A/N This is my first hack at an epic. It's not a happy one, but if you stick with me it will get there!

The clinic smelt of rubbing alcohol and latex. The women sitting in the waiting room varied in sizes. Some looked about ready to drop, some probably only there for their first checkup. There were couples holding hands and single women flipping through the provided magazines. Lauren walked up to the front desk and leaned against it gently, happy to relieve some of the weight from off of her aching back. She was thirty-two weeks along and already the kid had kicked like his father.

"Name please?" asked the woman behind the counter nicely. Lauren blew a strand of hair out of her sweaty face.

"Lauren Reynolds. I have an appointment for three this afternoon?"

The woman perused the patient list before nodding and offering a smile. "Take a seat why don't you, the doctor will see you shortly."

Lauren thanked her quickly and plopped down in a nearby chair. She placed a hand over her swollen belly and rubbed it affectionately. He'd been so sleepy lately only kicking intermittently. She reached into her purse and pulled out her cell for the hundredth time. She flipped through her contacts and pressed the green button when she reached the contact she'd been looking for. She sighed loudly when it went straight to voicemail. "Ian, this is Lauren...again. I know you don't like me using the cell, but if you'd pick up or if I knew where you were I wouldn't have to keep calling you. I'm at the clinic...just call me back when you get this. You said you'd be here. Okay. I love you. Bye."

She placed the phone back in her purse, removing her current book. Ian had insisted that she take it easy the minute they found out that she was with child. However, his version of "taking it easy" was to practically confine her to the bedroom. If she was tired, her meals were brought to her bed. She was provided with heat pads for her back and Ian had hired a live in nurse. He had taken it so far that one day Declan had come into their bedroom sobbing, asking her if she was dying. Lauren had really let him have it after that and he'd relented some. She was now free to walk around the villa and play with Declan, so long as she promised to not overdo it. She agreed to these terms with a roll of her eyes and a cheeky kiss to her lovers lips.

She rubbed a hand over her belly absentmindedly and she held her book with her other hand. "Lauren?" she heard from the doorway. She looked over the top of her book to see Dr. Klein standing there holding a clipboard. She nodded and placed her book into her bag, not bothering to mark her page. She got up, with a bit of difficulty, and followed the doctor into her room. Dr. Klein was a short woman with dark brown hair and thick rimmed glasses. She was a serious woman, but one who was never shy about sharing a smile.

"Why don't you take off your clothes and put on the robe. You know the drill. The nurse will be by in a bit," she said gesturing to the gown on the bed. Lauren nodded and began the task of undressing. The stretch waistband of her jeans made her cringe, but she continued. She stepped out of them as she was no longer able to properly pull them off. She undid her blouse and unclasped her bra. Pulling on the robe proved to be a challenge and she willed Ian to walk into the room to assist her with the simply task of tying it. She gave up with a huff and hoisted herself onto the table.

She leaned her head back and let her mind wander to what Ian could be doing that would be holding him up. He was the one who had bee reminding her of the appointment for that past two weeks. He'd even gotten Declan involved by making him bring in a bouquet of roses with one less each day as the appointment drew nearer. Today was the day that all three of them would sit and decide his name. Today was the day that they would finish the baby room. Declan had been designated a section of the wall where he was allowed to paint his new brother a mural. Lauren had taken him out shopping for paints a few days ago and the kid hadn't relented ever since.

The clock above the door read 3:15. She knew that the nurse would be in shortly, but couldn't help being slightly offended. Did she really think that it took her that long to undress? She wasn't totally incapable of movement...yet. Just as the thought popped into her head, the door swung open. She looked to it hopeful and couldn't help the look of dejection when she saw that it was only the nurse. "Well then, that's not usually the look I get. I'm coming to show you your baby. A grin would suffice," said the nurse in good humor as she sat down beside the table. "Let's get you ready then."

Lauren held up her hand. "I'm waiting on my partner. Sorry," she said, holding her belly reassuringly. The nurse nodded and leaned forward.

"So, picked any names yet?" she asked.

"I'm thinking about David Beckham the second, especially with the way he was last week. Truthfully, I like John...or Michael. I'm a sucker for simple names," Lauren said giddily. It felt nice to have a co-conspirator.

"And what does the fella say?" she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ian likes Caellum, but lord knows I would never spell it right and I'd probably mispronounce it and that's just gonna screw up the poor kid," Lauren chuckled. "Truthfully, I don't really mind what his name is, I just want to finally meet him!"

"Then let's just do the ultrasound. You can share the good news with Ian later."

"I don't know. I think he'd be pretty upset if he didn't get to see his little face show up on the monitor," Lauren replied laughing.

The nurse rolled her eyes and finally Lauren acquiesced. The woman pulled up the robe and placed a towel into the waistband of her underwear. "It might be a tad cold," she said as warning before squirting the lukewarm jelly on her pregnant belly. Lauren craned her neck to the left to try and get a better look at the screen, not that she could make any sense of the black and white until it was pointed out to her.

The pressure she exerted on the belly as she maneuvered the camera did nothing to help the pressure already being exerted on her bladder. "Is he turned around or something?" Lauren asked after a couple minutes of the nurse twisting the camera on her belly.

"I think so, let me go get Dr. Klein. She might be able to get a better picture, even if he is turned around," she said and promptly walked out of the room.

Lauren rolled her eyes and looked down at her belly. "You're causing problems, you know that? If it wasn't for all that tossing and turning you do I'd be back in my clothes now. Why don't you wake up for a minute and roll on over," she said to her belly.

Dr. Klein walked in a few minutes later sporting her normal serious face. She squirted some more jelly onto her stomach and took up the task of looking for a good picture of Lauren's son. After a few minutes, Dr. Klein turned the monitor off and turned to face Lauren.

