Valentine's Day was more trouble than it was worth, so far as James was concerned. Sirius looked at it as a better opportunity for pranking; Remus couldn't care less, and Peter was oblivious or possibly too timid to find anyone to dote on for the day.
It wasn't that he hated the holiday...he certainly loved Lily dearly, and was all too willing to express it, but something about Valentine's Day made his affections for her feel...cheap. He never lingered on the feeling long, preferring to push it aside and lavish attention on his girlfriend instead. Today, though...today, after some forced romancing and a ridiculous, awkwardly terminated date, he needed a break from his position of boyfriend, and Lily whole-heartedly agreed. He fled from the Gryffindor common room for some fresh air and the peace and quiet that seemed impossible to attain in the company of his friends.
Wandering had its advantages; it was in that solitude that he could focus on nothing at all, and notice anything and everything he would normally overlook. It was in such a state of mind that he saw the lone Slytherin sprawled out beneath a tree, a small pile of books behind him, one open and pushed aside beside him, and a Muggle chess set in front of him. Fascinated, the Gryffindor made his way over, collapsing onto the ground across from him. The Slytherin snapped into an upright position, wand out and expression wary.
"'Lo Sev." He felt pleasantly detached; the idea of putting so much effort into the insulting nickname was frankly tiring, and so he settled on a shortened version of his given name, a comfortable image of friendliness that the Slytherin clearly didn't trust. His eyes didn't unnarrow, and his wand didn't waver. Yawning, James slid onto his stomach, eyeing the chess board.
"What, no beau to romance, Sev?" The wand drifted down a mere centimetre.
"Contrary to your ridiculous notions, I am in fact single and not living some absurd fantasy behind Slytherin doors," replied the other teen caustically, expression slipping into mild irritation from its original wary anger. James shrugged, gazing at the chess board intently.
"Eh. Seems strange. You aren't half-bad, I'm sure – not like I ever tried to get to know you, mind, but Lil isn't a bad judge of character generally." He ignored the instant stiffening of the other's form, nodding to the books.
"You've been out here all day, reading and...playing chess?" He craned his neck up to peer around the other male.
"With who?" The Slytherin sighed with exasperation and dropped his wand entirely.
"No one, Potter; I'm sure your tiny mind can only barely fathom it – and I am feeling only so charitable, I'm certainly not admitting you've any intelligence beyond that of the average squirrel, if that – but I've been playing myself." The Gryffindor ignored the sour insult, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully.
"Huh. Must be lonely." Settling himself again, he pushed a pawn forward lazily, tracing the edge of the board slowly with his other hand.
"Your move." The Slytherin stared at him and the hand lingering over the pawn, tracing patterns in the air. Finally James withdrew his hand, looking up from beneath his lashes at the Slytherin. Severus scowled and moved one of his own pawns, clearly put out with his intrusion but apparently unwilling to dismiss him as out of hand. The Gryffindor allowed a semi-smug smile and moved again. The Slytherin drawled icily, "Shouldn't you be babysitting Black, or wasting Lupin's considerably greater intellect on some idiot plot for your pathetic cheerleader's amusement?" James arched an eyebrow at that, mind only half on the game, half idly noting he'd all but forgotten about Peter – again.
"Was that a veiled compliment of Remus I heard? You must be losing your touch, Sev."
"The same could be said of you, Potter. No Snivellus?" The Gryffindor hummed in the back of his throat.
"Don't know why we even bother...it's not like we ever get much of a reaction out of you. Doubt we ever will, now." He noted his opponent's stiff bearing and stiffer gameplay through half-lidded eyes, exhaling shallowly as he made another move.
"What's wrong, Sev?" The subtle clack of a piece against the board.
"Our relationship, loathe though I am to label it as anything such, is far from conducive to my comfort, Potter. Surely you don't think me foolish enough to trust you?" came the sharp reply, bringing him up from his comfortable lull. He glared up at the other male, mouth twisting into a scowl.
"If I'd meant to do something to you, I'd have done it by now. I'm not a Slytherin – sneaking doesn't suit me." Severus snorted, flicking his next piece into place, scanning the board for some sign of his opponent's strategy.
"Far be it from me to oppose you, then," he drawled, frustrated with his inability to label a style of play. He didn't seem to be thinking about it, but surely there was a plan in mind! James smirked and leaned a little closer to the board, stifling a yawn.
"You would know all about being a Slytherin and sneaking, yeah? I'm a Gryffindor – I don't know the meaning of subtlety."
"I've noticed." He arched an eyebrow at the grumbled reply from Severus, smirk widening.
"Oh? How so? You certainly haven't spotted my strategy for this game." Severus's eyes narrowed again as his head whipped up, ragged edges of his hair falling into his eyes. James chuckled and waited for him to take the bait, humming contentedly.
"Excuse me if I don't believe you have a strategy," huffed the other teen, returning his full attention to the board. James's eyes flicked to the open book beside him and the stack of books behind him as he moved his knight.
