AN: I know I should update my other fics first but I'm having a writers block with Courting, as to What you want I got the whole thing outline and a couple chapters ready that need some tweeking and should be up by next week. Anyways this is a fill for this prompt in the Kink meme:

At a party, Kurt decides to let loose a little, and have a couple of drinks. He drinks more than he planned and gets really drunk. Later in the night, Kurt isn't feeling so good so he finds an empty bedroom, and lies down on the bed. Someone walks in on him, and rapes him, while he's too drunk and disorientated to have any chance at fighting him off.

Kurt never tells anyone what happened because he blames himself for drinking too much. Even after he finds out that he's pregnant he doesn't let anyone know about it and tries to hide the pregnancy from everyone. He and Blaine have been intimate with each other but so far they've only tried giving each other hand jobs and frottage, so Blaine would immediately know that the baby isn't his.

When Blaine finds out he freaks out, and gets really upset, accusing Kurt of cheating before breaking up with him. Kurt doesn't admit the truth because he's so ashamed of what happened. Most of New Directions shun Kurt when they find out, and the ones who don't judge Kurt about what happened feel pressured by the others to ignore him.

BONUS: if Kurt is carrying more than one baby.

I would also like to thank my wonderful beta AirNationOracle for being so much help! Specifically with naming this story, and please make sure to check out his fantastic work, if you are in the for some Hevans fluff I specially recommend his new story between him and him. Now sit back relax and enjoy:

Tabula Rasa

Chapter 1:Empty Feelings"

The world had become a blurry haze that kept changing its axis as if challenging him to try and walk straight.

He knew he shouldn't have drunk that last tequila shot; hell he shouldn't have had any of the shots that the Warblers kept handing him. Because if Kurt Hummel had learned something during April Rhode's short stint as a Gleek: it was he can't hold his alcohol.

But it was David's birthday and it had been so long since he had hung out with the Warblers (except Blaine) and he felt safe, comfortable. Besides, he didn't have to drive home since his dad had let him spend the night with the rest of the Warblers that he had hardly seen since he had transferred back to McKinley.

So when Jon walked over with a shot in each hand Kurt thought What the hell? and downed it, feeling the warm burn go down to his stomach and slowly spread throughout his body. The rest of the night seemed like a repetition of this; either Jon, Trent, Aaron or Flint walking over with a shot in hand and offering Kurt the drink, which of course Kurt was too polite to decline till the world became the whirling haze that his now is.

Holding close to the wall trying to keep steady, Kurt was able to make his way up the stairs without fail, just stumbling every now and then looking for a quiet place to lie down so his world could stop spinning.

The halls of the second floor seen to go forever till Kurt finally found an unlocked room and stumble his way inside dropping in the large bed as song as his eyes laid on it. Not caring if his outfit would get ruined, the only thing that mattered right now was for the world to stop spinning.

Kurt tried closing his eyes to help alleviate the dizziness and slowly his world started the slip away. He felt someone lay next to him in the bed through the blurry line that separated his intoxicated subconscious and sleep. Then moist lips were running down his neck and unknown hands were traveling up and down his body finding their way to his belt.

Whether it was a dream turning into a nightmare; Kurt couldn't tell. Never the less he tried to protest, to tell the stranger to stop but it only came as a mumbled whisper that didn't make sense even to him. Kurt was flipped on his stomach and then his world was swallowed by darkness.

The clock on the wall read 8:43 AM when Kurt finally opened his eyes, a pounding headache and nausea where his wakeup call. He turned to the side of the bed and lost the contents of his stomach all over the carpeted floor. Lying back on the bed, Kurt closed his eyes trying to will his headache away to no avail. He laid there till his throat started to burn from both thirst and the burning of his stomach acid.

Thinking that he might as well get something to clean up the floor before the smell starts to get overwhelming, he sat up. Kurt winced as a burning pain shot through him from his bottom up; only then did he realize that his pants were pulled down and there was sticky wet feeling between his legs, specifically what he was sitting on.

Kurt blanched, feeling the bile in his stomach start to come up again at the realization of what all that meant. All the warmth left his body and he felt his heart go into hummingbird mode as his breath was starting to come out ragged. Kurt can feel the panic start to spread from inside him when his phone rings, snapping Kurt back to reality.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket just to have something normal to ground him and sees a text from his dad. Now all he wants to do is go home and crawl his way into his daddy's bed like he used to every time he had a nightmare when he was small. He wanted his dad to hold him tight and promise it was only a bad dream.

Without even thinking about it, Kurt pulled his pants up and just stormed out of the room, the house and into his car, not even caring about the mess he left in the room or what David might think. All that matters, all he can think about is getting home, feeling safe, seeing his dad.

It was a miracle that Kurt didn't get in an accident as he kept trying to remember what happened last night instead of paying attention to the road. The only things that came to mind were shots exchanging hands, the warm fire in his belly spreading throughout his body, resting heavy on his head and making the wobbly trek to find a room even harder than it should have. Then there was the faint memory of hands all over his body and then nothing. Nothing. And that nothing scared the life out of him because if it was truly nothing why did he feel pain in his posterior?

Now parked outside his house, he realized that he couldn't face his father. What was he gonna say "Hey Dad, I drank till I passed out last night and might've lost my virginity too? Oopsy?" That was definitely not an option; his dad had always prided himself with how mature and responsible Kurt was; he trusts him and what does his son do? Screws it all up.

Kurt spent the next seventeen minutes locked inside his car debating whether to tell Burt of not. He didn't want to see the look of disappointment in his father's face nor give him stress that would be really hard on his heart.

"Pretty, pretty please," broke through Kurt's mental debate as he noticed his phone ringing.

Blaine…

Kurt had forgotten about his boyfriend in his panic; now Blaine was probably worried about him and wondering where he was since he was his ride home.

Kurt let the call to go to voicemail as his mind started to wrap around what this is gonna do to his relationship with Blaine. He had been so wrapped up in himself and getting out of there to think of how this would affect two of the people he loved the most. Blaine was supposed to be Kurt's first with candle lights, rose petals and soft music. Oh God, Blaine was gonna dump him and who would blame him? Kurt was tainted now.

But not if he didn't know; if Kurt doesn't say anything his dad won't be disappointed in him and Blaine won't dump him. They don't have to know Kurt is tainted.

Besides it was only my virginity, Kurt thought, trying to make light of the situation but his heart ached at the mere memory of what he lost.

He needed his dad to let everything out but Kurt's needs didn't matter right now. What mattered was keeping this whole thing quiet so the people he loves won't shun him.

Finally coming to a decision, Kurt dried the tears from his eyes and checked himself in the mirror. It was probably still early enough that he could sneak up with our being notice. He really needed to be in his room and sleep for hours but first he needed to shower and wash away any traces of his sin. He looked as himself in the rearview mirror one last time slipping the cool collected mask he used to wear at school, the one that annoyed all the Neanderthals that kept trying to make his life a living hell. The same mask he hadn't needed since Dalton, since Blaine. Locking his car and walking into his home, he said a fleeting hello to Carole who was in the kitchen. Kurt realized this might not be too hard to hide; after all, Kurt had become an expert at hiding behind masks.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter. Please comment and review and let me know if you liked it or if I should continue it. Also in an unrelated note I got a tumblr (clovrboy . Tumblr . Com) if you want to follow me send me suggestions or promts.