Pigeon Feathers

Tex is forced to bring Caboose to Central Command for a night outing when she makes a deal with Church. For all that she knows, nothing good can come out of it. With Caboose, only mayhem, bloodshed, and surprisingly, a one night stand that surprises even her can happen.

Oh, the joys of alcohol and what absurdity it can lead to.

Tex finished up putting her armor on. Her helmet automatically locked into place as she placed it over her untamed orange hair, and she felt on edge again. God, Tex had missed that feeling.

She picked up her Battle Rifle and put it securely on her back before leaving her room at Blue Base. As she walked through the halls of Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, she passed Tucker and Sister making out in the utility closet. Tex let a disgusted groan escape as she hurried to leave the two Blues before it got more intimate.

"Morons." Tex muttered to herself as she entered the Base's garage, which held Shelia the Tank. "Hey, Sheila. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Tex. I've prepared my engine for the trip." Sheila answered as she turned herself on. Her engine roared with life, and her headlights flickered on. "I'm ready to leave whenever you are."

Tex nodded and climbed onto Sheila expertly. With relative ease, Tex popped up the tank's hatch, only to find it covered with old, wrinkled candy wrappers and some cookie crumbs. The mess could only have been caused by the one and only idiot: Caboose. Tex rolled her eyes and impatiently picked out Caboose's garbage for about five minutes. Once she was done, Tex discarded the trash onto the floor, knowing that Doc would pick it up whenever he stumbled upon it.

"You know that Caboose left a mess in you?" Tex asked as she climbed into the driver's hatch. Tex took her seat and pulled the hatch down. "Usually, you don't tolerate that."

"The last time Caboose drove me, he told me that Tucker would pick it up." Sheila stated. The tank made a strange sound as she thought. "I guess I forgot about it."

"Don't worry about it. I'll kick both of their asses for you." Tex reassured as she put her foot down one of the gas pedals.

"Thank you, Tex." Sheila stated, rather excitedly.

Tex drove Sheila outside and into the Canyon. Even inside both Sheila's hatch and her black armor, Tex was sweating profusely in the heat. Tex grumbled something that Sheila couldn't catch, but the Freelancer was clearly irritated about something.

At the fastest speed Sheila could travel at, which wasn't very fast at all, the two traveled towards Blood Gulch's only exit Sheila kept rotating her cannon, looking for any lone Reds who were too stupid to keep their distance away from them. Luckily for the Reds, they had decided to spend this blistering day inside their own Base to escape the heat. Tex was slightly disappointed by this fact, but didn't mention this to her mechanical companion.

Tex looked at the clock displayed in her helmet's visor. It was almost 19:00; she was running late. If Tex was going to get there on time, she'd have to hurry it up.

"Hey, Sheila, can you pick up the pace?" Tex asked, impatience and anxiousness in her voice.

"Nope, this is my fastest setting, Tex." Sheila answered over the roar of her engine.

Tex let out a groan and shut up. They were closing in on the exit of Blood Gulch after a couple minutes. The cliffs surrounding the exit hid two Blues, who were both talking while trying not to kill each other. They didn't hear the roar of Sheila's engine until she was right under them.

"Hey, wait a second, Caboose. And shut up while you're at it." Church ordered the Rookie. Church left Caboose and walked the ten feet towards the edge and peeked over it. With his Sniper Rifle, Church got a good look inside the hatch and decided that it was Tex who was leaving the Canyon. "Hey, Tex! Where you going?"

Sheila swung her cannon around until it was directly lined up with Church. The distance between the barrel and the part of the cliff where Church was standing at was small, and the cobalt armored soldier stared down the barrel, slightly frozen from fear. Tex heard a round roll into the barrel, but thought nothing of it.

"Target acquired." Sheila droned. "Firing main cannon."

Before Church could realize what Sheila was doing, the tank fired the round at point blank range. Church's body flew far into the distance, and landed in the middle of the canyon. Church's ghost was left standing in the same spot where his body once was. It took a second for Church to process what had happened, but when he did, he was livid.

"Damn it, Sheila! Don't do that!" Church ordered, shouting at the top of his lungs. Church jumped off of the cliff and landed on top of Blue Team's vehicle. He crossed his arms angrily and stomped one of his feet like a little child. "I thought we talked about this!"

"Oops, sorry Church. I thought that you were Simmons." Sheila apologized. Church ignored her apology and turned away immediately. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't enjoy it at all this time."

"No, Sheila, it doesn't make me feel better." Church muttered, his voice cracking from his anger.

