A/N: So, here we are. I can't believe it's been over three years since I have updated this story. I feel like I owe many of you an apology for that. So here it is; I'm sorry.

For all the new followers (yes, this story is still gaining the occasional new follower) Hi! Thank you for showing an interest in my story, and I'm quite impressed that you chose to follow a story that hasn't been updated in three years, that shows a lot of faith in me

In the mean time I have battled (and overcome) quite a major depression and gained a master's degree in English Lit. I have considered going back to this story many, many times, but something always stopped me. Part of the reason is that there are quite a few things that I would now change about it, and the idea of going back to it and re-writing it all felt quite overwhelming. Part of it is that I didn't want to bring it back to live only to abandon it again. However, I have made a promise to finish it, and I will keep that promise.

For now, I will not go back to revise any of the earlier chapters – I might eventually do that after I finish it. However, I will start writing again and occasionally publishing chapters. This chapter, as well as most of the next chapter, largely took shape before I dropped off the radar, so I will leave these as is (that is to say, like the rest of the story, I will not go back to revise them, also to make sure they are not too much of a break from the story up until now.

Have fun!

Chapter 25 – I will tell you my sins

Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours, don't be late.

Hermione sighed, trying to recollect herself. "Ready?" she asked Lucius.

Lucius straightened himself and nodded. He almost looked like the proud wizard from before.

Hermione knew it was only nervousness, and she hoped that Ginny too would be able to see through it. "Okay, here we go." She turned to the elf. "Please invite her in here." She said.

No matter how nervous she had been, when the doors opened her heart leaped and she was truly happy to see her friend. She quickly moved to meet the woman halfway. Ginny had left her hair down and the long red strands danced around her shoulders and down her dark green cloak as she confidently strode into the room. "Hermione." She breathed, before engulfing her in a hug. "It's so good to see you. It's been far too long."

"I agree." Hermione said, returning the hug and pressing her friend to her, before letting go and stepping to the side. Ginny's eyes fell on Lucius, and for a short second there was a bit of panic in them. Then the panic turned to fierce determination and she looked him square in the eyes, chin up and jaw set. For a few moments they just looked at each other and Hermione could have sworn the tension was tangible. Then Lucius lowered his head and made a bow.

"Lady Potter."

"Lord Malfoy." Ginny replied, still not taking her eyes of him but making a curtsey nonetheless.

Hermione partially wanted to interrupt and dispel the awkwardness, but she held her tongue and remained where she was. This was something she would have to let them settle between themselves.

"Thank you for joining us today." Lucius continued. "I know a lot has happened in the past, and I know some things cannot be forgiven. But I do wish to formally apologize nonetheless."

Ginny gave him a polite smile. "Thank you for your apologies."

It didn't escape anyone's notice that she didn't grant him forgiveness, but with everything that had happened, everything the diary had put Ginny through and all the causalities of war, Hermione couldn't say she had expected Ginny to forgive Lucius.

Lucius inclined his head, but said nothing.

An other house elf entered and Hermione was glad for the interruption. "Tea has been served." It said, before making a bow and exiting again.

"Shall we?" Hermione asked, extending her hand to Lucius for him to take.

"Ladies first." He gestured the girls to go ahead of him.

Hermione shrugged and took Ginny's arm instead, giving it a squeeze in comfort as they exited the room. She could hear Lucius following them, the irregular fall of his feet in combination with the ticking of the cane against the tiles. It made her realize that aside from her and the portraits, no-one had seen him walking after the attack. She had gotten so used to his limp that she paid it little mind these days, but now she wondered if he felt awkward about it. She made a mental note to talk to him about it later.

Tea went as well as could be expected. Both Lucius and Ginny spoke to Hermione, and they even exchanged a few words with each other, but the conversation remained very formal. Hermione was glad when Wizzy the elf came in to inform her that "Miss Esmeraude is being awake".

"Thank you Wizzy, would you mind bringing her here please?"

The elf bowed and popped away, returning with a still drowsy Esmeraude moments later.

"Hey baby girl!" Ginny coed at her. She held her arms out to take her from the elf. After a nod from Hermione, Wizzy handed the child to Ginny and stood back, waiting.

"Thank you Wizzy." Lucius addressed the elf, giving it a kind smile. "That would be all. You may go and we'll call you if we need anything."

Ginny eyes lingered on his face, studying him. Then she refocused on the girl in her lap, who was reaching for her teacup. "No, no, I don't think you're allowed to drink tea yet." She cooed at the girl. "Here, why don't you play with this." She handed Esmeraude her silver teaspoon.

"No." Esmeraude stated, her eyes wide and exited, before taking the spoon anyway and sticking it in her mouth.

Lucius snorted and both Ginny and Hermione had to stifle a giggle.

"Don't mind her." Hermione said, "Her vocabulary holds about a dozen words, 'no' being her very favorite."

"I can see that." Ginny smiled. "She's grown so much since I last saw her."