"What were you reading?" The Slytherin continued to glower at the board, and for a moment he thought he hadn't heard him, when he finally replied, "Nothing much. Light reading – Machiavelli, Shakespeare, Sun Tzu, Sunroyale." James blinked, letting his gaze flit to the other teen.
"Three Muggles and a half-elf philosopher who was beheaded for moral indecency?" Severus shrugged, replying archly, "Shakespeare wasn't a Muggle, Potter, he was a Squib, and Machiavelli was a close friend of the magical community, until they deemed him too radical and Obliviated him." He nudged one book with his foot.
"These particular writings are from his days among wizarding kind." James pushed himself up onto his elbows, expression half impressed, half quizzical.
"I never knew." Severus rolled his eyes.
"I've no doubt." They lapsed into silence, and in the vacuum James saw his chance. He leaned over the board and moved his knight forward, smirk morphing into a small smile.
"Checkmate." Severus froze and stared at the board, a breath away from gaping outright. He reached forward without thinking, a half-formed question on his tongue. James followed the movement with his eyes, skin prickling as he levered himself up and caught the other's wrist, pulling him forward over the board and leaning forward.
What he'd been expecting, he couldn't be sure, as he pressed his lips to the other's, ignoring the stifled question and swallowing the undignified yelp. He continued the chaste kiss, wondering at the dryness, the slightly chapped quality of Severus's lips and the clean, crisp scent of his skin, offset by the dull, almost floral scent of his hair. It reminded him of fall – a scent of decay, but not unpleasant. The prickling beneath his skin intensified, then subsided abruptly when the other began to pull away insistently. Suddenly hyper-aware of the other, he leaned back enough to breathe across his face, meeting his wide eyes solemnly, scanning his face for his reaction. Shock was predominant, but it was quickly giving way to eye-brightening anger. Colour rushed to his cheeks as he yanked away from the Gryffindor, tripping over himself to stand and move away from him. James rose shakily, stepping forward, one hand half raised in supplication.
"Severus-"
"What the hell are you playing at, Potter! W-what are you – why-" He tripped over the pile of books and stumbled back into the tree; James capitalized on his unsteadiness and pressed forward, pinning him to the tree, pressing a finger to his lips.
"Stop," he breathed, eyes running over his features.
"Stop," he repeated, leaning forward until their foreheads touched and he could smell the other's breath.
"I didn't...didn't mean anything by it-" He stopped, and shook his head, a broken laugh burbling up from his chest.
"No, that's not true. It wasn't..." He took a shuddering breath and licked his lips, aware of the other's harsh breathing and mounting panic.
"I wasn't planning on kissing you, Severus." He read the panic in his eyes clearly and swallowed hard past the lump that appeared in his throat, fingers closing around the other's wrists.
"This isn't a joke, Sev-"
"Then what the hell is it!" hissed the Slytherin, craning his neck away from the other as much as he could.
"It can't be anything but a sick prank, knowing you!" he continued in hushed tones, eyes darting around them, looking anywhere but at the Gryffindor, his entire form tense. James carefully released him and stepped back, but not far enough for him to bolt, hands hovering near his arms.
"It's not a prank," he replied slowly, searching the other's eyes.
"It's...not a joke, or a prank, or anything like that," he reiterated, stepping closer again and raising a hand as if to touch Severus's cheek, hand hovering just above his skin but not touching.
"I just wanted to," he breathed, leaning in. The Slytherin's eyes widened again, but he didn't lean away as the Gryffindor pressed another hesitant kiss to his mouth. He didn't move, barely breathed, as if afraid of encouraging the other. James gently cupped the back of his head and pulled him closer, lacing his fingers slowly through his hair, one arm winding around his waist. He finally pulled back, sliding his arms around Severus's waist and staring into his eyes, his breathing shallow.
"Kiss you..." he murmured belatedly, eyes dropping. The Slytherin remained stiff in his embrace even as he manoeuvred them to the ground, carefully spooning the other. He barely moved, even when the other tried to coax him closer, or even loosened his grip, silently inviting him to flee if he was truly too scared to stay, but he couldn't bring himself to. James pressed hesitant kisses to the back of his neck and shoulders, occasionally pulling his hands away to massage his shoulders, murmuring incoherent nonsense under his breath in as soothing a tone as he could manage.
They didn't move; the sun was setting and James knew his friends would be looking for him, possibly already were, but the lulling fog in his mind was gone, leaving behind an odd contentedness he could only attribute to the Slytherin in his arms. He let one hand wander out until it brushed old parchment, and carefully dragged the book over, glancing over Severus's shoulder at the faded text.
'We will find a brighter sun
As our secrets come undone
Now the boundaries of our love need a new heaven, a new earth
Our hearts in the hands of time'
"He says it came to him in a dream," came a muffled comment from in front of him. He looked down at the Slytherin.
