Chapter 10: Right?

A/N: So here is the long awaited Macavity chapter! Dun dun duh! I mean I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it. I've been trying to write different Victoria's so that the pairings make sense and so it's a unique read each time. Again, hope you enjoy! And please let me know what you think and review! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own CATS…but if I did…I'd still probably write fanfiction! Lol

I tried to bury myself deep into the ground. Maybe if I tried hard enough, I would just melt right into the earth and away from this infernal gathering. A shiver ran up my spine as I felt a fury face nuzzle deeper into my neck.

It was an odd kind of feeling, a shiver I had never experienced before. I mean, I had been cold, so I knew what that felt like, and with his body so close to mine, there was no way that I had just felt that sensation. Then, throughout my life and all my other 'adventures' I had felt terror and fear. This feeling was nothing like that. No, this shiver radiated through my entire body. It left a chilling, tingling feeling originating from where his body touched mine and an almost burning sensation in the pit of my stomach as a weird flittering seemed to consume my insides. I just couldn't place the feeling and I quickly decided it was disgust, pure and unadulterated disgust. A deeper level of the same emotion I had felt since I entered this place. I had never felt it before, but it was the only thing I could think of.

I shook my head as I tried to ignore his nuzzling and flatten myself even more into the ground. The rest of the tribe began to scoot closer and assemble into an ungraceful, smelly pile. There were so many smells that it was overwhelming. I hated this uncivilized ritual and mass gathering…

As the group settled down for a brief reprieve from the chaotic, simultaneous jumping that they called a ball, I felt the tom's breath play with the fur on my ear. "Victoria," he purred. "I-I think I love you."

Luckily I was a well accustomed to complete control over my features and suppressed the flick of my ear that would have indicated I was still awake. I held my eyes shut tight and controlled my breathing to a deliberate pace. I had no doubt that he would think I was fast asleep. My assumption was confirmed as a peaceful purr vibrated through his chest.

The tribe fell into a catnap as everyone gratefully rested their tired limbs. This only allowed my mind to contemplate what exactly I had gotten myself into. I had managed to infiltrate and become a member of the Jellicle Tribe, and was now blissfully taking a break from the annual Jellicle Ball. The strong and handsome tom known as Plato lay happily beside me as his paws remained wrapped around my waist. Even though he was considered the most eligible bachelor in the yard, he was still the one causing this unpleasant emotion.

I tried my best to ignore the overpowering scents and the unfamiliar paws closing in. At least Plato was a fairly polite tom, for the most part he kept his paws where they belonged. He was shy, and only touched me as choreography demanded. I remembered hissing as his paws trailed down my chest, but it was what we were each told to do, it was the tradition of the mating dance. I could also recollect him arguing against the instruction as much as I had, but to no avail. Plato was such an old-fashioned and naïve tom, he probably would use the term 'wooing' when it came to a queen he liked. I quickly tried to suppress the smirk that accompanied that thought.

At least the tom that I had to lay next to didn't take any liberties with me. I shuddered again as I remembered my solo at the beginning of the Jellicle Ball. Some uppity little tom that had taken it upon himself to interrupt the only number of any graceful proportions that would appear during this tribal ritual and even had the audacity to touch me! As his paw trailed down my leg, it awakened similar feelings to what Plato had inspired, though not nearly as intense. Luckily I had been able to rely on my award winning acting skills to summon a smile and act as if I had enjoyed the unwelcome interruption. But I just couldn't imagine; the tom dared to touch me!

If only he had been here to see that. That silly little kitten called Mistoffelees would be ashamed to even look at me after my tom was through with him!

I suppressed another sigh as I tried to welcome a little rest. I had to admit, as primitive as this dancing was, it was excellent exercise. However, I couldn't help but long for the comfort of the warehouse. What cat in their right mind wanted to live in such a smelly place like a junkyard? The warehouse was always spotless, just the way he liked it. Additionally, everyone knew their place and their ranks. There was no surprise as to who was whose superior.

But most importantly, he was there. How I longed to be with him. I just couldn't keep my mind off of his deep, yellow eyes and his fiery fur. His passion (for everything) was overwhelming, and even when it was directed at destroying the Jellicles, I just wanted to wrap myself in it. That was love, right?