"Sheila?" Caboose's voice was audible over what was left from the cliff. His standard blue helmet peeked over the burnt edge, along with his Assault Rifle and armored hands. His armored hands were grasping at the burnt cliff edge for support. "Sheila, is that you?"

Sheila raised her cannon again and lined it up towards Caboose's head. Caboose wasn't terrified at all. In fact, he didn't even realize the danger he was in.

"Why, hello Caboose." Sheila greeted the Blue Rookie very nicely. "Grab a hold of my cannon and I'll give you a lift down."

Caboose nodded and bent over to hug the massive weapon. Once Sheila was sure Caboose was grasping her cannon tightly, she lowered it until he could place his feet down on her. Caboose let go and went over to stand next to Church's ghost form. He put his hands behind his back and started to hum something cheerfully.

Church rolled his eyes before speaking. "Damn it, Sheila. I knew you had favorites. Hey, Tex, open up."

Tex finally recognized the two Blues' presence and opened the hatch. Even with her helmet securely on, both Caboose and Church could see that Tex was starting to sour up.

"What?" Tex asked expectantly. She eagerly tapped her gloved hands on Sheila's outer metallic covering.

"Where you going?" Church asked, his ghost form wavering as a small breeze caught him.

"Out." Tex stated as she stood up from out of her seat.

"Can you take Caboose along?" Church impulsively asked. He jumped off of Sheila and started to make his way to his body.

"What? Are you fucking kidding me? Hell no!" Tex exploded.

"Come on! He's driving me insane!" Church began to whine as he turned around to face the Freelancer. His transparent eyes looked desperate. "Just for one night?"

"I said 'no chance in hell'!" Tex shouted at her ex-boyfriend. It took all of her control not to grab her Battle Rifle off of her back and try to shoot at him. But she knew that her bullets would just fly threw him, and she would only be wasting valuable ammunition. "I'm not taking that idiot with me."

"Please, just this once?"

"Church…" Tex muttered through clenched teeth. Her patience about to snap at any second.

"Alright, alright." Church raised his hands as if to signify his defeat. Church started to creep away, but stopped midstride. "How about as a favor?"

Tex, who was sitting down into the hatch, froze at Church's words. She stared at Church's ghost form for a long minute. Finally, she cracked her knuckles before clenching her hands into fists. Tex stepped out of the hatch and jumped down onto the orange dusty ground. Church was frozen in place as Tex advanced.

Tex stuck her right hand out in front of her. Church stared at it for a while before looking into Tex's orange visor.

"Shake on it; you've got a deal." Tex announced.

Church hesitated. He didn't clarify anything in this deal. And he knew that he would pay for his mistake later. But Caboose was driving him insane now, and he didn't know how much longer he could stand the Blue Rookie. Church slowly stuck his hand out to shake, and Tex went to grab it. However, since Church was without a body, her hand just phased through his.

They looked at each other for a second. Awkward silence filled the canyon.

"Let's just say that we shook." Church stated.

"Yeah, let's go with that." Tex agreed. She turned back towards Sheila and Caboose, who were talking with each other quietly. Tex jumped onto Sheila and quickly climbed into the driver's hatch again. As Tex closed the hatch behind her, she spoke to the Blue moron. "Take a seat, Caboose. I'm taking you with me."

Caboose let out a small, excited gasp before promptly sitting on Sheila. Tex rolled her eyes and throttled the accelerator. The three Blues left Church behind in Blood Gulch, and he watched them disappear off into the horizon. Church nodded his head, happy that he was able to rid himself of the Blue moron.

Church ran over to his body. He quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching him. Once he was sure he was alone, Church went back in his body. Church felt himself gain weight as his ghost form settled into his body. After a minute of waiting, Church stood up. He turned around and started making his way back to Blue Base.

Suddenly, a Sniper round went off, and Church's body once again fell down to the Canyon's ground. Church was surprised, and he twisted to see both Grif and Simmons on top of Red Base. Simmons had a Sniper Rifle in his hands and was pointing it directly at Church. Grif was standing next to his partner, arms crossed.

"Ha-ha, headshot! Suck it, Blue!" Simmons shouted loud enough for Church to hear clearly. He turned to face Grif and brag some more.

"I'm not in the fucking mood for this, Simmons!" Church shouted at the pair of Reds.

"Sorry, Church, I couldn't hear you over the sound of you dying!" Simmons shouted, sounding rather annoying.

Church sighed and rolled his eyes. Instead of getting back in his body, Church started to make his way over to Red Base. He was now officially pissed off, and he was going to take some of his anger out on the Reds. Slowly, his ghost form started to blend into the dirt ground. The two Reds didn't notice his advancement until he was right in front of them.

