Bella's POV

Fifty years. Fifty god forsaken miserable years. No, in all honesty I can't say all 50 of those years were miserable. At first life was beautiful. Oh god it was so beautiful. I was married to Edward and everything was perfect. Victoria was dead, the Voltori weren't able to hurt us and had left, I had my husband, I had my daughter, and I had my best friend. Life was beautiful. It changed slowly though. I guess to a vampire 50 years is quick just a blink of an eye but to me they have been slow and painful.

I was so happy when I was living with my family. We all enjoyed raising Renesmee but she grew up so fast. I miss my family so much that if I could cry I would every night. It started small. Edward wanted us to have time to ourselves after Renesmee grew up and went on her own with Jacob. He wanted to have time for just the two of us. I was so stupid. I was so excited at the prospect of it being just us that I agreed to it. We bought our own home and moved. The family was sad to see us leave but Edward assured them it was temporary that we just needed time has a couple, time has man and wife.

The first time he hit me I was shocked. He immediately crumbled at my feet and begged my forgiveness. He said that his vampire temper made him do it. By the time he removed one of my limbs for the first time I knew I deserved it. I am failure to him. I am not good enough for him and I can't seem to make him happy. I try every day to be better but I can't seem to be good enough. I hate him and I love him. I want to leave him and I want to stay with him forever. I want to kill him and I want to protect him.

"Bella?" Edwards shouts out into our home. I jump up and I frantically check my appearance in the mirror. He likes me to look put together. He lays my clothing out every morning for me. This morning he laid out a skirt that stopped at my knees and a silk shirt. Anytime we go out he expects me to fully cover up but at home I can wear short sleeves. I push the wrinkles out of the skirt and I run to the door to meet him. "Yes darling?" I say to him, making sure not to look him in the eyes until I know what kind of mood he is in.

He leans down and kisses my forehead, I am glad I have the strength not to shudder. "I have dinner for you. I'll go prepare it." He says has he whisks past me to the kitchen. He insists of me staying has lady like has possible. I am not to hunt anymore. He brings me home squirrels and rabbits and he drains them into a cup and has me drink them properly. I am always so hungry but he says it's good for my will to not over indulge in blood. It has been a week since I have had even a sip of blood and I can feel myself getting worked up into a frenzy at the smell of it wafting from the kitchen. He comes back with a cup not nearly filled enough with blood and hands it to me.

I drink quickly and greedily. When it's done I can't stop myself and I try to lick the inside of the cup. I can't get to it. I reach my hand into the cup to get the last remaining drops and crack. The cup shatters. It's all too fast and I don't have time to brace myself. He smacks me across my face and I go flying backwards and land on the ground. I know better than to fight him. "What the fuck Bella! You know to act better than that. You are acting no better than a rabid dog. I don't want to do this but I have to." He grabs my hand and rips it off. The pain is immense. "You will get this back when you can control yourself."

Edwards jumps up and leaves me lying on the floor. I cradle the stub where my hand used to be to my chest. He's right I acted totally out of line. I should be able to restrain myself from breaking cups to get blood but I am just so hungry. I slowly stand up and I look in the mirror. I have a crack across my check. I can't heal that well anymore. The crack should fade in a few days.

I don't whimper or cry out despite the pain rolling off the stump of my wrist. The pain is begging me to search for my hand and reattach it. I know from experience that after a few hours it will fade slightly and be more bearable.

Edward is on the couch watching tv when I finally get up the nerve to go into the living room. He expects me to sit there with him. "Bella I hate having to do this to you but I don't know any other way to train you. Now come here." I quickly move to him obediently and I curl up next to him. He puts his arm around me and pulls my head to his chest.

I try to distract myself. It's the only way to not start shaking when he's holding me like this. I think of my daughter and Jacob and how happy they are together. They have been traveling around the America's with Jake's pack. They should be coming to visit us soon. I think of my family. Esme and Carlisle call me all the time trying to get us to come back home. Every time they call I have to work extra hard to stay strong. I want nothing more than to run back to them but Edward insists that we need our privacy. I miss Emmett so much sometimes I think it will kill me. He is my brother and I wish I had him with me. He would protect me from the monster I am married to. NO BELLA! Stop it he is not a monster he is your husband. You have to put up with it because there is no other way. God I wish I was mortal I could just die like everyone else. I even miss Rosalie. We had gotten close when I was pregnant and I miss her. Jasper writes me letters sometimes. He is old fashioned like that and we correspond through letters. They are the highlight of my day when I get one. Alice is the only one who comes to visit. The first time he hit me she called right away. I didn't know what he said to her but she never told anyone. She finally came to visit.

