Change of Perspective

Late August, 2021

As Lily helped her Granny Molly in the kitchen she realized that Sunday dinner at The Burrow was one of her favorite things in the entire world. She'd discovered early on that she actually liked cooking, and better than that she had a knack for it. She'd been helping her mum for a few years at Grimmauld Place, along with Kreacher. The house elf had been quite reticent at first about her helping, but the combination of his advancing age and her willingness to take direction had swayed things in her direction. It was much better helping here at The Burrow than at the beginning of the year barbeque her parents always had before Hogwarts term started; nobody would let her help. Professor Muggle, her dad and all the other men sat out by the grill her Grandpa Arthur had bought years ago and did nothing. Well, they sort of cooked sausages and the like, but they were usually either half-burnt or half-raw. Her mum said it was because they drank too much butterbeer and firewhiskey, but she knew that they just didn't have the talent. And it was definitely better at The Burrow because she didn't have to watch Professor Muggle's twin girls drool all over her brother Al. If they only knew what an idiot he was.

As her dad sat in a chair and talked to her Grandpa, Lily continued to knead the dough for the bread. She especially liked baking, how she knew the exact moment to stop kneading, how the dough should look and feel, but especially how it smelled when it was in the oven.

It was with her hands full of flour and wearing one of her Gran's old aprons that the happy, lazy atmosphere changed abruptly and without warning. The front door flew open suddenly and Teddy Lupin came in wearing old, mud-spattered clothing. That was alarming, but when Lily saw his hair she let out a gasp. Teddy's hair was white, as white as new-fallen snow, and his face was a mask of pain.

"Harry! Harry!" Ted walked quickly into the sitting room, ignoring the copious amounts of mud that fell off of his blue Wellies.

"Calm down, Ted." Harry stood up and put his hands on Ted's shoulders. "What is it? Training, now. Deep breath, then slowly. Tell me the facts."

Ted took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes, and then looked over to his godfather. "It's, um…damn. Sorry, I…Vic…"

Harry's face became very calm and Lily recognized his Serious Dad tone. "Is she ok, Ted?"

"Yeah." Teddy's voice wavered, and Lily knew that he wasn't very convinced of his own words.

Ginny walked over to the two Aurors. "Did you have a row, Teddy? You knew it would happen eventually. Merlin knows Harry and I have…"

Ted shook his head forcefully. "No, it's not that, it's…she's ok, she doesn't know I'm here, I…" He broke off suddenly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you. I…" He took another deep breath, one that seemed to involve his entire body as it heaved up and then down. "Can…can you give me a few minutes? I need some air."

Lily watched as Teddy walked back out of the open door into the green of the lawn that surrounded The Burrow. It was as her Gran quietly cleaned up the mud with a cleansing spell that her parents began to argue about what to do.

"Harry, go after him! Something's wrong, even if he didn't come out and say it. Did you see his hair?"

"I saw, Ginny. Give him some space. He said he'd be back."

"But you don't know that! Remember when he ran away…"

"He was six! Come on, this is bigger than not letting him have a ride on my broom. Ginny, he's twenty-three and I'm his godfather, not his father."

"You've been his father, Harry, even if he's not your child. Tonks would have gone after him."

"And Remus would have told her not to. We're not doing this again, Ginny. He's a man now, not a little boy. If he said he'd be back soon then he'll be back soon." Harry watched his wife purse her lips at him and give him a look. He knew what that meant. "Fine. If he's not back within the hour I'll go after him. Satisfied?"

As everyone watched Lily quietly took off her apron, hung it on a peg and slipped out the back door, wiping the flour from her hands onto her legs as she walked. She knew where he was going.

-ooo-

About a half kilometer from The Burrow is a little pond, somewhat murky at times and often filled with fish of questionable value for eating, but that was not on her mind as Lily walked towards the area with a sense of purpose. As the birds flitted about and a wayward gnome hurried across the path she increased her pace; she wanted to run but knew that if she did it would only make things worse. As she came around the bend, the one that began the slight descent down the hill towards the pond, she saw him.

Teddy was sitting against the big tree, in shadow. He had his wand out and was making things appear in the air momentarily but almost as soon as they materialized they disappeared into mist and floated away. Streaks of the mist, blue and pink, floated in the air as the current carried them slowly across the pond.

