Hello readers! This is the LONGEST story I've ever written, but before you embark on reading this, I suggest you put carrie underwood's what can I say on loop while reading the story. I haven't written in a very long time, forgive me, and most of my stories aren't very frequently viewed, but I've been busy this and last year, so bear with me I would love it if you guys could review! If you want a happier ending, review and tell me, maybe I'll write an alternate ending to this too! But for now, ENJOY

How could he? I trusted him.

The rain was pouring outside, heavy water droplets pelted against my window relentlessly.
It was about 2.30 at night, Dimitri was running an all-night shift. I took out my diary and started to write.

Dear diary,

It's March 16th today. It is also the happiest day of my life.
today, I found out that I am carrying the child of the love of my life.
I'm ecstatic, as I know he will as well. He's always been a natural with children, and I am certain he's going to be a great father.
however, I worry that I'll take after my mother. What if I neglect my poor child? And I've been said to be very aggressive as well!
I don't know what to do now.
I want to be the best mother I can be to this child, my beautiful child, but what I turn out to be a monster?
some part of my mind tells me that I'll be fine, but would I really risk my child like that?
I like the sound of that. My child. Who would have imagined? Rosemarie Hathaway, soon to be Belikov, a mother?
oh did I forget to tell you? I'm not engaged to the one and only, Dimitri Belikov, lover of my life, possessor of my soul.
He proposed a few nights ago, I guess, being all caught up in the celebration, I forgot to mention that.
it was by far the sweetest proposal I had ever witnessed.
you wouldn't believe the state of euphoria I am in now. I don't think anything could ruin my mood.
yes, not even sparky. Oh, I also forgot to tell you, our dearest queen is marrying FIREBOY! Yes, soon they'll have little dragons running around, get it? Dragomirs that can wield fire like sparky? Eh? Eh? I crack myself up sometimes
anyway, Dimitri isn't home yet, and I couldn't sleep. Feels like -

I shrieked as lightning flashed across the sky, a bright light illuminating the darkness around.
Some thing churned in my stomach, and I knew something bad was going to happen tonight. I could feel it.
I tossed in my bed, trying to find a comfortable spot to settle in, but I knew I wasn't going to get any shut eye soon. So I got up, my shadow stretching across the room as I went to my window sill. Anytime now, Dimitri would be back, back into my bed, back into my arms. The rain came down hard, almost like it was pounding the earth for every crime it had ever made. A sick, cruel form of justice.

3.45am.
he wasn't home yet. Panic was slowly but surely starting to seep into my system. He's a trained guardian Rose, he can take care of himself, I said to myself, trying to ease my overwhelming fear. I could feel my heart beating slightly too fast, cold sweat starting to break out across my forehead in anxiety. I bit my lip, should I go out and look for him? What if he's just patrolling again?

Indecisiveness consumed me. I sat on my bed, still at war with myself. Unable to keep still, I begun pacing around my room, running every possibility of his whereabouts through my head. I'm overreacting, I told myself, but somehow, the fear kept gnawing at me. Enough is enough, I decided. I grabbed my coat and headed to the door. Just then, I saw a shadow move, in my peripheral vision. Sensing something amiss, I grabbed my stake from my bedside drawer and crept next to my bedroom window. An all too familiar shape emerge from the trees. I sighed in relief, and headed downstairs to greet him, but right before I left, I saw another shadow. The shadow belonged to someone I knew, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. Curiosity and suspicion filled my mind. Who could that be? Why are they out there in the pouring rain? Why are they out there at this insane time?

With a million questions running through my head, I continued watching, and now, I wish I hadn't.

The two figures drew nearer together, one in sheer frustration, the other, looked like it was pleading. Dimitri and who? What was going on? suddenly, Dimitri's posture went slack, and then, the two figures were embracing each other.

It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. At first, incomprehension set in, as I struggled to acknowledge the scene before me. Disbelief replace confusion. How could this man, the man who just proposed to me a few nights ago be doing this? Another flash of lightning lit up the world for a split second. TASHA. It was tasha? Tasha. TASHA? Anger fuelled me. HOW COULD THE MAN, WHO'S BABY I WAS CARRYING BE DOING THIS? All of a sudden, it was like I was being drained, but a strange calm set over me. Like as if a blanket covered my emotions. With a resolve that I didn't know I had, I tore my eyes away from the heart-breaking scene, and began to move. I grabbed his duffel bag from the closet, and began filling it with every possession he owned. Clothes, books and even his spare stake. With an eerie tranquillity, I walked towards the door, and headed downstairs. It was like I wasn't in control anymore.

Just as I reached the bottom step, he stepped into our house. No, my house. And just like that, the cloud of daze that he was in lifted. He stared wide-eyed at me, as if trying to understand why I had all his things in a bag, and what he just did. "Roz-" before he could even finish what he had to say, I lifted my hand, gesturing for him to stop. I dropped his bag at his feet and stared up at him. The look of pain and anguish on his face would have made me cry, but right then, I didn't even know what I was doing. Slowly, never break eye contact, I removed the engagement ring he gave me, and set it in his palm, curling his fingers around it. "Go," I said, voice firm and cold, sounding almost robotic. "Please, just liste-" he begged, but I wouldn't hear it. It was like the curtain of calm had lifted, and I screamed "GO!"