"Bella!" Alice screamed has she held me. I looked at Edward for permission to hug her back. He nodded and I held her closely to me. I chocked on my tears and just hoped that Edward didn't notice. He knows about my shield and I pretend that I can't lift it for him to get into my thoughts but I could if I wanted too. I don't tell him about my other ability though. I can talk to people in my mind but the conversation is thankfully shielded from him. Only Renesmee, Jacob, and Alice know about it. "Alice I need to be with you alone." I say to her in my mind and she nods at me and looks at Edward. "I have some new clothes for her can we go up to her room and try them on?" She asks him casually.

"That is fine. I hope you picked her up some sexy lingerie because most of her pieces are destroyed." He says with a smirk but I cringe. I hate dressing up for him at night. Alice grabs my hand and I follow her upstairs. We start to pull out clothes and I pretend we are having a good time but once he leaves to go hunting I collapse on her. "Alice!" I whimper to her.

"Bella I am so sorry. I know what he does to you and it's not right." I shake my head no. "Bella it is not right. I wish I could tell Esme and Carlisle but my hands are tied." I am confused. What is keeping her quiet?

"Alice are you alright?" I ask her. I know what he can do and I am afraid for her.

She looks around nervously. "He is blackmailing me Bella. I want to tell someone so badly but the moment I called you when I saw him hit you he picked up. He knows about my mate Bella. He threatened to kill his ancestors so he could never be born. I don't know what to do." She cries to me.

"Don't you dare risk your mate Alice! You keep him safe and you don't whisper a word about this to anybody. I am fine, honestly." I lie through my teeth.

"You're not Bella. I see it every time he makes the decision to hurt you. I see every time he hits you, every time he removes a limb, every time he marks you. It's no alright. There has to be something I can do!"

I shake my head no furiously with has much vampire speed has I can muster up with my lack of substance. "You will not risk your mate do you hear me. You will keep quiet and live your life."

"Bella he doesn't even feed you enough. You are getting weak. We need to find away to get you help."

"Not a word Alice. He has threatened to kill Jacob if I ever leave him. It is fine. I will be fine. Please just don't worry about it. Now tell me about your mate." I tell her trying to sound excited. I can't risk my daughter's man for my happiness either.

Alice hasn't visited in a few years now I miss her. We talk on the phone all the time and I try to sound happy and upbeat and she tries to pretend I am but when Edward isn't around I break down with her.

I think if I could just get us back to our family things would be better. He wouldn't be the only one trying to control me and they could help. He wouldn't be so stressed. I don't think I am that out of control but I did break a glass tonight so maybe he has a point.

"Bella it's time for bed." I must have been thinking more than I thought because I look at the clock and it's almost midnight. We don't need to sleep but he still expects me to perform my wifely duties every night. I don't put up a struggle but I don't pretend to be happy either. I just stand up and I follow him to our bedroom.

Edward is going through my closet and he pulls out a piece of lingerie and hands it to me. "This should look nice." He says coldly. He leaves the room and I know he expects me to be ready by the time he comes back. I fumble through changing. It's difficult with one hand but I manage. I look at myself in the mirror. I don't recognize myself anymore. 50 years has changed me more than I thought.

He comes into the room and I move to the bed and lay down. I know it's better not to struggle. Sometimes he forces me to act like I am enjoying it. I really hope this isn't one of those nights. I don't have it in me to pretend, not with the pain in my arm.

"You're so beautiful Bella, and you're all mine." He says in to my ear has he covers my body with his. I do believe that he thinks I am beautiful, why else would he keep me around. He could kill me at any time.

"Yes Edward, I am all yours." I respond to him knowing it will make him happy. Maybe he will even give me my hand back if I am nice enough. He doesn't bother with foreplay, he doesn't care about how I feel, he just plunges into me. I try not to wince has he pounds into me. I just go somewhere else. It's the best way to get through this.

Jasper wrote to me today. He wrote to me about a new book he had read and some new music he has found. I try to remember the title of the book but I can't seem to get my mind to focus on it, Edward is being rougher than normal. He keeps pounding into me and I can feel my body cracking beneath him. I don't know how much more I can take. I need him to finish and let me heal. I need him to let me drink enough blood to heal. I do the only think I can think of. "Please love, I can't hold on much more." I say to him hoping he buys it. Hoping he thinks I am actually enjoying this and need him to finish with me. With one final thrust he finishes and collapses on me.

My venom is trying to put myself back together but the damage is too severe. My vagina is burning in pain but I keep quiet. If he thinks for even a moment I didn't enjoy myself he will go at it again until I do, or at least until I pretend I do. "That was amazing Edward." I say to him trying to sound like I am in the aftershock of an orgasm instead of in intense pain.

He doesn't say anything he just grunts and rolls of me. He pulls me to him and lays their quietly. I wish I could pretend to sleep but he knows we don't. I lay there just hoping he won't want me again tonight. I don't know if I can handle it again. He once almost ripped me in half. He stopped once he realized he was for all intensive purposes fucking my belly button. He made me finish him with my mouth while my body healed. It took me a week to fully be healed but that didn't stop him the next night. I wish I was mortal. I wish I could die.