"I know" Hermione sighed. "I'm amazed by it sometimes. She's growing up so fast."

"You are starting to sound like mum."

Now Hermione really did laugh. "Yes, I suppose I am. Which is an honor if you ask me."

"Oh I agree, just try not to become as bad as her."

"Hey, she had to deal with seven of you."

They kept talking for a while, occasionally interrupted by Esmeraude, who demanded Ginny's attention quite a bit. Hermione couldn't really blame her; the girl never met other people. If she was being honest she was just very glad that Esmeraude wasn't afraid of strangers.

Lucius kept mostly silent. He seemed to feel a bit out of place, even though he was trying very hard to not show it. However, his face did not show a trace of the arrogant impassiveness that he had been raised to show, and Hermione was glad for it. Only long after they had finished their tea did Lucius clear his throat. Immediately the two women looked up.

"The weather is very nice, what do you ladies say to going outside for a little while. Get some fresh air."

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea." Hermione smiled. "It would be good for Esmeraude as well. It has been raining so often lately that we have barely had the chance to take her outside for more than a few minutes." She turned to Ginny. "Shall I take her?" she asked, gesturing at Esmeraude. "Or I could get the stroller?"

"Oh no, it's fine." Ginny smiled, "She doesn't weigh much."

Hermione frowned. She wasn't sure whether Ginny insisted on holding the child because she wanted to or because it made her feel safer. "Very well." She conceded anyway.

The three got up, and Hermione and Ginny once more led the way, followed in their trail by Lucius.

The moment they exited the manor, Esmeraude got very excited, bouncing up and down in Ginny's arms, and pulling the strand of red hair that she had clutched in her small fist.
"Ow! Still not gotten over the hair pulling I see?"

"I'm afraid not." Hermione replied, "We've been trying to get her to stop doing that, but to no avail."
"My condolences on your hair then." Ginny laughed, while she disentangled the tiny fingers from her own.

Hermione chuckled. "It's actually Lucius' hair that has been taking the brunt." She whispered to her friend. She pointed out a bench a few meters away and they sat down. Lucius stayed a bit behind, pretending to be particularly interested in a rhododendron. Hermione knew he was giving them some privacy, and she appreciated that, but this way she would never get him and Ginny to work out their issues.

"What. He lets her do that?" Ginny whispered, not even trying to mask the surprise in her voice.
"You wouldn't believe what he lets her get away with. You really need to get to know him, he is not half the devil you think he is."
Ginny gave her a pained look.

"Hey, I'm not saying you have to become best friends. He has made many mistakes; there is no one who is more aware of that than he is. Just give him a chance."

"I suppose." Ginny sighed. "I just…you know what he put me through. And then all the things he did in the war….I know you love him, and part of me understands that you wouldn't love him if he didn't deserve it. But I'm not sure I can just pretend nothing ever happened. I'm not sure it's something I could ever put behind me."

"I know. And I don't blame you." Hermione said. "Would you be willing to try, or is it a lost cause?" As much as she hated it, if this was something that Ginny didn't want, she wouldn't push it.

The redhead nodded. "I will try. But I can't make any promises."
"I understand. I'm glad you are willing to at least give him a chance. It's all I can ask." Hermione replied. She wanted to hug her friend, but Esmeraude was still in the woman's lap.

As if on cue, Lucius came over. He moved slowly, making his limp as little noticeable as possible. "Mrs. Potter, would you care to take a turn about the garden with me?" He asked, offering his free arm.

For a moment Ginny looked taken aback, before composing herself again. "Yes, thank you." She replied, sounding just as formal as he had.

Ginny handed Esmeraude to Hermione. As she got up, Lucius pointedly placed his cane, which held his wand, against the bench.

Hermione's jaw almost dropped. Even inside the house, Lucius never parted with his cane. Sure, part of the reason was that he actually needed it to get about these days, but Lucius Malfoy going into a conversation like this unarmed was astonishing to say the least. Judghing by the baffled look on Ginny's face, the gesture hadn't gone unnoticed to her either.

Hermione grabbed the teaspoon that Esmeraude had been playing with, but that now lay forgotten on the bench. She looked at it pensively before tapping it with her wand. The teaspoon transfigured into a lion headed walking cane and Hermione held it out to Lucius. A stern look on her face. While the gesture he had made was impressive, him falling over due to his bad leg wouldn't be.

Lucius arched an eyebrow as he looked at the Lion's head. The look of disdain on his face was mostly undermined by the amusement that was clear in his eyes. He took the offending object nonetheless, giving Hermione a curt nod before offering Ginny his arm, which she took.

Hermione tried not to shoot the two of them concerned glances ever few seconds as they slowly made their way through the garden. Part of her expected this all to blow up in her face. Oh, she trusted them both with her life, but she also knew them. She knew the arrogance with which Lucius carried himself whenever he was uncomfortable and she knew Ginny's explosive character. She may not be as hotheaded as Ron, but currently her friend was miles out of her comfort zone. There was no way to tell what they were saying to each other. Their voices were hushed and even the fragments of conversation that the wind carried her way were impossible to understand. She shrugged and sat back a little, snuggling Esmeraude a little closer to her chest. The child was quiet as well, an almost solemn look on her small features as her dark eyes followed the two figures.

