LbN: Happy Thanksgiving! We're baaaaaack!

"So that still doesn't explain why I found you handcuffed to Umbridge's bed in a red sparkly banana hammock," Tonks said, tapping her foot.

"I'm getting there," Harry said, pulling his blanket tighter around him.

"So, we didn't believe you?" Seamus asked.

"No! You all thought I was barmy! But I remembered everything, and so did Umbridge. I figured it was a clever sort of glamour. So I went to the library…."

Harry kept his head down as he strode through the halls. This was a problem. A serious problem. He'd been over and over the problem in his mind, and the only thing he could decide was that he needed to go to the library. He hid in one of the corners, and pulled out his Charms homework. He figured it was the last place anyone would think to look, and seeing as all his friends though he was crazy, he didn't think anyone would be looking for him anyway.

The book he needed was, thank Merlin, not in the restricted section. He found a secluded corner and began to read.

And read.

And read.

And just when he was actually questioning if he was A) still sane, and B) turning into Hermione, he heard a tiny cough to his left.

"Hem hem."

"Afternoon, Professor," he grumbled, rubbing his eyes. He shut the book and pulled his Charms homework toward him.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Umbridge asked, eyeing him with deep dislike.

"Charms homework. I have to write ten inches on -"

"What's your game, Potter?"

"Don't have one, Professor."

Umbridge quirked an eyebrow, and then suddenly lost her smirk. "What's that you have? What are you reading?" she snapped.

Harry held up his Advanced Charms book. "Professor Flitwick assigned me and Neville and Seamus extra homework. You can ask them if you don't believe me."

"Hmmph. And where are your little friends, Potter?"

Harry shrugged. "I think Ginny's trying to teach Hermione how to fly. And Ron's using his extra hour to sleep. What's it to you?"

Umbridge sneered at him. "I'm watching you, Potter."

Harry went back to his Charms paper. He knew she was still watching, but he didn't care. He had a plan.

Remus pressed another cup of hot chocolate into Harry's hands as he continued the story.

"So I figured since I still had my memories, not everything could have reverted back," Harry explained. "I finished my homework and then went to find Tonks."

Harry wandered the halls, looking for his favorite metamorphmagus. Even though she probably wouldn't believe him, he thought his plan would work.

"Er...hi Tonks," he said, finding her next to the Transfiguration classroom.

"Wotcher, Harry. Everything okay?" she asked, hair turning blue. "Hermione said you'd been acting a bit strange lately."

"Actually no. I have...I erm… Well, you remember the last few days, yes?" he asked, not even knowing how to begin.

"I've been guarding the castle. Umbridge called us in for a briefing. Technically I'm not supposed to be talking to you," she added, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I can understand why."

"Really? I can't. Why?"

"Erm...because of this." And with that, Harry concentrated on sharing his memories through their soul bond. He'd just gotten to an interesting bit of them experimenting with some of the more acrobatic accessories in Gryffindor sound, when he felt a sharp ringing slap to his face. "OW!"

"Harry James Potter!" Tonks said, hair now bright red to match her face. "I do not need you implanting your sick fantasies in my head. Piss off, before I hex you!"

"Sorry about that, love." Tonks said, hugging Harry.

"No hard feelings, moon of my life," Harry said.

"Huh?" all the first years asked.

"Nevermind - wrong fandom. So anyway, after I incurred my wife's sexy wrath, I was feeling rather distraught. But I knew one sure fire way to break the glamour. I'd read about it in the Charms book. It breaks through the power of belief. Kind of like getting cracks in glass - if there's one big enough, others will follow. So that's when I went to find Ron."

Ron stared as Harry explained. "I...I just don't know, mate. I mean… you're my best mate and all, but I don't get it."

"I know it sounds crazy," Harry said, glancing around for prying eyes. "But think of all we've done. Think of all we've been through. Is this seriously so far fetched."

Ron took a moment to consider this and then said, "Okay. Okay, I don't understand, but I believe you. If you say this toad put some kind of spell on us, let's figure out a way to break it. Erm...am I really shagging Dean in this alternate universe?"

"Morning, noon, and night."

"Let's find a way to break this, fast."

And just like that, Ron's scars began to glow.

"Harry!"

"Ron!"

"Harry!"

"Ron!"

"HARRY!"

"RONALD!"

"POTTER!"

Both boys jumped to see Snape swooping towards them. Ron rolled down his sleeves hurriedly.

"Thirty points from Potter- I mean, Gryffindor, for making such a ruckus in the library," he hissed.

"Sorry professor," Harry said slowly. He'd noticed the slip. So Snape remembered too…. The cracks were beginning to spread.

"This is all delightfully interesting," Dean said, accepting another glass of champagne from one of the elves. "But can we skip to the sparkly banana hammock part?"

"Right," Harry groaned. "So Snape assigned me detention because he thought I was being cheeky, and unfortunately Umbridge overheard. She demanded to oversee my detention. So we left, and started trying to convince others. Little by little, once powers and stuff started returning, you guys started to believe me. I knew Ron would convince those of you who I didn't get to talk to, so I wasn't worried. Until I got to her office that evening."

"Good evening, Mr. Potter."

Harry stared in horror at the figure in the pink rubber jumpsuit. He turned to run, but the door slammed shut behind him. He gasped as his robes were transfigured into a sparkly red banana hammock.

Umbridge waved a pink paddle in his face. "Bend over, Mr. Potter. It's time for your punishment."

Half of the Pottermore House looked like they were about to be violently ill.

"Don't worry!" Harry said. "Tonks saved the day!"

"Get away from my - what the bloody hell….?" Tonks asked, wand still trained on Umbridge.

"This is Ministry business!" Umbridge screamed at her. "Get out!"

"Tonks! HELP!"

With the rage she usually reserved for taking down Death Eaters and rounds of Monopoly with her family, Tonks blasted Umbridge through the nearest wall. She ran over to Harry and vanished the handcuffs.

"I'm so sorry I slapped you earlier! Ron just found me, and I was already starting to remember. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, now you're here," Harry said softly.

Tonks leaned in for a kiss, but it was interrupted by Neville.

"Boat's back, mu-fuckas! Let's - what in Merlin's name, Harry?"

"Not a word of this to anyone!" Harry said, but it was too late. Colin had come up behind Neville, and there was the flash of his camera.

"Well…" Remus said, looking queasy. "At least things are back to normal now."

"Think we'll get a new headmaster since Umbridge is still out cold?" Luna asked.

"No idea, but at least House Pottermore is back in - ARGH!" Harry cried out, as pain in his scar nearly blinded him.

"Potter!"

"Bloody hell, what do you want?" Harry yelled.

"Why haven't you been answering my hallucinations and mind invasions? I thought I meant more to you, Potter."

"I've had a glamour on me, damn it!"

"The key to my triumph is close at hand. Soon I will come for you, Potter!"

"I hate you!"

But the pain, and Voldemort's voice, were gone.

"What happened, Harry?" Hermione asked. "What's he doing?"

"I don't know. But we might need to get to work on killing this bastard sooner rather than later."