This was just some random idea I came up with when I was making my way to the fridge to put something back. How I come up with ideas in moments like that is beyond me.

Rated T for language~

Crack induced.

Welcome To Good Burger

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your damn order?" Mello said in possibly the most miserable, apathetic, monotone he has ever used in his entire life. He gave out an equally miserable sigh as he looked at the customer in front of him with a bored expression.

"I'll have a…"

Mello stood there from behind the cashier counter that was like a borderline between imprisonment and freedom for him. From 6am to 6pm, he was to be on duty behind said counter taking some random person's order – people call them "customers". Mello was to drop his leather outfit (plus any handheld weapons he might have on him) and was forced (required) to wear the company uniform instead, putting on the fakest smile he could produce to match it.

Tch. He hated it and quite frankly, he was disinterested in whatever the customer wanted to eat at this time of day. So with all of that said, how in bloody hell did he find himself in here anyway?

Right, right…

His stupid mafia group decided to go on a vacation trip all the way in frikin' Florida for a whole frikin' month and 'accidentally' forgot to give him a memo about it. With no real job at the moment, how was he supposed to support him and Matt? How was he going to pay the monthly rent on their crappy apartment in downtown L.A? Was he going to cut off his supply on chocolate and 'save'?

Hell no.

Mello needed incoming cash pronto. And as if fate heard his command, it offered a helping hand and landed him a job opening here at good ol' Good Burger. "Waitress needed…"

!?

Mello crushed the defenceless piece of tissue (that was supposed to be for the customer, by the way) underneath his fiery grasp as he slowly recalled everything.

And yeah… That's pretty much the story.

"Mello…" Mello had immediately snapped from his thoughts after hearing a voice call him from behind. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see a small jolly man smiling at him. Mello found this terribly disturbing. And if this guy isn't the one who was paying him then Mello would've already socked him in the face by now. "Please stop scowling! You're scaring away the customers! Be HAPPY!" The man had partially yelled into Mello's ear – another reason to give him a black eye.

"Happy? Screw it."

"And please refrain from using foul language! I'll deduct 20% from your pay check for every word…" Okay, maybe he was imagining it, but Mello could sense dark aura surround the manager. His smile seemed to have a menacing touch to it and his eyes were suddenly in slits! Freaky. And everyone thought Mello was the scary guy.

"Right…" Was all Mello replied before he was finally left in peace.

A few moments later, Mello had fumed down.

From his point of view, the rest of the employees didn't mind him the same way he didn't mind them. And he liked it that way. The customers seemed to be enjoying their meals (like Mello actually gave a damn about that though) and no one bothered him by coming up to his counter – well, only because they weren't brave enough to do so.

Unfortunately, Mello thought too soon.

The bells that clung to the glass door of the entrance rung; Mello heard footsteps coming toward his counter (the nerve of that person!). It was yet again time to say that line he's been repeating over and over for the past few days.

And here we go…

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"

"Hey, Mels! I'd like a-"

"Matt? What the?" Damn. It really was Matt. After telling him so many times not to come over during working hours, here he was! "What are you doing here? I told you not to come when I'm busy!"

"Well, I obviously came to purchase myself a burger!" Matt replied smartly, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

"You can't!"

"What? Why not?" Matt said outraged. "I'm a paying customer! Of course I can order!"

"Get out of here…" Mello warned, launching himself forward over the counter to further threaten the gamer in front of him. "Now."

"No…?" Matt said, seemingly unsure and slightly in fear at defying Mello; but he wasn't the third smartest kid at Wammy's for nothing, right? A smug smile played on his lips. "If you don't take my order, I'm calling your manager," Matt said defiantly.

"Fine…" Mello rolled his eyes in defeat. He couldn't possibly put his pay check at risk. "What do you want?"

"Awesome!" Matt exclaimed excitedly. "I'll have a double-patty Good Burger with extra cheese, medium fries, a large Coke, and Mello's ass for tonight."

"Okay, so that's... Wait. What the hell, Matt?" Mello looked up from the order form he was writing on and shot a glare at Matt; but by then, Matt was already heading away from the counter and leading himself to a vacant table.

"I'll be waiting!" He said cheekily and waved over from where he was seated.

And just like the tissue paper, Mello crushed Matt's order form.

. . .

12:00 NN

– Lunch

. . .

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burg-"

Mello was only halfway through finishing his sentence, when right in front of him…he couldn't believe his eyes at who was seeing. It couldn't be, but he was the only partially psychotic looking person in the whole place. It had to be him. "L-Light Yagami!" Mello said in disbelief. "The real Kira! What are you doing here!"

Tch. Light scoffed to himself. Was his mere presence that great for the second-in-line to succeeding L to react that way? Masking his obviously heightened ego, he ignored the shocked blonde and continued to scan the neon lightened menu display overhead. Just because he was the actual Kira doesn't mean he couldn't eat some Good Burgers, right?