"Lauren, I'm so sor-"

Tears sprang to her eyes. She placed both hands on her baby bump protectively, ignoring the feel of the jelly beneath her hands. "He's just rolled over, that's all. He's sleeping," she said with far more conviction than she felt.

"Sometimes these things happen. We can't predict them. I'm truly very sorry dear."

Tears streamed down Lauren's face as she held her stomach closer to her, as if pulling it closer to her heart could restart that of her son's. The door swung open and there was Ian, all smiles and unshaved. "What'd I miss?" he asked happily.

His face turned grim as his eyes fell upon the water-logged ones of his lover. "Love, what's wrong?" he asked, moving to her side instantly. The words caught in her throat and she swallowed in an attempt to clear that large knot that had formed there. She turned her sad eyes to the doctor.

Ian looked around helplessly as his partner continued to fall apart before him. "I'm very sorry, sir," the doctor added before she and the nurse left the room to give the grieving couple space.

"Lauren, you need to speak. Please," he begged, wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. She nodded and looked right into his eyes.

"Ian, he...our son...he's...gone," was all she could get out before she began to cry once more.

Ian stood up and shook his head. "No. You're lying."

"I wish I was!" Lauren wailed, wiping her eyes on the gown she was still sporting. Ian dragged a hand down his face in an attempt to wipe away the tears that had begun to fall from his own eyes. The tension in the room was palpable and Lauren reached for him.

"Please, Ian. Hold me...hold us," she begged in a quiet whisper. He nodded and walked over to her. He climbed up on the table and pulled her back against his chest. Their breathing was erratic and came out in shudders and short bursts. Ian kissed the crown of her head and left his lips there while Lauren clung to the arms encircling her belly.

A soft knock sounded at the door and Dr. Klein walked in. "I know this is a difficult time, but we need to discuss the next steps," she said contritely. Lauren felt nauseous. Five minutes ago she was under the impression she would see her little boy. Now she was stuck with the knowledge that her little boy was gone. This was all happening too fast. She didn't reply to the doctor, allowing Ian to be her words.

"Next steps?" Ian asked gruffly.

"Yes, we need to remove the fetus from the womb. You may choose to wait until you go into labor, Lauren. You may also choose to be induced which we can do today."

"Can we have a moment to talk it over?" Ian asked, but Lauren shook her head. She knew what she wanted, but she knew she couldn't have that.

"He's really, dead...there's no chance that he's alive?" Lauren asked with the small hope she still clung to. Dr. Klein shook her head and apologized once again.

"I want it today. Do it today. Do it now. Get him out. He doesn't need to be in there anymore," she said in a hushed tone. There were no more tears, just a feeling of emptiness. Lauren wanted to be empty. To have a reason to feel this way. Dr. Klein nodded and left the room. She returned with a wheel chair which Lauren climbed into.

"I need you to push for me Lauren, push one more time!" Dr. Klein pleaded. Ian wiped the sweat off her brow as she pushed once more and felt her son leave her body forever. For a moment she waited to hear his small cries before the realization that none would come hit her like a truck.

Dr. Klein handed the stillborn to Lauren, and she held her son to her chest. He had his fathers nose, but her lips. He had a spattering of dark brown hair on the top of his head. Ian wrapped his arms around the both of them as they looked on at their son.

Lauren was complacent the rest of her time in the clinic. She allowed Ian to mop the sweat off her brow with a damp cloth. She moved her limbs to step into her clothes. She allowed herself to be wheeled out in a wheelchair. She allowed herself to be helped into the car. She let Ian do the talking, sign the papers and say goodbye to the people who had just handed her the worst day of her life.

Ian climbed into the drivers side. "Why?" Lauren asked to no one just before he started the engine. He swallowed, but didn't answer her as no response would form. The drive back to the villa was quiet as a result. Fields passed by outside and Lauren rested her cheek against the cool glass of the window. All she wanted to do was climb into bed and never get up again.

Ian helped her out of the car and into the house. Declan would be getting ready for bed now Lauren realized, as the digital clock on the oven read 8:15. She heard him before she saw him, his thudding footsteps could be heard running down the stairs and through the entrance hall.

"Lauren! You're back! Did you and daddy pick a name yet?" he asked, humming with excitement. Lauren couldn't work up the energy to tell Declan the news and shook her head sadly. Ian threw his coat on the hall bench and walked over to his son. He picked Declan up and brought him into the kitchen, allowing Lauren to go upstairs to bed.

She walked through the villa, mindful to avoid the kitchen. The house felt larger than usual, as if it could swallow her whole. Her body ached as she climbed the stairs, but it was easy to ignore. She walked into their bedroom and take note of the large bouquet of red roses sitting in the middle of the bed. She moved them onto the armoire. There was nothing to celebrate today.

She peeled off her clothes and pulled Ian's large house coat around her body. She sat on her side of the bed, hands on her knees. She looked to the hall and could see a light from Declan's room. She sighed and got up to go turn it off, stopping in front of the babies room. Against her better judgement, she walked in.

There were candles on the window ledge, the crib had been built and the walls had been painted a dusty blue. Their first sonogram was framed above the head of the crib. There were stuffed animals at the foot of the bed, a rocking chair in the corner. Declan's mural read: "I love you with all my heart. Sleep well!". He'd painted a firetruck and a few flowers. The was a portrait of Lauren, Ian and Declan on the dresser. The change station was stocked with all the essentials.

Lauren stood stock still in the room meant for her baby. The room he would never get to see. She wrapped arms around her body, empty.

A/N Want to kill me? Leave a review!