"What the bloody hell?" Bakura jerked up from his tea to stare at the crumpled mess that was Marik, his evil not-so-genious partner who was standing in his door (which had been uninvitedly thrown open).

Marik was soaking wet, back arched, head down, his messy blond hair covering his face. He slumped against the doorframe for what seemed like hours. Finally, he flicked his head up and shrieked an irritatingly shrill "BAKUUURA!" as if the albino had done something wrong. The whiney teenager suddenly straightened up and sprinted towards where he sat on his couch despite his cry of "MARIK-".

In seconds, the annoying villain was sitting on his lap, arms around his neck, and legs to the side in a very femenine pose.

"Bakura! Today I snuck up behind Yugi Motto so I could tap one of his shoulders and jump the opposite direction so he'd be confused, but it turns out it was the Pharao! He didn't like being confused by me. So he dragged me into an alley after I laughed at him and he beat me up, Bakura! He friggin' punched me in my beautiful face!" Bakura did see bruises and cuts on Marik, and took the opportunity to carefully examine him. He was shocked to see that his tanned Egyptian comrade was wearing a baggy jacket.

"Marik, are you cosplaying that one guy you told a scary story about in Mel Gibbson's mansion?"

"Frig you! I'm not friggin' cosplaying! I'm hiding my midrift!" Bakura contemplated this for a few seconds and replied,

"I can't decide which one's worse..."

"Bakuuura! I'm being serious! The Pharao bruised my midrift and I'm no longer sexy! This is a crisis more serious than the American economy!"

"Who bloody cares about the economy?"

"I do! Tans cost so much more than they used to now!" Bakura smirked.

"I thought your tan was natural?"

"Um... it is. It just... needs assistance every once in a while. That's all. But that is not the point I am trying to get at here! The Pharoe robbed me!" Bakura's head perked up at the word "robbed".

"I thought he beat you up."

"He did! In doing so, he robbed me of my sexiness!" Bakura studied the slighty purpled and bloody man on his lap and replied with a wicked smile and closing of eyes,

"You still look pretty damn sexy to me." Marik smiled and perked up like a child and shrieked,

"REALLY? I'm still pretty?" The thief nodded his head, smirk persisting on his lips.

"Yes. Quite pretty." Marik blushed, jumped off his lap and stared at him.

"I am not frigging gay, Bakura!" The smile left his lips. He shook his head slowly and changed the subject by saying,

"So, didn't you try to kill him with your Mellinium Rod? If it'd been me, he would't again see the light of day." Marik knew that if it had been Bakura, he would in fact kill him.

"Foolish fool! If he were dead, how would we defeat him?" Bakura facepalmed. He opened his mouth to explain how that didn't make sense, but thought better of it.

"So," he said instead, "Why are you coming to me? What do you want me to do? Cuddle you until you feel better?" He would never admit it, but Bakura was secretly a cuddler and hoped Marik would actually say yes.

"No!"

'Bollocks'

"I want you to cut Yugi with a knife so he hurts but doesn't die." Marik had a stubborn, pouty look on his face.

"So, you want me to torture his host because he beat you up. Marik, why not cut him while he's Yami?"

"Because, Fluffy, when the Pharao's host gets cut up, he'll start to whine and cry for him to come out and save him, and it'll be totally annoying! It's friggin' genious!"

'At least he's warming up to the idea of using knives' "Alright. Sounds like a plan." Marik's jaw dropped.

"You mean you're willing to go through with this without any comments about my stupidity and gayness? Friggin' sweet!" He watched with big excited eyes as Bakura walked over to his knife collection and started browsing for a suitable knife. He finally selected an average kitchen knife.

"No! That one's not big or scary enough! We need to really freak him out! But not kill him."

"Marik, it's harder to conceal a larger knife, and the work would be time consuming and clumsy. Not to mention a pain in the ass to handle." Marik turned his face directly towards Bakura's.

"Wow, Bakura! You know an awful lot about knives and torture. It's almost as if you've done this before... Bakure... hehe... HAVE you done this before?" Marik asked nervously.

"Yes, plenty of times. No need to worry, though. I wouldn't dare kill eye candy."

"FEW! That's a relief! Now, this isn't going to be too bloody, is it? I don't want to soil my new rug after what happened to the last one." Bakura looked at him for a second with a shocked expression before replying,

"Did you seriously believe we'd torture Yugi in our apartment? We'd have blood and evidence everywhere!"

"Not if we're careful." They looked at each other for a few seconds before Bakura finally said,

"Moron."

... ... ...

Bakura shoved the unconcioius boy in his arms into an empty gym bag.

"It's a good thing you apparently have a stash of chloroform, Bakura. Otherwise that would have been much more difficult."

