It's amazing when you look back.

Simply look back, at anything, and it's a sight. Whether it be footprints, people, or even bloodstains for most of us. Just take a second and look back. Look at where you started and look at where you are now. Regardless of what's behind us, regardless of how distorted or fragmented it is, realize that there's a certain beauty in it.

Pathetic.

Here I am getting gall poetic about the past and how it was an amazing journey.

But it was.

Granted I tore my heart out at some points, I lost a lot, and I gave up most of the time. I didn't just shatter myself but I took other people with me. Hell when I look back, most people would be either disgusted or heartbroken. But I think people fail to realize that just because something got dirty or broken, doesn't make it any less amazing. Amazing doesn't always mean perfect or flawless, sometimes it just means you survived. Sometimes it means you made it. Sometimes it means you still have your humanity after what happened to you.

It's… beautiful.

To be honest I never thought I'd make it this far somewhat successfully, but I did.

Sometimes when I look back I wonder…

What if I had caught that rainbow?

It's sort of silly to think of now, how I ended up in the dirt, bruised and bleeding… but how beautiful was that moment when she showed up on my doorstep with the rainbow I lost?

What if I had never kissed her scars?

She probably wouldn't even be here, but how beautiful is it that she is? Even if I hadn't gotten to enjoy her life, at least someone would have.

What if I had gotten to her a second too late?

What he would've done to her… but the beauty of how I never broke my promise to her outshined it. And the beauty of how it never made her weaker still amazes me.

And what if…

What if I had never broken her heart?

Then I would've been lost in the darkness forever. I would've never had the chance to see her truly happy. I wouldn't be seeing how beautiful she looks in the morning.

"Morning" I say wrapping my arms around her from behind.

"Morning sleeping beauty" She says taking a sip from her coffee mug.

Beautiful.

"There's coffee?" I mumble into her neck.

"Just like every morning" She says with a laugh.

Amazing.

"I feel like if you ever wanted to kill me off, death via poisoning my morning coffee would be perfect" I sigh.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's the one thing I will never question and at least I'll go with a smile on my face or, well, less of a scowl." I say before kissing her neck.

"I'm pretty sure that's the worst way to kill you off" She says.

"What? How?" I say pulling away from her slightly.

"Because of everything you just named, the coffee is the first place they'd look. I'd be better off with anything else." She finishes putting down her coffee mug.

"You've thought about this haven't you?" I say glaring at the side of her head. She turns around in my arms to face me.

"Only a little" She says with a smile.

"You're a little twisted and I love it." I say before leaning in and kissing her.

"You're mostly twisted and… well… I love you." She says after I pull back.

"You better" I say as I turn to pour myself some coffee.

"Plus, you would haunt the heck out of me and never let me move on" She says.

"The haunting part is just a bonus, I already know you wouldn't be able to move on" I say before taking a sip out of my mug and facing her.

"What makes you think that?" She asks crossing her arms.

"Well one, really Tori? Like you'd be able to find anything better than all this" I say gesturing to myself.

"And two?" She says with an eye roll.

"Right, and two, I super glued your ring to your finger in your sleep last night." I smirk.

"What? Jade!" She says freaking out and immediately trying to get her ring off her finger.

"What? You said forever." I laugh as she slips it off.

"Jade, that wasn't funny! I was about to kill you for real!" She whines.

"And how exactly would you have done it if not the coffee?" I ask.

"By punching you in the neck with the ring you "allegedly" glued to my finger." She pouts.

"Death by wedding ring, there's something tragically beautiful about that. I concur, that's how you should kill me" I say setting my mug down and wrapping my arms around her again. She turns away from me and picks her mug back up.

"Don't be witty when I'm mad at you" She says.

"I'm sure you'll get over it. It's just what we do Mrs. West" I say before pecking her on the cheek.

And what if I hadn't asked her to marry me?

I wouldn't have seen how beautiful our life together would be.

She knew long before I did just how beautiful all of this would be. She knew how much we loved each other, she knew we needed time apart, she knew exactly how to put us back together. Looking back at it, she should've never come back to me. But she did because she wanted to see what was truly amazing.

And like I said, sometimes amazing doesn't mean a happy ending. Sometimes amazing is just a content ending as you're watching someone else's happy ending.

It's a shame when things don't work out. Whether big or small, you always carry some sort of disappointment, you always harbor some form of hurt. It starts as a piercing agony before turning into that dull ache we all know so well. Sometimes we almost forget about it.

I never saw Beck again.

