms but she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet.

"Addie, we both know that you have an immune system made of steal." he replied. "I've known you for 15 years and we've been exposed to all kinds of viruses through that time, you haven't caught a single one."

"Fine, then maybe it's food poisoning. Does it matter what it is.?" she asked with an exhausted sigh. "Did you tuck Mikey in the way he likes to be tucked in with his duckie? You know he will scream if he wakes up for whatever reason at night and the duckie is not there."

"I did it exactly as he likes it." Derek assured. "Now can we talk about you and the fact that you've spent two nights in a row on the bathroom floor?"

Her eyes widened as she looked at him. "You heard me last night?"

Derek nodded. "We live in a trailer, Addie, it's hard not to hear everything that goes on. I even got up to try to help you but you'd locked the door and you didn't hear me knocking. I figured you just wanted to be left alone but I was awake the whole time."

"Oh." she whispered in shock, unsure how to proceed form there.

"Addison, you need to tell your husband. This is not easy on anyone and you are no exception. I know it will be difficult to share something like this with him but he's your husband, he deserves to know. He would want to help you through this."

Addison shook her head, brushing off the advice for the third time. "I'm fine, I can do this without bringing him into it. I don't want to burden him. It's just fatigue and nausea, no biggie. I'm alway nauseous and tired after a 24 hour shift, I'm used to feeling this way."

"We both know that not a single word of that statement is true." The doctor replied. "It will be easier for you, Addie, to have him around to hold your hand through all of it."

"I can't tell my husband." Addison said firmly.

"Why are you trying so hard to keep this from him, Addison? Doesn't he deserve to know? Don't you deserve to have him by your side for this?"

"You don't know Derek. He's one of the most amazing people you're ever going to meet, he's genuinely a good guy. He always wants to do the right thing, he would never hurt anyone intentionally. That's the only reason we're still together, because he's too nice to leave me. He fell in love with another women and he tries to pretend that's not true because he knows how much it will hurt me if he leaves me for her."

"Then why haven't you left him?"

Addison shrugged. "Because I still love him even if he loves someone else, I don't want to give up on my marriage if there is still love between us...even if it's one sided. And this...well, if Derek finds out then he'll feel obligated to stay with me and I don't want him to do that. So, no, I am not planning on tell him."

"Okay, fine, don't tell your husband but tell someone." the doctor urged her. "You need someone by your side, you shouldn't do this alone. You've briefly mentioned that you've got a son, correct? You can talk to him or maybe your own parents. I know it won't be any easier to tell them but it's something you need to do eventually so might as well do it in time to get their support."

"My son is not even four. I doubt he'll understand the gravity of any of this and he provides all the support I need without the gory details weighing him down. And my parents...well, I just don't want to get them involved."

"I guess that's your choice to make." the doctor said somewhat disapprovingly. "I'm just worried about you, I wouldn't want anyone to go through this alone."

"I'll be fine. I'm a doctor myself, remember? I've seen enough patients go through this to know how it works. I know my limitations and boundaries, I'll cut down my hours and do whatever it takes when I feel like I can't handle it anymore."

The doctor nodded, "That's all I ask."

Later that day Addison sat back in the privacy of her car and let out a sign. Her doctor was right, she needed to talk to someone. She needed the kind of support that a three and a half year old was not capable of delivering. She stared at her phone, feeling more alone than ever before as she tried to think of someone to call to ease her worries. After almost five minutes of debating, Addison decided to call her mother and only hoped a secretary wouldn't ask her to leave a message.

"Montgomery Residence." a woman answered, a woman who's voice Addison couldn't identify if her life depended on it.

"Hi, I um...Is Bizzy around?" Bizzy hated when when people said "um." She'd always told Addison that it makes people sound uneducated. But in that overwhelming moment she didn't care.

"May I ask who's calling?" the maid asked.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, this is um..." she paused and took a breath and ease her nerves. She hadn't spoken to her mother in almost a year. "This is Addison."

"Do you have a last name, Addison? Ms. Forbes-Montgomery says first names do not suffice, there are millions of people with the same name."

"Addison Montgomery, uh, Shepherd." she quickly amended then resorted to an easier explanation. "I'm the daughter."

"Oh!" the woman exclaimed. "Dr. Shepherd, I'm sorry. I've heard a lot about you but I've never met you or anything so I didn't realize who it was."