"Yes, but did I really have to dress up as a tranny?" Bakura pulled at his glittery wig with one hand as he tore out his fake eyelashes with the other, muttering 'bloody moron humiliating me and making me wear a costume'. Marik, trying to haul the gym bag containing Yugi, replied,

"Of course! ..nh... It was vital... mph... to the element ... gyeh... of surprise- BAKURA TAKE THIS FROM ME IT'S EEF-ing HEAVY!" Bakura groaned as he awkwardly waddled over to the struggling boy. He would never be doing any of this had he not had a plan of his own... and the opportunity to torture Yugi. He grabbed the bag from Marik's grip and tossed it into the open-doored van. He shuffled into the passenger seat and began tearing at his body to rid himself of the rediculous articles he was forced to wear. Marik couldn't help but stare at him as he took off the flimsy top and fake breasts, leaving him shirtless. He was quite muscular, if not pale. Bakura took note of his staring and decided to torture the blonde a bit. He stretched his arms out and his neck up, making a satisfied groaning noise. He made sure to have a helpless, innocent look on his face with his lips relaxed and eyes closed before gazing slowly and fluidly at his half-whitted partner. Marik blushed and looked away for a moment, only to have his eyes move back to Bakura's.

"Having a fun time being straight, Marik?" the spirit smirked sardonically. Marik jerked his head up and felt awkward.

"Erm... yes! Yes, I am having fun being straight! Because that's what I totally am... straight... meaning I sleep with women."

"Marik, when's the last time, or even the FIRST time you've slept with a woman?" Marik looked away.

"Um... last night. Yeah! I had sex with a woman last night." Marik looked Bakura in the eyes again.

"Oh, did you, now?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, when exactly did this happen? Because if I recall, you were up all night playing Bloodlines."

"It was before that!"

"Marik, you started playing at noon. I remember because you had me make you a bloody sandwhich."

"Yes, it was a good sandwhich. Are you sure you're not a woman? Because usually women make better sanwhiches than men."

"Marik, you're changing the subject."

"So, what if I am? I've never slept with a woman before and this conversation is making me uncomfortable! Why the hell shouldn't I change it?"

"Marik, have you ever slept with a man?"

"... What?"

"I asked you if you'd ever had sex with a man."

"No I have EEF-ing NOT! I am completely straight, and straight guys do not sleep with men!"

"But, Marik," Bakura countered, "How can you possibly know that you only like sleeping with women if you haven't slept with a man OR a woman before?" Marik opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"Face it, Marik. For all you know you could be turned on by chihuahuas in afros and mini skirts."

"Shut up, Fluffy, and get in the driver's seat! You know I can't drive."

"Then why the bloody hell were you riding a motorcycle the day we first met?"

"Silence! Do not question me!" Marik, having thuroughly been confused by the conversation, gave up arguing and just pushed Bakura a seat over in front of the stearing wheel. Bakura gripped the wheel with a smirk.

'Phase one complete'

... ... ...

The van pulled up to an abandoned mall. Bakura parked right by the front entrance to provide a shorter distance the unconcious body of Yugi had to be carried. Bakura got out and opened the door of the van to collect their victim. Marik got out and stood by to watch, not intending to do any actual work. This slightly irritated Bakura, but he expected no less of the blond.

"This place is creepy and dark, Bakura. It suits you well."

"Thanks, Marik. Thanks a bloody lot."

"Hey! What's your problem?" Marik stood with his hands on his hips.

"You just frustrate me, is all. Nevermind, though. Let's just get this over with." Bakura slung the gym bag over his shoulder and began walking through the empty mall at a steady pace.

"So, how did you know about this place, Bakura?" The thief looked over his shoulder as he walked and replied,

"I come here all the time, Marik."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Oh, you know. Think, relax... relieve stress."

"So you meditate here?" Bakura stopped walking and stared at him for awhile before starting to walk, sighing and saying,

"Yes, Marik. I meditate here. Because that's what evil thieves DO in their spare time... meditate." Marik took the answer, not registering the sarcasm.

"You're being more clueless than usual..."

"What?"

"Nothing." Bakura stopped at an old tanning salon and headed inside.

"Okay, look Bakura. You won't look good with a tan. Not everyone can pull it off. I'm one of the lucky few. And besides, this tanning salon looks like it's been out of business for YEARS."

"That's because it has been, Marik. And besides, I don't want a bloody tan. The tanning booths will work perfectly for the torture." Bakura set down the bag, unzipped it, and dragged Yugi out. He then proceeded to carry him into the next room and plopped him on a tanning booth. It took him surprisingly little time to strap him down. Bakura turned to Marik.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We'll be putting Yugi through agonizing pain and discomfort, and once we start, it'll be too late to take back what you said you wanted me to do."

"Will you just friggin' do it already? I want to annoy the Phaoro!"