She stopped before he could see her and felt her heart ache, as it reminded her of the time that Victoire had broken up with Teddy. He had done the same thing; sit by the tree and stare out at the pond. That time he had ended up sitting there for hours, and when Lily found him the stars were already up and a faint, pale moon had hung in the sky. Lily closed her eyes for a moment and then found herself walking down to the tree. She stopped a few meters away from him and waited for him to notice.

Teddy's eyes were red from tears as he looked up. "Oh. Hey, Pixie."

Lily walked over and sat next to him with her back against the tree trunk. She leaned her head into his shoulder, and the two of them sat like that for what seemed like an eternity to her. Finally, she reached over and took his hand.

That was the action that brought Teddy out. "It's ok, Lily. I know it'll be ok, Vic said it will be, but…it doesn't feel ok."

Once again Teddy lifted up his wand and created something in the air. This time, though, Lily was close enough to see what it was. The air seemed to solidify for a second, and where there was once nothing there were a set of baby booties, in pink, that blinked into existence for a moment and then were gone. Lily closed her eyes tightly and felt her face get hot, but she didn't want to cry.

"They said it was early, Pixie. They said it happens, and that doesn't mean we can't try again."

Lily tightened her grip on Teddy's hand. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl. Too early." Ted flicked his wand again, and this time a rattle appeared in the air, blue as a robin's egg, but it too evaporated as quickly as it came into existence.

Lily saw a frog jump up and break the surface of the water and then splash down again, the ripples of its re-entrance into the water spread out swiftly at first but then slowed and calmed until once again the surface was as placid as before. Somewhere off in the distance a bird began a shrill, insistent call that hung in the air until it was answered from the opposite side of the pond. She looked down at Ted's Wellies, almost free of mud, and noticed how large they were compared to her trainers, how even if she put both her feet together they probably wouldn't fill up one of Ted's boots. Those were the distractions. Her mind kept going back to Teddy, and even more so to Victoire.

"Thanks for not bombarding me with questions. Surprised your mum isn't out here." Ted looked over to her, his hair a dark chocolate brown.

"Dad said you're a grown man and to let you be. Mum made him promise that if you are not back in an hour he'll come looking for you."

"Figures." Ted picked up a stone and tossed it into the pond, repeating the cycle of the ripples. "Also figures you'd find me out here." He looked over to her. "Listen, if you tell your brothers this I'll deny it, but you're my favorite, Pixie. Always have been. I know you're a kid…"

"I'm almost fourteen." Lily narrowed her eyes.

"Right. Sorry." Ted scratched his ear for a moment. "But seriously, you shouldn't have to listen to this. But I'm glad you're here, because I know you'll listen. Now, I know you weren't thrilled when I married Vic. Don't try to deny it; you're not good at faking. Never have been."

Ted was quiet for what seemed like a long time. Lily felt like saying something but instead she kept very quiet. Ted was talking, and that's what she wanted. His words were halting, sometimes with long pauses in-between, but she knew she needed to just listen.

"It's the reason we bought the farm, you know. Kids." Ted leaned his head against the tree trunk and looked up through the leaves. "Never had a chance to know Mum and Dad, all I had were stories. Gran and your mum and dad have been great, more than anyone could ever ask for, but Vic knew I wanted a family of my own. She always knew. When she found the farm and told me why she'd picked it out? Well, I couldn't believe it. You could have knocked me down with a feather. She knew I always wanted to own a farm, to live like that out in the country. I told her it wouldn't work, I'm an Auror, and with the schedule I keep it would be impossible for me to do my job and for her to work at the Ministry and properly keep a farm. That's when she told me she would quit. Said it would be easier to have all those kids if she was at home. I told her she was barmy and she said that Molly did it, and if Molly could do it then she could, too."

After a long spell of silence Lily finally found her voice. "She loves you. And you love her. You'll be a great dad, Teddy."

He chuckled slightly. "Thanks, Lils. I hope so."

"I know so. You've been the best big brother."

He leaned his head over until it touched hers. "Better than James?"

Lily snorted.

"Better than Al?"

"The best, Teddy. That's why I was a complete arse about everything. I'm sorry. It's hard having Vic as a cousin."

"Yeah, I heard about that. Rosie filled me in a while back. It's not her fault…"

"That she's as pretty and fit as her mum, I know, I know. Veela. Ugh."