"Hmm?" Severus shifted in his arms, forcing him to sit up some.
"Sunroyale. He said it was proof of his theory that we can hear the echoes of the future, paradoxical as it may be, because magic grants us an eternal bond through time. Never says why, just that it's true," he explained, trailing his fingers over the ancient parchment. James hummed in reply and dropped his head to nuzzle Severus's hair absently, startling a baffled laugh from the other. He grinned and hugged him close, letting his eyes drift closed and inhaling leaned away, twisting awkwardly to meet his eyes. James stared back at him, unwilling to relinquish the other to the world just yet, but sensing the questions, the unease, the wariness in the other as if he felt them himself. Perhaps he did and didn't know it yet; perhaps he'd come to his senses later, but until then, he was content to bask in the warmth of...love? He blinked, lips tipping down into a confused frown.
"Severus-"
"What will you tell the others?" James pulled back entirely, watching the Slytherin untwist himself and sit up straight, expression closed.
"What do you mean?" he asked warily, searching his face. Severus shook his head, eyes lowering.
"This...never happened, right? We – we can't do this, Potter-" He stopped, swallowed, and amended himself in a whisper, "James. We couldn't do that to Lily." He began to stand, gathering the books and chess set, mouth set. James felt dismay suffuse him like melting ice trickling down his spine and jolted to his feet.
"Severus, no – wait, let's talk about this-"
"This never happened, Potter!" snapped Severus, cuffing away inexcusable moisture at the corners of his eyes.
"Severus, wait!" He stared after him helplessly as the other all but ran back to the castle, leaving him at the tree. Something caught his eye; a white chess piece – a king. He swallowed hard, feeling tears rise unbidden to his eyes as he scooped it up and pocketed it with shaking hands, mind racing.
Sirius and Remus ran into him outside the common room.
"Prongs!"Sirius crowed, slinging an arm around his shoulder. He summoned up a brittle smile, hugging the other back.
"Hey, Padfoot, Moony." Remus eyed him with faint concern.
"Where have you been? Curfew-"
"Oi, leave him alone, Moony! It's not like we don't break curfew all the time!" laughed Sirius, gently shoving James into the common room. Remus rolled his eyes and followed them inside, watching the two join Lily and Peter across the room. James ducked out of Sirius's hold, mouth screwed into an odd parody of a smile. Lily clearly noticed, if her expression was anything to go on; she caught and held Remus's gaze, looking at James in question. The werewolf shrugged, joining them slowly.
"Hey, guys...I'm a little tired," James finally managed, hugging himself.
"Walked a bit too much, eh?" asked Peter with a nervous titter. Sirius roared with laughter at the admittedly lame joke even as Lily allowed a polite chuckle, eyes never leaving her boyfriend. James shrugged and smiled, walking backwards away from them.
"Yeah, I guess. See you all in the morning." They all chanted goodbyes, and Sirius soon found another diversion to keep him busy, the ever supportive Peter in tow. Remus muttered something about forgetting homework in the dorm and slipped away, catching Lily's raised eyebrow and answering with a nod as he went.
James was in bed, but far from sleeping; seated against the headboard, arms wrapped around his legs, chin resting on his knee, he stared blankly into space, not stirring even when Remus walked in.
"Prongs?" He started and blinked twice, before seeming to register who it was.
"Oh. Hi, Moony. Forgot something?" The werewolf frowned and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, eyes narrowed.
"What's wrong, James?" The brunette snorted and unfolded himself.
"Nothing's wrong, Remus. I'm just tired-" He stopped and winced when he shifted too far onto his hip, and returned to his original position, one hand worming something out of his pocket.
"James-"
"I'm fine, Remus!" snapped the other Gryffindor, head falling back against the headboard. Remus sighed and crossed his arms, nodding to his fisted hand.
"You don't look fine, you don't smell fine, and you've got Lily worried. What's that – does it have something to do with it?" James cracked one eyelid, smiling wearily.
"You're too smart for your own good, Remy." The smile wavered and faded into a small frown.
"It's just...a chess piece I found by the lake. Nothing to worry about. I'm really just tired-" He blinked and scooted away from the other teen when his eyes flashed gold and widened.
"What-"
"You've been with Snape?" He gaped at the incredulous werewolf, half awed and half alarmed.
"How-"
"James, we harass him more than anyone else in the school – I happen to recognise how he smells when he's on edge, and you reek of it." He swore softly.
"You didn't – James, tell me you didn't go and-"
"No! No, Remus, it's not like that – it's nothing like that, I saw him by the lake and we played chess and I ki-" He all but bit his tongue snapping his mouth shut, eyes wide with horror. Remus stared at him, unable to comprehend what he thought he'd just heard.
