Well this was meant to be a oneshot based on an idea I had a long time ago, but somehow it has extended somewhat beyond its original premise and ended up like this. My first proper chaptered Megamind fic, so I hope it goes down well.

Greyscale

1

"Weeeeell howdy!" a voice exclaimed in an almost painfully cliché cowboy accent. "I figured it was 'bout time you showed up."

The call came from a broad-shouldered man with a ten gallon hat and four revolvers, who stood with his back to an open vault in one of Metro City's busiest banks, while in the doorway a figure in black and electric blue crossed his arms defiantly over his chest.

"You've been rustling cash cows in my town too long, Cowboy," proclaimed Megamind, strolling past cowering customers like a king among bowed subjects. "I think it's time to put a stop to it."

"Ain't space in this city for two villains," The Cowboy – as he was popularly known – threatened.

"Beg pardon?" said Megamind electrically, his expression morphing to surprise. "Two villains? I don't even see one. I see a very handsome hero," he said, quirking his head to glance at his reflection in the bank window, "and I see a poor excuse for a criminal with a bad midwestern accent," he continued, turning back to the Cowboy with a look of disdain, "but no villains."

"Hey!" the Cowboy hollered, lacking a response other than directionless aggression, at which Megamind visibly sighed.

"Oh give it up," he condescended. "You are the saddest excuse I've seen for a criminal all week. All you do is rob banks with a regional accent."

"Issat so?" the Cowboy replied, and reached for one of his revolvers. No sooner had he touched the handle than Megamind's own weapon was out and trained on him. "Oh I wouldn't, if I were you," the Cowboy drawled, whipping a gun from its holster. A bang cracked through the room and a hole that hadn't formerly been there appeared in the collar of Megamind's cape, about an inch from his right ear. He glanced at it without reaction, and then back to the Cowboy.

"Fluke," he professed, and then with another bang an identical hole appeared on the other side." The Cowboy blew off the top of his pistol and spun it around his finger.

"I can hit a playing card mid-air at forty feet," he boasted. "I got the fastest hand in all Metro City. How's maah reegional accent lookin' now?"

"Well frankly, it's unconvincing," Megamind answered dryly, "but, if you're really so confident in your gunslinging, why not put it to the test? We're no one-horse town round here. I'm a pretty fast draw myself." He twirled his own weapon on the end of his finger, tossed it up over one shoulder and then caught it in his other hand behind his back.

"You thaank so?" the Cowboy questioned, but any attempt he had made to be intimidating was forever ruined by the comical tones of his accent.

"Oh, I do indeed," replied Megamind aloofly. "So I propose we have ourselves an old-fashioned draw, pardner," he imitated, badly. "Back to back, at ten paces."

"Hmph... been a while since any fool challenged me to a draw," the Cowboy remarked, chewing as he thought like a digesting cow. "All right, you're on. Hellah impressive if I kill you in a good honest shoot-out."

"How good of you to comply," responded Megamind, and then put a finger to his wrist, bringing it up to his mouth. "Minion!" he summoned, and his sidekick clomped in eagerly through the open bank doors moments later.

"Yes, sir, right away sir!" Minion chirped enthusiastically. "I'll start the count. Holster your weapons!" he ordered; Megamind casually slipped his gun back into its place, but the Cowboy was unwilling.

"Honestly, Mr. Cowboy sir," said Minion comfortingly as he marked out a starting point. "I'll be completely fair. We're good guys now, so you can rely on us to be honest." It seemed to persuade the Cowboy, who holstered his weapon and took his place, allowing himself to be positioned back to back with Megamind, their hands loose by their sides.

"This is gonna be your lucky day to die, Megamind," he muttered quietly.

"Then there is only one question I must ask myself," he replied. "Do I feel lucky?"

"ONE!" Minion yelled, and Megamind and the Cowboy each took a step away from one another "TWO!" They took another step, trigger fingers twitching, silence smothering the bank like thick fog. "THREE!" From outside – behind the police lines and flashing sirens – video cameras rolled, capturing every second. "FOUR!" Minion called out, and they each took another step.

It was popular knowledge that the unimaginatively-named Cowboy loved a draw – tales claimed he'd killed dozens of would-be competitors and heroes who dared to take him on. "FIV-" Minion began, and in the bat of an eye Megamind whipped his gun out of his holster, spun around and took a dive at his opponent, firing a bolt of energy straight into the center of his back.

