January 1st 2012

When Brittany's lips on her own are the first thing that she feels in the New Year, she knows it's going to be a good one. They're standing in Sugar's back yard, surrounded by the rest of the Glee club and they can hear everyone celebrating and cheering around them, but Santana only has eyes for the girl in front of her.

Brittany's kiss is a soft peck. Santana knows that she's being careful because they still haven't fully worked out how to be a couple around everyone else. Everyone knows and everyone's okay with it, but that doesn't mean that it's not still scary. After a few seconds Brittany starts to pull away but Santana follows her lips as she moves back and reconnects them again. She kisses her in the same way she does when they're hidden behind doors.

No-one bothers them. Puck doesn't even wolf-whistle like he used to when he seen them making out at parties. In fact, when Santana walks over to him five minutes later to get another beer, he actually puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her he's proud of her. She smiles back at him timidly and says thanks.

It's a New Year, it's a new start, and Santana is determined to do everything right.

February 1st

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, seriously Fabray, you've been staring at me with that stupid grin on your face for half the afternoon. What's up with you?"

"I just didn't think I'd ever see you this happy."

Santana looks at Quinn as if she's speaking to her in a foreign language. They don't do this. They don't talk about feelings and emotions, especially not when they're standing in the queue at Walmart.

"Excuse me?"

"You're happy," Quinn says as if that's all there is to it, and to be honest it really is that simple. Santana's happy. She just didn't think she was that sickeningly obvious.

"Yeah… yeah, I am," Santana replies, her hand unconsciously playing with the bracelet on her wrist.

"I like you better when you're happy."

"Me too."

Santana sets the "To my Girlfriend on Valentine's Day" card on the counter, and takes a $10 bill out of her purse to pay. She looks at Quinn while the cashier is getting her change and their smiles are the biggest they've been in as long as Santana can remember.

March 1st

This past week has made the hospital somewhere that she never wants to be again. (Unless someone's giving birth, then she'll maybe make an exception.)

On the first two days here, Santana must have read every line on every poster in the waiting room. She could tell you where the cracks in the walls are, that the cappuccino button is broken on the vending machine and that the door into the Emergency Room only creaks when it's pulled, not pushed. She took in everything and anything about the place to keep her mind off the fact that there are only walls between her and her best friend, who was breathing only because a machine was doing it for her.

She's been here every day for the past nine days, and she doesn't leave until visiting hours end. If Quinn needs privacy because her family are there, Santana just goes to the cafeteria and gets some coffee or something to eat. That's where she currently is right now, images of chapels and trucks and phone calls still running through her mind over a latte, Brittany sitting opposite her at the table.

Brittany's been coming to the hospital because she's worried about Quinn, but there's a part of her that's there just to support Santana. Brittany knows that Quinn and Santana have a very complicated love/hate relationship going on, but she also knows that right now the 'love' part is winning by a massive margin (the hate part might not even exist) and that this has been much harder on Santana than the Glee kids think.

She's been doing all these things that make Santana's world stop when it feels like it's spinning and keep her grounded when she feels like everything is changing around her. She strokes her thumb over Santana's knuckles when she starts to get restless, or she'll pull her in for a hug and place a soft kiss on Santana's temple before she pulls away.

It's those little things that keep Santana smiling and remind her that Brittany is still there; that she's always going to be there.

They've taken to just sitting at Quinn's bedside in each other's company, reading magazines or watching T.V. trying to avoid all the things that need to be said. (Santana already said them all to Quinn's unconscious body, and she believes that Quinn heard her loud and clear. That's why she woke up.)

She's been awake for five days now and she's still bed bound, but she's talking and breathing and alive. Santana's heart skips a beat every time she walks into Quinn's room and she's sitting up smiling at her because, fuck, there were ninety-six very long hours when she didn't know if she'd ever see Quinn smile again.

The Unholy Trinity doesn't work if there are only two of them.

April 1st

"Wake up, wake up, wake upppppp!"

"Britt, baby, I love you, but if you keep shaking me awake at nine a.m. on a Sunday, I'm going to have to break up with you."

