Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (Thank Merlin!).

This is merely a parody of the series made fun of by everyone, so... just read it.

So yeah. As you can tell by looking at my profile, I am a Potterhead, and a Potterhead alone.

So yeah. Enjoy. ;)

Bella gaped at him. What would Shakespeare do at a time like this? She asked herself, pulling a Shakespeare book out.

"What?" Bella shrieked. "Shakespeare has nothing on this!"

Victoria came to a standstill, gaping at Bella. "What...? Shakespeare? Legitimately? You're looking through a Shakespeare book while I'm about annihilate you?"

Bella continued to gape at Jacob's rockhard, tanned, washboard-like, lightly browned abs. Victoria shrugged and continued to meander toward Bella.

Bella shrieked and lay on the floor before Victoria even touched her. Jacob continued to stand around shirtless, wearing his very special cut-off jean shorts.

Edward walked into the sunlit clearing, sparkling like blazing icy-rocks. In other words, like a diamond. But Bella didn't like the word diamond for her precious Edward who was so sexy.

"Edward, you're so sexy." Bella said as Victoria sucked her blood.

"Stuff it, Bella. Jacob, you sexy beast." Edward said, running to Jacob and kissing him.

"But Edward! I've read Shakespeare! When I die, you're to kill yourself from depression!" Bella cried. "Like Romeo and Juliet!"

"Shut up, Bella." Jacob said.

"Edward!" Bella cried as she died. "You're so...sexy." And with that, Bella died.

"Finally!" Edward said. "Thanks so much, Victoria. She was so annoying."

"HA! I'm not dead! Like Juliet! She didn't die!" Bella said. "This is just like Shakespeare-"

Jacob stabbed Bella through the heart. "Does she ever shut up?" Jacob asked. "Now, Edward. Come on."

He grabbed Edward's hand and they ran off into the sunset. A puppy had finally caught his ball, even if the ball was a disco ball.