A/N: This is a less random Crack!fic than what I usually do. Surprisingly, it has plot. It is a gift to StarGazingAtMidnight. I hope you like it SG! I also hope everyone else who reads this likes it too. Anyway, enjoy!

Ironhide stared at the empty room through the window throughly confused. Wasn't he supposed to bring Will back to base today? Where had he gone? In fact, where had all of them gone?

The darkly colored giant grumbled in irritation about forgetful humans, wandering around the small building to peek into each window. The house was a mess, as if it had been robbed.

The weapon's specialist bristled, the mere notion of another tiny bug stealing from his charges getting him worked up. Maybe they had just gone 'shopping' or something? No, that didn't explain the state of their home. Sarah was an extremely organized human femme now that she had a child. And Will wasn't home often enough to make it so messy for any length of time.

He growled again and shifted back into his alt-form to wait for when the three came back. Surely nothing was wrong and he was just being paranoid. That's right, that's all, just overly worried. He huffed in irritation at his own softness towards the family and settled down on his shocks patiently, or at least as patient as the old mech could get, guarding the abandoned house to await the trio's return.

Around what must have been twenty hours later, even though his internal clock only said it had been three, he figured it was broken or something, Ironhide finally let his paranoia get the better of him and sped off back to base.

Maybe they were already there and had been the entire time? But that didn't make any sense. He was the one who was supposed to take Will to work. And wasn't Annabelle too young to come to the military hideout? He could have sworn Sarah promised the youngling that only when she turned fifteen in human years would she be able to see the rest of the 'bots. Or if something special happened. And as long as she always got As on her report cards, whatever those were.

Pulling into the hangar, Ironhide instantly transformed to his bi-pedal form and began his search for at least one of the three humans.

Optimus had been talking to Epps when he watched his weapon's specialist storm into the hangar and begin tromping around like he had lost something. Oh Primus he prayed the humans hadn't decided to actually carry out their prank of removing his set of lights that perched on top of his roof. He didn't feel like dealing with an angry Ironhide at the moment.

"What crawled up his tailpipe?" Epps questioned, eying the either worried, pissed, or a combination of both, mech.

"I am not sure," he responded. And then, knowing he would probably regret it later, continued with, "We should confront him about it before he does something hazardous to your or my mens' health." The two nodded and started towards the wildly searching comrade.

"Prime! Just the 'bot I wanted to see. Have you seen Will? Or Sarah? Or Annabelle? Any of them? I can't find even one. I'm worried maybe they were kidnapped, or got lost somewhere, or... or um-"

"Relax Ironhide. I am sure the family is just fine. They are probably back at their home-"

"No they aren't. I waited forever for them and they never showed up! And their house looked like it was attacked."

Optimus regarded the mech, looking for signs of over-energizing or too little recharge. Then he sighed and glanced at Epps, who was smirking, and then looked back to Ironhide. "Were there any Decepticon after-echos?"

"No. But that doesn't mean another human couldn't have done something." The taller mech watched the shorter one visibly bristle in agitation and forced himself from taking a step back. Blood-thirsty Decepticons he could handle any day, but a blood-thirsty Ironhide sparked uncertainty in his mind. Only 'cons had ever been at the receiving end of his full-blown wrath before, and he didn't want to be the first 'bot to experience it.

"Calm down Ironhide. We can split up and search for them. They might always be just around the corner from where you look, but if we have more Autobots looking I'm sure we will be able to find them." He heard Epps snicker and raised an optic-brow at the small man. "Is there something you would like to say?"

"Oh. No! Pfft, there's nothing I want to say. Good luck on your search. I need to get home and... feed my guinea pig. Yeah. See ya later!" The human walked off and Optimus blinked. Epps had a guinea pig? Since when?

"I have a feeling he knows something," Prime muttered before turning around to see Ironhide rallying up the rest of the 'bots. With another sigh, he made his way over to help sort out whatever gibberish the worried mech was spewing.

Barely ten minutes later the entire base was in chaos. Ironhide had insisted on checking every single tiny little crevice that a human could possibly fit in, whether it was a logical space or not. He had already torn half a wall off and was working on another when Ratchet spotted him and told him how silly the notion of a human purposely cutting a hole in a wall, crawling in, sealing it again, and hiding was. It seems he got the rampaging mech to listen to reason, or hit him upside the head with a wrench, because the rest of the walls remained intact.