When Brittany stops moving, Santana opens her eyes, squinting a little because the sunlight is so bright. Brittany is staring at her as if she's just had her heart broken.

"Britt… I didn't mean it literally, I was just joking," Santana says, reaching her hand up to touch Brittany's cheek. When Brittany pulls away and sits up on the edge of the bed with her back to her, Santana's heart sinks. Fuck.

"Britt, baby, you're it, okay? There's no-one else I'd rather be with. You can shake me awake every day, as early as you want, as long as I get to wake up to you, yeah?" Santana's voice is shaking and she really hopes she hasn't fucked this up just because she's not a morning person.

Brittany's shoulders start to shake and Santana goes into panic mode because she's not even been awake for a minute yet and she's already made Brittany cry. She sits up and climbs out of bed to kneel in front of Brittany and when she does she's shocked. Brittany's crying, yes, but it's with laughter.

"Oh my God, Santana, you actually believed that… that…" Brittany can't get the words out through her laughter. "Babe, I can take a joke you know."

"Britt, what the hell! I was really freaking out there!"

"April Fool's Day," Brittany says with a smile, and Santana's smiling back even though she's still kind of maybe a little bit angry. Okay, maybe she's not because Brittany's scrunching her nose up and is still wiping away tears from laughing and Santana's pretty sure that she's the luckiest girl in the world.

"Yeah, well you got me good," Santana says with a relived laugh.

"Mmmhmm," Brittany hums contentedly.

"But really, is there a reason you're waking me up at nine a.m. on a Sunday?"

"Only April Fool's before midday count, so we have to take advantage, duh!" Brittany says, looking at Santana as if to say 'do I have to explain everything to you?'

"Right, okay, well you got me, so who's you're next victim?"

Santana sits up on the edge of the bed. When Brittany gets her phone out and starts going through her contacts, Santana just looks at her. Her heart still isn't back to normal speed yet and she needs to remind herself that this girl is still hers. The pain and the panic she felt for those few seconds when she thought she'd fucked up are something that she never wants to feel again.

May 1st

Pages are scattered all over Santana's bed and her head feels like it's going to burst. Her finals are in two weeks, and she's studying like crazy because she can't think of anything worse than being stuck in Lima for the rest of her life.

She heard something in Psychology once about a theory that memory is like a conveyor belt, and when you put something new into it then something old falls off the end. Right now she feels like there's a jam somewhere along the way and everything's piled up on top of one another, ready to break.

She's flicking through endless pages of US Government and Politics notes and everything seems to be blurring into one.

Page after page is just filled from top to bottom with black ink and nothing is standing out the way it needs to be for Santana to remember it.

That is, until she notices the part written in pink in the margin on page eleven.

you'll do great baby, keep studying : ) hope this made you smile xx

Suddenly, the conveyor belt in her memory starts to move and she seems to have room for new information to go in again.

She reads Brittany's writing a few more times, before she gets her notebook out and starts testing herself to see how much she knows.

An hour, and sixteen more pages of notes later, Santana's pretty confident she's going to nail this exam.

She puts the page with Brittany's pink writing on it at the top of the pile, (she doesn't really care that it messes up the order) and organises the rest neatly before putting them on her desk.

She gets into bed twenty minutes later and sends Brittany a quick text.

thank you.

June 1st

Rachel Berry would not be Santana's first choice to spend Friday night with.

(She probably wouldn't even be her second, or third, or even fourth. Maybe seventh or eighth.)

But here she is, sitting in Rachel's room, with some Barbra Streisand number playing in the background, and it doesn't even feel weird.

Maybe it was because of Quinn's accident, or Karofsky's attempt, but Santana's starting to understand what Brittany was talking about last year when she said that glee was like a family. They've really come together recently and, even though they lost Nationals last month, they're stronger than ever.

That's why it doesn't feel weird to be sitting here with Rachel, helping her plan out her wedding (again.) Apparently Santana's the only one who would be brave enough to give her an honest opinion.

