So... this has been on my computer FOREVER so I thought I'd post it as a sort of break in the hiatus for Another Brick In The Wall. Sorry for the delay, but RL is kicking my ass. So.

Uh... it's Avengers 2012 and it's Clint Barton/Phil Coulson.

And Steve Rogers/Tony Stark.

And Natasha Romanov/ Pepper Potts.

8D

My OTPs for that shite, right there.

Enjoy?

Title taken from Bowling For Soups, Shut Up and Smile.

All We Need Is Some Ice Cream And A Hug

"Hey Barton," Tony says and Clint sighs. What the hell does the self acclaimed genius billionaire playboy philanthropist want now?

"What do you want Stark?" he says, looking down the shaft of an arrow, aiming it at a target high on the wall of the training room. He clears his mind, ignoring whatever it is that Tony's saying in favor of shooting at the target, hitting it right in the bull's eye and letting out the breath he was holding in.

Perfect.

"…hello? Earth to Clint. Is anybody home?" Tony nags, waving a hand in front of Clint's face, snapping him out of the zone. Clint frowns.

"What? Can't you see I'm busy doing grown-up things? Like, oh I don't know, training?"

Tony makes a face. "I was saying that you need a girl or something." Clint tries not to groan. Ever since Tony had gotten with Steve, he'd been trying to play matchmaker for everyone else. God forbid you didn't have a beau of some kind; Tony would be up your ass and down your throat until that was reconciled.

"Tony," Clint starts, only to get cut off by the man in question.

"Look, all I'm saying is, we go out for some drinks… and then BAM you meet some new people."

Clint knows it's none of Tony's business and he wants to tell Tony that he's already taken, but instead he says, "Fuck off, Stark." That works too.

Tony just rolls his eyes. "Fine. Don't say I didn't try to help you!"

It happens again the week after that. Except Tony's a bit more… ambiguous this time.

"Hey, Agent Hill. Can you come down to the training room with me?" Tony asks.

And she goes because she has no idea what he wants and is worried that he destroyed something or the other. But when they get down there and there's nothing to see, she frowns.

"Mr. Stark, I don't know what you're playing at but-"

"Oh look!" Tony cuts her off with. "Look, it's Clint. Hey Hawkeye!" he yells. "Look who's here! Agent Hill!"

Hill looks at Barton, who sighs. "Hey Maria."

"Clint," she says pleasantly.

Tony looks at them eagerly. "You know what I think? I think you two should go out for drinks. Do you want to go out for drinks? I think you guys want to go out for drinks, yeah?"

And then Maria knows and looks at Clint with sympathetic eyes. "I think I'm done here," she says smoothly and walks out of the training room, taking the elevator up. Tony frowns, and then turns back to Clint where he's already working on some drills, ignoring the fact that Tony just tried to set him up with Agent Hill. Ugh.

"It's ok buddy, we can try again, we can-"

"Stark, I'm not interested in Hill," Clint says tritely.

Tony blinks. "Is it because she's a girl?" When Clint doesn't answer, and opts to do his drills instead, Tony beams. "Man, why didn't you say so?" He sighs. "Ok. I can work with this." He walks away.

Clint knows he'll be back. He breaks the staff he had been using.

"Hey Bruce? Wanna go watch Clint train with me?"

Bruce sighs but goes down anyway because he's bored and he mind as well. He knows Tony won't leave him be if he doesn't agree to go. He just doesn't understand why Tony wants to go watch Clint. Wasn't Tony with Steve?

"Of course I'm dating Steve," Tony says. "We're not going to go see Clint for me."

And Bruce… still doesn't get it, but whatever.

Clint's doing something with the monkey bars when they get down there. He groans when he sees Tony walking in with Bruce. "Seriously, Tony? Banner?"

Bruce looks from Tony to Clint. "What?"

"Yeah, but Clint-"

"No."

"But Clint-"

"Jesus, Tony. I said no."

And Tony walks out muttering about how no one appreciates it when he tries to help. Bruce just stands there. He's still confused.

"Ok, what the hell just happened?" he asks Barton.

Clint just shakes his head, sighs and flips off the monkey bars.

This was really getting out of hand.

"Steve, he needs someone. He can't be alone. Natasha has Pepper, I have you, Bruce has… well, is he still with Betty? Whatever we can worry about him later. Thor has Jane and baby-Thor on the way. I mean, c'mon. Clint can't be all alone."

