So Many Things We're Not

Summary: 'It looked like that was the way it was gonna stay. He got one brother back, and lost another.' / Tag to 7x17 so, obviously, SPOILERS.

A/N :- This is a one-time thing. I just had to vent and let out my reactions and thoughts after watching The Born-Again Identity (which, btw, is a cute play on the title), and... well, here's the result. Don't expect anything really fancy like my other one-shots, or long. I wasn't even gonna post this up but – well, no point in it just lying there in my folder. So, here we go...

Oh, and WARNING just in case someone didn't notice – this has SPOILERS for the latest Supernatural episode – 17, the Born-Again Identity. Obviously, if you haven't watched it and DO NOT WANT SPOILERS, then don't read it.

Cas was back.

Somehow.

Dean didn't know how, or why – that didn't matter right now. It didn't make sense (stupid Leviathans took over him he went under the freaking water) and it damn confused him (what happened to his memories?) but he had bigger things to focus on.

Like his brother locked up in a psych ward thanks to the freaking Devil.

And as Dean drove, stealing the odd glance at the man (pre-angel of the lord, one-time-god, his friend, his brother) in the passenger seat, trying to wrap his mind around this whole new level of whacked-up crazy, he came to a conclusion – a temporary one, anyway.

Get to Sam. Get Cas – or Emmanuel or whatever – to fix Sam. Get the hell out of there.

Then... then, he'll consider what the hell to do with amnesiac-Cas.

In the meantime, he had to make sure he didn't let anything slip. Or, well, make it obvious that he knew 'Emmanuel' and he wasn't ... whoever he thought he was.

But when he'd noted that Dean was angry, in that matter-of-fact tone that was so Cas, like he just had to point out the obvious... the words were out before he'd even agreed to letting them out.

He'd forgotten what it was like to unload. He couldn't tell Sam these things, no way. Cas had been the one he used to offload the crappy burdens and shit to, before. Then Castiel had ceased to be the Cas they knew, became more of a 'soldier of Heaven' and in his power-hungry stint to stop Raphael, relinquished all hold of the angel friend of theirs he'd once been. And he'd gone.

Dean had thought he was dead. He honestly, truly believed he was dead.

But looking at the slightly lost yet calm familiar face in the seat next to his, he accepted that he wasn't... (wasn't dead wasn't gone, wasn't Cas).

Meg was back too, it seemed.

Dean seethed, fighting off the urge to slice her cocky infuriating face in two then run the knife into her gut.

It didn't help matters when he realised Cas (no, he did not care what kind of retarded new name the guy had) had heard what he'd said.

And he couldn't say anything when he guessed that – oh, wait, so he was the friend Dean was pissed off at, who betrayed him.

His expression when he'd apologised (for something he couldn't even remember doing and god, that was so freaking Cas) had sparked a fast flash of memories and Dean didn't know what he wanted to do – stay pissed or tell him not to worry about it.

He did neither, 'cause he figured it was something to deal with later (if there was a later, if Cas didn't get his memories back, if they got Sammy back and healed, ififif...).

But when he turned and looked down at the demons guarding the place and claimed that he had to try, Dean felt a spark of hope and warmth light up inside him – a spark that had been snuffed out months ago and hidden deep in the shadows of his mind. And it gave him some strength because maybe Cas didn't remember who he was but he was still Cas and he was still willing to help them even though he wasn't sure he knew how.

His comment about not knowing how to ride a bicycle gave Dean the urge to laugh crazily, in relief more than anything. It was such a Cas comment and so freaking normal in all the crazy going around that if he could have frozen time then and there, he would have.

As it was, he watched Cas march down to face the demons instead, feeling – in spite of his words to Meg – that (freakingfinally, about bloody time) things might just be looking up, might not be so bad after all.

Castiel was actually back now.

And he remembered.

Everything.

Which, at this point, might not have been such a good thing.

Dean watched in weariness as his friend (screw what Cas said, he'd freaking returned from death and Dean was gonna look past his betrayal if it meant having BOTH his brothers back, so – so what if last time they didn't 'part as friends'?) strode past them in a fit of self-blame and shame.

He followed him, of course, and talked him out of it, and even managed not to let his frustration take over completely and drag Cas into the place by force. Which he so deserved some sort of prize for, by the way, because every instinct was screaming at him to let it go get Sam out of there demons all over the place getSamgetSamgetSam but he held firm. He had to get through to Cas first, 'cause he couldn't do this without him (and God it'd been ages since he'd thought that and he's almost forgotten what it was to rely on someone like that).

He did.

He also gave Cas his trenchcoat which he didn't throw away because- well, just because. It was a heck of a lot better than that blue sweater anyway, and it made him Cas again, and Dean could ignore the blood spots on it from last time because he'd done his bit and all that was left was Cas using his kickass angel mojo on any demons that wanted to hurt his brother and getting said brother healed.

Which he so totally could. He was Cas. He'd try everything he knew, and he would get Sam healed.

He got Sam back, seriously sleep-deprived, but healed.

And he lost Cas, again.

It looked like that was the way it was gonna stay. He got one brother back, and lost another. Sam had been pulled out of the Cage and replaced freaky Robo-Sam, and then Cas had knocked down his wall so he could do what he wanted and he ended up being gone then, too. For good, Dean had thought.

And now, Cas had returned, and Dean had fully expected having both of them by his side again – and Cas had fixed Sam up.

At his own expense, like it was some form of redemption, a personal beat-down, a huge apology for breaking Sam in the first place.

Dean didn't know whether to be upset, or glad, or wary, or... a hundred other emotions that were tiring him out. All he knew was that, they were both safe, for the time being. Sam and Cas, that is. (As safe as any of them could be right now with the Leviathans and now stupid demons all over the freaking place). And maybe sometime soon, they'd be able to fix their angel friend, but right now he needed to get his younger brother in a bed for a good few long hours and then get some food in him.

Then... then, they could plan.

A/N :- There. So, anyone care to spazz about the episode? Dude, that twist – having Cas not remember anything, at the start, full freaked me out. I thought they were gunna leave him like that for the episode! So freaking lucky he remembered everything, or I woulda started a dangerous campaign with all fellow fans armed with flaming blowtorches and pitchforks and headed straight to the dudes who make these episodes.

As it is, though, Cas is fine. Well, he was. About halfway through the ep. Then he went all noble and self-sacrificial and saved Sammy and got himself all locked up in the psych ward and OMG MEG ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. . Seriously. I honestly cannot freaking stand her. She's just... just... ARGH. *mutters more foul stuff under breath*

Anyway. Still. I cant believe Cas is actually back. :D *huggles him* don't worry, buddy, Sammy and Deanie will find a way to fix you cuz thats what they do. Right? Right. :) Cuz Cas cant be BROKEN. Thats not RIGHT. So far this season they've broken Deanie, they've broken Sammy (way too hard) and now... they go and break Cas too? What the hell people? D: He's Castiel! Ze adowable, cute, funny, loveable angel dude who everyone loves cuz he's so awesome. But he's gunna get better.

*convinced nod*

Thoughts? On the episode. And that bi- Meg. And CAS *heart*. And omg Lucifer, who is one damn freaking creepy bad guy. :L And... uh... Deano's reaction to seeing Cas – downplayed? Or not? I think it was pretty good, cuz you can fully tell he was just shocked and stunned at first and then he kinda had internal battles or something. Cuz thats what Dean does. Keeps everything hidden under the surface.

Which is why fics like this get written. xP

I'll shut up now. :3

~izzy.