"James-"
"I kissed him, all right! I just – I don't know why, I just did, and now he won't talk to me and he's worried about how Lily would feel – oh, gods, Lily..." Remus eased back uncomfortably as his friend's face crumpled and he dropped his head into his hands, the white king tumbling across the bed.
"You – you did what-"
"I didn't mean to! I mean – I did, but – Remus, what do I do? I love Lily – I know I do! But Severus, he's...he's just-" He shuddered and lifted his head, tears still rolling down his face.
"You can't – you can't tell Sirius and Peter. I...I don't..." He took a shuddering breath.
"Remus, I can't stay with Lily now. I love her – but I think I love Severus more." Remus gaped at him.
"How can you know that from one kiss? James, that isn't logical, let alone rational-"
"And who was it that told me love is never logical, rational, or anything else measurable by human means?" The werewolf fell silent, staring at his friend with a mixture of exasperation and worry.
"James-"
"I have to tell Lily," the other teen cut him off, scrubbing tears from his eyes, "and I have to convince Severus to listen to me. I can't leave it like this." Remus sighed and leaned forward to pick up the white king, turning it in his hands.
"And if...if he says no?" James exhaled slowly, eyes closing.
"I...I can't think about that, Remus. I need to think he'll say yes." He heard Remus place the chess piece on his trunk and stand, moving toward the door.
"I'll keep Sirius and Peter out of it – but you have to tell Lily as soon as possible." James sighed wearily.
"Tomorrow. I promise, Remus, I'll tell her tomorrow." The werewolf shook his head.
"You'd better, James – because I honestly don't know what to tell you if you let this go any further than it already has. It's your life, and I'm your friend – I support you – but..." He shook his head.
"How can you be happy with someone you've tormented for so long?" James shook his head and closed his eyes.
"I don't know, Remus...but I'd give anything for a chance."
Lily twirled a piece of hair around her finger, resisting the urge to chew the end. She hadn't chewed the ends of her hair in years – just another sign of how on edge she felt today. Remus had told her last night James wanted to talk, and that morning James had asked to meet her some time in the library, away from the other Marauders. All the more dire was his tone – there was none of his usual veiled laughter, no sparkle in his eyes. He'd been unbearably serious, to the point that even Sirius had wondered if something was wrong. He'd brightened when confronted and waved it off, saying he'd been out too late last night and hadn't slept well, but Lily knew better – she knew her boyfriend, and she knew lack of sleep couldn't possibly cause that kind of personality change. Lack of sleep made him grumpy; worry made him serious.
"Hey, Lils." She looked up and smiled reflexively when James collapsed into the seat next to her, rolling something between his hands.
"What's this?" she asked softly, gently prying his hands apart to let a white chess piece clatter onto the library table.
"Umm...I – see, that's what this is about, sort of-" He stopped and exhaled loudly, biting his lip.
"Look...Lily – I love you. You know that, right?" She nodded, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end.
"I – well, I think...I think I might have-" He swore softly and began to trace the chess piece with his fingers.
"I think I need to break up with you." She stared, immediately beginning to speak, to ask why, to deny it, but he kept going, eyes locked onto the chess piece.
"I'm in love with you...but I love someone else more." He looked up, eyes dark with sadness. She struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat, his sincerity making it hurt all the worse.
"W-who? Who is she?" He laughed harshly, fingers curling tightly around the chess piece.
"...He. He – it's Severus, Lily." She stared, her ears ringing.
Severus? "Severus?" she repeated, unbelieving. He sighed.
"I – yesterday, I – we met at the lake. I mean, he was there and I found him. He was reading and playing chess with himself. I...we started playing against each other, and talking, a little, and – it just happened, Lily. I kissed him-"
"You kissed him," she interrupted, eyes wide.
"Oh, James...he – he didn't reject you?" He flushed.
"At first...he didn't respond. He was angry. He thought it was a prank, but I tried to explain..." He shook his head.
"For a little while, he understood, and it was so good, but then – he just – he said we couldn't do that to you, and Lily, I love him even more for that." Lily stared at him, stunned by the tears and the watery smile.
"That he cared for you enough to stop me, that he heard me out – I love him, and I know that doesn't make any sense, but..." He shook his head against, laughing weakly.
"That's how you know, right?" Lily took his hand in hers, feeling a weak smile of her own forming.
"I guess..." The smile melted into a concerned frown, and she looked around the library.
"But...how will you convince him? What will you do now? I mean, the Slytherins...they wouldn't take kindly to you two dating, you know that!" His eyes went dark again, but this time with determination and possessiveness.
"I won't let anything happen to him," he replied, eyes hard. Lily felt her smile beginning to return and shook her head.
"I know you won't, James..." She paused, sitting back in the chair.
"Well." She sniffed, then laughed, rubbing her eyes.
"This makes perfect sense, now that I think about it." James stared at her, expression quizzical. She smiled mischievously, beginning to rise.
"After all, boys pull girls' pigtails when they like them, right?"
"Lily!"
