If I Wasn't Late for Work

Chapter 1:Bloody American!

Arthur ran out of flat in the midst of getting his arms through his coat sleeves and locking the door behind him. He hadn't planned on being late, in fact he had never been late a day in his life - not for school, not for work, not even for the pub, today shouldn't have been any different. He tried to keep his footsteps quiet as he scurried through the hallways and down the elevator until he reached the garage, it was just five in the morning and he expected most were still fast asleep. He opened the car door and threw his belongings into the backseat, his umbrella, notebook, daily planner, and briefcase. Turning on the car, he headed out of the garage and into a downpour of rain.

"Bollocks," he muttered as he entered into the bumper to bumper traffic of London. Today of all days was the worst day to be late for work. Being the Royal Overseer of Events to all of the Queen's functions, Arthur had planned brunch between the Queen and the President of the United States of America. It was a stressful job as it was, but it paid well and was something Arthur took pleasure in. He always had a knack for event planning and his love of British royalty was overwhelming - just standing in old castles and palaces where old kings and queens walked made him smile. He barely talked to the Queen though, he saw her often enough but he was just another face among many.

He sighed, it was five-fifteen in the morning and there should have been no traffic whatsoever at this ungodly hour. But of course there would be, it was the day he could not be late. He needed to be at the Buckingham Palace in less than twenty minutes and he was several miles away. The plans of the day had to be overseen and doubled-checked, and he doubted anyone was as thorough as he was. Nothing could go wrong. If so much as the silverware was set up wrong, it would be an embarrassment to the Queen, and an embarrassment to all of the country. Especially if it was a brunch with the President. The Queen and her attendants were strict people who didn't tolerate lateness at all, even being five minutes late was looked down upon. He could fathom being as late as an hour or two, which what he would be if the traffic didn't clear.

He heard his phone's shrill ring on the passenger seat. He held his breath, perhaps it was someone to reprimand him on being late or worse. He picked it up and looked to see who the caller was only to be relieved.

"What the hell do you want cheesey monkey?"

"I was going to wish you a good morning but now I won't! 'ow was your morning? Enjoying ze rain, et ze traffic, et your missing alarm clock," Francis' annoyingly perky voice chimed into the phone.

"How do you know about my alarm clock?" Arthur asked, emphasizing the you with disgust.

"Well, I 'ave your alarm clock, parce que...you left it with moi, and it woke me up at five in ze morning! Why would you wake up zat early?"

"I should have known it was you! Has it ever occured to you that I actually may use that alarm in order to wake me up for important business matters. TODAY THE QUEEN IS MEETING THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT YOU PRICK!" Arthur roared at the Frenchman. He couldn't understand why Francis had decided to ruin him, especially today. Francis had always enjoyed mercilessly torturing him, but Arthur had always gotten his revenge in the end. But stealing his alarm clock when he had warned Francis to stay away from his alarms for weeks was unforgivable. He would be sure that his revenge would be painful.

"Zat is what you use a phone for, mon ami," Francis laughed, "No one still uses alarm clocks, zey are for old people."

"Listen to me Francis, when I see you again I will shave off that lovely hair of yours and I'll burn it right in front of you"

"Oh so you admit my 'air is lovely? Why thank you, Arthur! I zink I can do somezing with zat 'air of yours to make it more like mine."

"Last time I ever took any hair advice from you froggy I looked like a caterpillar. I hope you get hit by a bus! Or maybe I'll run you over myself and say it was an accident!"

"You look like a caterpillar anyway," he said. "So I see you'll be late today? Should I tell ze Queen? She'll be very disappointed, per'aps even fire you! Zat would be awful would it not? Or you could be demoted, maybe thrown in ze tower. Zat would be funny, I would like to watch."

"I wish I could go back in time and convince your mother to abort you! Where are you?"

"Ma mere loves me too much to do zat. In my apartment, I don't 'ave to be in until noon. But zanks to your alarm I am now up, making breakfast. You probably skipped yours, oui? Are you zere yet, rosbif?"

"No you French f**k trumpet!" Arthur replied. He furiously ended the call and threw his phone onto the passenger seat.

