Bella POV

"Bella! I've been trying to reach you for days now! Are you alive?"

I groggily willed my eyes to open after grabbing the shrilling phone. "Hey mom. I think you'd be contacted if I was dead." I signed as I sat up in bed. "Renee, it's one in the morning, what are you thinking of?"

"I've been trying to reach you."

"You have not."

"I haven't? Oh. Well I'll have to remember to call more often. Phil and I have been on the road more than ever, but we're back in Jacksonville for a while."

I rubbed my eyes as Renee went on a tangent describing how Phil's baseball career wasn't looking up and how her life had been over the summer and the past couple of weeks. I didn't feel the need to remind her that she'd mentioned all of this in her few and far between emails. Instead I laughed and ooed in all the right places.

"So how are you Isabella?"

"Just fine. Busy with work and school."

"How are your friends?"

"They're good. The boys are trying to get everyone gathered for a bonfire."

"That'd be fun. I'm glad you're still going out and everything."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well with Eddie being back and all."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, Mom. I told you in the emails, we're friends, or trying to be."

"What have I always said about boys and girls?"

"That they can't just be friends. I've broken that rule many times before Mom."

"So you're not doing anything with the boys on the reservation or with Edward?"

"No."

"Well if that's what you want. I know you're not like me and don't need a man in your life."

I sighed for the third time. "Neither do you Mom, you just want them."

"Ha, that's the truth. Things are good with Phil though. Better than good, we're really happy."

I softened. "That's great mom."

"Thanks baby. So tell me about your friends, what's new with them?"

Now my suspicions rose. "Mom, did Dad ask you to call me?"

"No." I heard her squeak, which was her tell. "Ok maybe he suggested it."

I laughed at her predictability. "Seeing as I have school in the morning I should probably get going."

"Well you write me another email then. I really do want to hear about it all."

I reassured her that I'd write her another email and this time go into further detail. I was pretty sure she'd read it and go back to making few comments. It was who she was, I had long since accepted that. Some people were meant to be parent figures, Renee was meant to be a friend.

"Oh and be careful please." She added before hanging up. "Charlie mentioned there have been a lot of disappearances in the area. Don't you disappear on me."

I frowned, but agreed. When I replugged my phone to its charger, I found myself feeling more awake. I was hoping Charlie wouldn't bring up the missing people. It would remind me that they weren't missing, they were dead.

At first we weren't sure. A few hikers went missing. It was sad but didn't seem abnormal. Then there was more and in the surrounding towns. Victoria's scent was all over what was found of them. The pack had run circles around her but she always managed to doge them. The Cullen's had met with the pack once the disappearances started. They weren't working together per say, but they did strategize and share information.

What was confusing was the lack of presence from the Volturi. Victoria was killing in such a way that any vampire, even newborn could see it wasn't just a simple missing persons case. Usually a vampire being so obvious would merit punishment, yet they remained out of it.

While it confused me, I tried not to focus on such things. Much to my dismay I had little control in it all. Instead I remained cautious but I didn't stop my life. I couldn't, I refused.

Feeling wide awake now, I went to my window. Sometimes when I looked out, I expected to see someone there. Victoria, a wolf, maybe even him.

The first month at school had been odd, but civil. The Cullen's and I didn't go out of our way to avoid each other, but I never seeked them out. I stuck to my friends at school, work, and La Push. I knew people talked about us, and wondered if I was deliberately staying away or throwing my other friendships in their faces. I also heard rumors were surfacing about the pack and I, even in Forks. Jessica said that people would say that I was jumping around from guy to guy in La Push. All it took for the rumor mill to start it's work was for people to see Jake or Quil waiting by my truck after school, or me taking Paul with me when I went grocery shopping . In reality I just didn't go many places alone. It wasn't smart or safe, plus I enjoyed my friends.

But as Renee said, guys and girls can't be just friends. Even if we felt that's all we were, people would always speculate.

I could understand that, but it tended to annoy me. The boys found it hilarious of course, and would sometimes try to provoke the rumors. Or Edward. Jake remained in a truce with him, but the others had not been so easily swayed. Paul would pick me up when in Edward's sight and spin me. Even Embry would join in, though it was clear to anyone with eyes that he and Morgan were for each other.

I didn't want them doing those things, though I might have enjoyed it once or twice. I told them to cool it though. Playing games was not what I wanted. I wanted to move on.

I just wasn't sure I could.

He did everything he said he would. He acted like a friend, but kept his distance. He never once over stepped his boundaries. He'd go over plans and asked of my input without seeming overprotective. It was reassuring, but in a way a tease. This was a combination of how he acted then, but with the equality I had wished for. At times that made it difficult to not remember just how great we were, and wonder if we still could be.

Thoughts like that didn't help things.

I opened my window and let the light breeze hit me. The season seemed to be changing earlier and the leaves were already falling. They were cracked and dead around the thinning grass. The moon lit up our back lawn so I could make out the different colors.

I craved a few minutes of freedom. The kind I would have had if things had been different.

I looked again, and breathed in the air. I didn't smell the sweet scent I'd grown to recognize. I could just go out for a minute or two. She wasn't in the area, or they'd be chasing her. I could have this one escape.