Severus was beginning to feel paranoid by the time he got to Potions; he'd all but cowered every time a Gryffindor laughed, and practically hid whenever he thought he heard any of the Marauders. By the time he was safely in the classroom, he was exhausted from being tense all day. So completely had he let his guard down that he didn't hear Lupin until he dropped his books on the desk across from him, almost sending him flying into the air.
"What the bloody hell, Lupin! What-"
"I know about you and James, and I wanted you to know he's telling Lily today." The Slytherin gaped at the stoic Gryffindor, uncertain if he should flee or face this head on.
"He told-"
"Just me and Lily, and only because I pestered him. Sirius and Peter are unaware anything is going on beyond the usual." He brushed the desk off as he sat down, meeting Severus's eyes squarely.
"I wanted you to know before they got here and started harassing you, per usual. I know James, and I know his temper – he'll be losing his mind by the time class even starts, let alone by the time it's finished." He shook his head, mouth twisted into a wry grin.
"I can't say I expected this, and I'm not even sure how I feel about it...but Snape? He loves you. He loves you like he loves no one else, and I have no doubt Lily will see the same thing I did and support you both regardless of what happens." Remus sighed and carded a hand through his hair.
"Just – give him a chance." He snorted.
"I don't know why I bother, but...you seem like you could do him good, despite all of this," he said finally, waving a hand at the empty classroom. Shaking his head, he settled and flipped open the Potions book, humming under his breath as he scanned the text absently. Severus continued to stare, uncertain of how he was supposed to react to such an admission. He settled for ignoring it and focusing on the class at hand, but the back of his neck was prickling and he couldn't shake the feeling someone was staring at him – again. His thoughts were scattered and though his resulting potion wasn't bad, it was certainly below his standards, and he'd somehow burned his wrist, and-
"Severus?" He didn't manage to muffle the yelp in time, but he did enjoy the sensation of his elbow connecting with his assailant's stomach.
"Oof! Sev, it's me," James hissed, clutching his stomach. The Slytherin scoffed and moved away from him, eyes flicking around the emptying room. Finally deciding it was safe to talk, he whirled to face him.
"What-" James tugged him into a hug, nuzzling his ear, smiling at the muffled yelp he received in response.
"I wanted to talk, but you've been avoiding me-"
"With good reason!" he cried, wriggling free of the other male's arms. James sighed and folded his arms, the side of his mouth tipping up into a lopsided smile.
"Sev...just listen?" The Slytherin stared at him, sucking in his cheeks unconsciously. Finally he sat, pressing himself against the table.
"Fine. Talk." The Gryffindor shifted his weight from one foot to the other, courage gone.
"Ah – look. I know...we haven't, um, gotten along these past few years-"
"I'm starting to doubt your intelligence again." He waved the insult off, feeling his smile returning.
"I like you. No, I – I love you, Sev-"
"Illogical." He shrugged.
"Well, I do. I don't care if it's illogical – that's what love is." He bit his lip and peered into the other's eyes.
"I just want to know if we could...I don't know, try."
This would be a good time to panic, his mind insisted. Panic didn't change anything, but it was satisfying. His heart was being roundly ignored by his mind, but there was still that determined little voice that demanded he listen and give the other teen a chance, damn it! He swallowed hard, stifling the irritating urge to whimper.
"I..." What was he to say? Did he not crave acceptance and love as any other did? But this was Potter, his mind reminded him with more condescension than he thought possible, even for his subconscious.
"Severus?"
"James," he began slowly, at first intending to let him down gently but then finding himself unable to.
"I – yes." He blinked at the answer, wondering if he'd really just said that. Judging from the Gryffindor's beaming expression, he'd say he had. He cleared his throat and stood, shuffling his feet a little. The Gryffindor moved a little closer, eyes questioning. Severus bit his lip and muttered, "What?" James smiled, half shy and half coy, leaning even closer.
"Close your eyes," he whispered, breath tickling his nose. The Slytherin scowled but did as he requested, all but rolling his eyes. He started when he felt something cold pressed into his hand as James brushed a gentle kiss across his forehead.
"I'll see you later, love," he murmured before pulling away. Severus let his eyes slide open and watched the other ease out of the room, looking more contented than he'd ever seen him before. He looked down at his hand and blinked slowly.
It was the white king from his chess set; he'd assumed he'd lost it when he'd fled the night before, and while he hadn't been exactly pleased, he hadn't realised it meant anything at all until he saw it again at that moment. Tied around it was a red ribbon, at the end of which a miniature red rose was secured, along with a hastily jotted note.
'Thanks for trusting me – as fate would have it, I'd never won a chess game before now.' He snorted and pocketed it, feeling an inexplicable smile spread across his face as he slowly exited the room, warmth suffusing him despite the draughty corridors. His fingers continued to absently trace the chess piece in his pocket throughout the day, until the second note arrived during dinner.
