Civil Texting

Jade/Beck, post-TWC

Jade.

What do you want?

To talk to you.

Well, go ahead and talk, or rather, text. It's not like I'm not going anywhere.

Look, I miss you.

I don't care.

Jade!

You're the one that rudely dumped me.

You dumped me.

Might I remind you that it was you who didn't open the door?

Might I remind you that it was you that put up the door in the first place?

Sass will get you nowhere, Oliver.

I don't want to fight.

That's why you broke up with me, right? To stop the fighting? Fat load of good that did.

You think that I don't know that? I thought it would help, you know. I did it for your good and my good. I thought maybe you'd be happier without me.

Well, you're sure not acting like it. And I'm sure you're happier without me, anyway.

That's not true.

Want a list of all the girls you've flirted with in the past few weeks?

Why do you care?

You know, once I find out the answer to that, I'll let you know.

/

I want us to be friends.

I want you to die in a hole.

Jade! I'm trying to be civil here!

And I'm obviously not.

We were friends before we started dating.

Yeah, when you weren't incessantly flirting with me and asking me out.

I know, but...I miss talking to you.

Yeah, me too. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.

It could if you'd let it.

Look, Beckett, I know you're totally fine with leading girls on and whatnot but I'm not your typical girl and I won't let, won't allow myself to be led on by an idiot like you.

I don't want to lead you on! I just want to be friends.

You know as well as I do that we could never be 'just friends'.

/

Hey, Jade, I bought you something.

Bribery will win you no points with me whatsoever.

I'm not bribing you! I went with Andre to the mall to get a present for his grandmother and I saw a pair of scissors that I thought you might like.

Wait. Scissors? Now you're talkin.

But in exchange, I want you to agree to try to be civil to me.

I told you it was bribery! Honestly, I thought everyone said that you are 'such a nice boy'. What happened to that?

It's not bribery! It's a fair trade. And besides, I am a nice guy.

Jade West is not nice to her ex-boyfriends.

Well, maybe Jade West should start. After all, she always said that I was the exception.

Now, if you're going to start with that, I have a long list of the sappy lies that you told me.

Jade, I honestly didn't mean to hurt you.

You should really start thinking your words through before you say them.

I really did believe what I was saying at the time.

I really don't want to talk about this.

Do you want the scissors or not?

I don't want to be civil to you.

You were before.

That was before.

So?

Fine. Whatever. But if we're going to be 'civil' now, you're going to have to deal with my 'civil' texting, you know, like before.

Deal. So, um, do you want to come over to the Rv and get the scissors now or what?

No. I'll just get them at school tomorrow.

Fine. See you then.

/

One thing that I liked – used to like, I guess you could say – about you was that you always text with proper grammar. Unlike Vega, who always texts 'lyk dis'.

You made me, remember?

I know. But you never stopped.

I know. I never stopped loving you either.
Message deleted.

Erm, well, thanks for the compliment.

Now you have to compliment me in return.

Why?

Isn't that what friends do?

Oh. Well. Fine. You're still gorgeous. I mean, I still think so.

Oh. Um, thanks. It's nice to have someone call me 'gorgeous' instead of hot. I mean, I AM hot, but it's kind of a demeaning term.

Who called you hot?

Some guys at Nozu.

What 'guys at Nozu'? When were you at Nozu getting hit on?

Guys that hit on me and Vega when we went on that 'date'. You know, when Sikowitz made us go. There were guys there and they hit on us. It doesn't matter, really.

How come I've never heard about this?

Well, first of all, we aren't dating, in case you've forgotten. Second of all, it DOESN'T MATTER, as I said before. Third, why do you care? Yeah, turning your own arguments on you now.

Well, we dated for three years, Jade. That doesn't just go away.

I kind of wish it would.

Sometimes I do too.

I'm going to eat. Bye.

–

Wait, what's this I hear about you and Vega?

Jade, as I told you a million times while we were dating, Tori and I are just friends.