"Uh, what are you doing here, Church?" Grif asked, slightly confused and nervous.

"I'm haunting your asses for a while, that's what I'm doing." Church seethed as he stepped closer towards them. His eyes were ice cold with determination and anger.

Simmons and Grif looked at each other. "Shit."

"Tex?" Caboose whined as he stared at the blue sky. They had been traveling for almost an hour, and Caboose was losing interest. He was lying down on top of Sheila and was soaking in the vibrations that were caused by her treads. "How much longer?"

"Not that much longer." Tex snapped.

She was losing it. Caboose was someone you couldn't spend ten minutes with without murdering someone. Tex was tentatively tapping her booted foot against the six pedals in an attempt to keep her sanity. She finally understood what Church had to go through, and she was extremely glad that Caboose wasn't attached to her like that.

"Ugh, I'm bored." Caboose announced. He started to bang his head against Sheila's metallic cover. With each bang, Tex's right eye flinched. "Tell me a story, Tex."

"No, Caboose. I won't tell you a story." Tex stated monotonously.

"Ugh, Tex?" Caboose continued to whine like the little kid he was.

"What?" Tex asked for the hundredth time.

"Can you pretty please tell me a story?" Caboose asked as he sat up.

Tex sighed and thought for a second. She was going through scenarios and decided to go with one of her plans. Tex put Sheila on autopilot and opened the driver's hatch. She climbed out and sat opposite of Caboose. Even with the Rookie's helmet on, Tex could see that he was excited for whatever she had planned.

"Okay, Caboose, I'll tell you a story. But you have to promise never to tell anyone. Ever." Tex started. "Not even Church. Can you do that?"

Caboose thought for a second before violently nodding his head. Tex took that for a yes. She also nodded as she thought of the perfect story to tell the idiot.

"The story starts out in a large city, with tall buildings, taller than you can even imagine. Wait, never mind. A large city with buildings that you can imagine. A soldier in black armor is on top of one of the tallest buildings—"

"Are you the soldier?" Caboose interrupted.

"Yes, Caboose, I'm the soldier." Tex uttered, her voice as flat as a door mat. "I'm on the building, on an important mission sent by a very important person. My job is to . . . uh . . . blow the building up. But I have to wait for my companions to come out first."

"Am I one of those companions? How about Church and Tucker? Doc?"

"Uh . . . yeah, you are." Tex agreed, liking where Caboose was taking this story. "After a couple minutes, I'm joined by you, Church, and . . . Sister. Sister gets really pissed at me and starts questioning me."

"Does she think that you kissed Tucker?" Caboose asked. "I think she would get angry at that too."

"Oh yes, Sister was really angry at me because she thought I kissed Tucker. But I didn't, so I stayed quiet. And then, because we were taking too long, we were caught by the bad guys. The Reds." Tex continued the story. Caboose gasped and hugged his legs. He was staring intently at Tex. "But with Church's quick thinking, he distracted the bad guys long enough for me and Sister to save us all. With the bad guys distracted, I blew the whole building up!"

"That sounds dangerous." Caboose whispered; he was fully engulfed in the story. "Did we make it?"

"We did, but we had to jump off of the building to survive. I was able to fly off of the building and save you. But Church and Sister had to figure out a way to live by themselves."

"Well. That doesn't sound very nice." Caboose rationalized.

Tex shrugged. "Well, it wasn't. But it wasn't my job to save them in the first place."

Tex continued to tell Caboose the story. He was completely amazed by it, as if he was a fly attracted to a bright light. Tex count of lost time, and barely noticed their arrival as she finished her tale. It was only when Sheila shut off her engine did Tex realize that they were at their destination.

"Huh, we're here." Tex announced. She stood up and jumped off of Sheila. Tex motioned for Caboose to join her, and he slowly got up and walked towards her. "You're free to go, Sheila, we can get a ride back from someone else when we're finished up."

"Okay, have fun you two." Sheila shouted at the two soldiers before departing. The tank let out a small fit of giggles as she made her way back to Blood Gulch.

Tex grabbed the Rookie's hand and led him towards a group of buildings. He blindly followed her as he took in the place. However, after walking for a couple minutes, Caboose stopped midstride, bringing the Freelancer to a halt too.

"Uh, Tex, where exactly are we?" Caboose asked in his confused tone of voice.

"We're home, Caboose. We're at Central Command."

You can read the full story at right now at or you can wait for me to upload the other chapters in a couple of days.

Here's a hint, go to the other site, I forget about stuff easily.