The day I apologized to him was the last day we ever spoke. From then on the boy I once loved was a stranger. The day of our graduation I watched him walk and that was the last day I saw him, or any of us for that matter.

Every once in a while I would feel that familiar ache and think of him. Wonder what happened to him, if he was doing well. Then I would look at Tori, and suddenly I wouldn't hurt anymore. Every time I looked at her, I wished him well, and I let him go a little. And then one day, he wasn't there anymore, it didn't hurt at all. And I'm ok with that.

The rest of us keep in touch, dinners and whatnot. And the extra there space is all that it is, extra space.

Part of me wants to say that times were easier in our past but for the life of me, I can't bring myself to wish I was back there. Look at what I had to go through. Look at what I have now. I may be a dull spot in the light, but I am no longer the darkness that once consumed me. I no longer drown in search of what I am. I know what I am. I know what I see when I look at myself. I know that I see her right next to me.

So when I look back and I see all the tears, all the broken pieces, and all the pain we went through, I can honestly say it was amazing. It was beautiful. It's beautiful how we still managed to find each other through all of it and how we keep finding each other every day. It's beautiful how to the average person, I keep an empty jar on my night stand. And it's amazing that only we know what's in it.

It's beautiful how hard we fought for each other and how we still do. It's amazing that I'm the best I can be and I get better everyday I'm with her. We hurt each other, it happens, but at the end of the day it's my arms she falls asleep in. I know who I am with her and I know who I am without her.

"You still love me?" I ask after a moment of silence.

"Jade" She says turning to face me again, coffee mug back on the counter. "No matter what happens, no matter how dark it gets, no matter how fast we're drowning, no matter how many pieces we break into…" She says wrapping her arms around my neck and looking into my eyes.

"You'll always be my love"

And she'll always be mine.

No matter what happens, no matter what I have to do. For her I will look past everything I know. For her I will give us all the time we need.

For her I will Make This Go On Forever.

… … …. …. ….. … …. …. …. ….. …

Hello My Lotus Blossoms

How's that for an ending?

This time I didn't get horribly busy and forget about this fic, no this time, I delayed it as long as possible. With the completion of this fic, I let go and release another part of me. It was definitely time though and I have to say, I'm very proud of how this turned out. It was different from my normal style but it was all the more necessary for me to write and I truly thank you for taking the time to read it. There's so much of me in this and I'm blessed that I had the opportunity to share it.

This has been a crazy ride.

As far as how I'm doing, I'll throw something up on tumblr (you can find the link on my profile)soon to kind fill in the blanks. But I am doing better, thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

I wrote this entire chapter this morning (starting at 1 am). I was just kind of hit with this nostalgia coupled with a few other feels and ironically enough, it's Tuesday, so this final chapter was born. Funnily enough, this is actually 500 words shorter than my quota.

After the past few months, or I should say "looking back", I honestly think that this place is the best thing that happened to me. That means all of it, the writing, the community, and especially you guys. You keep me going.

SO, here we are, almost exactly 2 years later (I am so sorry), and it's finally complete.

AND, so one of my other fics The Art of Falling In Love, just hit over 500 reviews. I can't even… just thank you.

Alright, enough about me, on to you guys.

Lushcoltrane: Thank you for being an… intense reviewer? I don't know, but I'm glad you liked it.

ScottyBGood: Yes, tis why I asked for prayers. I appreciate it. Thanks for helping me keep my head up.

. : Glad you came back, hope you stay for a while.

And on to a special few…

First off, So many of you were here from the start and I wanna thank you for sticking with me.

Kikouma: You were my first review so for that you are awesome.

Jakarie: I am so happy that you kinda follow me around and like my fics… that sounded creepy but you know what I meant.

Jay aka Jordan: Same goes for you, love seeing your name pop up.

Chase19 and Ginger92 and Chile101: You guys are awesome.

Samijo and Ameha Kay: I miss you two and I'm glad to have had you.

Ok… I'm having trouble picking out people to mention because I'm like attached to all of you. Ughhhhh… but if I write you all down that's a page in and of itself.

So…

YOU, YES YOU READING THIS, I LOVE YOU, I APPRECIATE YOU, AND I THANK YOU.

Alright loves, that's all for this fic. To anyone who finds this fic post completion, don't hesitate to tell me what you thought. You're just as much a part of this as the rest of us and I thank you for reading this.

So till the next fic, (say it with me) Reviews = Love, so spread it around. Thick.

A.Y.P.