'Chess game, tonight? See you in our spot.' Part of him cringed at the sentimentality of it all; that steadily growing part of him that was rapidly growing used to and enjoying James's affections delighted in the idea of the rendezvous.
He was late. James toed the sandy earth and checked his watch, then the clock tower, then checked the time magically. He was late, he was late even though James hadn't really specified a time, did that mean he'd changed his mind? Oh gods. The Gryffindor slumped against the tree.
He would understand if he had, but – he'd really thought-
Something rustled nearby and he leapt to his feet again, eyes growing large as a smile split his face.
He'd actually come!
"Prongs, what the hell are you doing out here?" His smile faltered and morphed into an expression of horror. That was not Severus.
Contrary to popular belief, Sirius wasn't an idiot – he just preferred a carefully regulated state of denial to reality when it came to anything he didn't particularly agree with. He'd brushed off his best friend's behaviour last night as true weariness, but this morning had offered no change of temperament. Convinced his friend was hiding something – a fact solidified by the fact that Remus was being infuriatingly evasive, as he was prone when keeping secrets for others – he'd decided to eavesdrop. A few fruitless hours and he stumbled on the end of the breakup between him and Lily.
James breaking up with Lily? Something akin to the Sun spinning into Mercury and Jupiter falling out of orbit while the rest of the planets remained. Impossible. James loved Lily, he'd said so so many times Sirius sometimes wanted to strangle him. Now he was sneaking around the castle without the rest of the Marauders, sighing and grinning during dinner, ducking any attempt at questioning, and disappearing without a trace when they would normally be planning a new prank or, heavens forbid, doing homework. It wasn't right. Sirius knew that if, against all odds, James and Lily had broken up, and James found someone else, he would have told them! It was what they did, that's just how things worked for them!
He repeated his inquiry, taking in the nearly guilty expression on his best friend's face with concern.
"Prongs?"
"Look – Padfoot, now really isn't a good time. I'll tell you everything when I get back, just please go right now!" Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked around.
"Come on Prongs, what's up? Is it about you and Lily breaking up?" James blinked.
"I – well, not really-"
"Because it's fine, really. Lily doesn't seem upset, so I guess-"
"Sirius, just go!" He stopped and stared at the other Gryffindor, who was shifting his weight from one foot to the other and darting glances around them and past him, as if he was looking for someone. Sirius scowled and folded his arms across his chest.
"James, just tell me who it is, and I'll go." James swallowed and managed a weak, "I can't, Siri..." The dog Animagus grabbed his friend's shoulders, trying to exude support.
"Is it a guy? James, I don't care if it's a guy-"
"Damn it Sirius, I can't-" He froze and made an odd strangled noise, wrenching free and darting past Sirius.
"W-wait, Sev – Severus!" Sirius froze for a breath, and barely turned in time to see Snape striding back toward the castle, gait stiff and fast. James swore and moved to follow, only to feel Sirius's fingers bite into his arm.
"Snape? You're out here waiting for Snape? What the hell is wrong with you, James?" He snatched his arm away and backed up, mouth twisting into a scowl.
"Look, Siri – I love him! I love him, and I don't care what you think about him!" Sirius felt a weird band of anger constrict his chest, disbelief and horror crowding his mind and shouting a thousand thoughts he refused to voice for fear of angering his friend more, but it was building, the rage he'd tamped down for years, the Black temper he'd sworn he didn't have.
"Have you forgotten the last seven years of our lives, James? Are you stupid? Snape is a Death Eater – hell, he's a fucking problem just waiting to happen! You dumped Lily for that?" James clenched his fists and snapped back, "Who the hell are you to tell me who I can love? You can't even get your own family to keep you! Your mother hates you more than anything in this fucking world, and you take it out on everyone around you – especially Severus! No, I haven't fucking forgotten – but he doesn't deserve this!" Sirius recoiled as if he'd been struck; James's eyes widened and he stuttered a weak apology, but the damage was done. Sirius stormed past him, and James sunk back to the earth, tears streaming down his face.
Remus paced the length and breadth of the common room, ignoring Lily's insistence that he sit down.
"Something's wrong."
"Remus-"
"Sirius snuck out a few minutes ago like we couldn't see him, and I think he went after James. I haven't seen Snape leave the castle, and I'm worried-" He looked at the clock and scowled.
"Come on, Lil – we need to go after them." The redhead fought the urge to smack her forehead and scurried after him, muttering about snap judgements and moody teenagers.
As they wove through the halls, Remus seemed to become more frantic, a mood punctuated when they saw Snape barrel through the front doors and toward the dungeons. Lily started and called after him, but he didn't slow. Remus nudged her forward.
"Go after him – I think James and Siri are outside-" Or had been outside, he silently amended, as Sirius stomped in moments later, looking half pissed and half utterly distraught.
