A/N: And another chapter! I give credit to Sinsanity for helping me complete this chapter. She is an idea machine! So, go onto deviant art, search out AnnaNightfall, and read her stuff and drop a comment. I think some of you might like her poetry. Onto the story!

Szayel brought the knife down onto Kyoka Suigetsu, and it came apart easily. The spices scented the air tantalyzingly, and Grimmjow leaned in to get a closer look.

"I want that half," he pointed as Szayel swatted him away.

"This is all of our snack, sexta." He lingered on the first sylable of sexta for a fraction of a second longer than normal. His hands expertly adjusted the knife, and he cut again. As he precisely cut out equal portions, the door of his lab opened, and Hallibel strolled in, a tray topped with cups filled with a dark substance in her hands. She set the tray on a table close to the group, and sat in her vacated seat.

As Szayel finished cutting, he called to a random fraccion to get a small stack of plates. As it returned with them, he began to dish out the pieces to everyone. As Hallibel took her portion, she breathed in deeply. She didn't think much of the pink-haired Espada loading her plate with barbecued zanpakuto, but she had to hand it to him; he knew how to cook.

As he filled up the last plate and handed it to Tesla, there came a knocking at the lab door.

Everyone paused. A piece of food was suspended on a fork between Nnoitra's plate and his open mouth.

Szayel brushed a spot of salt off of his leg, and stood up. He approached the door, and pulled it open.

A deadly silence filled the lab as a pair of green eyes coolly regarded them.

The silence lengthened as the eyes continued to stare from the dim corridor. Soon, the face came into full focus, and the Espada inside of the lab unfroze. Nnoitra dropped his fork onto his plate loudly, cursing.

"Damn it!" he shouted, elbowing Tesla off of his chair, causing the fraccion's plate of zanpakuto to go flying into a thankfully empty table, where it shattered and dropped to the floor. Grimmjow leapt to his feet, his plate on his chair, forgotten.

"Ulquiorra!" he growled.

Said Espada continued to gaze about the lab, appraising the mess. Finally, he spoke.

"What is this?" he demanded.

Grimmjow snorted. "It's a room, ass hole."

Ulquiorra snapped his eyes back to the bluenette. "Filled with Espada. Trouble-making Espada. A room, in short, filled with trash." He gestured to everyone within the room. Szayel looked offended, but Ulquiorra continued.

"I shall clean this up now for Aizen-sama."

Grimmjow leapt over the few chairs separating the two, and stepped up to Ulquiorra, getting into his face. Said espada turned his head disdainfully, and met the gaze of an irate scientist. While Grimmjow spewed nonsense into his ear, Szayel simply held his gaze, conveying all of the annoyance he felt.

A loud crash brought everyone's attention to the center of the room where Hallibel stood atop a pile of broken equipment.

Szayel fell to his knees, but remained silent, as the tercera's riiatsu fell on them heavily.

"This is enough," she declared.

No one spoke, and she continued.

"Please state your business, Ulquiorra Schiffer."

Ulquiorra turned to face her.

"There are unusual occurrences, and it is my duty right now to put an end to them. I place blame upon all of you for-"

A pile of chocolaty baked goods rained down on the unsuspecting cuarta's head. Grimmjow stood on the edge of a table, holding the large box that used to be filled with the treats Szayel had made days ago. Szayel pulled at his hair in despair, but Grimmjow continued to unload the box of tasty goodness onto the cuarta's head. Ulquiorra spun around, and shot his hand forward, ready to sink it wrist-deep into the sexta's chest. As the hand moved, Grimmjow stood on his toes, raising his torso just enough. The hand sunk into Grimmjow, and straight through his hollow hole.

A moment of silence passed.

A giggl- ... A manly chuckle rose from Nnoitra's throat. "So, Ulquiorra, getting fresh with Grimmjow I see."

Ulquiorra didn't respond, seemingly frozen to the spot.

Szayel smirked. "It's far beyond that, Nnoitra. Can't you see? He's penetrating him."

He paused to lick his lips sensually.

"Deeply."

Nnoitra and Tesla both burst out laughing. Grimmjow slowly looked down to where Ulquiorra's arm ended at his torso, and grinned toothily. "Bet you've always wanted to get inside me. Problem is, you'll never be the top. You're too small and insignificant."

As Grimmjow went on his ego-trip, Ulquiorra flexed his hand once, then twice.

Szayel, being the observant one of the bunch, noticed something strange.

"Hey, Cuarta," he tried to draw the rapped attention of the suddenly focused arrancar.

"I don't see your hand on the other side. Does that mean it's somewhere else?"

Ulquiorra squeezed again with his hand. He had found a cushion. A soft, warm, round cushion with pockets.

Internally remarking on the oddness of a pocket-pillow, he slipped a finger into a pocket.

The pillow moved.

He quickly snatched his hand out of Grimmjow's hollow hole, and stepped back, staring at his hand.

