Renee Helmer's Little Black Book
(Otherwise Known as a Diary)

23 September

4:01 pm

Oliver Wood. A champion among Gryffindors for his astounding Quidditch skills. Signed a contract with Puddlemere United just after graduating from Hogwarts. Immediately became a star player because of his handsome face, wonderful charm, and damn sexy accent. Every teenage witch in the British Isles and beyond would kill for him. Unless they like girls.

I know I would kill for him.

Too bad it can only be a closet-obsession. After all, I am the Head Girl of Slytherin House, and one of the best players on the House team for Quidditch. I've even played Keeper against him. I just never would be able to live this down if people found out.

Of course none of this changes the fact that he's drop-dead gorgeous. To. Die. For.

At times like this I wish I was a lesbian. Then I wouldn't have these problems.

4:10 pm

Thought more on the lesbian idea. I'd probably end up having a crush on a Gryffindor girl and be stuck in this same horrible situation. Ah, how wonderful it is to like men!

4:15 pm

But why Oliver Wood?!?!

Because-
a) He's the sexiest man alive
b) He's sweet
c) He's charming
d) The accent!
e) He's God's gift to women
f) He's a professional Quidditch player
g) He's rich

I'll stop now... Otherwise I'll be listing all night.

4:20 pm

Reasons to Hate Oliver Wood-
a) Gryffindor
b)
c)
d)

Oh, bloody hell.

11:10 pm

So here's the whole story. There's at least one famous Quidditch professional out there in the world for each house (of course there's too many to be counted from Slytherin alone). The professors thought it would be such a great idea to bring one in for each house to help with the Quidditch try-outs. Of course it's a grand idea, but couldn't they at least have warned me?

So, la tee da, Snape sees me, snaps his fingers and is all Special guests-waiting-front of school-now-BLAH! Okay, so maybe that's not really an exact quote, but I honestly don't understand what's coming out of that man's mouth half of the time...

So I get out there and meet Terry Thrasher, an old teammate of mine for a year before he graduated and who now is a Beater for Puddlemere. So here I am in Happy Reunion Land when here comes THE sexiest man alive whom I hadn't seen in years either. What intelligent thing did I say? You... You... Ol... Oliver... Wood.... There's my sharp Slytherin mind at work.

So I lead the sexiest man alive and Terry to their rooms, but Terry decides he wants to chat.

I've never seen you so flustered over a boy before...

But that's Oliver Wood.

Yes, Renee. He is Oliver Wood. Now that that's established...?

So he's the sexiest man alive! And I haven't seen him for a few years and his sexiness has about quadrupled.

True, but...

Did you just agree with me???



So he stood there smirking mysteriously at me, then stalked off back to his lair.

So I guess this means Terry likes boys. Or maybe he's bi. Now that I think about it, he never did have a girlfriend...

So does that mean Oliver's gay?

I'm such a loser. I began every paragraph in this entry excluding the dialogue with How pathetic. I must try to sleep more often.

11:40 pm

You know it's bad when you can't get the terrifying image of two boys snogging out of your head. Especially when those two boys are Terry Thrasher and Oliver Wood.

11:45 pm

Reasons Not to be Incredibly Attracted to Oliver Wood-
a) Gryffindor
b) He may prefer men

Then again, there probably are potions to change a person's sex... Snape would probably know all about them, teehee....

11:51 pm

That's disgusting. I'd never stoop so low.

11:59 pm

Yes, I would.