Kevin Who?

Wildflowers. That's the first thing I see when I start to dream. Beautiful pink and blue and purple wildflowers are strewn about on the beautiful landscape, myself and my chocolate thunder god standing in the center of it all. We're holding hands like we always do. We find the perfect spot, and Derek sets down the picnic blanket and basket I didn't realize that he had been carrying.

Are we on a picnic? That seems like something a boyfriend and girlfriend would do, not just two best friends.

We sit down on the picnic blanket, and he pulls out two Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches cut into perfect right triangles.

"Derek, you always make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." I say to him, laughing.

"At least yours is good. Mind if I have a taste?" He asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Of course, my sweet." I say to him.

All time seems to freeze at that moment; everything is completely still. I think of what this picnic means. Does it mean he is my best friend, or that he wants to be my boyfriend? Does he love me, or is everything we've exchanged over the past few years just meaningless witty banter? Why am I dreaming that he's taking me on a picnic? Do I love him?

I pull myself out of this endless realm of time discontinuation and serious pondering and thought and re-enter reality. Unknown to myself at that point in time, my subconscious mind and instinctual desires have predestined my decision at this moment, as the sun sets, cascading a beautiful orange around the two of us. I lean in, right above the basket, and kiss him.

Now it seems as if I have just frozen time again. My brain is exploding with love, fear, anxiety, and everything. I know Kevin and I had just broken up 2 weeks ago, and everyone's instinctual remedy for a heartbreak is to find a new guy, way better than your ex, and go after him. I get it. But usually, all that does is create more heartbreak, and then a new remedy is in order: Adele and Ice Cream. But this was… different. It wasn't like I had felt with the other guys I met or kissed. He was special… and he tasted so good… and this was such a moment….

I continued to kiss him, and surprisingly (but not that surprisingly), he kissed back. He opened his mouth further, inviting our tongues into an extreme challenge for ultimate control of this heated passionate kiss. We kissed for what seemed like forever, before ending up in a perfect movie cliché moment: the tow of us laying together in the grass, surrounded by wildflowers, watching the sunset.

But that wasn't even the best part.

When I opened my eyes to escape this dream fantasy, I realized I wasn't actually asleep.