Toshiro Hitsugaya launched a large book off of his desk, standing with the effort, onto the stomach of his sleeping lieutenant. Matsumoto, as always, had passed out, and refused to lift a finger.

The book connected with a heavy thud, and she sprang up, clutching her stomach in surprise.

"I'm awake, I'm awake!"" She whipped her head around wildly, then realized her captain was standing a few feet in front of her.

"Rangiku."

Matsumoto gulped.

"Yes?"

Hitsugaya stepped forward mennacingly.

"Matsumoto, I..."

She uncovered her face at the sudden silence. Peering down, she saw her captain looking thoroughly confused. He glared up at her after a moment, then continued what he was going to say.

"As I was saying, Matsumoto, I said you are never to-"

This time, Matsumoto saw something strange. Her captain twitched back, and both of his hands balled into fists.

"Matsumoto, I- YAAAAAA!" He leapt into her arms, desperately clutching at his butt. "GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!" he shrieked, writhing in the confused and worried lieutenants arms.

She awkwardly flipped him over to see what the problem was, and found a small, disembodied pale hand writhing at the opening of his pocket.

She began laughing, and the furious Hitsugaya managed to flip himself out of her arms and onto the ground where he writhed and swatted at his rear.

After things quieted down in Szayel's lab, and after Ulquiorra had left, stating "I must return to business", everyone sat in a circle around the cooling barbecue chatting excitedly.

Almost everyone.

A quiet sob reached the keen ears of the octava, and he turned.

Crouched between two low tables was the forlorne and pale figure of Gin Ichimaru.

"Gin, you should come and join us. You look lonely over there all by yourself."

The octava smiled. "Or I could come over there and show you the real location of my hollow hole."

Gin quickly got to his feet, and pulled a chair into the circle, and took the last piece of zanpakuto, and chewed on it thoughtfully, looking much happier.

Grimmjow looked up, hearing the comment.

"You already told us where your hole was," he said, eyeing the octava suspiciously. "Were you lying?"

Szayel's smile widened. "Yes. Yes I was."

Hallibel caught the inventor's gaze, and shook her head ever so slightly.

He pushed up his glasses, and turned to Grimmjow. "If you follow me, I'll show you." He got gracefully to his feet, and strolled out of the room, into a small sideroom.

Grimmjow uncomfortably looked around the group.

"I'm not going alone," he remarked.

Nnoitra gave him a shit-eating grin. "You scared, like a little kitty?"

Grimmjow snarled. "I'll show you scared! Why don't you go in there with me then, if you're so manly?"

Nnoitra immediately sobered up. "That's not fair," he complained.

"Is that you giving up your man card, Nnoitra?" Gin asked, finishing the last piece of zanpakuto, patting his stomach contently.

The Quinta growled, and got to his feet. Grimmjow lead the way to the sideroom, and the two marched in side-by-side, the door shutting mysteriously behind them.

A moment passed.

Two moments passed.

Three...

The door opened, and an amused Szayel came out. No one followed.

He closed the door behind him, leaning in and whispering something just before it clicked shut. Two whimpers of shock escaped from under the door as Szayel made his way through the tables back to the group. He glanced around, and sighed.

";This is going to cost me a lot of money to repair all of this." He gazed around at everyone in the room.

"I don't think Aizen-sama is in commision any more," he noted.

Tesla nodded, and Gin leaned forward. "So who's our new target?"

Szayel tapped his fingers together in thought, looking up at the ceiling.

The sideroom door opened, and Grimmjow and Nnoitra came trudging out, both wearing faces of ultimate chagrine. As they silently sat, no one spoke.

Finally, the pinkette levelled gazes with everyone.

A snore floated audibly over the lab, as Starrk rolled over, kicking a milling fraccion into a wall.

No one payed attention.

"Our next target will be Ulquiorra Schiffer."

Tousen entered Los Nochez, and made the familiar walk to Aizen's quarters. As he reached the door, he heard wretching and crying clearly from inside. With out knocking, he entered the room, and found the edge of the bed easily. Holding the bag of items in his lap, he patted the matress, searching for his superior's arm. Finding Aizen's elbow, he patted it reassuringly.

"It's okay now, Aizen-sama. I have returned with your solution."

He reached into the bag, and pulled out the box proudly, fourishing it dramaticly.

Aizen stared at the packet in Tousen's hand.\

"Kaname Tousen... what are the chances I will ever use those in this state?"

Tousen blinked, confused.

"But, I thought... aren't new contacts helpful?"

Aizen massaged his forehead in frustration, kicking his feet into the air, bouncing back on the bed in defeat.

"Yes, Tousen. Those would help a hell of a lot more than condoms would, you mocking bastard."

A/N: That was a lot of fun to write. Again, partial credit goes to Sinsanity. Check out her story, "What Cruel Irony". Please review, and feel free to give ideas on how to annoy Ulquiorra! Poor guy. Hope you liked it!