Catch-22

"You are still coming, aren't you, Harry?" asked Leo, puzzled by Harry's seemingly complicated lunch arrangements for Easter.

"Of course. Just, well, you know, it is Easter, Leo. If there's one day that I should get a lie-in, it's one that's bookended with two bank holidays!" you state, with the beginnings of reasons why he could be late for Easter lunch.

"Ignore him. He's already tried giving that excuse to his mum to avoid lunch with her for the fourth year running. Somehow, following your mysterious cases of swine flu, appendicitis and a prolonged chest infection, I'm surprised that she hasn't sussed your game yet," retorted Nikki, leaving you slightly perturbed as to how she knows this information.

Of course, she speaks to your mother, so why wouldn't she know? Your mum loves Nikki, and besides, Nikki knows you just that well. A little too well for a friend, but hey. You're not exactly sure what you are anymore. For a long time now, you've been hanging in limbo, somewhere between best friends and a couple, but never definitively one or the other.

But, today, all you can be is friends. You're dating someone. (So is she. And that's as much detail as you have on that one.) But you've got Isabel. You haven't been together that long, but long enough that you've invited her to Leo's for lunch on Sunday. You're still not entirely sure why.

Still, you're pretty lucky you got her. You'd been waiting at the pub for Nikki, who was impeccably late as usual, when you got a text saying that she was on call, had an urgent case and could they do it another night. You'd figured as much, of course.

But Isabel. You don't even remember how you came to meet her. You know she was different from the other girls you pick up when you're drunk. For one, she looked older than 25. And in your hazy burbling, she remained undeterred by the fact that you were a pathologist. You weren't scared to tell her either. That's normally your second date ice breaker. And even then you find it difficult.

The next morning, she hadn't fled like every other one night stand. She didn't even sleep with you. You shared a bed, but that was all. You'd gone way past coherent to even think about sex. She made you some coffee, very strong coffee, you recall, and loaned you a couple of aspirin.

You took her out for dinner that night. To apologise for last night, to thank her for the morning after. Conversation with her at dinner was easy. He wasn't afraid of a lull in the conversation. The lull never actually came. You had a good night. Without alcohol, and without Nikki.

That was then. This is now. Two months later, in fact. She has listened to your endless stories about Nikki and Leo and the apparent lack of work that seems to get done. But today, she's meeting them both in the flesh. You don't know why you're nervous. You revert back to your teenage years; it feels like you're bringing a girl home to meet your parents.

But you're not related to Leo and Nikki. Not even close. Leo, yes, at times, can be like a father, reprimanding you, but generally, you're equals. And Nikki is...well...Nikki encompasses so much more than family to you. She's the sister you never had, the friend you never lost touch with, the girlfriend who never broke your heart.

And that's what frightens you most. The potential for Nikki to be your girlfriend. You really like Isabel; you don't have a problem with her. She's the epitome of a girlfriend. She should have the words "amazing catch" tattooed across her forehead. You don't find yourself thinking about Nikki when you're with her.

But when they meet. That's where it gets tricky. That's where the lines dividing Isabel and Nikki begin to blur. That's where the comparisons will begin. You know it's inevitable. The little things, you're noticing already, almost unconsciously. The fact that you took Nikki to the Khowloon Kitchen on your first date. The fact that the Khowloon Kitchen shut down. And the fact that the Khowloon Kitchen is now a lovely Italian restaurant called Marzoni's. The startling fact that you took Isabel to Marzoni's on your first date.

The difference in their laugh. Nikki's giggle warms your heart. Literally. You can feel it skip a beat under your sweater. Isabel's laugh is too harsh, it sounds too false. It sounds wrong.

The difference in their clothes. Nikki's butterfly tops and enormous collection of shoes never seem to be enough for her. Somewhere in her wardrobe is one of your sweaters. A rustic orange one. You know she took it because she was cold, once. But you never got it back. She actually dared to steal your sweater. It feels more like a confiscation now. She called it your "grandad jumper".

Isabel's style is more professional; she works in a bank and has a uniform. It suits her, but doesn't identify her, it just makes her more plain. She fits into a crowd. She isn't an individual; she doesn't own her clothing.

The difference in the films they watch. Nikki loves her romantic films, whether it be an old period movie (you've lost count of the number of times you've seen Wuthering Heights) or a corny movie that should really be illegal. You get the mental image of Nikki hitting you with the cushion for speaking against Patrick Swayze.

Whereas Isabel, likes action films. Something you find strange, even though you know she'd be more than happy to watch one of your war movies with you. With Isabel, you actually get to watch a film you like. But it's not the same. There is no satisfaction in it.

The same fact occurs to you again and again, on a loop in your mind.

Your relationship is great, there's no doubting that. Isabel does make you happy.

But you know those comparisons, small may they be, will get bigger.

No matter who you date, you'll always compare them to Nikki.

It will always be Nikki.

Okay, so how was it? First multi-chap ever! Being really brave as my updating is awful. Hoping that uploading a fanfic I haven't actually finished yet will spur me into updating more often!

Wanted to get this up before Easter, even though the actual Easter lunch is in the next (half unwritten) chapter. As a very avid fangirl, this will of course, result in Harry and Nikki - but when? (There's your mystery...)

Huge hugs go out to everyone who reviewed my last fic: tigpop, pinkswallowsun, rbs89, Lizziginne, Dieuwiekiwi, hopelesslyhalfhearted, deadfairies, Izzy, Charlotte88, dinabar, Whovi10, Thyqua, greyslostwho, SaintJacTheNazi and Cariad1987!

I'm a total review junkie...so make my day? (Please)

Will attempt to update soon (at least once a week), but if I don't, feel free to give me a "kick-up-the-backside" PM :)

Lots of love and rambling,

Em xox

PS/ HAPPY EARLY EASTER!