Alfred's obnoxious alarm blasted in his ears, groaning he threw a pillow over it and rubbed his eyes. His first reaction was to bury himself deeper into his covers, but he didn't have the luxury of that today. He walked blindly from his warm bed towards his closet, forgetting his glasses on the bedside table. He put on whatever was clean, threw his backpack over his shoulder, and headed out towards the driveway just underneath his flat. He walked down the stairs towards his motorcycle, his hair became damp from the rain as he put on his gloves, jacket, and helmet, he didn't necessarily like the weather in England during autumn it was either rainy, gloomy, or foggy, the time he liked it most was during the summer when it reminded him a little of home. He only left his house in Miami to get a better medical education in another country, sure there had been great schools in Florida but he wanted the best he could get. With the money he earned over the summers during high school, he paid for a ticket to London and was offered an education at King Arthur of Camelot University.

He had to arrive at school early in order to finish a science project before his first lecture, which meant getting up at 5 in the morning. No one in their right minds should even think of getting up that early. University was still new to Alfred, he thought he'd never be used to his new life in England. He didn't have many friends at uni, no one wanted to talk to him, probably because they thought he was a stupid American. He didn't understand it when he first got to the school, he had always been social and to be alone was a new thing to him. But thankfully, he was in his last year of University and was ready to return home to his family and friends back in Florida.

It was pouring and there was an absurd amount of traffic clogging up the streets. Luckily for Alfred, one of the many benefits of owning a motorcycle was its ability to zip between cars and escape traffic. His motorcycle was a gift from his boss and coworkers on his 19th birthday, he worked in a mechanic's shop a short distance from his flat. His boss was a intimidating man from Germany and his lover was a friendly immigrant from Italy. His boss, Ludwig was a strict, scary man on the outside but he was a big softy on the inside. Once when Alfred had entered his boss's office without knocking he saw an intimate exchange of kisses between Ludwig and his lover, Feliciano. He wasn't entirely familiar with relationships between two men but he didn't mind it, he liked when Feliciano visited, he'd always bring good Italian food and Ludwig wasn't as strict as he usually was around the shop. He was paid at least 20 dollars an hour fixing cars for the well-off and was happy working there for the time being.

He was making good time, he assumed only five more minutes until he was there and could finish his project in peace. The cars started to move again so he pulled behind the closest car to him and nearly collided with the bumper of it. The car hadn't moved an inch when the traffic began clearing. Alfred was becoming frustrated, he was making perfect time and for some stupid reason this driver refused to move.

"MOVE UP!" He yelled, but the car still didn't move. Alfred peered up to look through the back window of the car, squinting to get a better look. Without his glasses he could barely see, but from what his vision would allow he saw the driver fiddling with the radio. Without a second thought he banged on the back window.

"GIVE ME A BLOODY SECOND YOU YANKEE!" yelled the driver out of the window.
"YOU'RE TAKING TOO LONG!" Alfred screamed as he zoomed past the driver accidentally tearing off his rearview mirror in the process.
Arthur saw the motorcyclist zoom past him and through the traffic, "What the bloody hell is up with that jacket, 50? Must be an American with no patience for queues whatsoever," he scoffed. Turning his attention back to the road he began to drive up when he realized the absence of his rearview mirror.

"F**KING AMERICAN!"

Unfortunately, due to the loss of his rearview mirror and his slow driving Arthur was ticketed by a familiar Spanish police officer.
"Why are you giving this to me, you know me! Antonio!" Arthur argued, ripping the ticket up, "I don't have time for this."
"Francis y me have been following your car for a while now. Surprised you hadn't noticed us before." Antonio explained pointing towards a flamboyant Frenchman sitting in the passenger seat.

"Francis was with you? I thought he was at home?"

"Well he was but he called me and said you were running late. Thought you might need a ride there. Francis can drive your car instead." Antonio suggested. Arthur was hesitant, he didn't want the psychotic Frenchman driving his car and going through his things, but he was running late and was desperate for any opportunity to get to work on time.

"Okay. But he better be careful, and not touch my things, or crash my car or I'll make you pay for a new one, I've had my eye on a Bentley!" He threatened Francis. Arthur got inside the police car with Antonio, who put the sirens on at full blast. They sped through traffic and arrived at the palace a minute late without the Queen's knowing. He showed the guards his ID and tore through the palace going through the arrangements. The brunch went by swiftly and without a hitch, just as he had hoped. He sighed in relief.

Antonio ended up driving him home, even though he insisted upon using public transportation. He arrived at his flat just as dark as it had been in the morning. Gathering what was left of his energy he trudged into the garage and inspected his car. Everything seemed to be in place, except for his rearview mirror. He went to check the other side for damage when he noticed he was missing his entire bumper..

'Francis' Arthur thought, 'will pay' With that in mind, he walked up to his solitary flat on the 9th floor with his alarm clock in hand.