"That's fine. No worries." Addison replied casually, wondering if everyone on her parent's staff was on edge all the time. "Is she in?"

"Let me transfer your call over to her. She's in the den having a drink with friends."

"Of course she is." Addison muttered under her breath as the call was being transferred. She bit her lip as she waited for her mother to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" a familiar voice answered from the other end of the line.

"Hi, Bizzy." Addison greeted somewhat awkwardly.

"Addison, this is a surprise." Bizzy says, plastering a smile on her face to give her guests the impression that she was an attentive and caring mother. "Is everything alright? How's little Micheal doing?"

"Mikey is doing great. But um, everything is actually it's not alright. The maid says you've got company over and I don't want to bother you. I just really need to talk to someone. I need someone to make me feel like my life is not over. I know we've never had that type of relationship but I really need us to at least pretend right now."

"Now really isn't the best time for a pep talk, dear. Where is your husband? He always knew what to say to ease your anxiety." Bizzy replied.

"I uh...Never mind, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you." she murmured. "I'll let you get back to your company."

"Addison, I'll call..." Bizzy started but Addison had already hung up.

Addie took a deep breath as she exited the bathroom for the third time since she got home. Derek sighed, looking at her from his spot at the table where their son was seat on his lap for story time.

"Addison..." he started again, his voice sounded exactly as it had the previous two times he'd called her name while she was in the bathroom. He had tried to go in there to help her but she would just ignore his calls to unlock the door.

"Don't." she warned before he could go any further. "Just don't say anything, please."

"You've been like this for over two weeks, Addison. I have the right to be worried about you. You need to go see a doctor...Oh, my god, what if you're pregnant."

Addison gave a bitter chuckle. "If only that was the problem." she murmured.

"Problem? Why would that be a problem? I mean, I know the timing isn't the greatest but the timing wasn't exactly good with Mikey either and he's the most amazing thing that's every happened to us. Maybe we'll have a little girl this time." he grinned with hope in his eyes. "Micheal has your hair and my eyes so maybe our daughter will have your eyes and my hair. Your smile, hopefully your nose and not mine... It would be incredible. Do you want me to go buy a pregnancy test?"

Addison shook her head in response. "I'm not pregnant, Derek, nausea isn't always because of pregnancy."

"It's not just nausea, you've had back pain and fatigue. I noticed you're a bit more sensitive to smells than you usually are..."

"I'm not pregnant, Derek." she repeated surely.

"Well, what else explains everything that's been happening to you?" Derek questioned.

She looked away from him, trying to think of anything to change the topic. "Your mom called this morning after you'd already left for work. You should call her back. She misses you." she told him softly as she moved into the bedroom to get away from him.

"Don't try to change the subject, Addison." Derek told her firmly, getting up from his seat at the table to follow her into the bedroom. "If you know what's going on you need to tell me. I'm your husband, I need to know." her said as he looked into her eyes.

"I..." she stopped, taking a deep breath as she looked into his eyes. "I'm not ready to say it out loud." she admitted.

"Addie, whatever it is we'll get through it. You have to tell me so I can help you." he told her softly and encouragingly, setting his son down on the empty chair to the side to get up from his seat. "Mommy and Daddy need to talk for a few minutes, buddy. You can look through the book but remember where we left off so we can continue when I get back."

Addison led him to their bedroom and he shut the door behind them. "I um..." she looked up into his eyes, her voice starting to break. "This is all the aftermath of a round of chemotherapy."

Derek's jaw dropped as he speechlessly stared at her. "Now would be a good time to tell me your kidding and that you're pregnant with our child...hell, you can be pregnant with anyone's child, just tell me you're pregnant. It can't be anything else." Denial, the first response to every piece of devastating news. "You're Addison, you don't even get the flu, you never get sick...with anything."

Addison shook her head. "I'm sorry." she murmured regretfully, "I have cancer."

Back with a new story, guys! Except this one will be on the shorter side, probably six or seven. A few things to keep in mind: takes place about mid-season two but let's pretend season two. 2. Everything Micheal says is meant to be read as it's written. Those are not typos, they are my attempts to describe how a two and a half year old (with slightly advanced vocabulary) might talk.

Hope you guys like it so far!
Let me know what you think.