For those of you who read it, yes, I know I haven't updated Sanity Disturbed in a long time. I promise I'm working on it. I have a lot to fix since my computer ate the first chapter, and then I made the mistake of leaving the file open while I went to clean my kitchen. I came back, and my cat was asleep on my keyboard. I should probably be working on it right now, but the plot bunny hit me over the head with a giant carrot, and is now holding me hostage until I finish at least one chapter of this.

Disclaimer: I am only doing this ONCE! I do not own Harry Potter or anything related. It belongs to J. K. Rowling and various publishers. I do not own most of these ideas. The stunts performed are found on multiple lists, and the plot bunny told me I had to do one. Some ideas used (hopefully not anytime soon) are borrowed from Please Stop Eating The Hell Butterflies (written by Mistress Nika). One idea (possibly a couple of stunts) is borrowed from Curse of Fate (also by Mistress Nika). Let's just assume I own nothing but the computer I'm typing this on. You hear me? *glares at lawyers* I. Own. Nothing! Try to sue, and you might possibly get some pocket lint, assuming I'm wearing something with pockets at the time. Other than that, you might get a couple of pennies.

Warnings: I'm making this T for now, though there may be some points that will most likely warrant a soft M. The T rating is mostly for cursing, the dangers of boredom, mentions – and possibly a bit more - of slash and femslash. We all know I'm not the biggest fan of het. Um… This is AU, since I'm going to twist this to suit my wicked needs. This is not to be taken seriously! I don't do serious. There will most likely be Dumbles bashing, Molly, Ron, and Ginny bashing, goodish Voldie, Snape, Lucius, Bellatrix, and Slytherins.

Pairings: Since I know I'm going to mention them, might as well get them out of the way. Harry/Snape, Hermione/Luna, possible Dean/Seamus, mentions of past Harry/Ginny, past Ron/Hermione, past Arthur/Regulus possible Fred/Neville/George, Sirius/Remus. If there's anything else, I'll let you know.

Summary: Harry Potter is bored. Very bored. When the son of a Marauder and godson of two other Marauders is bored, that means things at Hogwarts are about to get odd. Well, more so than usual. Especially if the godfathers of said teen have been any kind of influence…

Sixteen-year-old Harry Potter was bored. He had nothing to do. He was no longer fighting Voldemort, since he had found out over the Christmas break that his great-great-grandmother Elena, the last witch in the Evans line before Lily – had adopted Tom Marvolo Riddle as her brother. Harry and his guardians since the end of third year, Sirius Black (now pardoned) and werewolf Remus Lupin, had ended up spending the summer break at Riddle Manor, getting to know Voldemort. Or Uncle Tom, as he preferred Harry to call him. They'd found out a lot of interesting things.

First of all, Tom wasn't really all that evil. He was just misunderstood. All his battles had been politically. His words and goals (to separate the Muggle and Wizarding worlds, to adapt Muggle technology for Wizarding use, to identify all Muggleborns when they first started showing signs of magic, inspecting the families of Muggleborns to make sure the child would grow up properly instead of being abused, removing Muggleborns from abusive homes, setting up a Wizarding orphanage, insisting all magical children attend a primary school to learn customs and proper methods of preparing Potions ingredients, equal rights for Dark witches and wizards, and equal rights for magical creatures) had been twisted by Albus Dumbledore. The Death Eaters had followed the so-called Dark Lord, making matters even worse. Tom's true followers – Severus Snape, the Malfoys, the Lestranges, Rookwood, Regulus Black, Dolohov, McNair, and others – were never Marked. The Dark Mark had been fabricated and put into use by some self-made Dark Lord from Australia, of all places.