"I'll have a-" But just as Light was about to place his order...

"Answer me!" Mello demanded promptly, cutting him off. "What are your intentions? Do you plan on killing these innocent people? Where are the rest of the Death Notes?" Mello sputtered questions like water flowing from a broken faucet.

"I came to get lunch, duh."

"Liar!"

A vein throbbed on the side of Light's temple, indicating his annoyance. He slammed his palms on the counter and leaned closer to Mello, making sure that the gap in between them was close enough for the conversation to be heard by only the two of them.

"Listen, Mello, I'm really hungry. It's been a long day of writing and my hands hurt and all I want right now is some lunch. So unless you want your name to be written on the Death Note and die an extremely painful death, I suggest you take my damn order, serve it to me, and I'm going to go and pretend like nothing happened. Got that?" Light said all in one go. He pulled back, breathed in and composed himself. "So yeah, I'd like a-"

"So you ARE Kira!" Mello announced and quickly looked over to Matt. "Matt! Matt! Kira! He's here! Go get him now!" Mello yelled, but apparently, the gamer was too busy flirting with a Z-size cupped brunette to even pay attention.

"Shut up, you sorry excuse for a cross-dresser…"

"What did you say?" Mello said through gritted teeth as he slammed the counter and faced a smug-looking Light Yagami. He was about to take his gun out…you know…if he had one.

"I said shut up, you sorry. Excuse. For a cross-dresser," Light replied, emphasizing the words as clearly as he could. "So, are you going to take my order or not?"

"No." Mello said flatly. Light slanted his eyes competitively at him.

"I'll call the manager..."

"You play dirty." Mello did the same. "What'll you have?"

. . .

1:37 PM

. . .

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"

"Hi!" The girl in front of Mello's counter greeted bubbly. She had on the most charming smile she could display, before pouting her pink-stained glossy lips and lifted a finger to her chin. She scanned the menu overhead before beginning with, "I'll have a…"

"HEY!" Mello suddenly yelled, cutting her off. "You're that Misa Anemone, right?" He pointed a finger as he looked suspiciously at her.

"It's Amane…" The girl corrected scathingly, crossing her arms over her chest, thinking, how could this guy not know who I am?

"Whatever…" Mello rolled his eyes, giving zero fucks. "I know you're the second Kira! We've done our research so don't try denying it!"

"I told you, my name is Misa Amane!" Misa replied.

"There's no use playing dumb!" Mello said. Wait. That was an understatement. He ignored that last sentence. "What are you doing here?"

"Anyone who's anyone is at this place!" Misa informed enthusiastically. "It's one of the best fast food chain restaurants out there! Although, I have to watch my carbs while I'm here…" That's completely not what Mello meant!

"By the way, do I know you? 'Cause we totally look alike!" She added excitedly. "You must be a Misa Misa fan! Well it's your lucky day 'cause I'm Misa Misa!" No shit? "I love what you've done with your hair too! You totally got my shade of blonde right! Where'd you get it done? 'Cause I get mine done just across the street from this place… I mean, I don't dye my hair, 'cause this is all natural, but sometimes I get it treated and-"

Mello sighed. He didn't even bother anymore.

"Next…"

"That's so rude!" Misa snapped from her blabber suddenly as the second customer behind her slowly pushed her to the side.

"Finally…" The next customer said in relief. Standing in line and listening to Misa run her mouth starved her more than she already was. "Annoying, wasn't she?" The lady started casually and shook her head disappointingly.

Mello scrunched his eyebrows and looked at her sceptically. Was she talking to him? Then he wondered. Why? Instead of greeting the customer with the company's ever-so famous line, he said, "Do I know you?"

Much to the lady's shock, her mouth fell open and her eyes widened in disbelief. A clear expression of being outraged. "Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"I'm Japan's top news anchor, Kiyomi Takada! I'm on TV from 7 to 9 pm. That's two whole hours, how could you not realize who I am!"

"This is L.A, genius. And if you're from Japan, why are you here, huh? And besides, I have better things to do than watch TV, and even if I did, I wouldn't be watching your show." Mello stated bluntly. "So, are you going to order or not?"

There was a long pause as the infuriated Kiyomi shot deathly glares at Mello, which Mello could care less about. "I'm going to broadcast to the whole world how crappy your service is! Say good bye to your job!" She announced and stomped her feet as she stormed out.

Mello rolled his eyes. At least the manager wasn't here to see this.

. . .

3:00 PM

. . .

That afternoon, Mello was greeted with a fairly normal looking customer. He had sleek black shoulder length hair, black rimmed glasses, and he wore a coat and tie.

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?" said Mello with his never-changing monotone.