"We have to wait until the drugs wear off, otherwise it'll be pointless. And besides, this gives us a chance to finish that conversation we were having earlier."

"... About tans?"

"No. About your poor judgment of your sexuality."

''Bakura, I'm straight! I like women!"

"So, you "like women." How do you know you don't like men?"

"...Because I like women." Bakura had planned for this.

"So, what if you're bisexual?"

"Bawhat?"

"It means you like women AND men." Marik pondered this for a while.

"You mean half-straight?"

"Yes. Half-straight."

"No! I am COMPLETELY straight!"

"Then you won't mind if I strip?" Bakura grabbed the bottom of the front of the shirt he put on in the van and lifted it slightly. Marik flushed and exclaimed awkwardly,

"Of course I mind, Bakura! It's creepy and I'm NOT GAY!"

"Ah, but if you're not gay, you won't mind. Unless you're having doubts?" Marik, still blushing, turned his head away and said,

"Fine. I don't know if I'm gay. Just keep your EEF-ing shirt on!" Bakura smiled.

"Was that so hard to admit?"

"Yes! You've known your whole life you were gay, but I don't know because I've never done anything like that before!"

"Well, there's a first for everything."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Bakura walked over to Marik and put his arms around his waist. Marik was too shocked to do anything but stare into Bakura's eyes until he finally worked up the nerve to say,

"What the frig are you doing, Bakura?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Bakura moved closer to Marik and whispered in his ear,

"I'm helping you find out." he nibbled Marik's ear lobe as he pulled the blond closer to him in a passionate embrace. Marik was completely rigid, unable to speak or move. He enjoyed the caress of Bakura's toung as it moved around his ear, down his neck, onto his shoulders... Bakura tippied his head up and looked into Marik's eyes. Lust, and fear. Perfect. He moved his arms and head up to Marik's head and gently kissed him on the lips, both of their eyes still open. Marik's eyes softened and lost the fear in them, clouding up with pleasure and passion. Not much happened. Neither of them moved, just letting their lips touch slightly until their eyes closed and they tipped their heads until their foreheads touched. They leaned against eachother fondly until there was a dull groan from Yugi.

"Well, back to work!" Bakura grinned, suddenly releasing Marik and walking over towards their captive as if nothing happened.

"But what about-"

"We have work to do, Marik. Besides, you're not gay, remember?" Bakura smiled at Marik.

"Or did you change your mind?" Marik blushed and hurriedly walked to stand by Bakura near Yugi, making sure to keep at least five feet between the two.

'Phase two complete' Yugi moaned again and Bakura towered over him. Yugi opened his eyes and screamed.

"Helllllooo. Did you have a nice nap?" Bakura asked sarcastically.

"What the hell is going on here? Where am I? ... Why are you wearing eyeliner?" Bakura scouled.

"Never mind that!" He grinned again.

"We're going to have some fun."

"Okay, I know I'm adorable, but do NOT f*** me!"

"I'm not going to rape you, fool, I'm going to torture you!" He took the knife out of a pocket in the gym bag.

"Any requests on where I should stab you?"

"No, I figure if I'm gonna be tortured, I might as well be kept in the dark as to where I'll be hurt. For God's sake, you're supposed to be torturing me, not taking requests! You choose where to stab me! Surprise me!" Bakura didn't like that he was being told how to torture.

"I know how to torture! I've done it hundreds of times! But just since you requested to not know where you'll be stabbed, I'll tell you where to expect your pain! And expect it searing..." he dragged out the last word and pointed at the back of Yugi's right hand.

"You see here? Right where I'm pointing? I'm going to stick the knife right there. Then I'm going to turn it, and turn it again." As soon as he finished speaking, Bakura lowered the knife right to where he pinted and plunged it deep. Yugi cried out in pain. Bakura stole a glance at Marik to see how he was reacting. Marik stood with feet together, elbows close at his sides and hands balled together, clutched in a worried femenine pose. He looked scared, but his face told a different story. His eyes were locked to the knife protruding from the baby panda look-alike. His mouth was relaxed, almost forming an "o", his head slightly cocked to one side as if in interest. He looked utterly foolish, yet utterly fascinated. Without removing his eyes from the baggy-clothed man, Bakura quickly jerked his hand, turning the knife inside Yugi's hand. Yugi screamed bloody murder out into the dark, empty mall. Bakura could feel the warm, thick liquid splatter onto his hand, but his eyes held firm on Marik, who now had his mouth closed and arms down, blatantly staring at the wound.

"That's an awful lot of blood. You'd think hands held less blood than that!" Marik then chose to look into Bakura's eyes and found something slowly growing in them. Panic? Bakura snaped his head around to look where his knife was.