"Siri!" He was met with blank eyes and felt his stomach plummet; Sirius was the type of person whose emotions could be read clearly in his eyes, and that blankness was alien and disturbing. Lily paused to watch them with concern, then went after Snape, calling his name frantically. Remus caught Sirius's shoulders and looked him in the eye.
"Padfoot, what's wrong?" The taller teen swallowed hard and whispered, "He hates me. Everyone hated me but him, and now he hates me too, Moony..." Remus scanned his face and pulled him toward an alcove, pushing him into a seated position and joining him.
"What happened?" Sirius's eyes fluttered closed.
"He was waiting for Snape." With a shuddering exhale, he asked, "You knew, didn't you? You knew and you didn't tell me because you knew I'd be mad..." Remus sighed and slung an arm around his friend's shoulder.
"Siri, I know you don't like Snape – hell, I don't know anyone who doesn't know that, but James was so happy...I thought I'd give him a chance." Sirius stared blankly forward, shaking his head a little.
"Siri-"
"Why Snape? Remus, why? All these years, and he chooses him? I thought – I thought-" He swallowed hard.
"This is why he was so angry after I...when I-" Remus sighed and hugged him tightly.
"Well, to be honest, you crossed a line, Siri – I don't know if he loved him then, but maybe-" Sirius snatched himself away from the werewolf and snapped, "How can you stomach this? It's Snape! Am I the only one who sees that? They hate each other! He'll-" He stopped and took a deep breath, finishing quietly, "He'll break James's heart, Moony. Why can't anyone else see that?" Remus tugged him back into his arms and hugged him hard.
"You have to trust James, Sirius – and he doesn't hate you, no matter what he might have said out there. He's scared; he's trying to convince someone he's tormented for years that he loves him, and he's afraid he'll lose him and us. Just give him a chance..."
Lily barely caught up to Severus, especially when he doubled back and headed for the library, of all places. Fed up of trying to catch him, she stopped, put her hands on her hips, and snapped, "Severus Snape, if you don't stop right now!" That seemed to do the trick; he all but froze in his steps, and she hastened to move to his side, pulling him into the library and to a solitary table.
"Are you alright?" He eyed her warily, and she huffed.
"Severus, I know, okay? Now tell me what happened. You and James seemed so happy at dinner!" The Slytherin swallowed and curled his fingers into the worn leather strap of his book bag, eyes locked onto the worn wood of the table top.
"I...got held up. We were supposed to meet outside for a chess game." He twisted the strap this way and that, chewing his lip furiously. Lily just waited patiently for him to continue.
"I – he was already there with Black, and I thought – I thought he'd really just been setting up some elaborate prank, and Black-" He stopped.
"I didn't want him to know," he finished lamely, nails digging into the scarred leather. "I figured he'd hit me, and I'm not a masochist, I figured he'd talk James out of it and we'd go on as we always have-"
"Severus Snape. Honestly?" He frowned at her, and she fought the urge to grin. It had always been her habit to call him by his full name when trying to make a point. It had such a nice ring to it, she thought.
"I think you made a mistake, Sev," she continued, tapping the table to make her point. "James loves you, and dammit I am not letting you mess this up after he dumped me." She giggled at his pained expression and rose, beckoning.
"You go back out there and finish your date – Remy and I'll deal with Siri. Off with you!" Her shove propelled him toward the door; the momentum had him stumbling over his own feet. He turned to glare at her and received a blinding smile in return. Muttering about pushy Gryffindors, he moved to do as told, inching past the few students milling about and out the doors.
James was still hunched over by the tree; Severus picked up his speed and almost tripped over a root in his haste to reach him. The Gryffindor started and looked up, swiping at an errant tear as he tried to bring the concerned Slytherin into focus. Severus dropped into a seated position and scooted up close to him, leaning over to dab at another tear.
"Are you alright?" he asked hesitantly, not expecting to be yanked into a hug and held tightly.
"He's so fucking impossible, Sev! I'm not asking him to marry you, just get used to the idea that I might!" He burbled a watery laugh at his own weak joke, and buried his face in Severus's shoulder. The Slytherin hugged him back awkwardly, at a loss for what to do. Eventually he settled for murmuring in what he hoped was a comforting way, though he wasn't even sure if everything he said was English; he was pretty sure he fell into gibberish soon after the first few clichéd phrases. The Gryffindor didn't seem to mind, just holding him and rocking some.
James wanted nothing more than to stay just as they were, no concern for the rest of the world, no idiot friends ruining his happiness – just him and Severus. The Slytherin was fiddling with his hair; he probably didn't even notice, but James found the action endearing. Carefully, he pulled back and touched his nose to Severus's, laughing when the Slytherin scrunched his nose in objection.
"You're kind of adorable." Now he looked affronted. Fighting the urge to giggle, he repeated the action and leaned back, smiling. Severus tamped down the urge to respond in like and said dryly, "If you're quite done with your feminine display of emotion?" James snorted and flipped some hair out of his eyes.
