A/N:

Sorry for being so irresponsible and start yet another story while I still have so many on-going stories, but I wrote this months ago and sent it to a beta, and she sent it back, so I think I should just post it.

Oh, about this story. High school AU, a little bit crack, not really a crack humor, but the ideas are pretty crazy.

(3/21/2012)

"Oh, I just had a wonderful dream, Ichigo, my idiot son." A middle-age man with black hair and strong body build, in his colorful shirt and orange shorts, jumped into his son's bedroom and kicked him out of the window.

His son, a teenage boy with spiky orange hair, grabbed his hands on the frame of the window from the two-floor house and leapt up into the room, not forgetting to aim for his father's stomach and sent him hard into the wall.

The father ducked and evaded his son's kick just in time before smashing into the white wall. He then immediately sprang at his son and strangled his neck from behind, not letting him escape. "Listen to me, my idiot son. I have been worried lately that I'd never have a grandson with you being so ugly, dense, and totally unattractive." Ignoring the angry face his son made as well as his ferocious struggle to get out of the father's hold, he continued, "and when I lost all hope and decided to move into a temple instead of living here, seeing you every day, reminding me of my failure, having a son who has no hope whatsoever to have a girlfriend soon, I had this wonderful dream."

In his dreamy state, the father loosened his grip a little bit, and his son, Ichigo, took the opportunity to grab his father's arm and swing him forward, throwing him onto the floor. "Like I would listen to your rambling. Now, get out of here, I need to get dressed."

"No, my idiot son," his father buried his hands into his hair and shook his head impatiently. "No, Ichigo, it's now or never. Remember what the fortune teller told us when you were five. That if you're not married by the age of 17 or at least find your soulmate by then, you'll live alone for the rest of your life."

Ichigo yawned. "Only fools would listen to fortune tellers. Everyone knows that they're all liars." He went to his bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"But it's better to listen to them than to let it happen." His father continued to cry out his frustration. "And besides, we're out of time now. You'll be 17 in three months."

"Just shut your trap. I'm going to school now" Ichigo screamed from the bathroom.

"But you have so few friends, having a girlfriend will be fun," He pouted and then hooked his son's neck under his arm again. "Ne, Ichigo, listen to your old man this one time." Tears began to flood his face, "I don't want to die without seeing a grandson or two."

"Stop your bullshit." Ichigo used his elbow to hit into his father's stomach and used the chance when his father loosened up the grip because of the pain to duck his head down and get out of his father's grip. "I'm not interested in that crap, ok?"

"So it's true, isn't it?" The father cried harder, "the rumor is true. You're gay." He placed both of his hands on his son's shoulders, "but don't worry my son. I'm not a strict father. I'm very liberal. Believe me, very liberal." Fire in his eyes, he continued, "don't be afraid of anything, Ichigo. Introduce your boyfriend to me. I'll spread my arms and welcome him into our little family."

"I said no."

"So you're asexual, hum." The old man released his son and held his chin in great concentration. "If so, at least give me your sperm, I'll go to the hospital and ask them to produce a grandson for me myself. Hold on, do you even know how to masturbate?"

Too frustrated, Ichigo performed a perfect uppercut and sent his father down to the floor again. He then quickly went downstairs and got out of the house, but his father was nowhere near to leaving him alone. He ran after him and yelled, "Ichigo, my idiot, son. Where are you going?"

"Going to school of course. I cannot stand you anymore."

"Go to school on Sunday?"

!

…...

!

A red shade crept through his cheeks and Ichigo began to run. "Leave me alone."

But his father ran even faster. "At least let me tell you about my dream. You'll regret it if you don't listen to me."

"I don't care." Ichigo yelled back. "How's about just leave me alone?"

XxXxXxXx

'Today is definitely not a good day' Ichigo thought irritatedly as his father blocked him by spreading his arms, and everybody on the street was looking at them like they were aliens.

Ichigo sighed. He did not want to behave like a fool in front of strangers, not on a Sunday when he finally had a day off from studying and working and...fighting. The best way to end this madness was to quickly listen to his father's idiotic idea, whatever it was, and find a chance to escape while he was too absorbed explaining the dream, or whatever it was, to him. "Ok, but make it quick. You have three minutes."