"And French?" Ted elbowed her. "It's ok, Pixie. Guess she surprised you and Rosie out at the farm the other day then, huh?"

"Bloody hell, Teddy! I don't know if I've ever been so…so…"

"Yeah, she said that." His light-hearted tone disappeared. "I should get back. She's all alone there now, and I left after feeding the sheep, she doesn't know I'm here."

Lily stood up quickly and looked at him. "Then go. I'll tell everyone you've left. I won't say anything else."

Ted stood up and took Lily into his arms. "It's ok. You can tell them. They'll have to know eventually. Just try and keep Molly away for the rest of today, ok? Just give us some time."

-ooo-

Lily sat in the kitchen at Argrimead as the women plotted out the chores. They had all arrived early in the morning, Granny Molly earliest of all, and had begun tending to the animals without a word. Teddy had come downstairs for tea and a tray to take upstairs to Vic, but besides that he moved through the house as if he was a ghost. Her dad had told Teddy that he wasn't to return to duty for a week, and with everything going on Teddy just didn't know what to do. Fleur had been upstairs a few times but each time upon returning only gave them the same report; she was resting and that she wanted to be alone with Teddy.

Dominique wanted to talk to her sister but Fleur told her quietly that it could wait. As Ginny and Fleur made lists of what chores were to be done by whom Lily decided that she'd had enough of the quiet vigil; she stood up, put her teacup in the sink and walked quietly to the back door. When she was confident that nobody had noticed she pulled on the ancient doorknob and opened the door as silently as possible.

The blindingly bright sunlight was almost an affront to her mood. As the large, puffy clouds drifted slowly in the sky she began walking, heedless of destination. When she found herself at the door of the barn it was a surprise, as she hadn't meant to go there. Actually she hadn't meant to go anywhere; she just wanted to be outside. As the large wooden door with its cracked and flaking red paint creaked open she stepped cautiously inside.

Once again the smell came to her, but this time it was different. Instead of shocking her it felt oddly soothing. It wasn't an old barn with smelly animals, it was Teddy and Vic's barn, with their animals. The animals that provided the milk, the eggs, the wool. She walked past the cow that gazed at her with those big, deep brown eyes, and found a clean pile of straw next to a wall. Ignoring her clothing she sat down in the pile and leaned back against the wall. Soon, though, she was jolted out of her thoughts by something cold and wet on her hand. A dog's nose.

"Come here, girl." Lily patted the straw next to her and the black and white dog lay down next to her, putting its head in her lap.

Lily petted the dog almost automatically, registering the smooth, thick fur of the dog as she stroked from the top of the head down towards the tail. The sound of the chickens clucking softly fell on her ears and she looked down at the dog.

"Don't be mean to the chickens, Whip."

As if understanding the dog licked her hand. Lily sat there for a long time just staring at the barn, how the timbers that held up the roof seemed almost as ancient as the house, watched as the dust particles seemed to almost shine as they drifted through the shafts of light that made their way through the windows onto the dirt floor. More than anything, though, she wanted to do something. She felt useless; all of the things that really needed done had already been completed or divvied up between Granny Molly, her mum and her Aunt Fleur. She'd insisted on coming along earlier that morning, but what could she do?

As the chickens clucked again she knew exactly what she could do.

-ooo-

When she re-entered the house all of the women looked at her, but Lily didn't pay any attention. Instead she went directly to the sink, washed up, and started taking things out of the small magical refrigerator, one of the only brand-new and modern magical appliances in the house. After she'd placed the needed items on the small counter by the stove she turned to the pantry and began gathering other requirements.

"Lily, dear, what are you doing?" Her Granny Molly walked over next to her. "I've already made them something."

"For today. They'll need things later on. I'm going to make things that are good as leftovers or heated up quickly. Vic won't want to cook and Teddy's hopeless in the kitchen."

"She iz right." Fleur came over and put a hand on Lily's shoulder. "I zink he could burn water. Zank you, Lily, I know zey will appreciate eet. Eet eez very sweet of you."

As the day stretched on into early evening Ginny told Lily that she had to head back, but before leaving she hugged her daughter tightly and kissed her. "You are a very thoughtful girl, Lily Luna. I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks, Mum." Lily took the braided cloth potholders off of the hook next to the stove. "I'll be home soon."

"Stay as long as you need to. Floo'll be open." Ginny gave her a warm smile, embraced Granny Molly and Fleur, and soon disappeared via the Floo.