A split-second later a small, luminous blue cube dropped to the polished floor with a clink, and a ten gallon hat slowly drifted down on top. There was a gasp, a moment of silence, and then a single voice of gut-wrenching laughter.

"What an IDIOT!" Megamind screamed, sprawled across the floor and doubling over in hysterics; he dropped his gun to beat a gloved fist against the polished stone tiles. "He fell for the oldest trick in the- in the-!" Further laughter interrupted the ridicule, while the bank customers and audience watched on with a mix of discomfort and confusion. "I mean, I didn't want to assume he was as stupid as he sounded, but wow." Megamind slowly got back to his feet, skipped over to the hat and then threw it like a frisbee onto the top of Minion's tank. He was still chuckling to himself as he collected the dehydrated cube of the Cowboy and strolled outside.

"Catch!" he yelled, lobbing the cube at a cluster of policemen. "There's your cowboy," he tittered. "People of Metrocity," he announced to the cameras with a flourish, "your savings are once more safe!"

There was a little confused applause, but a fair number of spectators still appeared to be in a dilemma as to how they should process the new Hero's modus operandi. Oblivious to the indecision, Megamind let out a piercing whistle, and Minion clattered out of the bank behind him, still wearing the Cowboy's hat as he de-invisiblised the car

"Uh, sir," began Minion after they started to drive away, while Megamind still chuckled to himself.

"That went well, I think," he said brightly.

"Well, I'm not... I mean, I think that the crowds could have been more... a little more... enthusiastic," his companion remarked.

"What?" Megamind queried, and then thought it over for himself. "Hm... I suppose you have a point," he conceded. "They did seem somewhat lacklustre. Do you think I need a new cape? Is this one not exciting enough?"

"No, sir, I don't think that's it," said Minion diplomatically. "If I'm not mistaken, they weren't expecting you to, well... shoot him in the back."

"Where else was I meant to shoot him?" questioned Megamind indignantly.

"I know," Minion agreed. "It's just... not seen as that heroic... to, you know, shoot someone in the back. Especially not after tricking them into turning around in the first place."

"Not heroic?" Megamind scathed. "I caught the criminal, did I not?"

"Yes, sir."

"And I handed him over to the authorities for punishment."

"Yes, sir."

"I didn't harm or maim him in any lasting way."

"That really is an improvement, sir."

"Then I am the hero," he announced certainly. "I'm glad we had this chat, Minion."

By the evening footage of Megamind taking down the Cowboy was circulating over every TV channel in the city, though the spin on the story was subject to wide variation. Roxanne Ritchie had in fact only heard the barest outline of the events – she didn't follow coverage of most things Megamind did in the city, as it would usually make for a repeat when she got the first-hand account. She was working on a totally unrelated article when her boss invited himself into her office.

"Hi Roxanne, How's it going. So, this Megamind story," he quick-fired with absolutely no pretence of subtlety, but as her boss – and an otherwise nice guy – she couldn't really complain. "Think you can follow it up?"

"Hello Daniel, and sorry, what?" was her bemused reply – since her connection to Megamind had become Metrocity's worst-kept secret, the channel had stopped putting her onto any stories involving him in a wise attempt to avoid complications. "You want me to do follow up?"

"Yeah, for this bank job with the Cowboy," he elaborated. "I'm not sure which way we should go on it. An insider scoop from Megamind himself could give us a real edge."

"But isn't it obvious?" she remarked. "He caught the guy, didn't he?"

"Have you seen the footage?" he asked her astutely.

"Well no," she murmured. "I usually don't..."

"Get a tape of it, then make your mind up," he instructed. "You'll see what I mean."

"Which is what, exactly?" she probed.

"It's not what he did, but the way he went about it," her boss explained, "we don't want to lose viewers by condoning..." he trailed off, searching for the right words, which didn't seem to come.

"Condoning what?"

"Un-heroic behaviour," he said eventually. "See, Metro Man would have never shot a man in the back."

"Metro Man wouldn't need to," Roxanne retorted. "Megamind, he... in the back?" she started trying to rationalize, and then quickly failed. "Okay, so why give the story to me?" she asked in an attempt at evasion.

"Why do you think?" Daniel said, giving her a critical look for asking something they all knew the answer to.

