Whenever I was in the training center, I pretended to be that boy who was better than everyone else. I pretended to be strong and perfect, just so that she would not look at me as weak. For some reason, I fell in love with the girl with the knives. She seemed so real compared to other people. I knew that she was not just another airhead with good looks. She meant something to world, whether she believed it or not.

I was too lost in oblivion to ever realize that she loved me back, though.

Not until it was too late.

I regretted everything that I did; all of the lies I told, the lives I took.

Because of her.

Not in a bad way, of course. She taught me how to care about people.

I just wished I could have told her how much I loved her…

I should have been there to help her, the day that Thresh killed her. Just avenging her death by killing him was not enough, though. That District Eleven boy had killed my first—and last—love. He deserved much more than a painful death.

Maybe if I had been watching over her, I could have saved her. Perhaps then we would have gotten out of the arena together.

But, not.

I had to have screwed up. I had to let her die.

Because I'm just a failure.

Maybe that's what I always pretended to be someone I wasn't—to make it so that no one thought I was a screw up, that I was worthless.

That night, when she had asked me where we went when we die, I so desperately wanted to promise her that she was getting out alive. Instead, I just told her that she would be. If I had made that promise, I would not have let her down. I would have made sure she lived.

Right?

Either way, I was determined to keep her alive.

Since the second they called out her name, when I saw her walk onto the stage with a fake smile, I had vowed to get her out alive. Her mother and brother had been so devastated, though they were even more heartbroken that she appeared to be happy about it.

Why didn't any of the female Careers volunteer for her?

She probably threatened them. That year was her year; she bragged about it often enough to keep others away from participating in the Games. Now, though, she was gone.

It was my fault, really.

I shouldn't have let her go.

It is going to be okay, though.

Because together we will be…

In the place…

Where butterflies never die.