AN: Hetalia crack-fics? No way! This is a weird thing that I mentioned to my editor and then promised to write as a fic. I don't even... Sleep deprivation is not a factor in this. My brain is just broken.

Usual disclaimers.

-Shazzy

Bella Notte

"Germany!" Italy called, running towards the tall blonde.

Germany looked up from his work. He wrinkled his nose as he saw the little brunette running towards him. Part of him wanted to ignore the other man, but the stronger part of him was curious.

"What?" Germany asked, running the back of his hand against his forehead. He had taken off his military jacket to work on his motorcycle and was wearing only his olive green pants and a white wife-beater.

"I have prepared a surprise for you!" Italy said happily. He was dressed in his usual blue uniform and the twinkle in his wide eyes made Germany very nervous.

"What... kind of surprise?" Germany asked.

Italy grabbed the jacket from the seat of the motorcycle and handed it to his companion. "You will see in a moment, but it is molto bueno!"

"Oh God..." Germany mumbled as he felt the smaller man drag him away.

...

They were in an alley. Behind a bunch of buildings. The alley was filthy and strewn with garbage. Germany had to admit that something smelled heavenly.

"Are you gonna kill me?" Germany asked as he buttoned his jacket. "Because that would certainly not be bueno."

Italy let out a trilling laugh that made Germany's skin crawl. Something was just not right.

"No no no, why would I kill my best friend in the whole world?" Italy asked as if it was all a joke. "I present to you, dinner!"

"What?" Germany asked as he jaw nearly touched the floor in shock.

There was a crate in the alley. It had a red and white checkered tablecloth and a candle in a wine bottle. Germany hoped there was more wine.

Italy was doing his usual idiotic happy dance and clap combo in the corner and Germany felt the shadow of terror creeping over him.

"You want me to eat... a wooden crate?" Germany asked.

Italy laughed again and Germany swore that his skin was going to peel itself right off his bones.

"No, silly! Sit! Dinner will be served momentarily!"

Germany sat down cautiously, still afraid that the Allies would jump out from behind the trash cans and ambush them. Stranger things had happened to him since he'd joined forces with Italy.

Italy, on the other hand, was babbling on and on about something inane and boring.

Germany thought for a half second that there was an accordion playing a few familiar chords.

Suddenly, a jolly fat waiter appeared from one of the doors with the biggest plate of spaghetti that Germany had ever seen.

"Pas-taaaaaaa~!" Italy crooned.

Germany didn't know what to say. The food smelled amazing. It looked even better. There were five glistening meatballs atop the pile of spaghetti and that was all covered in the reddest marinara sauce Germany had ever seen.

"This is my favorite place." Italy confided. "I get a special deal here."

"Issat right?" Germany asked as he picked up his cutlery.

Oh this is the night, it's a beautiful night
And we call it bella notte
Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes
On this lovely bella notte.

Germany could hear the serenade from somewhere far off. It seemed to grow louder as the meal continued. Italy was strangely generous and pushed the last meatball across the plate for Germany. The song was mournful and romantic, Germany was lost in the music. He didn't even notice that Italy had somehow ended up slurping the other end of the amazingly long noodle that he was enjoying until it was too late.

They were face to face, lips to lips.

Germany wasn't sure what to do. Screaming didn't seem appropriate, but he could feel it rising in his throat.

Italy pulled back first, half an inch to mumble right into Germany's face.

"Pastaaaaaa~"