Bella decided she wanted to be heard. Think of these as diary entries. They go along with the flow of 'Fatty' and just give you a little bit of what Bella is thinking. There will be some longer chapters as to what happened between Bella and Jake before Edward arrived the night of the 'roid rage incident as well as what went down when Bella went to the gym to check on Jake. And of course I know you all want to know what Bella thought of Edward wacking it in the shower.

All in good time

But please enjoy this for now.

I didn't have anyone look at this…so blame me for any errors.

He reminded me of…me.

The horrible self-image that threatened to drown him.

The fear and anger that surrounded him.

The tears after he realized just how much he weighed.

I had to help him.

*()*()*

Every workout with him is an exercise in self-control.

I want to hold him when he fails, and wrap my arms around him when he succeeds.

But that would be crossing a line.

*()*()*

Jake is like a dog with a bone.

He wants to take me out.

His compliments and sweet words are addictive.

I just wish they were coming from someone else.

*()*()*

I'm scared for Edward.

This business trip could go one of two ways.

He will either knock their socks off and it will open doors for him.

Or…

He'll fail.

I'm not sure which I'm hoping for.

Because if he does well, it's only a matter of time until he doesn't need me anymore.

And then where will I be?

*()*()*

Standing in front of my closet, the only way I can get excited is imagining I'm going out with Edward instead of with Jake.

So I don't get dressed up to impress Jake…

I put on a skirt and think of the way Edward's bright green eyes would linger on the bare skin of my leg.

The flush on my cheeks when I answer the door for Jake has nothing to do with him…

And everything to do with the fantasy of long, pale fingers slipping beneath my skirt.

*()*()*

He just doesn't see just how amazing he looks.

His shoulders are wide and I can just imagine what it would be like to be under him as his big body trembles and moves.

And seeing the pain on his face when he realized I had a date nearly killed me.

It's his name on my lips when my vibrator is getting me off.

But it's Jake's hand on my back as we enter the restaurant.

I just hope he won't try to kiss me.

*()*()*

Jake's lips are thin and rough.

His breath is awful.

I cried myself to sleep, knowing I had to stop things with him before it went too far.

It also doesn't help that I want someone else.

So there ya go. That takes us up through chapter seven. We'll get to see Bella's reaction to Edward leaving the club with that skank and then what exactly happened with Jake.

See you soon!