The Hangover: Wizard Style

By Poppy P

Chapter 2

Upon regaining consciousness, Ron Weasley was aware of three things in quick succession: 1) he was lying on the cold, stone floor in a pool of his own drool and had a pounding headache, 2) There was a sharp, stinging pain on his right buttock and he wasn't wearing anything from the waist down, and 3) He had to pee really bad.

Figuring that his third predicament was the easiest to remedy, he shoved himself up from the floor and stumbled to the loo. As he neared the toilet, the pounding in his head became even more pronounced and he wondered vaguely if he should ignore the need to pee, and vomit instead. The need to pee won out. He sighed with relief as he released his bladder with a loud, hissing stream. Just then, he heard another noise. He turned his head and spotted a very small dragon asleep on the floor of the loo. The noise he had heard was the slight, growling snores of the dragon accompanied by a small shower of sparks every time it exhaled.

"D-d-dragon..." whispered Ron, horrified. He backed away from the toilet, barely registering that he had splashed his feet. He ran out of the bathroom and slammed the door. "Bloody hell! There's a dragon in the loo!" he announced to the room at large.

From opposite corners of the room came the sounds of groans and muttering. "What's wrong, Ron?" asked Percy, rubbing his eyes.

"What are you whinging about?" asked George, sitting up from a mattress on the floor. "Oi, bro, how about putting some pants on, eh?"

"D-d-dragon," stammered Ron, pointing a shaking hand towards the bathroom.

"Why would there be a dragon in the loo, Ron?" asked Percy, feeling about the floor for his glasses.

George dragged himself off the ground. "I'll go check. It's probably just a spider or something. You know Ron..." He opened the door of the loo and looked in. They heard a roar and saw a shower of sparks fly at the doorway. George slammed the door shut. "Fuck me, he was telling the truth. There's a baby dragon in there! A horntail by the looks of it."

"I told you so!" said Ron, indignant, hands on his hips.

"Pants, Ron," said George harshly. "Don't make me ask again."

"Oh yeah, pants," said Ron, looking down at himself. He spotted his pants and bent over to retrieve them only to jump up when George burst out laughing.

"What the fuck is on your bum?" gasped George.

Ron ran a hand gingerly over his right buttocks. "I dunno, but it hurts like hell." He backed up towards George. "What is it?"

"Get your arse out of my face!" shouted George giving him a push that almost sent him sprawling.

"Perce, you have a look then," said Ron, turning his bum towards his older brother.

"I can't find my glasse-" Percy trailed off with a gasp. "My glasses!" he shouted, holding them up. His wand was lodged through the left lens.

"What the hell happened last night?" asked George hoarsely. "I can't remember anything. How about you lot?" He looked around the room appraisingly. "Merlin! Would you look at this place?"

The three brothers surveyed the room, muttering various oaths and curses. There was rubbish strewn all over the room. Curtains were hanging off their rods. There was a singed cushion on one of the chairs, still smoking. All of the mattresses were pulled off their frames and tossed in various places around the floor.

"A puffskein," said Percy suddenly, slipping on his glasses having tapped them with his wand and repaired them.

"Come again?" asked Ron.

There's a purple puffskein tattooed on your arse," said Percy, "although why you would put one there, I have no idea."

"Say, isn't that Arnold?" asked George. "It is! It looks just like the pygmy puff Ginny got from the shop."

Ron clapped a hand over his cheek and immediately regretted it. "Ouch!" he cried. "Effing Harry! This had to be his idea." He started to pull his pants over his bum, but stopped abruptly. He turned towards George. "Do you think you can take it off?"

George shook his head. "Not me. I'm still so bloody pissed, I just might hex your whole arse off."

"Percy?" asked Ron, pathetically.

"Come here," grumbled Percy. He pointed his wand at Ron's behind and muttered a quick incantation. "It's not working," he said after a few minutes.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron in a panicked voice.

"Someone's put a Permanente charm on it," said Percy, withdrawing his wand. "It's not going anywhere. You hear that though?"

The three of them listened intently for several seconds.

"Blimey!" exclaimed Percy, "It's humming just like a real puffskein."

"Bloody hell!" said Ron, over his brothers' chortles.

"That's quality work that," said George admiringly. He lifted his sleeve up over his left bicep where he had a large, fancy 'F' tattooed surrounded by fireworks that constantly snapped and sparkled on his arm. "There's only one person that I know who does work that good, Dean Thomas."