Suddenly, those creepy twins followed by that brazen Mistoffelees shot up and sensed the air. A few other cats followed. I could feel the atmosphere tense as the rest of the tribe tried to locate what had disturbed their precious rest, worried that it was the only tom that could threaten their peace, Macavity. As everyone began to spread out and search the clearing, I took my opportunity to back away from Plato's side and that fluttering feeling coursing through my veins.

Mistoffelees was the first to spot the intruder. One could almost feel the sigh of relief as Grizabella was spotted leaning against an old radio. Apparently she was a traitor to the tribe, like she left or something. Whatever the reason, I held mixed emotions warring inside me when I saw her. My professional side knew the importance of loyalty, and rationally understood that no punishment was too harsh for deserters. However, something in the recesses of my heart that I didn't even know existed longed to reach out to her. I knew that I was really no different from her, perhaps I was even worse! I had both literally and mentally destroyed more than just one tribe.

Would I be shunned and alone when I was older?

I quickly shook my head. No, I had a tom that I loved and would be loyal to even through death. That was all that mattered. In the mere seconds it took me to rush through those thoughts, I sneakily began to rise to my paws as the rest of the tribe hissed at the elderly queen. I had every intention of fleeing the clearing; I had a job to do. Plus, it's not like anyone would miss me. From this point on in the dance number, I was no longer in the center, but to everyone's right, at the edge. They probably wouldn't even notice I was gone.

Just as I readied myself to turn and flee, I felt a paw grab my wrist and spin me around, half dragging me to my position. I looked into the idiotic expression of that silly gray tom that was a practical nobody in the junkyard. I believe his name was Admetus, and his smile was that of a kitten that didn't realize how dangerous a rabid peke was. I knew he had been eyeing me all night, but I assumed he would never have the courage to approach me or anything, so I brushed his existence to the margins of my mind. His courage surprised me, causing me to numbly follow him. He spun me to my position at the corner of the tribe, and I quickly realized that I had lost my opportunity.

I instinctively followed the choreography as the tribe seemed to split into three groups, each with their own dance moves. I couldn't help but find this dancing so idiotic! There was no skill or grace in this number. No one would take pleasure in watching dances that even a newborn kitten could perform…

After a few moments of synchronized dancing, we turned and ran across the clearing like barbarians before the "queenkits" broke off for their own dance performance. Of course it didn't matter to the Jellicles that I was two, almost three, years out of kittenhood. As long as I was young looking and beautiful, I was grouped with the young, naive kittens that screamed and cried when that ridiculous Tugger was around.

Finally after some more group dancing, Tugger, Plato, and some other toms burst forth into the clearing. The rest of the cats scattered and I found my second escape window. This time I wasn't going to let anyone stop me and I fled from the clearing. I could hear the music pick up and I was sure that the toms were showing off as only they could.

I swiftly began to pick my way through the many piles and wiped a slight sheen of perspiration from my brow. I thought that I knew the way I needed to go, but as I passed the same pile for the second time, I began to grow nervous. I couldn't let everything I had worked for, no everything we had worked for, to crumble because I couldn't find my way around piles of trash!

Finally I stopped and took a moment to gather my thoughts and calm my nerves. I was trained better than this. Since when did I forget the layout of any location that I infiltrated? Never, and I wasn't going to start now. The stupidity of this silly tribe must have been wearing off on me; I could still feel a few flutterings in my stomach and almost feel Plato's paws at my waist. After my brief pause, I quickly remembered the path as if it was highlighted. I quickly began to walk away from the music and towards my target.

Even though I have had years of training my thoughts for the present and future, something about this place brought to mind my own mother. Maybe it was seeing all those loving families and kind mothers who adored their kittens, both biological and adopted. Whatever the reason was, the past was a slippery slope, and even one recollection of mine sent me tumbling down into my memories before I even had time to rein my mind back to the task at hand. Each memory sent my thoughts spiraling further and further into my past.

My mother almost looked just like me, but with a few differences. Her fur was slightly longer and she had black socks on all four of her paws. I wrinkled my nose at the thought. She was always 'stained'; those spots made her less than perfect. I admired my fur in its pristine perfection. Even from birth I had already surpassed my mother, at least that's what he always told me.

I remembered the day that my mother brought me to the warehouse that would become my home and to the tom that would become my life. At the time, I was too young to even know why she was there or what was going on, but I did notice that she was never around. Just because I was a kitten didn't mean I was unable to comprehend the indifference in her voice or the coldness in her attitude whenever she was near me. As I grew older, it was clear that my mother only cared about pleasing the mysterious Macavity and quickly pushed me to the margins of her life. If she wasn't away on some mission or other, then she was gone trying to flirt her way into his good graces.