Wrong Vega.

Oh. Trina. Jade, I was just trying to teach her a lesson! She spread rumors about me and her, so I decided to teach her a lesson...

Oh. Revenge. I approve. Elaborate.

I don't know; I just pretended to really like her. I was fooling her the whole time, of course. Then Andre and Robbie pretended to be into her, too, and then we acted like nothing happened...

Did you kiss her?

Yes.

Interesting. Very interesting.

Again, I will repeat: Why do you care?

That seems to be the question of the week, doesn't it? Why do we still care?

I really do want to be friends with you, Jade.

I don't know if I can be 'just friends with you, Beck. I mean... I just don't know.

How about we just try and see how it goes?

Fine. Whatever.

Want to come over and hang out? We can... I don't know, talk. Like we used to.

All right. I'll be there in five.

Good :)

–

Hey, Beck. Since we're 'friends' now, I was just wondering if you could do me a favor.

...if this is about me buying you a llama again, then no. You have nowhere to put a real, live llama.

No, you absolute idiot. I'm fighting with my dad again and I have nowhere to go, since Mom's away on vacation with her new boyfriend and Jeremiah's at a friend's and I just can't be alone with my dad. Cat's busy, Andre's working on a project, and I'm not going to Vega's again.

I love how you have to give that long explanation just to ask if you can come over.

Well, things are different now, Beckett. I can't just show up at your house any time I freaking want.

The answer is yes, by the way.
Well, you could, really. It's not as if I'd turn you away.

It would be awkward, though.

True, I guess. Just come over, okay?

Be there soon.

–

Beck.

Why are you texting me when I'm right next to you?

Because it's amusing. Anyway. I had an idea.

I don't want to know.

Yes, you do. I can't say it aloud for fear that Vega has cameras implanted in your RV. I wouldn't put it past her.

You are absolutely insane.

Yes, probably. Anyway, I was thinking that I could, you know, get Vega to think that I'm lonely, and then get her to come over to my house for a 'sleepover'. Then, while she's sleeping, I could draw a mustache on her face.

Wait, this is your evil plan?

With permanent marker!

I thought it would be something, well, more evil.

Are you implying that I'm going soft, Beck?

No, not at all. Just that it's considerably less evil than I'd been thinking. Maybe you're just, erm, toning it down.

For that, I'll sneak into your RV tonight and shave off all of your hair.

…all of it?

Every strand.

I'll lock you out.

Like that'll stop me!

Fine. You're not going soft; your plan is incredibly evil.

That's what I thought. Now stop stroking your hair. I'm not gonna do anything to it, you freak.

–

Have you ever tried to llama roleplay?

...no. Why, have you?

No. But I want to now.

Oh my... Jade, you're such a big dork.

I will decapitate you.

No, really. I've missed seeing this side of you. The dorky side that no one else gets to see.

Keep this up and I'll go back to cold-shouldering you.

Do you honestly want to llama roleplay? How would you do it? Llamas can't even talk.

That's what you think.

Okay, you're officially a freak.

And you're officially a hipster with no taste.

You're mean.

Obviously. But seriously, Beck, let's roleplay.

This sounds like one of your sick fantasies from back when we were dating.

Just... you be Carl.

Who is Carl? That's such a pedophile name, Jade!

Beck! It isn't either.

Well, it is. I mean, I'm not a pedophile. I don't hit on younger girls! I mean, you're younger than me, but not that much. Does that make me a pedophile? Am I going to grow a beard and a potbelly and a tinted van?

I'm actually laughing right now. Kill me.

Wow, the frozen Jade West is laughing? I feel so honored.

Shut up. Now Vega and Andre are asking me why I'm laughing and I have no clue what to tell them.

Tell them that you're texting me?

Then they'll think that we're together again, which obviously is not the case.

Then tell them that we aren't!

It's not that simple.

You make everything so hard when it doesn't have to be.