Que had gotten the humans to help look in places the 'bots couldn't get to, but Optimus had a slight inkling they were all in on something since every time they were confronted it was obvious they were holding in laughter and tragically failing to keep a straight face.

Thirty minutes later the 'bots had spread to areas outside of the base, leaving the humans to continue looking inside. That turned out to be a bad idea since Ironhide would just sit at the corner of every light, forcing each and every car to stop so his holoform could search the vehicle before letting them move on.

An hour later and they were back where they started. Ironhide tearing the base apart, Bumblebee climbing around over and under the planes and even trying to get inside one. That plan ended in failure when the entire thing tipped over and pinned the young mech to the ground. He probably could have gotten himself out but instead insisted the new female soldier help him. She was not at all pleased to abandon her practice and the entire time she was trying to help she constantly griped about his problem.

"Why can't you get yourself out again?" She was met with a pitiful whine.

"Don't you go all puppy dog face on me. I know for a fact you can do this by yourself." Again, he whined and then raised a limp arm, pretending it was damaged.

"Looks fine to me. I bet you're just lazy. Hmph. And besides, boss bot over there is twice as big as this thing, he can just go 'Grah! I strong man!' and pick it up like a pillow." Bumblebee pointedly looked at Prime, who's back was turned as he tried to ignore their conversation, and then made a sort of dismissive wave of the hand before looking back to the human with pleading optics.

"Gah! Fine. But you owe me mister. You will be taking out the trash for a year after this!" And she complained and grumbled the entire time she helped him out. It was nice Bumblebee had another human friend to keep him company when Sam wasn't around base. Especially one that returned the brother-sister like friendship.

Two hours later and Epps returned, followed by a grinning from ear to ear Will, a happily bouncing around Annabelle, a tired but still cheerful looking Sarah, and a new baby in the mother's arms.

"Honey! I'm home!" Will called, cupping his hands around his mouth and holding back the snickers at the relieved looking Ironhide who instantly came running around the corner.

"Will! Where have you been? We have been looking everywhere for you!"

"Well obviously not everywhere or you would have found me," the man laughed out, unable to control himself anymore.

And then Ironhide saw the new child and stopped all motion, just starring. It made a happy squeak followed by blubbering and the mech fell over backwards.

Glitched.

"Well, that was not on the list of 'What To Expect From 'Hide If You Have Another Child'," Epps laughed, slapping Will in the back playfully and earning a return sock to the arm.

"No violence infront of Casey! It's bad enough Anna has to be introduced at such a young age, but I will not allow Casey to become tainted." The baby girl cooed and Sarah melted from stern and slightly angry mother to googly and loving mother. "Who's the cutest baby girl? You are yes you are."

"Mom! I thought I was your cutest baby girl," Anna accused, crossing her arms and huffing. Ironhide was certainly rubbing off on her.

"You aren't a baby sweetie, now go paint Ironhide's nose pink or something," Sarah dismissed her and went back to cuddling Casey.

Annabelle's eyes lit up and she ran off to do as she was told, not at all needing to be told twice.

"So," Lennox turned to Epps with a slightly confused look on his face, "how come Ironhide went into over-protective-guardian mode?" he queried, sending Epps a playfully accusing look who chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

"Well, I might have forgotten to give him the message you sent me before you left the house in such a hurry. And then I might have told all the soldiers to play dumb. And then I might have not told Ironhide what was actually going on when he thought you were missing. And then I might have bailed to feed my pet guinea pig." Will raised an eyebrow.

"Since when do you have a pet guinea pig?"

Epps laughed. "I don't, but I was sure if I stayed around they would catch on quicker than if I left. But now that I think of it I probably should have helped them look for the 'missing' person."

The two laughed and watched Annabelle hum a lopsided tune as she sloppily covered more than the fallen giant's nose in pink paint.

Ironhide was going to be so pissed when he woke up.

A/N: As much as I absolutely love Ironhide, I can't help but torture the hell out of him. It's so much fun. Also, if you have a request on what other random, silly, sad, angry, whatever one-shot you think I should write then go ahead and PM me and I'll see what I can do. You can send me a line you absolutely want to see in it, an idea, the main joke, a random phrase for me to twist and work with, anything. I love writing for people. I especially love when what I write is also loved by others. Boom-de-ah-da! Over and Out!

~(C)Prime~