However, little did she know that the fiery tom had noticed me! Whenever mother was away, he could come visit me in the small little room of the warehouse that mother and I called home. Of course he was slightly older, but even then he was only a teenager at the time. It was amazing to see how successful a cat could be at such a young age and how many followers he could accrue. Even though I was a kitten, I knew that we were only a few years apart, and I couldn't help but imagine us always together. In my kitten mind, I even imagined the scandalous, like holding paws…in public!

It didn't take long for his visits to become daily. He would bring me treats, and we would talk for hours. Of course I didn't have much to talk about at such a young age, so I mostly listened. His passion for his plans was infectious. I couldn't help but smile and nod enthusiastically, waiting on pins and needles to see if everything turned out satisfactorily.

He always seemed so warm and endearing. He would tell me how beautiful I was, and how that would always be helpful, not just for me, but for his empire, if I wanted. He would tell me the stories of Griddlebone and other notorious agents, but adding that if I put my mind to it, I could surpass them all and become a legend.

One day, my mother never returned. I never asked what happened and it never mattered. It's not like I really lost anything, she was a fleeting memory that had abandoned me without ever actually leaving. In reality, mt life didn't change at all. And I knew, as long as I had Macavity by my side, I could survive anything.

That day he came to me to offer an opportunity to repay his kindness, and presented me with a position in the ranks of his empire. I wasn't sure why he chose that time, but I could only guess that it was because all ties that my have held be back were broken. Without a second thought, I jumped at the idea and began to train with a vigor and commitment that even surprised me. His words became less gentle as my training began, but those changes were easily explained. He needed strong agents, and he couldn't show favorites, though I knew where I really I stood. I would work hard to maintain his favor and repay him for everything he had done for me. It didn't take long for me to realize that I loved him, and I was going to make him realize his feelings for me. I was going train to be the agent and queen that deserved to be by his side, which I would make a reality.

I flew through training and quickly ascended the ranks. I would do anything for Macavity as I strove to earn his love. He sent me on many missions, and I quickly became a vixen that surpassed any agents that ever served him, including Griddlebone. I became a feared beauty that was whispered throughout the allies and streets. However, I was so effective in performing my duties that little was known about me; even my appearance was a mystery. All that was known and whispered in fear was my codename: Diamond. I was the most beautiful gem that was unbreakable, and unlike Griddlebone and the other queen agents that served Macavity, I never waivered in my loyalties.

A shiver ran up my spin and I quickened my step as a new memory entered my mind. This was my final mission before I reached my goal! I could still hear the purr in his voice and feel the warmth in his paw as he held it against my cheek. He promised that if I helped him with this final operation, I would finally prove my love and deserve his full trust. His beautiful smile filled my mind's eye as he gave me my orders and kissed my forehead like he used to do when I was a kitten.

My heart soared when I realized that it was one of the simplest missions I had ever been sent on since my initiatory operation. All I had to do was infiltrate this stupid junkyard and convince the Jellicles to let me become part of their tribe. They were just silly cats that meant nothing to me, right? So why did part of me call out to them? Why did their faces continue to haunt my mind as drew closer to the fence bordering the yard? Why did their uninhibited welcome and care create unease in my heart?

I shook my head and increased my pace to a jog. No, this tribe was stupid. It was never good to be so trusting; it only led to being hurt. Additionally, from what I heard from Macavity, the cats deserved everything they got after the way they treated him. They pretended to be accepting and trusting, but as soon as they realized you were even a little different with your own goals, they shunned you and mistreated you. No, I would not be suckered into their shallow, false acceptance. That stupid moon of theirs must be affecting my thoughts.

Finally, I arrived at my destination, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I saw a fiery pelt practically shimmer in the moonlight. Those sunken, golden eyes staring determinedly at the fence captured my attention instantly. I broke into a sprint as I ran up to the fence and caught hold of the links with my paws. "Mac…" I purred, thrilled to see him, as usual.