"I know, I know" Hermione mumbled to her. "I'm worried too. But they will have to figure this out for themselves."

"So, you would have given me the diary even if you knew what would happen?" Ginny asked. She and Lucius had been walking around the garden for almost fifteen minutes now. While their conversation had started out tentatively, she now felt more at ease. She began to see what Hermione had meant when she said that Lucius truly had changed. The stone cold arrogance, which had once been the only evident feature of character, was unconvincing now.

Lucius looked pensive for a few moments. "That depends on what you mean by that question." He replied at last. "If you mean to ask whether I would have given you the diary had I known what it would do, the answer is yes." His eyes were distant for a moment. "Had I known that your husband would destroy it and that You-Know-Who would punish me for losing it, then no."

"And had you known it was a horcrux?"

"I dare not say. Perhaps….You have to understand Mrs. Potter, that most of the choices I have made in the past were made out of self-preservation. After the fall of You-Know-Who there was no body. Most Death Eaters knew that just as well as the Order did. There was always the risk of him coming back. Those of us who didn't end up in Azkaban, well, we betrayed him and what he stood for in order to retain our freedom."

Ginny nodded. "It depends on what you would have thought the outcome was." It wasn't a question.

"Indeed." Lucius confirmed. "I am not proud of the things I have done, but there is no way denying them. And there is no way of atoning for them by pretending I was a kinder man than I was. Or am perhaps."

"You would still make the same choices?"

Lucius looked tired, years of suffering etched in his face. He was silent for a while and Ginny feared she had gone too far. Then he looked at her, and Ginny looked back. There was something in his eyes, something she couldn't quite place. "I'm sorry." She conceded, "I have no right asking you that."

"It is not an appropriate question perhaps. But you have every right to ask." He sighed, and started walking again. "At the very beginning, during the rise of You-Know-Who, I did not think of anyone but myself. Glory, approval of my parents, of the pureblood community. Remember that these ideas were not new. They had been under the surface for a very long time. Pureblood superiority is not the twisted concept of one man, nor was Voldemort inhuman. Especially not at the beginning. I was in school with him and when I eventually joined him I had just married Narcissa…"

Ginny tried to picture a Lucius at high-school age, but her imagination didn't get past a long-haired Draco.

"…Things changed after Draco was conceived." Lucius continued. "That's when things stopped being about me. Slowly but certainly I started to realize what I had gotten myself into. That's when everything I did became about protecting Draco, Narcissa and myself. Our cause was gaining ground, but Voldemort became more and more unpredictable, more and more unstable. Severus started acting odd. And I began to doubt the beliefs that had brought me there in the first place."

"Were you relieved when he disappeared?" Ginny asked, curiously.

Lucius snorted. "I didn't have time for that. I was too busy buying myself out of trouble and into the ministry."

"Ha, so my dad was right about that!" Ginny said, looking more pleased than surprised.

"Yes. Arthur has always been more observant than people give him credit for. Had people actually listened to him things would have gone a lot different."

"I will never quite understand why people don't." Ginny said, more to herself than to Lucius.

"As I said, Pureblood superiority, or rather, muggle inferiority, is hardly a new concept. It is deeply engrained in our society. Voldemort may have brought out the worst in some people, but I dare say that most wizards, while denouncing Voldemort and everything he did, do see muggles as being inferior. Not that they seem to be aware of that. It's not something that is made explicit. But it is noticeable in the way they speak about muggles. Your father is one of the few people that sees them mostly as different, rather than less. And it has made him a bit of an outcast at the ministry"

"I never thought about it like that"

"Most people haven't." Lucius replied. "I didn't for a very long time. Only now that I've started thinking about what drove me to do what I did have I come to realize that implicit notions within our society were definitely part of it. I combined certain implications and saw them as evidence for my ideology. Then all I needed was a madman to feed into that" He was silent again.

Ginny wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't a child, hadn't been for a very long time, and yet somehow it was sobering to see that things weren't that black and white, that the war had been more than evil people doing evil things for evil's sake. She had known that of course, and yet. "Shall we go back?" Ginny offered. "It's getting rather chilly, and I should get home soon or Harry will worry."

"Certainly." Lucius replied.

"Thank you for being so honest with me."

"It's the very least I can do. Thank you for being willing to listen. You are one of the few that would give me that benefit I'm afraid."

"I fear so too." Ginny replied, trying not to think about what would happen if the ministry found him.

A/N: For obvious reasons not making any promises for when the next chapter will be up – probably not as soon as anyone will like, but I promise to not drop off the radar for 3 years again. See you then!

The title of the chapter is Hozier –'Take Me To Church'. The subtitle is (obviously) Nirvana's 'Come As You Are'