One - Dance So Good.
"We're not just brothers, right?"
"Friends."
"If that's your story."
Their conversation had taken place hours ago, but the words still repeated over and over in Blaine's mind as he tossed and turned in his bed that night, the bed that seemed too large for him to find a spot where he could settle and drift quietly into unconsciousness, where he wouldn't have to think about his brother - at least, not like he was now. The confusion and the hurt and the anger and, admittedly, the longing.
I remember when you lost your head,
Sometimes I wonder how you stay so sad when you're so beautiful.
The knowledge that Cooper slept three doors down the hall in his old bedroom, the room Blaine refused to step foot into since the last night they'd seen each other. Sixteen months had passed since then, and yet he still found himself wishing he was right back there, that both of them were, but this time Cooper wasn't leaving him, Cooper was staying, staying for him. Maybe he should get up, pad across the hall in his bare feet, gently knock, because maybe he'd let him in and maybe they'd talk or maybe they'd pick up where they left off in that very room or maybe they wouldn't do anything, they'd just look at one another and lie down and know that would be enough. But none of those things happened because Blaine couldn't bring himself to risk the alternatives.
And I remember every word you said,
how you were scared because you've never been somewhere so beautiful,
So beautiful.
(..)
You seem a bit down, Blainers. What's up? - K
He blinked up from his phone and caught Kurt's eye across the auditorium. They had been put into groups for a Booty Camp assignment, but he admittedly wasn't paying the fullest attention to Rachel, Brittany and Puck's manic banter about choreography as they huddled around an iPod playing a song that he honestly couldn't name to save his life. He was too distracted with thoughts of what had happened the last time he was in here to care.
Yeah. Just stuff with Coop. I may have to take a rain check on our coffee date. - B
Kurt shot him a look, and he shrugged in response. It wasn't like he had other plans, it was that he didn't want to have any. He just wanted to be alone with his feelings and maybe bury himself in them because maybe if he wished hard enough, it would bring him back to Cooper.
Now you tell me that you're on the mend,
sometimes I wonder how you don't go mad when you're so beautiful.
"Blaine, I don't suppose you have anything to contribute?" Rachel, who was suddenly standing right in front of him, asked pointedly.
"Uh, what? Yeah, that sounds good. What you said."
She sighed in exasperation, but didn't push him. Blaine was glad for that, the last thing he needed was Rachel on his case about some lame dance move that he would suck at to do during some moronic number that he wasn't good enough to have a solo in and probably wouldn't make it to Nationals anyway. He wondered if Cooper would be home, or if he'd taken off already. Wouldn't surprise him. He had a nasty habit of leaving when things got tough.
(..Sixteen Months Ago)
"Blaine? Can I talk to you for a second?"
The younger boy threw down his pencil at the sound of his brothers voice. "Sure, Coop. What is it?"
Cooper looked around hesitantly. "Not here. My room."
He blinked, but didn't question it. Their parents were in the kitchen, so he probably didn't want to be overheard. Blaine was used to this by now, he was always being told about new "top secret" auditions that promised to get him out of Ohio but in the end never seemed to. Secretly, he was glad of that. He and Cooper weren't always the best of friends, but when they were, he never felt happier.
"So, what -"
"Shh." Cooper shook his head as they entered his bedroom. It was larger than Blaine's own room, and the walls were bare and white, the black shelves stood empty, the desk clear, as usual. His room always gave the impression of someone ready to leave any moment. They sat down on the edge of his single bed, which was the only messy thing there. Blaine looked at him expectantly.
I know you can't stay,
but I wish you would.
"I got an audition. In Los Angeles."
Knew it. "Wow, Coop, that's great!" The same generic response he gave every time. "What's it for?"
"It's... it's something that would require me to move out there, full time."
"Full time?"
"I leave tomorrow night."