Without giving it another thought I went towards my door and slowly clicked the knob and pushed it open. I could hear Charlie snoring so I eased into the hallway, grabbing one of Charlie's hooded jackets he'd left on the floor. I headed to the back of the house and looked around once more. I grinned as I went out, feeling the wooden panels of the back porch under my feet, and then the grass. I sighed, listening to the forest night sounds. This was what I needed.

The small boulder at the edge of our backyard and the border of the woods was a perfect spot. I could still see the sky or I could turn and watch the tips of the trees sway in the breeze as I felt the twigs and dirt beneath my bare feet.

To wind down I played over what the next day would entail. Or rather, later today. I'd have school and work as usual, but as it was a Friday, I wasn't going home after work; I was going to Kim's. Then Saturday I worked and the pack was meeting with the Cullen's for another strategy discussion, though I'd told Renee it was just a bonfire. I was still unsure if I'd go. The pack tended to be more at ease if I was there, but they'd been getting better at trusting. Maybe I wouldn't have to go.

Another breeze interrupted my weekend play by play. I smelled the sweet aroma.

Quickly and defensively I stood, only to feel that familiar and warm, yet irritating tug.

"Goddamnit Edward." I faced the darkness and he moved so I could see him. "I thought you were Victoria for a second."

"I could have been. Just because you have a sensitivity and can sense us doesn't mean it gives you much of an advantage." He leaned against a nearby tree, so Charlie wouldn't be able to see him likely if he woke.

"Don't mock my spidey sense. I have good instincts not a sensitivity."

"You knew it was me and not Victoria though before I even stepped out."

I didn't meet his eyes. "Maybe it's you I have a sensitivity to then. Apparently you knew I was here."

"Using Charlie's jacket masked your scent but I'm still more alert to you to know the difference. Didn't I tell you back in January not to go into the woods by yourself?"

I ignored the pang I felt remembering those early days. "What are you doing here?"

"Emmett did the last patrol sweep and said all was safe, so nothing is wrong. I just had a feeling I couldn't shake so I went for a run. Tonight is one of those times I wish I could sleep."

Now I looked at him. I t was so rare that Edward would say things that reminded me he was a vampire. He looked thoughtful, leaning against the tree and glancing up at the moon. In the darkness he looked young and human. We seemed equal.

He caught me staring at him and grinned. "What?"

"Nothing." I shrugged. "It's just strange, sometimes I forget."

"That I'm not like you." He said and looked back up. "I can forget sometimes. Usually if I'm around you."

"I've always noticed you're different around me. I wish I didn't. I thought that would go away now that we aren't…."

"Together." He finished quietly. "How am I different?"

"Around other humans or the pack, you're tense. You aren't at ease or free and trusting. You are with your family and you were with me. It seems like you still are."

"I am. Always was with you. I've felt human and like I was where I belonged."

I sunk back down to sit on the rock. "It's never going to go away is it? That comfort we get."

"Why do you want it to?" He knelt next to the rock. He'd done it so quickly, human would have been scared and flinched. I remained still. It was second nature to me. "It's so rare what we have." He went on.

"It doesn't seem like it here. Look at the imprints. Look at your family."

"My family has love. Loving someone can be easy. But sensing them, having that connection; it's magic. The imprints might have that. I know we do. You can tell when I'm close by. You can know what I'm feeling or thinking. I can't read your mind, but I can interpret what you want to tell me with a single look. I know you still feel what we have."

If he could put those feelings out in the open, I could give a little as well. "I came out here to relax. Usually I could do that alone. It was taking longer before though. Then you show up and there it is. It's effortless."

"No, that won't go away." He answered my other question. "You can live without it, we both know we can, but it won't fade."

"No, I suppose not."

"That's not to say you couldn't have that relationship with someone else that gives you the connection."

I met his eyes. I could hear it hadn't been easy for him to say, but I needed to see he was serious. His eyes had always told me what I needed to know, and if I made eye contact with him when he left months ago and looked past the iced over lie; I would have seen the truth in them. I saw it now. He'd want that for me even if it wasn't him.

"That's not what I'm trying to do."

"I know. Maybe you should though. Just to see. I've lived a life before you; I don't need to experience anything else. But you might need that. You never know what's out there."

"Maybe." I honestly couldn't imagine it, though I wished I could. But if I was going to live the life I wanted, I could try putting myself out there.

"You don't say my name often." He said suddenly, looking pensive.

"You don't say mine either."

"It gives a pain I suppose."

"I didn't say yours until I had to when you were gone."

"Same. It was part of my surviving."

I sighed and stood up. "Enough angst. We're still here, not dead. Well mostly. I'm not giving up on getting to the place where I have all I need, want, and deserve."

He stood as well, giving me that look of his. "Neither am I."

I held back the glare and instead smiled at him. "Good luck with that." I turned back to the house.

"That's it." He half laughed.

I tossed a look over my shoulder. "Yea, I'm relaxed now. Thanks for that. Got to sleep. That's what us humans do. See you in school tomorrow buddy."

I heard his quiet laugh still somehow echo as I got back in the house. I snuck upstairs and into my room, feeling tired finally as I climbed into bed.

It was getting easier to be around him. Maybe that would continue. There were always going to be things I was afraid of. Victoria was a big threat as well as the Volturi. I had my families, and therefore a lot to lose. If Edward had brought out anything in me it was the desire to fight for what I wanted. And I would keep fighting and living. No connection would break that. Even if ours couldn't be.