"What do you think of this one, Santana? Quinn said it might be a little too much, but then again I've always been a little too much myself, so it might be an accurate representation of my personality."

"Rachel, you could be wearing a plastic bag and Finn would still think you're God's gift," Santana replies, not lifting her head from the bridal magazine she's flicking through.

"Santana, this is meant to be the most important day of my life. I want to look perfect for Finn. I need to look perfect for him. Wouldn't you want to look perfect for Brittany when you marry her?"

"In case you've forgotten, Brittany and I can't do that here."

There's a heaviness that fills the air after that because neither of them are used to this new Santana yet - the one that doesn't automatically say no to everything she's ever wanted. Rachel gives her a small smile and looks at her encouragingly.

"You will though. Even if you can't do it here, you'll find a way. Maybe you'll move to New York or somewhere, or maybe the law will have changed in Ohio by then. But I'm sure that you of all people will make sure that you get to marry the person you love. So, do you think this dress is the one?"

Santana puts down her magazine then, and takes the one Rachel's holding out to her. There's a silent understanding that passes between them, and Santana's grateful that Rachel didn't linger on the subject.

"I kind of agree with Quinn. Go for something a bit plainer; something that complements your personality rather than something that matches it."

"Okay, thanks."

July 1st

(3.15pm)
I miss you.

(3.17pm)
I miss u too, but I'll be home 2moro.

(3.18pm)
I don't wanna wait til then.

(3.19pm)
Ur doin that cute sad face right now aren't u? ;)

(3.22pm)
Maybe. Is it workin?

(3.23pm)
If I can't see it, it doesn't have the same effect y'know…

(3.25pm)
Remember the picture of the kitten I had as the background on my laptop?

(3.27pm)
Omg britt, if ur anywhere near as cute as that right now then I'm comin home early
(3.27pm)
Ur probably cuter tho

(3.30pm)
I dunno, it's a pretty fair fight…

(3.31pm)
Have I ever told u how unbelievably adorable u r?

(3.32pm)
Once or twice ;)

(3.34pm)
Good, cos ur the most adorable thing ever & that includes the kitten…

(3.36pm)
Santana, ur gonna hurt the kitten's feelings. It's super cute too okay?

(3.38pm)
I love you.

August 1st

Santana didn't think it was possible for someone to cry this much. She also didn't think it was possible to hurt so much for someone else. It's been three days since Brittany's grandfather passed away and Santana's spent them with Brittany pretty much constantly in her arms.

It's 10pm and they're lying in Brittany's bed. The lights are off because Brittany's been drifting in and out of sleep for a few hours. Santana's just been lying there, staring into the darkness and listening to Brittany sleep. She's awake now, and she's crying again. Santana's lying with her arm around Brittany's waist, their hands linked at Brittany's stomach.

"Why do you think people die, Santana?" Brittany whispers into the dark.

Santana thinks about it for a moment and then swallows. "I… I don't know, Britt."

"I think, maybe…" Brittany trails off. She closes her eyes tight and shakes her head, as if she's trying to make that thought disappear. Santana notices and rubs her thumb over Brittany's knuckles before speaking. "Maybe what, Britt?"

"Maybe it's so you have proof of how much you loved them. Like, the more you hurt, the more you loved them."

"You loved your grandfather a lot."

"Yeah. Yeah, I did," she says softly, and Santana can feel more silent tears falling down Brittany's cheeks. Santana just leans up slightly and presses a light kiss to the side of Brittany's head. She doesn't know if she's overstepping the mark by saying this, but she decides to anyway.

"If it was you, I don't think I'd ever stop hurting."

Brittany holds her hand tighter before replying. "Me too."

September 1st

"Um… my favourite Lion King character?"

"That's easy. Zazu. Most played song on my iTunes?"

"Trick question! It's a tie between Amy Winehouse You Know I'm No Good and Alanis Morissette You Oughta Know," Brittany replies with a proud smile. "Play count on both is one thousand three hundred and six."

"Damn, I thought I had you with that one! And seriously, you know the play count? I don't even know that!"

"I told you, Santana. I definitely know more about you than you know about me."