They're lying in bed after an amazing round of sex and Steve just sighs. It's endearing really, but he understands that some people won't take it very well that Tony is trying to meddle in their love-lives.

"Maybe you should just… let him do it on his own?" Steve suggests.

Tony sighs dramatically. "That's the thing Steve, he isn't actually trying anything!"

"Maybe he has someone already?" Steve suggests.

Tony snorts. "Oh please. Let's be realistic here."

Their mission in Santa Barbara goes horribly wrong.

Natasha has a broken arm, Banner's ribs are fractured, hell, even Tony has a sprained ankle and he's one of the lucky ones. They weren't expecting to get shot out of the sky. They weren't expecting the Quinjet to crash. But it happens anyway.

Tony does a quick headcount as Steve pulls Thor out from under some rubble, his God-like abilities protecting him from most of harm, Steve's super strength making it able for him to get the other guy out. And Tony comes up short. He comes up fucking short.

"Where the hell is Barton?" he says to them.

Natasha's face goes white as she tries to get a signal on their comm-system. "Hawkeye come in." She waits. "Hawkeye, do you read? What's your position?"

Nothing.

"Fuck," Tony spits out and starts to blast away rubble, all the while speaking into his comm-mike. "Clint, buddy, do you copy? Are you alive?" The others are doing something similar, yelling out Clint's name when they figure that his comm has gone off.

"Captain Rogers? Captain Rogers, what the hell is happening over there?" And for the first time in his life, Tony is actually relieved to hear Coulson in his ear.

"We got shot down," Steve says. They'd thought the threat was over, but apparently their guy had had one last present to leave. It wasn't a pleasant one. "We've lost Agent Barton."

"You've… you've what?" Coulson says, there's the strangest tone to his voice, like he's choking on his own words. "What… what do you mean…?" He gives a cough and says, "Find him. We're sending in back-up."

And they look and they look and every five minutes Coulson blinks back in and asks for progress and gets denied. Steadily, his voice degrades to a husky whisper and the next time they're checked on, it's by Hill saying that back-up should be coming in at any second. She's right; less than a minute later, the Hellicarrier lands and Shield Agents by the dozen step off and start a sweep of the destroyed area. The hurt Avengers are taken inside and sat down do be tended to. Natasha has her arm in a sling for now, Bruce's ribs are taped and Steve forces Tony into a wheelchair. Thor is out helping them move pieces of rubble in search of Hawkeye.

Coulson shows up less than a half hour later, coming by a private jet, Fury and Hill on his heels. He looks wrecked and absolutely haggard. His eyes are bright red and his hair is a mess. His suit is less than perfect, looks skewed like he's been tugging it the whole way there, and the first words out of his mouth are, "Have they found him yet?"

He sounds panicked and lost and worried and hurt and absolutely heartbroken and Tony stares for a minute before saying, "Uh, no. No they haven't. Hey, are you ok, Coulson?"

"Do I look ok, Stark?" he snaps back.

"Agent Coulson, maybe you should sit down," Fury says, awful gentle by Fury Standards. "Before you fall down?"

Coulson blinks and then nods weakly, sitting down beside Natasha before saying, "I should be out there," weakly.

"And kill yourself too?" Fury says dubiously. "You are one crazy motherfucker, Phil. Shut up and let the professionals do their job, yeah?"

Something twists in Coulson's face. "How the hell am I supposed to calm down, Nick? Clint is missing, out there, buried under piles of cement and metal. How the hell am I supposed to be calm about that?"

Tony looks at Steve, who looks at Tony, who looks at Natasha, who's texting Pepper and staring at Coulson with sympathy, who looks like his heart's just been torn out.

"What the fuck is going on here, exactly?" Tony asks in the midst of it all. "Because I think I speak for most of us when I say that I am confused as all hell and I-"

"Agent Coulson! Director Fury! We found him!" someone shouts, cutting Tony off, and the men in question are on their feet and running outside. Tony looks at Steve who sighs and wheels him to the back of the Hellicarrier where they see Clint is on a stretcher. He looks terrible, blood everywhere, eyes closed, skin with the pallor of a corpse. It's terrible. What's worse is Couslon's reaction.

He looks from Clint to the medics surrounding him and says, "Oh my God, is he-?" He can't even finish, the words just choking in his throat.

It's the worst thing Tony has ever seen. Phillip Coulson is supposed to be the guy who keeps his cool when the rest of them are freaking out. And now he's totally wrecked and over what? Clint Barton? No way is this normal.

