Gai stared at him, brows furrowed, his expression reminding Kakashi of their days at the academy when Gai would often look at the problem written on the blackboard with a disturbingly similar look on his face.

"I don't understand you at all, Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed suddenly, forcing Kakashi to dodge droplets of spit, which wasn't an easy feat for someone lying in bed as he was. "Why can't you ever just say what you mean?"

"And make it easy for you? Never," Kakashi said gravely. "Besides, it's not my fault that you're so slow." Speaking of slow, something dawned on Kakashi, painfully like being forced to look into too bright lights; the truth he now saw had a burning quality to it. "You're only here because Tsunade-sama told you to keep an eye on me, aren't you?"

Gai bristled, but, much to Kakashi's silent disappointment, no outright denial was forthcoming. "I would have come either way! I care about my rival, even though he is stubborn, difficult and strange."

That, though, was amusing. Well, just a little.

"Out of the two of us, you think I'm the strange one?"

"Obviously!" Gai had no sense for irony, none. Sarcasm, too, was a foreign concept to him. He was literal, almost painfully so, and whatever he said came from the heart, carried not hidden meaning and was generally the truth and nothing but. And, of course, he could look into a mirror every day and find nothing weird about the person looking back at him.

Seeing him now, so convinced of his non-strangeness and oh so proud of it, well, a man couldn't really help smiling, could he? Kakashi couldn't, anyway.

And then he thought of what Gai had just said to him again. Brothers. That, in its finality, would haunt him, he already knew, for a long time to come. His smile was tinged with sadness now; it had turned into the smile he always smiled when the only other option would have been crying, but that would have been Obito's kind of thing, not his. He just wasn't good at it.

Kakashi sighed. He did that a lot these days, especially when he was around Gai.

"Kakashi… You're making that face…" Gai said petulantly. "I hate it when you make that face!" He leaned closer, folding his arms across his chest. "Don't hide your pain behind a forced smile," he commanded. "A true man shows his emotions unashamedly!"

"You would say that." Kakashi rolled his eye theatrically, mostly because this was what they did and it would have felt weird not to. They had acquired so many little rituals and in-jokes over the years, it was almost sad. Naruto and Sakura would've made fun of that behind their backs, calling them creepy old men – and those two didn't even know the half of it.

But they'd earned it, Kakashi and Gai, they'd been through enough together.

"It's no use pretending! I know that something's wrong! I can tell; I am your rival, nobody knows you better than I do! You cannot fool me!" Gai was in full-blown rant-mode, his eyes alight with the fire of conviction; he was more than ready to launch into speeches about hot-bloodedness and passion and feelings and, most importantly, rivalries.

There were actions the situation demanded of Kakashi, to whip out a book and read and "hm-hm" his way through it without listening or to make a joke at Gai's expense, but… not today.

So instead, Kakashi pushed himself up into a sitting position, the blanket sliding down and exposing his bare chest, leaving him half-naked and very exposed, which was only fitting, considering what he was planning to do, and looked Gai in the eye.

"I guess I really can't," he said simply. Because it was time. What did he have to lose?

Kakashi thought about the days, the events that had led up to this moment and weighed his options one last time. He might have been able to get away like that, never spelling it out, and Gai would have forgotten at some point, or pretend to at least, and that would have been that. They'd go on fighting side by side, until, one day, one of them would die. And if that person was Gai, then Kakashi would just have to spend the rest of his life hating himself, which wouldn't be too different from what he was already doing.

True, he'd practically said it already, maybe Gai would put two and two together at some point and figure it out himself – hell, maybe he already had and was just trying to let Kakashi down easy. Then again, maybe he wouldn't and wasn't.

After all that had happened, after all Gai had done for him, Kakashi suddenly felt that it just wasn't enough to let time keep on passing like that. Gai deserved the truth. He'd earned it fair and square.

So Kakashi simply had to give it to him as directly as possible.

"I'm not sad," he said and he did give Gai his best smile to prove it. "I'm happy. I really am. I'm glad you picked me as your rival. I know it's not the same for you," Gai frowned at that, but Kakashi pressed on. "To you, I was always the kid you wanted to beat. I was always a challenge. And I've seen what that can do to people, but then, you were always a little different."

Kakashi took a deep breath. He knew he had to go on quickly or Gai would just interrupt and they'd get derailed again.

The next part was harder.

But Gai was looking at him and he wanted this to be a moment of complete honesty between them, no head games, no manipulation, no evasion. Not an easy task for a shinobi.

He tried anyway.

"Look, Gai, this is all there is for me." And he couldn't help but remember that poor kid, Haku, so much potential gone in one flash of lighting. Kakashi swallowed. He wasn't the emotional type, that was Gai's role, but, well, some moments demanded it. "When I die," he said and was forced to watch Gai's eyes narrowing, a million protests probably forming on his tongue as if they weren't both a hair's breadth from death every day. "When I die, I want to go where Obito and Rin are. Even if it means vanishing. Even if it means never seeing you again. I owe them."