You wouldn't understand.

You're right, I wouldn't. So explain.

Fine. Whatever. You want me to explain, so I will. Maybe I'm still freaking in love with you, Beck Oliver, and maybe I'd like us to be back together, and I've told Andre and even stupid Vega that so if I tell them that we're not back together they'd say 'why don't you try harder; why don't you fight harder' and I just can't deal with that right now.

I know you don't care and that you're all stoic and like a robot, so don't even bother replying. I know you don't care about me anymore that way and I don't care. I don't want to talk anyway. Bye.

Wait... Jade!
Jade!
Jadeeee.

/

We need to talk about this.

We really don't.I just went off on you, all right? Stress and all that. I didn't mean any of what I said.

I don't believe you.

Beck, seriously. I've told you that I don't want to talk about it.

But you need to. Jade, look. Please answer this honestly. Are you still in love with me?

Why do you want to know?

I just need to know.

How about you answer that question first?

Fine. Whatever. I am still in love with you, Jadelyn West.

Well, guess what? I'm still in love with you too and I meant what I said. Happy now?

Very happy, actually. Just... what do we do now?

Well, I don't know, Beck. Since you so rudely dumped me, I guess you should figure out a solution, right?

I didn't... fine, whatever. I meant what I said though, Jade. I don't want to fight anymore.

So you don't want to get back together with me?

I didn't say that.

Then what are you trying to say? Stop being cryptic.

I want to be with you, but I don't want us to fight, Jade. Can you just tone it down a little bit? For me?

Can you stop flirting with bimbos? For me?

I don't exactly mean to, but whatever. I will if you will.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Are we good then?

We're so good.

Get over here right now.

You better be ready to show me what I've been missing.

–

I love you.

Just because we're back together is no excuse for you to turn into a sap.

Well, I'm Canadian. We like sap and maple syrup and all of that.

I hate Canada.

I know, babe.

Have you forgotten my name already?

I thought you were going to chill.

… I am. Will you take me out for coffee?

I'll pick you up in twenty.

–

You know that Canada's a country too, right?

Not a good one.

It is not okay to make statuses insulting the country when your boyfriend is from there!

...yeah.

What?

I don't know; it's just weird hearing you call yourself my boyfriend again.

Good weird or bad weird?

Good weird.

See, you're turning into a sap too!

You will tell no one.

Too late, already posted on The Slap.

I'm coming over now. Prepare yourself.

Jade, bodily abuse isn't cool!

Chillax. I'm not going to bodily abuse you. My revenge isn't that easy to guess.

And now you've got me scared.

Just you wait. I'll strike when you least expect it.

–

Jade.

Yes?

Why is my hair purple?

Because you put a picture of me being sappy on The Slap.

Will it come out?

Well, I suppose you should hope so.

I really despise you sometimes.

I'm sure you look lovely. Like a Teletubbie.

Jade!

The dye will come out. It says it should come out within a day or two. But for today, you're going to have to go to school with purple hair.

I'm going to become the laughingstock of the school!

I'll threaten anyone who tries to get to you.

With the new scissors I got you?

...yes.

I feel safer now :)

And I feel more annoyed. Bye.

–

I actually do love you, you know. Just have a hard time showing it.

I know. And I love you too :)

That smiley face makes you look like a pedophile.

Would you rather me text like Tori?

No. Just stay the way you are, Po.

Po's the red Teletubbie.

I know.

I feel like I should be scared now.

I feel like you should too.

Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you.

Because you love me.

Very true. You know, Jade, it's good to have you back.

You too. My life wasn't quite as dorky without you.

I'll take that as a compliment :)

–

A/N: Whoa I wrote fluff whoa. This was written at the zoo and tonight so idk it's probably really bad, but maybe you guys will like it anyway? ;) It's set post-TWC and continues from there, through the episodes ;)

I hope you like it. Please review and don't fave without reviewing! (Also I will update Ambiance soon, promise. ;))