"Shit!" He'd hit an artery. Blood was gushing out of the hand and Yugi was pale and in shock. There suddenly appeared a glowing Egyptian eye on his forhead. Bakura hadn't planned for this.

"My, look at my hand. It sure is bleeding. Look at it go! The blood just keeps coming and coming. Hey, am I on a tanning booth?" An unconcerned Phaoro looked at his two captors with a wicked smile on his face. He looked up at Bakura who was at this point frantically yanking on his knife. It wasn't coming out of the hand because Yami was clenching his fist, tightening his hand around the blade. Bakura let go of the knife and ran for the door, grabbing Mrik's hand and pulling him out with him.

"What the frig? Where are we going? We could have just knocked him out!"

"You fool! I used all my drugs on Yugi!"

"But he was tied down!" Bakura dragged Marik into a Justice, still looking pink and girly despite the darkness and dust.

"Yes, but that wouldn't stop him from mind crushing you- us!" Bakura stated, blushing slightly at the use of "you" making it sound like he cared for Marik. He blushed even more when he looked down. They were still holding hands.

'What are you doing?' Bakura thought to himself.

'Marik hasn't noticed yet and you could use this to your advantage!' Bakura snapped out of his mild emberrassment and commented to Marik,

"Can't bear to let go of me, can you?" with a smirk on his lips. Marik flushed all sorts of reds but didn't move a muscle. Bakura's smirk turned into a half lided smile. He advanced upon him, hovering his body just a hair from touching Marik's and whispered breathily in his ear,

"What's wrong, Marik? Affraid to experiment with me? ...Coward..." Marik's face was on fire, but Bakura couldn't see. He was too busy nibbling Marik's ear lobe. He moved his head back just enough to see into his eyes, their noses touching but nothing else. Marik looked angry, or as angry as you could look whilst feeling such lust. Had Bakura challenged him, teased him? Marik Sebastian Ishtar was not to be taken lightly OR teased! He suddenly stopped looking so out of it and instead glared at Bakura through a smile.

"You're going to regret those words..." Marik closed the distance between them, much to Bakura's delight. He kissed him, forcing his toung against Bakura's, fighting for domination. Bakura enjoyed every moment of it as he pulled the man closer into a passionate embrace, beaking their hands' hold on each other. Bakura's arms were around Mariks waist and Marik hung onto his neck until...

'What the bloody hell am I doing now? He'll claim this was a brief moment of insanity or deny it happened altogether! Think! How can I get this ram home, so to speak...?' He then knew what he had to do. He weakened his grip on Marik's toung and let himself be dominated. Marik was none the wiser and assumed it he was really stronger. He was getting into this. His mind was getting foggy, his body hot, his eyes almost watering with pleasure. Bakura ripped himself away and proceded to pull a baseball bat out from under a large pink pillow decorating a table full of plastic jewls. Ugh, this place was so girly...

"The hell... Bakura... was that... for...?" Marik asked between gasps for breath. How could Bakura just brush off what just happened so quickly? And how was he breathing so normally? Bakura smiled and widened his eyes innocently.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Now, how about we go and knock the Phaoro out and get out of here?" Marik stared at him in disbelief and shook his head roughly.

"Okay, fine. Let's get out of here. This place is- OOH! LOOK!" Marik dashed over to a purple camo hoody with rinestones decorating it.

"This is so friggin' awesome! Bakura, I'm taking this!" He held up his prize to Bakura proudly. He sneered. Why must Marik be such a girl? Would it make him straight to like him? No! Of course a great thief king wouldn't end up seriously liking a guy like Marik, right? I mean, attraction was understandable. He's God damned sexy is what he is! And a great kisser... Bakura shook his head and walked quickly out the door and said,

"Let's get the buggery hell out of here."

"If you don't like Justice, why did you store a baseball bat here?" Marik asked, dawning his new hoody. He pouted when he saw it covered his midrift unlike his other one.

'I'll fix that later with some scissors' he thought.

"If I ran off in a mall and you were after me, where would you look?" Marik cuped his chin in his hand as he pondered this. You could almost smell the smoke... wait... that wasn't Marik's mind making that smoke...

"Marik, this mall is on fire. We need to leave NOW." Bakura remained calm but was moving at a much faster pace, causing Marik to naturally flip his shit.

"OH MY GOD, BAKURA, I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE!"

"Then keep up with me and you WON'T!" Bakura snapped. He was now running, making sure to slow himself down just enough to let Marik keep up. They finally reached the front entrance and ran to the van. In seconds they had their seatbelts on and were speeding away from the mall as orange began to lick from the broken windows. Marik had Bakura's right arm in a death grip as he drove them home, his eyes squeezed shut. Bakura smiled despite the fact they narrowly escaped a dangerous situation.

'I would say this was another phase completed, but I hadn't planned on this... It turned out well, though...'