"Yeah…" The man in the suit trailed off, adjusting his glasses over the bridge of his nose. "I'll have one Good Burger with thinly sliced patties, extra lettuce – oh, the patty has to be in between the two lettuces, and extra cheese. Also, make sure the tomatoes have no seeds on them because I'm allergic to tomato seeds…" Mello nodded as he jotted the down the order. "…and I want three squirts of ketchup underneath the top bun and four squirts of mustard over the bottom bun. I want the onions to be in perfectly sliced circles and hold the pickles. And I want some large fries and a glass of water…"

"You done?" The man nodded eagerly. "That's a shitload of requests. This is a fast food restaurant. Not your personal kitchen."

"Must DELETE all IMPERFECTION!" The man announced.

Mello tore off the jam-packed order form from the rest of the blank forms and submitted it to the back. So much for normal.

Once the orders were done, Mello put them in a tray and uninterestedly served it to the man. "Enjoy your meal…"

. . .

3:20 PM

. . .

Twenty minutes later, Mello was uncontrollably, irrevocably, infuriately (and a bunch of negative adjectives here to describe how truly annoyed Mello was) glaring at the next customer who dared come up in front of his counter. And of all people!

"Near…" Mello's eyes slanted as he said the albino's name, almost disgusted. "There is NO way in hell that I am going to serve you, so why don't you take your ass and your stupid little robot toy over there to the next counter?"

"Mello, I see that you've grown. But it seems that you've not matured the least bit. Also, I presume that your inferiority complex hasn't ceased from your state of mind yet?" Near asked – no, he stated it like it was a solid known fact; like he was saying how ice cubes were cold and fire was hot and it was to remain that way. Well, fortunately for Near, Mello's inferiority complex was a solid known fact.

"Get. Out. Of. Here."

Near impassively shrugged his little shoulders, took his Transformer robot and moved over to the next counter.

"I swear one day I am going to drive that albino to the ground…" Mello muttered angrily to himself.

"There will be no driving anyone to the ground!" A man suddenly announced. "That is a violation of Chapter III of the 1946 Constitution of Japan."

Ah… Great… Another weirdo… Mello thought miserably to himself as he looked at the man, not too far beyond his early fifty's. He had other (younger-looking) companions behind him. Mello mentally palmed his face in annoyance.

How many times did he have to inform everyone that, "This is L.A! Geez. Why is everyone coming from Japan?"

"We came to have some of your burgers!" One of the men exclaimed enthusiastically. "We heard they're super delicious!"

"Right… Whatever…" Mello replied disinterestedly. "What'll you guys have?"

There was a pause. The men cleared their throats, scanned the menu, looked around suspiciously, huddled up, and started discussing something among themselves.

All the while, Mello waited impatiently.

Five agonizingly slow minutes later, and Mello was about to snap. "Well? Have you-?"

"WE HAVE DECIDED!" The man that seemed to be the leader announced. Mello's eye twitched as broke his pencil.

. . .

5:45 PM

. . .

After a long day of tending to the most bizarre customers Mello has ever encountered, it was fifteen more minutes 'til he was free to go.

Though it was not really in his nature to look forward to things, Mello was definitely excited to ditch this place.

Apron, off. Weird-looking hat, off… Mello was basically already packing up and ready to go. And whoever dared to come up his counter and decide to order something – therefore delaying his check-out time, will certainly be strangled.

"Uh, excuse me, I'd like to order a…"

Mello thought too soon. He balled his fist in annoyance and turned back to the sorry customer he was about to verbally abusethen strangle.

"Damn it! Can't you see I'm about to-! L?" Mello's jaw practically dropped, and so did everything he was about to stuff in his bag. "I-it really is you!" He exclaimed excitedly suddenly shifting from a serious bad-ass mafia gang member to an overjoyed fangirl. "This is amazing! Why'd you suddenly come here? How's the Kira case? Did you get any new clues…?"

"Uh, yes, yes… The Kira case is doing well." L said, ignoring the obviously ecstatic Mello. "But for now I'd like to have a…"

"…L! I know that this may sound unbelievable but Kira was here! And he ordered something! He actually threatened to call my manager…" Mello continued to run his mouth every single time L tried to place his order.

L sighed haplessly.

"L? Where are you going? You haven't given me your order yet!" Mello yelled as the young man walked away and exited the restaurant.

"Wow. Way to drive away the greatest detective in the world…" Matt said cheekily, suddenly popping up from somewhere. Mello glared at him.

"I'm quitting this job…"

"You're going to what?"

"You frikin' work for our survival!" Mello said finally and grabbed his hat then shoved it towards Matt.

. . .

6:30 AM

– The Next Day

. . .

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?" A redhead wearing orange tinted goggles greeted.

Featuring more Death Note characters was so much fuuun! xD How everyone ended up in America, I do not know.

Reviewers get a Good Burger!

The Constitution part – according to this site I've visited, the Constitution talks about peoples' rights, which in Near's case, being driven to the ground is against his right. And Mello driving people to the ground (Near) is abuse of his right... I think... o.o