"Good son." His father wrapped his arm around his shoulders as the two continued to walk on the street, heading to the bus station. "Listen to me, my son. Last night, I had the weirdest dream ever. At first, I dreamt that you were an old man who was crying in front of my grave, cursing and blaming me for not helping you find a girlfriend earlier in your life when you still had 0.000000091111% of finding someone who could close one of their eyes, no actually, both of their eyes and accept you, but now it was too late." He waved his arms, making a defeated pose. " When the deadline of 17 years old had passed, your chance to ever have a family reduced to -1231231231.00%. So you continued to knock at my grave with your fists, crying and crying, disturbing my eternal sleep."

He stopped and grabbed his son's shoulders with his hands, forcing him to look at his eyes, "Your happiness is a small thing, but you cannot disturb my eternal sleep." He wiped his tears with his sleeves, "I could never have a good sleep ever since I had you. I had to stay up late to change your diaper and feed you when you were little. When you were a little bit older, I had to stay up late to play video games with you or beat you up, I mean, train you. Even now when you are this old, I still can't have any good sleep, for nightmares like this continue to plague me, and then I have to wake up early to beat you up...I mean, fight you, to make sure that your skills are not rusty."

"No one asked you to" Ichigo thought. He would be much much happier if his father stopped prying into his life and pissing him off whenever he could.

"No, you cannot destroy my peaceful sleep when I die. To prevent this from happening, I have to find you a bride, and find her soon." Determination in his eyes, his father continued, "so I made a brilliant move in my dream. I knelt down and asked Kami-sama to help me!"

"Three minutes passed. I'll go now."

"But..." his father yelled in panic, "But it just got to the main part. You have to hear me out."

"You had your chance to tell me just those three minutes ago. You wasted your chance. Now let me go."

"Hold on, Ichigo." His father's face became serious, "it's very very very important. Don't you want to meet your bride?"

"Don't care." Ichigo yawned, thinking of where to go next.

"Here, Ichigo." Before Ichigo knew what was going on, he was dragged into the bus by his father.

"What are you doing? Where are we going?" Trying to keep his voice down, he grabbed his father shirt as they sat down on the seats at the final row.

"To meet your bride, what else?" His father said proudly, his arms crossing, triumph on his face."

"What? A blind date? Hey hey, I'm not gonna do that."

"What? A blind date?" His father laughed. "You think too little of your father. Though I'm desperate for my son, I'm not gonna resort to such pitiable means. It's fate." His father pointed his index finger upward. "Kami-sama told me in my dream exactly what to do and where to go to find you your bride. As long as we follow what he said, you won't be a lonely bitter old man who blames his father for his own incompetence, and I can die in peace. So here is what you have to do..." And he went on and on.

…...

Ichigo yawned. He wished to have more sleep. He didn't even know what his father was talking about; it was hard to follow when he sobbed between speeches and then made extreme hand gestures to describe...something. At the end, he did not get half of what his father said . The only thing that he knew for sure was that his father would be very upset if he did not find a girlfriend somehow.

"You got it, Ichigo?" His father finished whatever he started. "It will be a very hard battle, but as long as you follow what Kami-sama told me, you will be just fine." His father slapped him hard on his back. "Go, Ichigo, and remember that you only have five chances, and today is the only day that it will work. Pass this day, you will not find your bride no matter what you do."

Battle? Five chances? The only day that would work? Hum, now he wished he could have been more attentive when his father said...whatever he said. Hold on, and why should he care? It did not matter. He wished he could just go home already. He did not even know where his father dragged him now. They left the bus and were walking on a fairly empty street.

His father pointed his finger at a bakery across the street. "There Ichigo, Kami-sama said that your first chance to meet her was at that bakery. Now go, hurry, before she goes somewhere else."

"She?" Ichigo scowled, "who is the 'she'?" Do you mind telling me her name or how she looks?"

"How would I know, my idiot son?" His father pointed a finger at him hysterically, "it's your bride, you should know better than me."

Frustrated, Ichigo punched his father square in his stomach. "Listen, old man, I'm not gonna follow your crazy game anymore. I'm going home now."

But his father pushed him forward, "quick, quick, Ichigo. See the young girl that just walked out of the bakery? It must be her. Kami-sama said if we have a fight then the first young girl that I see leaving the bakery is her. Now run after her with all of your power, Ichigo."

Ichigo did not know what got into him, but he did run after the girl. Tch. He must be crazy to follow his father's stupid dream, but the girl looked familiar somehow, at least her back did. When he ran pass the bakery, a young boy crashed into him and poured a whole can of honey on his shirt. He groaned but continued to run after her. He could see that his father ran after him too, pushing him to run faster for the love of his life.

They ran into a forest and when he passed a tree, suddenly hundreds of bees came at him and stung him hard. He yelled for help while his father just crossed his arms and shook his head, "no, Ichigo. It's a battle of love. You cannot give up now. Endure it. Be a man. This is nothing. A real man will fight until his last breath to be with the one he loves."