"What this hell?" Tony says as they load Clint onto the loading dock, pushing past he and Steve.

"No," a medic answers Phil. "No, he's alive, but just barely, Agent Coulson. Don't worry. We'll have him fixed up and right as rain."

And Tony is still lost. Imagine that.

They all get sent to Shield's private hospital and they're left in various states of recuperation. Tony though, he sneaks off, still wheelchair bound, and to Clint's room. He's hooked up to various machines. He watches from the window though, because only family is allowed in, and he bites back a squeal of surprise as he notices Coulson sitting in a plastic chair by the bed.

What.

The.

Hell?

That's it. Tony's had enough. He wheel's his way inside just as Clint shifts on the bed.

His eyes flutter open and Tony freezes in the doorway as a small smile comes to Barton's lips at the sight of Coulson. "Phil," he says, his voice a wreck.

"Oh thank God," Coulson breathes, and then he leans down and kisses Clint and Tony's eyes widen because holy shit when the fuck did that even happen? And Clint's kissing back and they're whispering things to each other and Tony's going to demand to be told what's going on, but someone starts to wheel him away.

It's a nurse, a pretty one, but he's given them up for Steve and it's a good trade. He still says, "Why the hell does he get to be in there?" to her though.

She looks at him oddly and then says, "Who? Agent Coulson?"

"Yes Who-Agent-Coulson," Tony spouts unhappily. He can't process what his brain just saw.

She frowns and says, "According to our files only family is allowed."

"Yes, but what the hell was Coulson doing in there?" Tony is getting frustrated now.

She blinks. "According to those same files, Agent Phil Coulson is the spouse to Agent Clint Barton."

And Tony... blanks out for a minute before saying, "What?"

They're back in Tony's room when the nurse says, "Phil Coulson is married to Clint Barton. That's Agent Barton's husband in there with him." She gives Tony a look. "Mr. Stark, are you alright? Do you need some medication or…?"

"For how long!" Tony exclaims. Clint and Coulson… married? What? When did that happen?

She sighs and says, "I'm not sure, but I've been here for three years and they were already married when I got hired. So."

Three years, and maybe plus some. Tony is blown away.

He only has one question though: Why wasn't he told?

"How long?"

Clint sighs. He has no idea what Tony is talking about, but it's his first day officially back and he doesn't really want to deal with the annoying genius right now. "How long what?" he asks instead.

Tony makes a strangled sound. He's still limping a bit, but other than that he shows no indication of having broken his ankle.

"How long have you been married to Coulson?" Tony whines.

Clint freezes and slowly turns to the other man. How the hell…? They'd kept it so quiet. No one needed to know who he went home to every night, no one needed to know who it was he loved, no one needed to think Coulson treated him differently because of their marital status. So how the hell did Tony Stark, of all people, know and why was he choosing to acknowledge that information now?

"How the hell do you know about that?"

Tony blinks. "The nurse. At the hospital. When you were broken, I saw Coulson in there and asked why he got to go into your room. She told me." Tony frowns and crosses his arms. "So… how long?"

Clint rolls his eyes and ignores the way Steve is coming over, probably to make sure Tony isn't bothering him. But he knows Tony will never let it lie, so Clint reaches under the collar of the black t-shirt he's wearing with cut-off sleeves and pulls out a chain. On the chain is his silver wedding band. Phil has the other half of a matching set. He pulls the chain over his head and hands it over to Stark, ring and all.

Tony narrows his eyes, Steve coming up behind him, and then looks for the date on the inside of the band. And then he blanches. The Avengers Initiative has only been around for a year, so according to this date on the inside of the ring, Coulson and Barton have been married for over a year. Over three years. Over five years.

"Holy shit, you guys have been married for seven years?" Tony practically squeals. Behind him Steve makes a face.

Clint sighs. "Eight this coming June."

Tony hands the ring to Steve, who takes it, looks, shrugs, and gives it back to Clint. "Phil?" he says.

Clint nods. Tony doesn't really care about their bonding session. "How old are you two?"

Clint sighs. "Really Stark?" At Tony's unrelenting look, he says, "I'm on the wrong side of thirty and he's on the wrong side of forty. Happy?"

Tony can… live with that answer. "So… how?"

