SWEET MOTHER OF SPACE JESUS. You guys reviewed a lot over the past couple of... I don't know how long the gap between this chapter and the last one is. Anyways, this is the final time I'm going to update my stories this summer. I've got summer school, and I don't think I have the time to write for a while. Well, I'd be wasting your time responding to the reviews here (Holy Space Jesus, FIVE reviews for one chapter?), so I guess that I'll just start the story.

Edit: I F***IN' KNEW IT! Just got the latest GameInformer, and I found out that you definitely SHOULD NOT try to eat Necromorphs, or you turn into a special new variant, the Feeder! And that's what I said (aside from the turning into a Necromorph part) in the first part of the Guide! WHOOO!

Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Space. Muah ha ha... Muah ha ha! MUAH HA HA! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA! But no, I really don't.

Well, it looks like this is the end. Fall asleep for the first time in three days, and I wake up to find that I've been swarmed by enough Necromorphs to make even Stalin retreat like a bitch. I might as well make one last guide to Necromorph survival before I die here. The door that's holding out the Necromorphs is probably going to collapse any minute now, so don't be surprised if this chapter of the Guide is cut short.

James Foral's Guide to Surviving Necromorphs

Part 4: Killing Everything and Staying Sane

1. Use Everything to Your Advantage

I know this sounds obvious, but this is pretty much as summarized as I can put this chapter of the Guide. You know, because of the aforementioned Necromorphs about to break into this room. Use everything to your advantage so that you can kill more efficiently. Bombs, guns, cars, other human beings; use everything. Actually, you can combine those four things to benefit your killing experience:

2. Car Bombs

This is one of the cruelest things that you can do to another human being, but the other cruelest things are also on this list. It starts off like this: get a Detonator (pretty much a gun that fires bombs [I stole mine from a dead EarthGov soldier]), a car (preferably one that already has a few explosives stored in it), and a live human. Tie up the person (but don't gag them), throw them in the car, rig the car to explode by placing dormant Detonator mines on the car (simple setting change on the side of the Detonator; just flip that switch to 'D' instead of 'A', about three will do), lock the doors, and run the hell away. The noise you and the other person (warning: make sure they're awake, they have to make noise and attract attention) make will attract Necromorphs to try murdering said individual. Once you are content that there are enough Necromorphs swarmed around the car, press the little red button on your Detonator. It should completely annihilate anything close enough to the car. That and it's pretty hilarious to watch things blow up. BOOM! … Wow, I put a lot of parentheses in this.

3. Hit and Run

Oh, joy. I thoroughly enjoy running things over in cars. It's a luxury that you don't get to enjoy very often when there is society and not just complete anarchy. And what is more enjoyable than to hit those bastard creations of God's that murdered everything? Hit them hard enough and it will more than likely tear them clear in half, potentially killing them. Just don't try to hit the big ones. Trust me; I'm a dentist. Also, don't try leaving in the car; EarthGov's got all the roads out sealed shut and they've got Detonators just in case you thought you could break through their lines.

4. Minigun

Oh, boy… This is one thing that I cannot exactly give my approval of or disproval of. While a gatling gun, more commonly known as a minigun, is very, very effective at killing things (I managed to tear off at least thirty Necromorph limbs within the ten seconds I was carrying one), it is very, very heavy. Like I just said, I was only able to lift one for about ten seconds before I had to drop it, and I'm in pretty good shape. If you can lift one up and carry it around because you are Hercules, then I congratulate you for your success, o' mighty Olympian, but then comes carrying the ammo, which I also found to be pretty heavy. Oh, yeah, and trust me; you'll run out of that ammo fast. So… I suppose you shouldn't use a minigun, unless you just happen to find one. This is admittedly pretty unlikely.

5. FIRE!

Fire is fun. It can burn just about anything to a smoldering crisp. Whether it be the humble campfire, or the napalm-injected flames that come out of flamethrowers (my personal favorite kind of fire), fire burns things. Especially Necromorphs. And you know what's even easier to kill than Necromorphs? Normal human beings. And the normal human beings often put on a show while trying to put the fire out. Flailing like maniacs, rolling on the floor, despite how pointless trying to get napalm fire off of you is, and screaming in terror. It's a lot of fun. Also, that might be your way of staying sane through this infection; I don't know. … Oh yeah, get a flamethrower if you get the chance.

Okay, well, something else is out there. I'm hearing some gunfire, and lots of it, so that's probably some EarthGov soldiers. But I saw how many Necromorphs there are out there; there isn't a chance they'll survive.

6. Take Advantage of Necromorphs' Stupidity

Necromorphs are idiots. That isn't to say they're not smart, but they aren't very intelligent. For instance, you know how an average, not even intelligent human would spot an active Detonator mine and change their path to avoid it? Necromorphs won't. They'll walk right into one and blow up. Stand in front of a window (preferably on the ninth floor or higher) and then jump out of the way when a Necromorph charges blindly at you. Make a game of it; see how many Necromorphs will jump out before one gets it and you actually have to use ammunition on one. If you're doing it right, you'll either reach at least the thirties or plummet horribly to your death. Still, no risk, no reward, right? Plus, it's hilarious listening to a Necromorph plummet to certain death, howling as they fall. … No, you're insane.

7. Have Some Damn Fun

I know that this and the last step of the Guide are a little hypocritical to the whole "Don't stay in one place" rule I've been preaching in the previous three installments, (admittedly, I wouldn't be in this situation if I had listened to my own rule) but you need to relax. Calm down. Always being on the run will make you paranoid. And if you're paranoid, then you'll (apparently) think that you're actually already dead and you're already a Necromorph. How do I know this? An accomplice of mine went crazy and attacked me. I had to kill the guy. Twice (always be on the lookout for those infectors).

Necromorph just tried getting in through a vent I hadn't noticed earlier. I'm sealing it off, but I can tell that it won't be long until the Necromorphs break in and kill me. The gunfire's still going; Jesus Christ; how much ammo do they have in their guns?

8. Stasis

Stasis is this neat little tool that's for slowing time down… somehow; I'm not entirely sure how exactly that works, but I'm not complaining. If you can slow down time, you can get more accurate shots off at anything in your way. But Stasis Packs are a little hard to come by, so you have to use it in moderation. All else that I can really say is

Oh shit, they're breaking in. Looks like this is it. This is the end of James Foral, and his guide to Necromorph Survival.

I know. The ending was shit. Thanks for sticking around this long. I appreciate all the support I got to get here.

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