"Yeah, I'm starting to believe that," Santana says, as Brittany signals to turn left out of the parking lot of the mall.

"But for what it's worth, you know me pretty well. Just not as well as I know you."

"I'm still not admitting defeat, though. Give me another question, and make it a hard one."

October 1st

Before Santana moved to Columbus, they decided that Mondays were going to be their Skype nights. This is their third, and already it's not enough. Santana wanted to come home every weekend, but Brittany insisted she stay in Columbus for at least the first month to get used to everything. If she kept coming home, she'd never want to go back.

It's been eighteen days since they last seen each other in person and Santana feels like it's the end of the world.

After a few rings, Brittany picks up on Skype and Santana instantly relaxes at the sight of her girlfriend on the screen in front of her.

"Hey, Britt."

"Hey, you."

"I miss you."

"I know you do, babe, I miss you too."

"College sucks."

"No it doesn't. You're just saying that because you haven't had sweet lady kisses in like, three weeks."

"Exactly. College sucks," Santana says, smiling. Brittany's smiling back just as much.

"It didn't seem to suck when you were out partying last night with your friends, though."

"We just went to a party over in the other dorms, it wasn't anything special."

"But you had fun, right?" Santana can see that Brittany's worrying about her fitting in and making friends. Santana's never really had any problem with that before, but college is new and it's a whole other world.

"Yeah, it was good. There were a few people from my Legal History class there, so at least I knew more than just my roommates."

"That's good."

"Yeah. You get any more of your assignment done?"

Brittany talks Santana through the article she'd written on discrimination against blonde women for her journalism class, and then continues on to talk about how learning shorthand is really confusing. Santana comes in with stories about how she's seen posters for a dramatic arts society that she's thinking of joining, and how she seen a guy on campus two days before wearing the same mohawk hat that Puck used to have.

They talk and talk, never falling into silence. Santana is equally shocked and thankful at how normal things are between her and Brittany. She didn't expect this to make them closer. Distance should mean they're further apart, but having separate lives and interests, and new friends and experiences on their own, made them see that they can do this. They can make the long distance relationship thing work, it isn't going to be easy, but their love hasn't changed and they still want to hear everything the other has to say.

"I've gotta go, Britt. I've a few chapters of this textbook to read before class in the morning."

"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Can't wait," Santana says with a smile.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Santana watches as Brittany disappears from the screen and suddenly her dorm room seems too big and too small at the same time.

November 1st

She smiles when she sees Brittany's name and a picture of them kissing on her iPhone screen. They've been texting all morning, but Brittany had class for most of the afternoon so promised to call after. Santana picks up immediately.

"Hey, Britt."

"Happy anniversary, baby."

"Happy anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year, can you?"

"Time flies when you're having fun," Brittany says with a smile.

"Yeah, it does. Seems like only yesterday we were on that date at Breadstix."

"Best first date I've ever had."

Santana nods in agreement and smiles at the memory, then realises that she's in her dorm on her own and Brittany can't see what she's doing.

"I wish I could see you today."

"Me too. But you'll see me tomorrow night when you get back from Columbus. Your education's important too."

"It's not as important as you."

"It is when it means you're going to become one of Ohio's best lawyers and I get to see you wear a suit to work every day."

"I do look good in a suit, don't I?" Santana says playfully.

"You look even better when I take it off."

"Britt…"

"What? It's true."

"Yeah, but right now all I can think about is you taking my clothes off and you're not here and I'm getting sad and I shouldn't be sad on our anniversary."

"Patience, young grasshopper."

"I'm really running out of that quite quickly."

"Open your door."

"What?"

"Open your door."

"Britt, I don't –"

"Santana, just open your door."

"Okay, I'm going now. Did you send me something? Or did you get someone to-"

"Hi."

She drops her phone because Brittany is standing there, in person, and Santana's so happy that she starts to cry.

"Those better be happy tears, Santana, because I didn't drive for two hours for you to be disappointed," Brittany says, teasing. Santana's still speechless and she's still crying, but now she's laughing too and she can't really believe this is real so she steps forward, places her hands on Brittany's cheeks and kisses her, just to make sure.