As Molly and Fleur talked quietly in the small sitting room Lily made the finishing touches to the evening meal. It wasn't much, but it was hearty and the crust on her shepherd's pies had turned out wonderfully. She arranged the items on the small tray, added the silverware and the napkins, but at the last second she stopped before picking up the tray. As it was during her last visit the small vase sat with daisies in it, this time freshly cut, so Lily placed the small vase on the tray alongside the food.

She made her way up the narrow stairs to the only room on the second floor, the bedroom. As she sat the tray down gently she wished she was seventeen; it would have been so much easier to levitate the tray with magic than carry it by hand. She knocked on the door softly. "Teddy? Vic? It's Lily, I've brought you something to eat."

After a few moments the door opened slowly, revealing a portion of the bedroom. Lily picked up the tray and maneuvered it cautiously through the doorway. As she walked fully into the room she took it all in quickly; Vic was in bed, sitting up with a book as Ted slept soundly in a chair, his feet propped up on the empty side of the bed. The room itself was small, a small floral print on the wallpaper, with only the necessary furniture. Vic was covered by a light, pale yellow cotton blanket and wore a t-shirt that Lily knew was Teddy's.

"Oh Lily, thank you." Vic's voice was quiet and soft, so different than the last time Lily visited. She nodded towards Teddy. "He just fell asleep. He's been…he hasn't slept much so I don't want to wake him."

Lily nodded and handed Vic the tray; as she held it Lily extended the legs so it fit snugly over Vic's lap. After that she turned to leave.

"Lily? Will you stay for a moment?"

Lily turned and Vic's eyes were hopeful. She nodded and went to sit, but there wasn't a chair. Vic reached over to the nightstand, took her wand and conjured a comfortable chair just the right height for Lily.

"It's just a shepherd's pie. There's more downstairs." She took the flowers off of the tray and sat them on the nightstand next to Vic. "I thought these would be nice."

Vic's face brightened at the flowers. "He brings those to me every day. I don't know where he gets them; we don't have daisies here on the farm. Even if he's out on assignment they somehow end up here. Fresh daisies."

Lily glanced over at Ted, his hair a dark shade of brown, almost black.

"He's taking it very hard." Vic straightened up in bed and sighed. "Lily, I told him we can try again. He doesn't want to talk about it. He did say that he talked to you, though."

"A little." Lily sat deeply in the chair and rested her head on the back.

"Rosie told him not to worry, but he wouldn't listen. Yes, Lily, I know she's not always right; her visions don't always come true. But I believe. I've always believed, even before Rosie's vision. It's one of the reasons we bought the farm."

Lily squirmed a bit in her chair. Having such a frank discussion so soon after everything had happened was uncomfortable enough but she felt guilty about her feelings at the wedding. "Vic, I'm sorry that…"

"Oh Lily. I was horrible. I know that. I just wanted it to be perfect for Teddy. For us. I knew that the days of dresses and receptions at the Ministry were going to end. Can't last forever. And I'm sorry we haven't spent much time together. Now that you're older it's much easier, the age difference doesn't matter as much."

Teddy snorted, kicked his legs a few times and rolled over so that his face was almost wedged between the arm and the back of the chair.

"And as for Teddy." Vic looked over to Lily. "I know you're his favorite. He told me about things, how you two have always had a special bond. I don't want to change that."

"I'm a complete idiot." Lily shook her head. "With everything that's just happened you're apologizing to me?"

"Lily, you know Teddy. The first day I thought I might be pregnant he wanted to build a nursery downstairs. He was about to start tearing down a wall when I stopped him. I will be fine. Am I sad? Of course I am. But like the Healer said, I'm young and we can try again. I'm more worried about him, honestly."

Lily swung her legs back and forth under the chair. She knew that she needed to mentally take back everything nasty she'd ever thought about her cousin. As she looked at Vic, her sliver-blonde hair falling over one shoulder, and saw the warmth in those china-blue eyes, she couldn't help herself. Very quietly she slipped off the chair, went over to the bed and hugged her cousin.

"I'm sorry, Vic. For everything."

Victoire smoothed Lily's hair in even, calm strokes. "It's ok, Lily. I know Teddy's your big brother. He's my husband now, but he'll always be your big brother. You know that, don't you?"

Lily nodded. "I do."