Harry also found out that Dumbledore had deliberately gone against James and Lily Potter's will. It had stated, in plain English, that if they died, Peter Pettigrew had been their Secret Keeper, not Sirius Black. Sirius and Remus were to receive custody of Harry, or, if they were unable to take their godson, Tom Riddle should be given custody. Under no circumstances was Harry to go to the Dursleys. Dumbledore had known all of this, as was evidenced by the fact that he had witnessed the document. Harry had already known, since Sirius and Remus had taken him to Gringotts on his fourteenth birthday to officially adopt him, that Dumbledore had, after setting himself up as Harry's magical guardian (already illegal since Sirius had never been formally convicted), been stealing from the Potter vaults. Harry had promptly fired the previous account manager and hired Griphook instead. They had worked out a plan: keep a record of everything that was taken out, and hold it in reserve until Harry wanted to reclaim everything, including fifteen percent interest, to go to the goblins for their repo work. It turned out Molly had also been taking money. Afterwards, Sirius and Remus had taken Harry to a healer to make sure there was nothing wrong with him after living with the Dursleys for so long. Healer Anderson had found traces of a love potion in his system, which would explain his pining after Ginny. Harry had immediately contacted Hermione and had her come in to be checked. Traces of the same potion had been found in her system as well, prompting them to cut all ties with Ron and Ginny. A further check turned up compulsion potions, magical blocks, and several memory charms. Everything was removed over the course of the summer. Needless to say, Harry and Hermione were doing much better.

And that wasn't even the worst of it. He'd found out that Neville wasn't a Longbottom. He was a Lestrange. He had been kidnapped when he was about six months old, given to the Longbottom family, and blood adopted to hide his parentage. The Lestranges had tracked them down to get him back. Rodolphus and Rabastian had been responsible for the attack on Frank and Alice, while Bella had ripped down the wards around Neville's playpen. The insane cackle she'd let out had been because she had finally seen her baby boy, and now they were being ripped apart again.

To top it all off, Arthur and Molly, while they had been married since before Bill's birth, were not the parents of all seven Weasley children. Or rather, Molly wasn't the mother of all seven. Arthur had been bonded to Regulus Black since the younger male graduated from Hogwarts. Together, they had been powerful enough to produce biological offspring. Arthur had just found out he was pregnant with his first child and gone to his father to tell him the good news. Arthur's father, however, had been less than pleased. The very next day, he had told Arthur he was to marry Molly Prewitt. Regulus, Arthur, and Molly had met up and agreed to an arrangement. Arthur and Molly would marry, but would not consummate their marriage unless Regulus died. Molly would be given the Burrow to live in. And so Regulus and Arthur had five children, William Arthur, Charles Regulus, Percival Sirius, and Frederick Fabian and George Gideon (named for Regulus' best friends, Fabian and Gideon Prewitt, Molly's older brothers). Arthur had been eight months pregnant with the twins and on his way home from an appointment with his Healer when Regulus was attacked just outside their home. Arthur had stumbled across him and held him until he died, and the shock sent Arthur into labor. Once Arthur was healed enough, he and Molly consummated their marriage, resulting in Ronald. The second, and last, time they slept together ended in Ginevra, as Molly had decided she was going to have children until she had a daughter. A little potion from Arthur ensured that it would happen. Arthur was allowed no part in Ron and Ginny's lives, and was barred from being there for their births. It was just fine for him. He had his and Regulus' children to look after and love. Molly wanted nothing to do with them. Instead, she spent all her time with Ron and Ginny.

Harry quickly shook his head. Now was not the time to be thinking about all of this. He'd been doing that all summer. Right now was for thinking of what he was going to do this year. As he shifted in his seat, something hard poked him in the leg. Checking the side pocket of his black cargos, Harry pulled out a slightly battered black book, Things That Should Never Be Done At Hogwarts written across the front in silver, with Minerva McGonagall underneath. That's right. Sirius and Remus had given it to him this morning. It had belonged to his father, James, and his godfathers had decided it was time for the newest generation of Marauders to take their place and add to the book. McGonagall had started it as a list, but after having to constantly revise it, she had simply turned it into a self-updating book and given copies to the Marauders, so if something was written in her copy, it would show up in theirs.

Turning the book over in his hands, Harry slowly grinned, the look only slightly evil and disturbing. This year was going to be fun.

And that's the end of the first chapter! I promise, that's most of the serious stuff out of the way. I just wanted to get it over with. The humor will pick up in the next chapter.