(..Present)
Blaine shuddered with the memory as he slammed his car door shut, pulled up his hood and ran up to the porch. The rain pelted down on him, instantly saturating every inch of his clothing. Before he could reach for the keys, he was being pulled inside by a familiar pair of strong arms. "Now I know you're happy to see me, Blaine, but really..."
He gritted his teeth. "Very funny, Coop."
A small grin passed over the older boys lips. "Yeah, I'm a comedian alright. What are you doing back so early? I thought you were meeting Kurt after..."
"I'm sorry if I ruined your quick escape plan."
"I'm not leaving."
"Yeah, I heard that one before."
"Blaine."
He tried to respond with another snarky comment, but a breath hitched in his throat when he heard Cooper say his name like that. The way he'd said it that night, the night they'd spent together, the last night. The one night he ever felt loved and safe and happy and hopeful - but that had all been snatched away by morning. "Forgive me if I don't trust you, Cooper."
"Actually, I'm the one who's sorry."
(..Sixteen Months Ago)
When Blaine came out, it was hard on his parents. His mother tried to be supportive, but his father made it clear he didn't approve. It was only Cooper that held him after he came out, who told him to screw the guys who were bullying him for being different - and then laughed because of the unintentional pun and said "Actually, don't, you can and will do so much better than them." And that made Blaine smile, even though he felt worse, because if this was the effect coming out as gay had, what about the other thing that made him feel wrong? Not quite normal? What about the feeling he had as he lay in his older brothers bed, his arms wrapped around him, lying on his chest, feeling his heartbeat, listening to his calm, steady breathing, his rich, yet soft voice singing quietly to him to try and get him to drift off to sleep. When he finally did, and then woke up with nightmares, how he felt his chapped lips press against his head and his calloused finger tips running across the palm of his hand as he shook violently, silent tears running down his face. The wrench in his gut every time he looked into his blue eyes and felt at home. He wasn't worried about being gay, he was scared because he was in love. That's what made him utter the words "Please stay;" when Cooper told him about his audition. Los Angeles was so far away. The distance would make it worse. The thoughts would become even more wrong, make him feel even more isolated, without Cooper there to comfort him. Without his Cooper, he'd be lost.
"Please stay."
"I can't. I wish I could but I can't."
"I wish you would."
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
And then he'd smiled sadly, lifted a hand and gently cupped Blaine's cheek. "Please say it."
"Say what?"
"Say I'm not crazy. Tell me what you're feeling. Tell me that this means something to you."
"You're my brother, you're there for me and I -"
"We're more than just brothers, right?"
He couldn't speak after that. He couldn't even look him in the eye for ten, twenty, thirty minutes, maybe an hour, he didn't know how long it was that he sat there, his eyes closed, still fully aware of Cooper's fingers running across his face, his jawline, the edge of his lips, his eyelid, his hair. Finally, he dropped them down to his wrist, and then intertwined them with his own. "We don't have to talk about it. Just show me."
So tell me why we're talking when we dance so good,
So tell me why we're talking when we dance so good,
And I know you can't stay, but I wish you would.
They stood, but Blaine felt too weak, too confused and vulnerable. His body slumped into his brothers as his shoulders shook with a vigour he could only associate with the nightmares he used to experience after the attack. Without even thinking about it, Cooper held him, let him bury his face in his shoulder, press his lips against his neck and know he was okay, because Cooper's arms were around his waist, keeping him steady, and he was fine. "Come with me, Blaine. Let's go to California and never think twice about what we're leaving behind. We can be us, there. We can have it all. They don't know us. Blaine, come with me."
Remember when you lost your head,
Sometimes I wonder how you stay so sad when you're so beautiful.
And Blaine had nodded, and Cooper had smiled, and began to sway slowly in the middle of the now dark bedroom, to no music but to the knowledge that they were going to be together, and nobody could get in the way of their love.
So beautiful.
Except maybe two people.
So tell me why we're talking when we dance so good,
So tell me why we're talking when we dance so good,
And I know you can't stay, but I wish you would.
I wish you would.