He stared at me in shock, tears running freely down both our faces now. He looked like he had more to say, but I guess the look on my face said everything already. He turned around, opened the door and stepped out, but right before he left, he whispered something that haunts me until today. "you've got it all wrong Roza. I love you"

Piercing Words, Eyes Are Red
Watched Your Taillights In The Rain
Empty Heart Filled With Regret
I Know We Were Both To Blame

With that, I saw him get into his car and drive away, and I stood there standing, looking until his headlights disappeared into the distant fog. Then, I felt my heart breaking. I collapsed there, on the front porch, and it felt like I couldn't breathe.

And I'm Not Sorry That It's Over
But For The Way We Let It End
So I Said All I Had To Say
In Letters That I Threw Away

A few years had passed before I saw tasha again, and needing answers, I asked her about it.
Dimitri was right, I had gotten it wrong. Tasha never knew about Dimitri and I. she had asked him to test something out with her.
they had been high school sweethearts, and tasha wanted to know if they still felt the spark they use to. So she compelled him. He was right. I did have it completely wrong. Tasha apologised though, but I still hate her. The last I heard of Dimitri was that he went back to Russia, and is now in rehab for drinking. His mom called me a few times, saying he had gone insane, screaming my name in his sleep. My heart kept tearing every time she called.

Do you remember when I was packing his stuff? There was one thing I left out. His duster. Now, our five year old sweetheart, Nadezhda, meaning hope in Russian, sleeps with the only thing she holds of her father every night. I wrote letters to him, everyday, about her growth, from the first time I went to see her picture on the monitor with Lissa till now, but I never had the courage to send them. They stayed in a box in my room. I tried calling him a few times, but every time someone answered, I'd hang up.

And You Should Know, Please Believe Me
I've Picked Up The Phone A Thousand Times
And Tried To Dial Your Number, But It's Been So Long
It's Never Easy, It's Like Tryin' To Spin The World The Other Way
What Can I Say?

Today we were moving out. It's time for a change in scenery. A time to start a fresh. As I packed everything into the last box and loaded it into the van, I buckled Nadezhda into her child seat and went in to take a final look around.

I went up to our old room, reminiscing the love I felt in here, and chanced upon something. It was my box of letters. Picking it up, I gently traced every crevice of the wooden box, and opened it. A familiar lullaby began to play, it was the lullaby he always sang to me. A familiar pain stabbed my heart. He gave this to me on our first dating anniversary. I smiled at the memories as tears rolled down my face. Little did I know who was watching from outside.

How Did It Come To This?
I Think About You All The Time
It's No Excuse, But I Wish
That I Never Made You Cry

I walked out with the box, drying my tears along the way, and put it with the trash. It's time to start a fresh Rose. No need for the past anymore, I told myself, painfully parting with my last memory of him. With a last forlorn look, I started the car and drove off, leaving my heart behind.

I'm Not Sorry That It's Over
But For The Way We Let It End
I Couldn't Find The Words To Say

She really left today.
Left the house she was at. But not before leaving a small wooden box at the trash.
I remember that box, I gave it to her you know. I watched as she drove away. It was stupid for me to have fled immediately when she told me to go, but now I've lost her forever.
people have been checking on her and our daughter for me, so I never forgot her.
my precious, beautiful daughter Nadezhda. It warmed my heart that Roza decided to name her in Russian. If I had been there when she had named her, she would never be able to forget the look of pure happiness that I wore when I first heard my daughter's name.

I walked towards the box, picking it up, and gingerly opening it.
I read every letter she ever wrote, savouring the feel of something that was hers in my arms.
some made me laugh, some made me cry.
I still love her.
I would still fight for her, but from a distance.
I can't believe I let her go so easily in the first place, but I swear I will win her back someday.

Someday, in another life.

And You Should Know, Please Believe Me
I've Picked Up The Phone A Thousand Times
And Tried To Dial Your Number, But It's Been So Long
It's Never Easy, It's Like Tryin' To Spin The World The Other Way
So What Can I Say? What Can I Say?
What Can I Say? What Can I Say?

Today I received a call from Dimitri's mother.
it came just as I had stepped into my new home.
Dimitri was gone. Forever.
he overdosed, but left me a note.
tears flowed from my eyes, dripping onto the cold wooden floor.

I Hate To Think All You Had Of Me
(I Said All I Had To Say)
Is A Memory I Left You, Pace Between What Was Meant To Be
(In Letters That I Threw Away)
And The Mess That It Turned Into

Dear Roza,

Beloved Roza.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Perhaps you know what really happened that day, but that's insignificant.

I'm sorry I walked away. That I didn't come back. I didn't try to fight the compulsion harder. I didn't fight to let you hear my story harder.

I'm sorry that I failed you. I hope you and our daughter, Nadezhda, stay safe always. She's a beautiful young girl, as beautiful as her mother, the only woman that captured my heart. I love you, and I love her too.

Maybe we'll meet again someday, but for now, I won't be too far away, maybe you'll chance upon me from time to time.

I'll be watching over you two. Protecting you. I expect you to protect her from all those boys when she's older! She's going to be stunning.

Don't blame yourself for anything Roza. I should have tried harder.

I love you always my milaya.

Ya teba lyublyu,

Dimitri Belikov- Hathaway

And with the letter came my engagement ring.

And You Should Know, Please Believe Me
I've Picked Up The Phone A Thousand Times
And Tried To Dial Your Number, But It's Been So Long
It's Never Easy, It's Like Tryin' To Spin The World The Other Way
It's Like Tryin' To Spin The World The Other Way
What Can I Say? What Can I Say?
What Can I Say?

Hello again readers! How was it? Yes, to clarify, Dimitri did die, and Dimitri is a ghost.

Should I give them a happier ending? You tell me! HIT THE REVIEW BUTTON BELOW