She kisses her and then kisses her a little bit more, and then just little bit more because she doesn't know what else to do. Brittany pulls back after a few minutes and hugs her.

"Britt, I can't believe you're here," Santana says into the crook of Brittany's neck. It's crazy how quickly Brittany's arms around her waist can calm her.

"I just had to see you on our anniversary. We waited long enough to have one, and I didn't want to have to wait another year."

Santana's pretty sure that, until that moment, she didn't understand that home could be a person as well as a place.

December 1st

Santana's home for the weekend before her last week of semester and she's driving to Brittany's when the car in front of her brakes suddenly, so she has to brake too. The wheels of her car lock and start to skid on the ice and if she doesn't do something soon she's going to hit the back of the car in front. She panics and she can't remember if you steer into the skid or steer out of it or if you're meant to brake hard or soft or not at all. All she knows is that she has approximately five seconds before there's metal hitting metal, so she turns the wheel and hopes for the best.

Her car bounces up the curb and hits a patch of deep snow before stopping. She's scared to get out of the car because she's sure there's going to be damage and her parents are going to kill her.

She loosens her grip on the steering wheel and leans back in her seat, breathing deeply. She's shaking and she can't control it. She knows she's safe now and it could have been a lot worse, but the adrenaline and the shock has caught up with her and she's shaking.

It's like her body is moving and it takes her brain a moment to catch up, because before she knows it she's standing on the sidewalk with her phone pressed to her ear waiting for Brittany to answer. She's two blocks from Brittany's house and she just needs her here right now because she's still in shock.

"Hey honey!" Brittany says happily when she answers the phone. Santana can hear her playing with her little sister in the background.

"Britt, I need you right now," Santana says, and her voice is shaking as much as she is.

It takes Brittany less than five minutes to get to Santana, and when she does she just wraps her arms around her girlfriend and holds her. She knows that Santana's okay, but they're both thinking back to the chapel and the hospital and it makes them thankful that nothing worse happened.

Santana's car is going to need shovelled out of the snow, her bumper is cracked and she's going to need a new wheel on the front, but she knows that she'd take that a thousand times over compared to what happened to Quinn.

Brittany lets go after a few long moments and just stands beside her, impossibly close, reminding her that she's still there. Santana takes her phone out again and scrolls through her recent contacts, wanting to find her father's number, but she scrolls past Quinn's on the way and sends her a quick text first.

I miss you, Fabray. Skype tomorrow? Catch up?

She keeps going until she gets to her father's number and presses 'call'.

January 1st 2013

At the end of each year, Santana's always taken some time to herself and just thought about all the crazy things that have happened. In the past, she usually went over all the ways that she hurt Brittany, or felt sick because she lost count of how many boys she slept with. She never really ended a year feeling happy or thankful before. Until now.

Brittany fell asleep a while ago and Santana's lying on her back, staring at the roof, beside her in the bed. Brittany's arm is draped over Santana's stomach, and her head is nestled into Santana's neck.

Images of the year play over and over in Santana's head. She starts with the negative ones first, getting them out of the way – almost losing her best friend, seeing Brittany so upset over her grandfather, losing Nationals. She realises then that they're the only ones she can think of.

Then she lets all the positives wash over her in one swift movement and she almost feels like she's going to burst with happiness. In her mind she's replaying all the kisses she's had with Brittany – from pecks in hallways, to deep, meaningful kisses, to drunken kisses and all the others they had in between. She's thinking about how she couldn't control her tears when Quinn woke up, and how Quinn hasn't let her forget it ever since. She's thinking about going to college and the friends she's made there and how much stronger it's made her relationship with Brittany, not weaker. She's thinking about how this time last year she finally took that leap and kissed Brittany the way she knew she was always meant to, and she stopped hiding.

She also thinks that this is the first time that she and Brittany have ended a year in the same way they started it.

She falls asleep thinking that this is what the start of forever feels like.

She's glad forever never ends.