Ron's brow furrowed. "But I don't remember visiting Dean's last night at all."

"Nor do I," said Percy.

"Damn!" said Ron, gingerly sliding his pants up. "If Harry weren't marrying our sister tonight, I'd kill him!" Ron glanced around the room. "Where is he anyway?"

"He's probably downstairs having breakfast," said George dismissively. "What time is it?"

"I don't know," said Percy, "but if I don't owl Penny soon, she's likely to send a howler."

"Keeps you on a short leash, she does," muttered Ron.

George shook his head sadly. "Why do you let her treat you like that, Perce?"

"You know why," said Percy, his ears colouring as he looked around for a piece of parchment. "Dating options were thin on the ground after the war. She took me back. It was more than I deserved."

"And how many times has she cheated on you since you got back together?" asked George.

"It was one time!" insisted Percy without looking up from the note he was scribbling.

"With Stan bloody Shunpike," said Ron with a look of revulsion, "On the Knight Bus."

"It was my fault," said Percy, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "I was working too hard and neglecting her. Besides, they didn't even...you know...finish."

George snorted. "Only because Madam Marsh honked on them. Penny's a total bitch!"

"Can we drop this?" asked Percy, folding up his note. "Let's just go downstairs so I can find an owl."

The three brothers started to dress hastily. "What the -" George was staring at Percy's attire. "Why are you wearing a St. Mungo's gown?"

"You were in St. Mungo's?" asked Ron, concerned. "Are you feeling all right?"

"How would I know?" asked Percy, his voice rising with panic, "I can't remember anything about last night, can you?"

"Well...no, nothing," admitted Ron. "I have a bad feeling about this." Ron frowned. "Harry's not here, there's a puffskein permanently tattooed to my arse, Percy was in the hospital last night and there's a bloody dragon in the loo!" Ron was breathless by the time he finished.

"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist," said George, pulling on a jumper, "I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for everything. Let's just go find Harry an-" he stopped abruptly as a loud, grating, beeping noise was heard.

"What was that?" asked Ron looking around wildly. "It's coming from behind Percy."

"Oh my God!" said Percy, panicked. "What did I have tattooed on my bum? Penny's going to kill me. She hates tattoos!" He turned his back towards his brothers, preparing to drop his trousers.

"No, Perce, keep your pants on," said George, "It's coming from your pocket."

"What is it?" asked Percy in an unnaturally high voice.

"Pull it out, Ron," commanded George.

"Not me," said Ron, wide-eyed.

"Don't be such a Nancy!" said George, shoving his hand in Percy's back pocket. "It's one of those Muggle fellytones."

"Telephone," Ron corrected him. "That's a mobile telephone. Hermione's parents have one of those. Why are you carrying one, Percy?"

"I have no idea," said Percy faintly. "How in the world did that get in my pocket? Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Did we interact with Muggles last night? We're going to go to Azkaban for sure!"

"As pissed as we were, we surely broke the decree on the restriction of magic in front of Muggles last night. That's an Azkaban sentence for sure!" said Ron.

"Nobodies going to Azkaban, you numpties!" said George. "We have connections throughout the Ministry. Our father works for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office. Do you think he's going to send us to Azkaban?"

"What should we do with this then?" asked Ron, indicating the mobile phone.

George walked towards the door. "Perhaps it's Harry's. Let's just take it with us and go down to..." his words died out as he caught sight of something on the bureau. "Ron, isn't this Harry's wand?" He held it out for Ron to see.

Ron examined it. "Yeah, that's his." He looked up at his brothers, eyes crinkled with worry. "Harry never goes anywhere without his wand." George and Percy were well aware of the fact that even though the war was almost five years behind them, it wasn't a prudent thing to go about without a wand. Especially for someone like Harry. "This can't be good." said Ron.

To be continued...

A/N: Tough crowd. I didn't get a single review for the first chapter (even though I played the b-day card!). I know there are a few of you reading. A review would be much appreciated. Honestly, I write because I enjoy it and I love manipulating Harry Potter characters. However, feedback is always good and much appreciated. I've already written three more chapters of this and well, I think they're funny, but it's hard to feel inspired to write more without feedback. Heck, even if you hate it, let me know why. So click on that little button down there please. And for those who have put this on alert or favorites, thank you.