"Well, all right, I'll work on it," she agreed reluctantly. "Can I take the rest of the day off, at least - you know, to chase my lead?" It was a poor excuse, but they both knew that asking her to use her personal connection to Megamind to gain exclusives was a cheap tactic too.

"Of course, Roxanne," he said. "See you tomorrow."

She packed her stuff, left the office and headed straight for Megamind's – feeling as if she ought to at least carry out her word if she was getting out early. She parked a block away from the secret lair and walked the rest, intending to surprise Megamind, but she'd barely set foot into the lair before she heard his voice.

"Roxanne!" it echoed from afar; she didn't know whether he'd seen her on video surveillance or simply knew she was the only one to visit him unexpectedly, but the difference didn't matter much now. "What a pleasant surprise."

Although she usually followed whatever noise Megamind was making to find him in the lair, today he wasn't in any of his usual spots, and wasn't making any sounds to give himself away.

"Uh, Megamind?" she called out bemusedly.

"Yes?" his voice replied, seeming to come out from underneath a half-assembled jetski-looking machine.

"Where are you?"

"Here." This time she could have swore his voice came out of a discarded gramophone horn.

"Where?"

"Here," he restated, this time echoing from the ceiling.

"I don't know where here is!" she retorted a touch crossly. "What is this, a game of hide and seek?"

"Here, over here!" he repeated yet again, making faint sounds of exertion that suggested some kind of movement. She propped her hands on her hips and scanned the room, until a spindly hand waving at the end of a long arm finally caught her eye in the very corner of the lair. She found Megamind and Minion sat on either side of a desk in what looked like a complete office cubicle set, surrounded by stacks of paper.

"This is unexpected, were you let out early from work?" he remarked conversationally, but without looking up from what he was reading.

"What are you guys doing?" she queried, and Megamind turned up to face her, at which point she realised he was wearing a pair of thin-framed glasses. "Glasses?" she interjected before he could answer her first question. "You don't wear glasses." In fact, the last time she'd seen him wearing glasses, he hadn't been wearing his own face either.

"These aren't glasses," he said diminutively. "They're goggles." He raised a hand to the frames of one lens and grabbed it by the top and bottom, at which point the rim zinged to life and out popped the lens, zooming out until his eye was grotesquely magnified. "For small print," he explained, and then turned back to the desk; meanwhile, Minion was busy with a pen in each hand, filling out two different forms simultaneously.

"Small print? What is all this?" she interrogated. "Have I caught you at a bad time?"

"Oh no, no," he replied reassuringly, but without breaking eye contact with his document. "Please, take a seat. We won't be much longer now."

"It's tax day, Miss Ritchie," Minion explained helpfully, and let Roxanne muse over it for a few seconds, until she registered her issues with the statement.

"Hold on, you do taxes? You have taxes?" she said incredulously.

"Of course!" Megamind retorted, looking up from his paper disparagingly. "What do you take us for?"

"Well I... I just never thought you were... I mean, you actually pay taxes on your... your... stuff?" She could imagine how you even did the books for a supervillain-turned-hero, and dreaded to think about what counted as a work expense.

"Pay?" Megamind scoffed, suppressing a chuckle of amusement. "That's a novel idea."

"Whaddya mean?" she asked, reaching out to pick a few forms off the top of one of the piles. "Is this a... why do you have a five thousand dollar tax rebate?" She sifted to another form. "Is this a claim for disability benefit?"

"If that is what it says," he answered methodically, popping his glasses out with both hands to scan a few lines at the very bottom of a page, then letting them go again to return to his curiously-spectacled self.

"But you aren't disabled," she pointed out.

"I'm not retired either, but that doesn't stop me claiming a pension," he added brightly.

"You're not seri... how do you... who do they think they're giving this to?" she asked in a confused blunder of incomplete questions, unsure as to which she wanted answered first.

"To my cover bank account, of course," he said with an exasperated sigh. "Mr. 'M. G. Mind' if I remember correctly."

"I've finished the maternity applications, sir," Minion interjected, handing over several copies, which Megamind added to various stacks.

"Well done, Minion," he complimented. "Just the War Widows fund and Metrocity's orphaned child benefit left now."

"Don't forget the orphan care benefit," reminded Minion.

"Good point!" commended Megamind. "How many of those?" he asked, ruffling through sheafs of paper frantically. "Five?"