His eyes glanced behind me before making a brief connection with mine. "You're late." He grumbled as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I let my gaze fall and my paws drop to my sides. I mean I should have known that he would want to keep things professional, we were on the job and I hadn't earned his love and respect yet. I needed to think things through. "I'm-I'm sorry sir. I was momentarily held up. But I have everything we need." I ran over to a nearby junk pile and dug in it until I found a plain looking jewelry box. Swiftly I opened the lid and pulled out an old, rusty key. It was the key that I had swiped from Munkustrap's den earlier today when I was talking to him about what I needed to prepare for my first Jellicle Ball. I knew that with the ball fast approaching, no one would notice it was gone until it was too late. Additionally, even if they did, no one would suspect the innocent Victoria as the perpetrator. I then hid it here for this exact moment.

Without wasting any more of Macavity's time, I ran to the small gate that separated the tom and his henchcats from the yard and inserted it into a seldom used lock. After some fiddling and wiggling, the padlock reluctantly popped open, allowing the small gate to slowly swing in.

Macavity quickly slipped through the entrance, closely followed by his minions. The smile on his face was priceless, something that I would always strive to find. However, I quickly realized that it wasn't aimed at me, but at his future plans for the moronic tribe in the yard. My body went numb; this isn't how it was supposed to happen.

I felt a paw give me a swift pat on my cheek; it was a cold, emotionless pat. "Thanks Diamond. You are a gem! Let's hope your future missions are as successful."

My paws began to fidget with my tail; the cool, collected Victoria was gone as I stared at those gold streaks buried in that blazing fur. "My-my name's Vic-Victoria, sir." I mumbled, unable to comprehend the complete lack of emotion radiating from Macavity as he began to give orders to his henchcats.

He stopped midsentence and rolled his eyes, an annoyed look plastered across his face. I swallowed hard as I realized I had interrupted him. So much for thinking things through.

After a moment of considering the severity of my actions, Macavity gave an indifferent wave of his paw. "You are an agent Diamond, so you will be addressed in your proper code name. Please. Just because you have completed your mission does not mean the operation is complete. Don't you have somewhere to be or something?" With that he turned back to me and began explaining the next course of action to the henchcats in front of him.

I tried my best to swallow my tears as I stared at his cold, stoic back. I couldn't feel any love or hint that he finally believed my feelings. He said so himself that my mission was complete, I had done everything that I was told to do. So why was there no rejoicing? Why didn't he look happy to have my love and devotion?

My paw reached up to my cheek and rested it on the spot that he had patted. His paw hadn't held the same tenderness and loving kindness that been present in Plato's or even Mistoffelee's touch…

I quickly shook my head. I was clearly just filled with nerves and Macavity was preoccupied with exacting the justice that he deserved. As soon as the mission was complete and sun rose on a new day, I would be held securely in Macavity's arms. I would feel the tenderness that I hadn't seen since kittenhood and all my dreams would become reality. That was the truth.

With new conviction, I gave a sharp salute to Macavity before turning and fleeing back towards the clearing. Everything would be ruined if the cats suddenly got suspicious and came looking for me. As I neared the clearing, I could hear the music bounce off of the junk piles. Luckily I hadn't missed the end of the dancing portion of the ball. I could run out at the very end, and it would be like I never left.

As my pace quickened so that I could make my entrance, I couldn't stop the images of Plato and Macavity flashing through my mind. Without any input from my brain, my heart continued to compare the two's touches. The thoughts were banished from my mind as I ran out and flawlessly slipped into the dance. Even though I had critiqued the music earlier, I allowed it to overcome me and fill my being.

Only one thought remained. I was doing the right thing because this was for love…right?

A/N: A lot shorter than my other ones, but I think that it's sufficient. Anyways, even though I really like how this turned out, it blows my mind how much it has evolved. My main goal was to try and create and entirely new take on Victoria. However, beyond that, this story is totally different from my original plan. Originally I wanted them to be kinda evil together. Then it turned into Vic being super bad and Mac was ambivalent. Finally Mac turned super bad and Vic is on the fence. It's funny how much stories change.

Anyways, I know that there are almost like two sides to Macavity, and I wanted to write both of them. So I have thought up another one-shot that I was going to add to the end of "Dear Victoria" where Mac is in a more benevolent, misunderstood role. However, I guess I'm not sure if that kinda ruins the point of the story with each tom getting one chapter. So I guess what I'm asking is should I still add it on to the end or write it as it's own one-shot story?

So, I would love it if you reviewed this chapter and let me know what you think, but also gave your advice on how you think I should handle my Macavity conundrum. Thanks! :D