He felt the sad smile creep onto his face again. "I've got nothing to give you."

"Kakashi-"

"But that didn't keep me from falling in love with you." There. He'd said it, and now that it was out, it was actually a relief.

And there was no great clap of thunder or flash of lightening. They just remained exactly where they were. Kakashi watched Gai's eyes grow wide and he was glad, glad, that, at least, he'd finally been understood and wouldn't have to explain even further because the next logical step would have been drawing diagrams, and there was simply no way he would have been able to keep those from entering R-rated territory.

Gai still hadn't said anything. He just stared, his mouth moving silently like a stranded fish's. Kakashi had to resist the urge to wave a hand in front of his friend's face to check if he was still conscious.

In a way, he wasn't even disappointed, wasn't terribly anxious for a response because he'd never really had any hope in the first place. It had been hopeless even before Gai had told him he loved him like a brother, and, or so he told himself, it would be better that way. He'd be Gai's brother; they'd go on as they had, and Kakashi would get over it; he'd gotten over a lot worse.

At least he'd said it, that was the important part, at least he'd have one less regret.

"Kakashi…" Gai was looking at him like he'd just transformed into some kind of tailed beast , which made something in Kakashi's chest seize up unexpectedly. What if they couldn't just go back to the way things were after this? What if Gai couldn't get past this?

Kakashi frantically searched Gai's eyes for signs of repulsion, but what he found in them was such a tangled web of emotions that he couldn't possibly begin to tell them all apart.

No, he couldn't allow himself to panic now. He needed to do damage control.

"Anyway, it's probably for the better if we just forget about all this and move on from here," he said, forcing false cheer into his voice. When he noticed that, apparently, his hands were nervously wringing the edge of his blanket, he made them stop. "It's not like we don't have more important things to think about…" Distractions usually worked well on Gai; only apparently not this time because Gai continued to stare at him and said nothing.

"Na, Gai?" Kakashi prompted gently. This wasn't what he'd expected – although he had no idea what exactly he had expected, maybe for Gai to shout, "Of course you're in love with me! I'm the most handsome and virile man in Konoha!", which would have been slightly less awful than this awkward silence.

"You…" Gai swallowed the rest of his sentence and started anew. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I just did."

"Grgh, you know what I mean!" It was almost comforting to be back to that, to Gai being exasperated with him. Almost. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Kakashi shrugged again. Gai simply brought it out in him, he couldn't help it, but letting himself drift back into the familiar pattern now would be dangerous. He didn't want Gai to catch him off guard; he felt too vulnerable, too exposed.

"I did kiss you."

Finally, Gai had enough. He jumped up out of his chair and began to pace the length of Kakashi's bed. Up and down and up and down, glaring at the floor and shooting occasional glances at Kakashi. "That wasn't a real kiss!" he said so loudly that Kakashi wondered if his neighbors would be able to hear him. Well, by now they were so used to Gai shouting his head off in Kakashi's apartment at various times of day and night, they barely even bothered to complain anymore.

"It was far too confusing!" Gai added as he came to a halt next to Kakashi who shrugged one last time.

"I'm sorry, I'll try to be clearer next time—" No, this wasn't the way he wanted this to go, not like a joke. And there wouldn't be a next time, he told himself firmly, that had been established by now, hadn't it? Gai was confused and angry, mostly angry, not happy, not even flattered. Well, Kakashi had been prepared for rejection so he wasn't disappointed, he certainly wasn't hurt. But still, he wanted to be clear.

"Look, it's like I said. I don't expect you to—" Reciprocate his feelings? That had never been a possibility, so why even say it? "You don't have to stay," Kakashi said instead, and he did want Gai to leave, he realized. It would make things a lot easier. "I just wanted to tell you as long as I still had the chance; I've let too many of those slip through my fingers." Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei, Sasuke, although there might be hope for him yet. Kakashi looked up into Gai's stormy eyes. "With everything we might be facing soon, I thought I'd better take this chance – I wanted you to know, that's all." And that was all; they were done. "I hope we can still—"

"Stop." Gai loomed over him, arms folded again, casting a long, sinister shadow. His thick, furrowed brows made him look like a villain in some cheap drama "What are you doing?!" he boomed. "You sound like an old man on his deathbed! I can't listen to this!" Before Kakashi knew it, Gai had bent down to grab hold of his bare shoulders, since he was standing next to the bed, the angle was a little weird, but, as usual, that wasn't enough to deter Gai.

"Whatever happens, we're going to win, Kakashi!" he shouted right into Kakashi's face, all sparkly teeth, fiery eyes and minty breath. Kakashi had nowhere to run, not that he really wanted to, but he could feel his heart beating against his ribcage like a desperate prisoner pounding the iron bars that hold him captive. The warmth from Gai's hands seeped right into his shoulders, into his belly; Kakashi wanted to soak in it. "Like I'd ever let you lose!" It was the collective renewal of a million old promises.