"Six, sir."

"Wait, maternity?" Roxanne shot. "War Widows? Orphans? You can't be claiming for all of those," Megamind actually stopped searching through documents, and turned in his seat to face her, peering over his spectacles in an almost practiced fashion.

"How do you think I fund my livelihood, Roxanne?" he questioned coolly.

"I don't know, I guessed maybe you had a... I hadn't thought about it," she blurted, "but I didn't think you'd be stealing from the city."

"Stealing? It is most certainly not!" he rebutted. "Everything is paid willingly. They practically give it away."

"But... but you're not a pregnant, disabled, retired war widow with six orphans to feed!" It was such an obvious point it shouldn't have needed to be said, yet Megamind still seemed bemused.

"So?"

"So, that means you shouldn't claim money for it," she burst. "It's not yours."

"The city distributes its budget as it sees fit," he stated aloofly. "I'd say funding a hero is a pretty important expense."

"Does the mayor know about it?"

"Well of course not, that would slow things down," he scoffed. "Honestly, Roxanne, you make it sound like I'm doing something wrong here."

"You are! Tax and benefit fraud is a crime, Megamind." He stared at her for a moment, bringing a hand to his chin as if in deep thought.

"... Only a little one," he announced at last, and then with a shrug turned back to his paperwork.

"What?" she said in shock. "That makes it okay?"

"If it is a crime, it's a victimless one," he added uninterestedly. "I've always gained my revenue this way, I'm sure the city's budget has adjusted accordingly over the years."

"Years? How long are we talking about here?" she demanded, but Megamind just shrugged again, clearly paying more attention to his form than to her. "But... doesn't it bother you?" she asked. "Being Metro City's Hero and stealing from them at the same time? Doesn't it seem... un-heroic?" It was only after she said it that Roxanne realised she'd used the same phrase as her boss had.

"Un-heroic?" he repeated scathingly. "What does that mean? Heroes save the day, Roxanne, there's no fine print about general upstanding citizenry." He paused for a second to sign a form and then added it to a completed pile. "I should know, I checked."

"I just meant... people don't expect heroes to commit benefit fraud," she explained, "or do other stuff like, you know... shooting people in the back," she added in an uncomfortable rush, and immediately Megamind stopped writing; his pen hit the table, and he stood up, standing straight across from her.

"Is that what this is about?" he questioned delicately. "The scene at the bank?"

"No, well... sort of," she confessed. "It just seems to some people as if you've been... kinda... un-heroic."

"You keep saying that," he commented, no trace of emotion hidden in his usually expressive face. "Un-heroic. Do you actually mean evil?" The accusation hit hard, and Roxanne found herself wishing she'd never waded into the quicksand of a discussion in the first place.

"No, not evil evil," she insisted. "It's just..." Before she could try to backtrack, Megamind held up a hand and cut her off.

"I think I know the problem here," he declared. "Minion, do you think you can finish alone?"

"Of course, sir," Minion answered cheerfully. "Are you going to give Miss Ritchie The Talk?"

"Yes, I think it's about time," he replied. "Roxanne, would you mind coming with me for a moment?" he requested forebodingly, holding out an arm to indicate direction and then setting off.

"Uh, The Talk?" she said suspiciously, following after Megamind as he lead the way, cape gently billowing behind him.

"Yes, Minion and I have discussed it before," he explained a little too cryptically for comfort, leading Roxanne through to a clearing with two chairs set up. "Please, take a seat," he offered politely, which was always uncanny coming from him.

"Are you feeling okay?" she inquired, not sitting down. "You seem a bit... weird."

"Please, sit," he reiterated, and she dropped reluctantly into a chair. "Now, I don't quite know how to tell you this, Roxanne, so I will just have to say it," began Megamind. "Minion and I... we believe you are, for lack of a better term, a little too good."

"WHAT!" she burst.

"Now, it's nothing to be ashamed of – especially considering your background," he explained sympathetically, "but I must tell you, we both feel that you are really very extremely too good."

Roxanne wasn't sure if she was hearing things in the midst of some kind of mental breakdown, if he was was in the midst of a breakdown, or if it was just one of those days where absolutely nothing made sense, but Megamind had just gone from nought to complete nonsense.

Worse yet, he seemed perfectly happy about it.

And that's a wrap for the first installation. More to follow!