This was so so so ridiculous. First, he never wished to have a girlfriend. Second, he did not even know who she was, that love of his life.

Heaving, he took his shirt off and threw it away while he continued running away from the bees. When they got into the middle of the forest, he saw a group of men surrounding the girl, but he could not see her face clearly because there were a lot of men, and they were kind of...tall, and big,...and looked strong.

"Stop you now, you villains." His father jumped ahead and pointed his finger at the men. "Release the young maid now or you will really regret it."

The men turned their heads toward his father, they cracked their fingers, ready for a fight, "What do you want old man? Wanna play hero with us?"

"Yes." He clapped his hand loud and clear on his chest, "but I'm not a hero today. I've been a hero for too long. Now let me introduce you to my successor." His father grabbed his shoulders and pushed him forward, "Kurosaki Ichigo, the hero of a new generation, the righteous man who will fight until his last breath to save the love of his life. Here he is, the hero of love." He put his hand upward, "you villains, this is the end of your lives. You have made a critical mistake when you threatened the life of his lover, the young girl over here." He pointed his finger at where the girl had stood but then stopped speechless, his mouth hanging open.

Ichigo followed his father's finger and sighed. The girl had taken the chance when the men looked at his father to run away. Now what would his father do.

The men laughed. "Seem like the heroine has run for her life after seeing that ugly son of yours. She must be terrified by his deformed look."

Ichigo's blood boiled, he knew that he was stung by the bee and he was now shirtless, plus his pants were all torn by the bees and the thorns from the brushes, but he did not really know how he looked now.

His father laughed too and crossed his arms. "Though my son is ugly, he is the most righteous man ever. His girl has run away from him, but he will never give up. His blood is boiling with love. He has sworn for himself that he will win and have his girl come back to him."

Ichigo's face burned in embarrassment. It was so lame. His father had read too many novel. Why couldn't he just talk normally? But it was not the time to talk. He had been so irritated today, and this was a good chance to vent his wrath out.

He jumped into the men and started the fight. Though the men were big, they were not skilled. A few good moves were enough to bring all of them down. He could read them, the next movements that the men would made. They were slow, very slow.

His father nodded in satisfaction as Ichigo defeated them all. "Villains, now open your eyes and kneel before my son. Do you see the power of love yet? If you want to defeat him, go and find yourself a girlfriend, then you might have a chance to win. Ha ha ha."

"Shut up." Ichigo turned to his father and punched aiming for his face but his father was fast and he dodged it easily.

Suddenly he heard footsteps run toward him and as a reflex he turned his head and grabbed the stick that was about to hit his face. That was when he realized it was his classmate, Inoue Orihime, in her blue sweater and yellow sun dress.

"Inoue? What are you doing here?"

"Kurosaki-kun." She cried and wrapped his neck with her arms, hugging him tight, making him blush at the close proximity. "I was so scared, there was a group of men surrounding me." She sobbed and released him, making him feel strangely disappointed "But then they got distracted by someone and I took the chance to escape. I tried to find someone to help but there was no one, but I was so worried for the lives of those came to my rescue that I decided to go back and fight them fair and square this time."

Ichigo scowled. Inoue was too trusting and kind-hearted. He scolded her. "Inoue, next time, just run for your life and don't come back. And don't go into a forest on your own. It's dangerous."

A shade of pink crept through her face as she nodded shyly.

"Hey, hey, Ichigo. That's no way to talk to your girlfriend."

Ichigo looked around. The men left. There was only his father, Inoue, and he now.

"She's not my girlfriend." Ichigo performed another perfect uppercut to throw his father away but missed this time.

He father hooked his neck under his arm and towed him far away from Inoue. "Ichigo, you pervert, where did you hide such a beautiful girlfriend all this time?"

"I told you she is not my girlfriend. She's just...Inoue."

"Just Inoue. Are you blind? She's a real beauty here."

"Don't say that about my classmate. I don't even know her that well."

His father clapped his forehead into his palm. "My idiot son, you're so dense. If I wasn't helping you, you'd never make it. Let's make her your girlfriend now. She seems to be the one Kami-sama said is your soul mate. He told me that the girl will come back after the fight with the evil men, so it must be her."

"Are you nut?" he yelled, then looked at Inoue, hoping that she did not find him too loud. "She's not even my friend, just a classmate I rarely know anything about. Besides, she's really weird."