Clint snorts. "How did we end up together? He recruited me. He's been handling me since I was twenty-two. He's stuck with me and after a few years we just clicked. We got married when I was thirty." Clint shrugs. "Spent eight years knowing him before I finally popped the question. Four of those years I was dating him. When they moved me over to the Avengers Initiative, he automatically followed."

"And Fury's just… ok with this?" Tony splutters.

Clint grins wickedly. "Not at first, no. But after he saw the influence we had on each other, he let it be. Then he out right supported it when he was the best man so."

Tony shakes his head. "Fury in a monkey-suit? Eh. No, I'll pass on those photos."

Clint smiles. "I dare you to guess who else was at our wedding."

Tony thinks then says, "Obviously Natasha." Clint nods. Then Tony's face goes pale. "Oh no, not Hill. Please tell me not Hill."

Clint smiles like it's his fucking birthday. "Maria Hill. Our vicar." He shakes his head. "Good times, good times."

Tony looks like he'll die with embarrassment. Steve looks like he'll die of laughter. Clint looks like he'll die of happiness.

"Did I miss something? And you, you're not supposed to be down here." Down here, as in the training room.

Clint sighs and turns to find Coulson staring at him disapprovingly. Then Phil sees his ring out around his neck, over the shirts fabric and he slows his walk until he's next to Clint and goes, "Oh. Reminiscing?"

Clint chuckles, taking his husband's hand. "More like informing. But yeah, I know I'm not supposed to be down here. And neither are you."

Phil snorts and drops Clint's hand to take his chin in his hand instead and check his face for... well, whatever it was he was looking for. There's a deep, private look on Phil's face and Steve and Tony both feel uncomfortable watching the two of them interact. It seems to personal to witness. He says softly, "You go, I follow." He shrugs. "Wasn't that in our vows or something like that?"

Clint rolls his eyes. "Yeah. Sure. Something like that."

And then they walk out of the training room, their hands eventually slipping into one another's again, their fingers laced as they walk out and Tony stares for a long while afterward because what the hell? He gets it, he does, but… then again, he never suspected it. Not even for a second.

"And you were so convinced Clint needed someone," Steve says, shaking his head and hopping into the boxing ring.

Tony stupidly follows saying, "Yeah, well. How the hell was I supposed to know that he was married to Coulson, of all the people in the world?" He slips his hands into the boxing gloves and looks at Steve. "C'mon. You can't tell me you knew all along. That's complete and utter bullshit."

Steve just grins at him. "Maybe not, but I knew Clint could take care of himself. I knew they both could. It makes sense now that I think of it. The two of them together. They really work well together, don't they?"

And Tony nods because it's true, it's really true. "I just didn't think, you know, Natasha would keep it quiet. I mean, she loves messing with Hawkeye."

"Maybe I like to keep my best friend's private life… oh, I don't know, private?" She's walking past the ring and stops for a moment to socialize.

Tony turns to her and rolls his eyes. It's a miracle Pepper isn't around harassing Natasha to get more rest. She must have slipped away from her overbearing partner's ministrations. Sneaky. "Yeah, well at least they aren't hiding anything else." Steve shrugs and grunts in agreement, taking his stance indicating that he's ready whenever Tony is.

"Of course not," Natasha says with an innocent smile. "They're married, they've got Francis, they have a house. It's all peachy keen-"

Tony spins around. "Who the hell is Francis? Their dog?" Steve sighs, dropping his stance. He doubts they'll be getting any practice in at this rate.

Nathasha only gives Tony an odd look. "Dog? What, no. Coulson's allergic."

"Then who's Francis?" Tony says again, this time a whine coming into the tone.

Natasha gives Steve a look that says 'How the hell do you put up with this?' and Steve can only shrug and blush bashfully.

"Francis Gregory Coulson-Barton?" she says and Tony's and Steve's eyes go wide. "Their 8 month old son?"

Tony looks like he's about to pop a vessel and Steve looks like he'll die of embarrassment for him.

"THEY HAVE A SON?"

Ok. There it is. Hopefully by this weekend I'll have another chapter of Another Brick in the Wall Up. Gah. I know, I suck. But RL, again. Kicking my ass swiftly.

How much ass can a badass kick if a badass could kick ass?

Or maybe: How much dub could a dubstep step if a dubstep could step dub?

I DON'T KNOW MY FRIEND WAS SAYING THAT TO ME TODAY. IT BLEW ME AWAY.

Review?

And this is my first Avengers fic, btw! HAHA. Good times.