"I don't know...if it means I get to cuddle you without fear of retribution..." Severus glared and this time James laughed outright. Huffing, he punched him in the shoulder and heaved his bag off his shoulder onto the ground.
"Lily insisted; don't expect this to be a common occurrence." He leaned away when James pouted, disturbed by his own reaction to the expression; his heart was pounding and there was this insufferable voice in the back of his head going, "Awwwwww!" at the top of its lungs. James shifted onto his knees and pulled the battered chess board out of the bag, dropping it in front of them.
"Play?" He turned the pout on him again, guessing correctly that it was driving the Slytherin crazy; with another huff, the Slytherin complied, muttering the whole time. Settling back with a smug smile, James waited for him to set up the board, looking out toward the castle. He frowned; there were at least three people heading toward them, and given the lack of true redheads in the school, he figured one was probably Lily. As if sensing his concern, Severus looked up and around; an eyebrow was raised, and he scowled.
"I swear if Black makes you cry again, I'm hexing him. Then I'm hexing you for crying," he snapped at the grinning Gryffindor, pushing to his feet. The Gryffindor followed his example and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder while they waited for the trio.
Sirius wanted to turn back as he watched James wrap his arms around the Slytherin's waist and rest his chin on his shoulder; the action was too intimate, too sweet, and it honestly disturbed him. Remus seemed to sense his reticence, and pulled him along with an apologetic smile. Lily ignored them both to bounce forward and squeal.
"Oh, you two are so cute!" Sirius and Severus grimaced in unison; Remus and James both laughed at the identical expressions, receiving twin glares in response. Sirius scuffed his foot against the ground and sighed, not meeting his friend's eyes. Severus began to pull away, only to be stopped, not by James, but by the dog Animagus.
"I'm sorry." He looked them both in the eye, smiling a little.
"I didn't see what they did, I guess – I was stuck in the past. You're clearly happy – you too, Snape, though I can see you're resisting it." He shrugged. Severus eyed him, then carefully pulled away from James, ignoring his concerned tightening of his arms. Approaching the Gryffindor, he stuck his hand out and waited. Sirius stared at the offered hand, mouth twisting into a smirk that mirrored Severus's. Carefully, he accepted it, and they stood there for a moment, before shaking once and releasing the other's hand. Lily made a little noise of contentment; Remus just smiled. Severus ignored them both to say, "If you make him cry again, I will hex you into a coma." Sirius raised an eyebrow and replied, "Likewise, Severus." James put his hands on his hips and glared at them both.
"If you're done posturing, can I have my boyfriend back? I'll see you guys later." He missed the stiffening of Severus's posture, but Sirius and Remus didn't. Smirk widening, Sirius stepped around the Slytherin to pull James into a one-armed hug.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. James laughed and hugged him back.
"Me too." Lily rolled her eyes and called, "Let's go, Siri! We'll bug him when he gets back." Remus laughed and followed Lily back toward the castle, Sirius trailing after them with a wave. James watched them go with a smile, then refocused on Severus.
"Sev?" He paused, smile falling away as he noticed the stiffness of the Slytherin's posture with concern.
"Sev, is everything alrigh-mmf!" He barely saw him move; he wasn't expecting to be pinned to the tree and smothered with sharp, hot kisses that stole his breath and made him see stars. The Slytherin didn't release him, instead resting his forehead against his, a rare smile breaking his grim facade.
"Boyfriend, hmm?" James grinned back and pressed another kiss to his mouth, murmuring against his lips, "Unless you'd prefer another title." Severus hummed into the kiss and nuzzled him, smiling widening. They stayed in that position, chess game forgotten, fingers lacing at their sides as they shared short kisses and affectionate nuzzles.
"Did you mean it?" James raised an eyebrow and leaned back a bit.
"Mean what?" Severus fiddled with the Gryffindor's tie.
"About...maybe wanting to marry me." The Gryffindor's smile widened.
"Absolutely." He kissed the tip of his boyfriend's nose, eyes sparkling.
"We will find a brighter sun. As our secrets come undone. Now the boundaries of our love need a new heaven, a new earth. Our hearts in the hands of time." He mouthed the lyrics against his throat, shivering when Severus's arms tightened around his waist.
"We will find a brighter sun..."
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Desire of Ages.
A/N: O hai dere audience. XD This here, rife with OOCness, fluff, and a touch of angst, is that Valentine's Day oneshot I promised you. Sure, it's over two months late, but it's HERE, isn't it? XD
I resisted this couple like the plague, and look where it got me. XD I came up with it based on the scene where James and Severus are lying next to each other after James ambushes Sevvy dearest. -snorts- It was NOT supposed to be this long, but I like it.
The lyrics - the ones I attribute to Sunroyale - are from the Sleepthief (featuring Harland) song Desire of Ages. It is the theme of this lurvely piece, and I rather enjoy it. It's a gorgeous song.