Hello! This is Constance's personal list of never, under-no circumstances, just-don't-do-it activities for the Institute!
Are you ready for this?
1. Don't ask Mr. Curtain for a ride in his wheelchair (or) ask if he just left skid marks on a couple of Helpers.
2. Don't stand in the hallway and ask students if they brushed their teeth that morning.
3. Don't ask Jillson if she finally got struck by lightning.
4. Don't ask Jackson when his face got in a fight with a wall.
4b. Or how that wall won…
5. Never remind Mr. Curtain that the acronym, "LIVE" spelled backward, is "EVIL."
6. Never tell an Executive that they needn't assign homework, because we can't actually go home to do it.
7. Don't make the mistake of falling into a Drapeweed death-trap…
8. "S.Q. ate my homework," is not an appropriate excuse.
9. Never tell Martina Crowe that striped pants make her look fat…even if it is tempting.
10. Mr. Curtain is not an animal lover—even if he does refer to them every time he gets angry. "Snakes and dogs!"
11. Never ask for a complimentary soda when sent to the Waiting Room.
12. Never tell Sticky that he often has a striking resemblance to Mahatma Gandhi.
13. Don't hand out free copies of Mr. Benedict's journal.
14. Don't make a big show of stage-whispering to Mr. Curtain when sent for an appointment with the Whisperer.
15. Don't tell Mr. Curtain that Santa Clause is wondering where his hair went.
16. Martina Crowe is not related to Mr. Curtain.
16b. Don't test that theory…
17. Don't start food fights in the cafeteria.
18. Don't use the phrase, "It's raining buckets," in front of Kate Wetherall.
19. Don't use Morse code to spell rude words…
20. But if you do, direct your flashlight at Mr. Curtain. Heehee…
21. A "Mr. Curtain Imitation Contest" never ends well.
22. Don't complain loudly about mice in the ceilings…
23. Never ask S.Q. if he excels at grape stomping.
24. Do not mass-produce copies of homework answers.
25. A yellow arrow is not always a sure fire direction to follow…
26. "78" is not the answer to every homework question.
27. Even if Sticky claims that it is.
28. Never ask Reynie for a friendly game of chess.
29. Never, under any circumstances do you present Jackson and Jillson with matching, "I'm with stupid," tee-shirts.
30. If sent to the Waiting Room, do not bellow "Highway to Hell" enroute.
31. Don't advise Mr. Curtain to hang a "No Whispering" sign in his Whispering Gallery.
32. Kate is not my older sister.
33. Don't challenge S.Q. to a foot-race.
34. Never tell a Helper a knock-knock joke.
35. Never let Jillson catch you when climbing into the celling. The consequences may be dire…
36. Don't forget to throw peas at Messengers. Just not Sticky and Reynie.
37. Don't make a sock-puppet of Martina Crowe and run it through a paper shredder. It's not funny. Why are you still laughing?
38. Don't tell Sticky when you hide his "Orchid Variety" trilogy.
39. Never ask Kate if she was born part monkey.
40. Don't ever ask Mr. Curtain if he needs a hug.
a breath mint, for that matter.
42. Don't try to teach S.Q. to play soccer.
43. If Martina Crowe falls asleep in class, do not take advantage of that and draw a spectacular handlebar mustache on her face.
44. Life would not be better if Mr. Curtain fell into one of his drape weed traps. Wait, what am I saying, OF COURSE IT WOULD!
45. Never catch Jackson kissing his reflection.
46. Don't throw spitballs at Sticky when he falls asleep in class.
47. Do not ask Jillson for a chummy pillow fight.
48. Don't ask Mr. Curtain if his wearing green plaid suits has to do with a strong Scottish heritage.
49. Never spike Mr. Curtain's juice.
50. Despite your personal beliefs, Mr. Curtain would not be better off when carrying a yo-yo.
Well? I hope you find this as amusing as was hoped! Review!
-Spark Writer-