His father eyed Inoue from head to toe. "She looks really pretty."

Ichigo whispered into his father's ears, "But people say that she talks to herself most of the time and says weird stuff like her seeing aliens or the like. She also has very abnormal tastes; a student had to go to the hospital after eating her food. People in school call her the Deadly Beauty and there is a rumor that she is actually a powerful witch and whoever dates her will be cursed to death after three days. That's why she never has a boyfriend after two years in high school."

His father rubbed his chin with his thumb and index. "So she's a little weird huh, but Ichigo, you are so desperate now. We have no choice left. There are only three months left until your birthday, we have no time, and if Kami-sama said she is the one, then she's the one."

"Besides..." his father grinned and thrust his elbow into Ichigo's stomach, "You said that you know nothing about her but it seems like you knew plenty. You must like her, huh."

"Those are the rumors about her that everyone in school knows. Besides, she's Tatsuki's best friend. But I never knew her personally myself, though."

"Do you want to know?" His father smirked at him slyly.

Ichigo looked at Inoue. She was sitting on a rock now, humming to herself. She was waiting for him, he guessed. She was such a nice and kind-hearted person, and she did run back to him despite the danger, so yes, after today, he did want to know more about her. He did not think the rumors did her justice. Besides, she looked so lonely sitting at the rock, intertwining her fingers together. He felt like a jerk for listening to those rumors and not protecting her, but he never knew much about her, not until today when he saw how brave and kind she was.

His father smirked again and walked to Inoue before Ichigo could protest.

He knelt in front of Inoue and cried, 'Inoue-san, please help my son. I beg you." He sobbed, "my poor son was under a curse when he was born. An evil man who was jealous of me, a handsome and courageous man with a beautiful wife, has placed a curse on Ichigo, stating that if he cannot be married by the age of 17 or at least find a soul mate before then, he'll die. A girlfriend is sufficient too." He held her hands, "Inoue-san, please help my son, please marry him and lift the curse. I cannot see my son die like this. He's the only son I have. He is everything to me. Please pity me and marry this ugly, idiot son of mine."

Tears in her eyes, Inoue nodded, "Oh, Kurosaki-san, please don't worry. I'll marry him and lift the curse." She shook his father's hands, hope in her eyes. "I'll not let him die."

Ichigo's jaw dropped. He knew that Inoue was trusting and weird, but he could never imagine she was this... trusting and... weird. Who in their right mind would believe such a story and then nod without even thinking?

His father took her hand and got closer to Ichigo, placing her hand in his. "Oh, today is the happiest day of my life. Ichigo, please take good care of my daughter in law. I now announce you husband and wife."

Ichigo used all of his power to punch his father and sent him five feet away. He then turned to Inoue, "Inoue, listen to me..."

"I agree, Kurosaki-kun. I agree to marry you. You don't have to say anything." Her face was burning like a tomato and smoke exploded out of her ears too. "But we should only marry when we reach our dream, and until our dream comes true, let us not meet. We should just encourage each other through texts."

"Huh?... I don't really have any dream...? And how could we marry without even meeting and getting to know each other?"

Smoke erupted faster and faster out of her ears and she bowed again, "I'm sorry Kurosaki-kun. I just wanted to try that line in Bakuman but I guess I messed it up. We can marry whenever you want, Kurosaki-kun."

She was so weird...so weird, but she was kind of cute like this.

"Listen Inoue. Do not listen to my father. He's crazy. You don't have to date me if you don't want to."

"But I want to."

His heart skipped a beat. Could it be that she liked him too?

She took his hands in hers, fire in her eyes, "Kurosaki-kun. I want to date you. If I don't date you, you'll die, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. In resentment, I won't eat, and therefore, the little blue men won't have anything to eat, then they will die. And if they die, their wives will be upset and they will not eat, then they will die too. If all the females die, then there will be no one to cook for the children. Then they will die too. If there were no children, then there would be no one to reproduce for the little blue men. So the whole race will be extinct. No." She shook her head ferociously, "I cannot let so many little blue men, and women, and children die because of me. It's the whole race of blue men, we're talking about. Let's protect them together, Kurosaki-kun."

Ichigo shook his head and sighed, "Ok, ok, Inoue. Let's date then." His stomach growled in annoyance at the fact that Inoue wanted to date him not because she liked him, but he still wanted to know more about her. He wanted to protect her, and show everyone that she was not a witch, that there was no harm in dating her. He never felt like this before, but he guessed today he kind of felt like wanting to date her.

Somewhere on the ground, he could feel that his father was grinning fiercely.

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