"Gai—" Don't, Kakashi wanted to say, don't give me false hope. He felt the hurt, the heartbreak building in his chest.

"Wipe that look off your face, Kakashi." Gai's voice was softer now and he'd moved closer. Too close. "Because I hate it. I hate seeing you in pain."

Gai's hands were still on his shoulders; they were big and strong, as familiar to Kakashi as his own, and it felt like they were holding him together.

He'd promised himself to be honest, though, to do what had to be done, regardless of what he wanted.

"I meant what I said earlier." This was his last warning, for both their sakes he hoped Gai would heed it. "I can't give you anything. And, outside of Icha Icha, I don't believe in happy endings."

It was hard to keep his eye from darting to Gai's lips. He could feel Gai's warm breath on his face; he wanted to feel it everywhere on his skin.

"I don't care," Gai said. "We're still at the beginning, and I don't believe in endings."

Kakashi felt his heart jump into his throat, just hearing that, just having Gai this close, looking at him like that, with such honesty and wholehearted devotion –

But he'd never doubted that Gai loved him. That had never been the issue. Gai was so full of love, he couldn't help but throw it at everyone around him lest he explode from the sheer amount he carried in his heart. There probably wasn't a single person in Konoha Gai didn't love.

"Is this really what you want?" Me, he thought, am I really what you want? Because that was what it came down to in the end.

"I don't know." Gai was honest, Kakashi had to respect him for that, even though the answer made his throat tighten with fierce disillusionment. There's no hope. Why even try? Why risk it? Better to back away while there's still time.

And he was about to take his own advice, to gently – reluctantly – withdraw and slip out of Gai's grip, when he felt Gai's fingers tighten around his shoulders, his thumbs stroking Kakashi's bare skin in a way that sent thunderous echoes of sensation reverberating through his whole body.

"If you love me, Kakashi, you can't just give up, you have to fight." Gai's pupils were matching pools of complete, unsettling darkness. Kakashi wondered what they were seeing, how Gai was perceiving him, this. All this time, for all their differences, in battle it had always seemed like they were perfectly attuned to each other. Maybe he'd been wrong all this time, maybe they couldn't even see each other for what they really were. Maybe they weren't speaking the same language at all.

Either way, Gai had the wrong idea; again or still? Did it really matter? Kakashi had to stop this before it got out of hand. "Gai, this isn't something you can force," he said and he did his best to keep the sadness out of his voice. "I don't want you to—"

He was cut off by Gai's mouth clashing with his. Gai's kiss was an onslaught. It was awkward, clearly spontaneous, unplanned. It was Gai running headfirst into a wall, it was Gai taking on the biggest enemy without knowing anything about him just because he was the biggest, it was Gai ripping his gates open without thinking twice, it was Gai.

It took Kakashi half a second to get his bearings and by then Gai had gently shifted to make things a little smoother, one of his hands moving from his shoulder up his neck and into his hair, his head tilting to keep their noses from bumping. All Kakashi was able to do was close his eye and sink into the warmth of Gai's lips. His thoughts were buzzing in his head like a dying insect before fizzing out completely.

It was over too quickly, but then, even if it had lasted for hours, it would still have been over too quickly for Kakashi, who wanted nothing more than to catch Gai's lips in another kiss, to pull him down into the bed. Instead Kakashi, arousal coursing through his body like an electrical current, held back and waited for Gai to catch his breath.

Gai withdrew slowly, his hand retaking its old spot on Kakashi's shoulder in one long caress that sent shivers racing down his spine.

And they were back to looking at each other; Gai smiled, and that was enough to make Kakashi's heart pick up its pace again.

"You're a part of me." Gai's voice settled in Kakashi's stomach just like his strange concoction had earlier. "I won't lose you."

"Does that mean you'll stay the night?" Kakashi schooled his voice into a completely neutral tone. He wasn't trying to seduce Gai, to manipulate him in any way. His only goal was to find out what Gai actually wanted, and if he had to swallow his heart to do so, then so be it.

He could feel the question change atmosphere in the room.

Gai let go of his shoulders and sat down next to him on the bed. His face was pensive, his shadowed profile outlined sharply against the dim light behind him. He was looking at the desk, probably without really seeing it.

The sight of him made Kakashi's heart sink. He was starting to feel cold, too, sitting around half-naked as he was.

"Gai, there's no point if—" he hesitated. Gai turned around and gave him a quizzical look. "You love me as a friend; I get it." It took almost no effort to say it; it didn't hurt that much. "It's no big deal."

"I'll stay the night," Gai said simply, "and it is a very big deal."

There was something Kakashi wanted to say to that, maybe he wanted to ask a question, maybe he should have—

But then Gai kissed him again, warm and sure, and his thoughts and doubts dissolved before they could ever reach his tongue.

End.

A.N.: There is going to be an epilogue at some point (to wrap up the chuunin exam storyline and to get another look at how the relationship between the two develops), but due to rl it might be some time. My apologies.