Dear Diary,

Wow, it has been a long time since I wrote those words. Five years to be exact, and what a crazy, amazing five years it has been. Every day has been a dream come true for me. My first album went double platinum within a year of its release, and the next two both went platinum. I just released my fourth album about three months ago. I debuted at number one on the charts and is still in the top 25 to this day.

I have gone on three tours, about to be four, but more on that later. The first tour was crazy, and ended with an unexpected twist, which I will get to later. The second tour was even better. I played in real arenas, and they were all sold out. We had to add more dates, so I could play in some places twice. It was insane. The third tour has been the best so far. I toured in the US, Canada, South America, and Europe. It was so amazing getting to see all these new places and meet my fans all over the world. It was perplexing to meet my fans who didn't speak any English but understood and related to my music. It was such a humbling and amazing feeling to know that I could do something like that with my music. The fourth tour, which I leave on in a week is a world tour. I'm hitting every content, expect Antarctica, and most countries throughout Europe. It will an intense year, but it will be worth it. Especially since I will be sharing it with the love of my life, and my soon to be husband.

That's right. Jude Harrison is going to be Mrs. Jude Quincy. While things did not get off to the best start with us, we finally found our sweet spot about 6 months after I got back from my first tour. The night after my concert in my hometown, we had a long talk about everything, but in the end, we didn't get back together that night. I still had my reservations about being with him again, and I still had not fully processed what his letter said. When I got back to the studio to work on my next album, Tommy was working at the studio as an engineer, so we saw each other a lot. Then about 4 months into my new album, Tommy got pulled in to work on one of my songs with my producer. That is when things got interesting.

You see, the song I was working on was inspired by the letter he had written me. Obviously, my producer had no clue that this song was about the guy sitting next to him, but Tommy knew instantly. He tried to get himself reassigned, but Darius wasn't having it. So, Tommy was stuck listening to me sing about him. The song only took a few days to record, but it felt like a lifetime. After the song was recorded, and mixed, my producer asked Tommy to stick around for the rest of the album. Tommy quickly declined, but my producer convinced him to stick with it because credit on this album could lead to bigger and better opportunities as a producer. This was enticing, but not enough to hook Tommy. I was grateful, but I soon realized I couldn't jeopardize Tommy's future because it was awkward singing about him in front of him.

This lead to me finally having a real conversation with him. We talked, and I convinced him to take up the offer. It stayed awkward for a while since almost all my songs were about him or our relationship, but things changed one night. We were stuck at the studio late because my producer was being a perfectionist on a song. It was just us three, and with my producer glued to his headphones and soundboard, I only had Tommy to occupy my time. So, we talked. At first, about the song and his thoughts on my album so far, then we dived into deeper topics. Soon we were talking about the letter and I finally was able to understand why Tommy did what he did. I had read what he wrote so many times and had even heard him explain it a few times, but the way he explained on that night made something inside of me click. This is what he said:

"I'm not making excuses. The honest truth is that I was terrified of losing you. Losing you would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. You are everything to me. You are the reason I get up in the morning. You're the reason I push myself at work and with my music, so I can be the best man possible for you. You are my muse, and you bring out the music that I didn't know I had in me. You are the reason I continue to breathe. You are my whole world and losing you would destroy me and ultimately be the death of me. I was so terrified that I would do something to make you leave, and then you would be gone, and I would be lost, that I freaked out. I freaked out and dumped you to protect myself from future harm. I thought that if I cut ties with you now that you would get over and we could be friends, so I would at least have you in my life. I never meant to hurt you, especially this bad. I'm sorry for being scared and messing things up and for hurting you. I know you think I was just lying when I said I loved you, but I wasn't. I really do love you Jude."

I don't know what it was about those words, but I finally understood it all. I understood the insecurity he felt and the pure terror of losing the one thing he loved more than life itself. I finally understood because I finally felt the same things. When Tommy and I got together, my life was a mess. I wanted more than anything to be with him, that even though I hadn't healed from my past traumas, I dove head first into him. I was hiding my insecurities behind my love for him, but once I wasn't with him and had space to think on my own, those insecurities came to life, and with those insecurities came the realization that though Tommy chose a stupid way of handling things, he did it because he loved me some much it scared him. He had never felt that way about anyone before and that brought out all those insecurities he had been hiding himself. With all this new information flooding my brain, I finally was over what happened.

I told him jus that. I told him I forgave him for breaking up with me. I told him if he still wanted to be with me, we could give it a try. I told him that we needed to take things slow and start from the beginning. I told him, while I do love him, I want to fall in love with him again. He, in turn, told me he would love nothing more than falling madly, deeply in love with me again. From there, things went pretty smooth. Granted, there were some bumps and fights a long the way, but that is typical for any relationship.

On our five-year anniversary, Tommy proposed, and I said yes with no doubts or fears. I knew that we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives. I had known that since the moment I locked my eyes on those baby blue eyes back when I was a little sixth grader. Tommy and I have always been destined to be together, and now we are. This time tomorrow I will be Mrs. Jude Quincy, I could not be happier.

XO Jude

A/N: I know that this has been a long time coming and I know it isn't much, but it feels right. I started this story when I was a love-lost teenager dying to be loved by my brother's best friend for the rest of my life, and now I'm an adult. While the ending of this story did not happen for me in real life, I am happy with how my real-world life has turned out. I want to thank all of those who have ever read this story. I know I sucked at updating and took forever to get this story moving, and to finish it, but this story was more for myself than anything else. I wanted a way to voice my truth, my hopes, my fears, and my traumas in a productive way and in a way that could reach others who may have experienced similar things in life. I thank all of y'all for letting me write this story and for reading it and sharing your love for it. It meant so much to me while I was going through some of the toughest years of my life. I hope that this brought you joy and hope, as well as educated y'all on some major issues in this world. I love everyone of y'all for committing, favoriting, and reading this story. I know this isn't the ending you may have wanted, but it does wrap everything up and it is fitting of the story. So, thank you for reading. Disclaimer: I do not own anything Instant Star related.