Time To Wipe Your Soul Clean
So here's a 'Dougie' chapter for you McFLY lovers out there!
P.S thank you so much for the support xx

~Dougie~

"I'll race you to the other side, right?" Danny bobs up and down in the water, his words flowing out in a rush. Honestly, he acts like an excited puppy.

I roll my eyes, "But you'll just get all competitive on me and rub it in when I lose!" I complain.

I squint my eyes to try and make out the other side of the pool but the sun blinds me, "I can't even see the finishing line!"

"I'm sure you'll realise your finished when you crash into it!" he laughs, a mischievous look overcomes his face, "NOW GO!" he screams, pushing of from the wall, starting the front crawl.

"That's not fair!" I whine but follow anyway, doing a cross between the doggie paddle and butterfly.

Harry yells from the house, "Come on Dougie! God you swim like a girl!"

I huff angrily, nearly drowning myself as I open my mouth to retort back only to have it fill up with chlorine water. I spit it out in disgust; no doubt Danny's peed in here.

I hear Harry's faint laugh and snide comment; "Look, he's drowning!"

I can see Danny not far up ahead and kick my arms and legs ferociously. I'm nearly there… nearly over taking… I might actually win this… SPLASH!

A weight crashes down on top of me, sending me under. I sink lower down into the deep pool, confused until I click what's just happened. I untangle myself from flailing limbs and realise it's all down to Harry. I resurface, absolutely livid.

"What the fuck was that for?" I scream, getting angrier at his laughing face.

He throws his head back, roaring with laughter, Danny swims up to us, takes one look at my face then joins in, his laugh more like a hyenas.

I growl, and then make for the steps at the side.

"Aw come on Doug, it was only a laugh!" teases Harry. I climb out from the pool, deliberately ignoring him. "Stop being such a baby!" Danny yells after me.

It's that word that sends me crazy.

Baby.

That's all that people ever go on about. Aw, Dougie you're so young. Dougie's only young, he wouldn't understand. The young bass player. The baby of the band. All the time, it's all I ever get!

Why can't people see I can be trusted, I can be responsible instead of bringing me down or judging me by my youth! They're all young too! They're only a couple of years older than me for crying out loud!

"Dougie come back!" Danny shouts, sounding a little more sincere than earlier.

I kick over a garden chair furiously then make for the house. I crash through the patio doors and into the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" asks Tom, rushing over, looking concerned.

"It's nothing, just the guys acting like pricks as usual" I seethe, shaking with anger.

Tom puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder, "I know, they don't mean it. They think it's alright just because you're the youngest but-"

I push Tom away, blinded with red fury, "Will everybody shut up about me being young!" I shout then stomp up the stairs to my room.

I step into my bedroom then deliberately, with all my force, slam the door shut. I stand panting for a moment. My heart slowly starts to calm down, returning to a normal steady beat. My breathe evens out, and my brain processes how childish I've just acted, taking a hissy fit like that. I shake my head then collapse into my spinney boss chair. I twirl around dismissively as I try and get my head around things.

I know I need to stop and think before I act, that's for sure but sometimes it can be so hard. When I get angry, the anger takes over. Then I'm angry at everything that's ever happened in my life, even if it has nothing to do with the situation I'm currently in. I'm so blinded and confused by the heat and rage of my fury, I have no control over what I do. It can be scary, but also relieving at the same time. I mean, at least I'm getting some of the hurt out of me, right? Better out than in is what I always say. It can feel like I'll suddenly flip at the slightest thing though, like I'm always on the lookout for something that'll tip me over the edge. I'm getting more paranoid as the days go by! I've always been a slightly nervous person, this mainly being down to dad but lately I feel like I might as well not be here. All the guys ever do is point out my flaws and bring me down. It's one low blow after another. I feel like a punch bag. Jab, jab, jabjabjab! Constantly at me, never giving me a break to rest. Of course they don't know their being offensive or insulting, they're just having fun. I don't blame them, I wish I could join them, to just relax and loosen up. I can't though, because every step or move I make is watched, everything I do adds up to something. One toe out of line and there I am, in a red hot haze of fury. But to Harry, Danny and Tom, it's all just a joke, to them life's just there. They take it for granted. They have everything, they have perfect families, Tom has a perfect girlfriend, and they're all talented and so damn happy. Something I'll never understand. How can I be happy? Is there a book on 'How To Be Happy'? because if there is, you know what you're buying me for my birthday. It's not that I don't have anyone or anything to be happy for it's just the fact I've forgotten. Maybe dad beat it out of me, or maybe I wasn't meant to be happy, maybe it's God playing a cruel game. My cheek muscles have actually forgotten to stretch into a smile, my laughter's lost in sobs.

Isn't there a way where I can let out the pain without involving others, without hurting them and bringing them into my shit?

Yes. Yes, there is another way.

I sigh deeply. The worst thing is, I know I can walk away… but I don't, instead my feet carry me forward and into my bathroom. I sit on the closed toilet seat, my hands travelling along the worktop then stopping by the packaging of a floss company. I open it up and smile as I find the small blade safely and secretly concealed. I pick it out of the box then roll up my sleeve. Excitement sparks in the pit of my stomach as I realise in less than a few minutes I'll be back to being happy.

I press the blade into the skin. At first the skin just puckers stubbornly, refusing to open up. I give my wrist a small tweak, red blood suddenly trickles down my arm. I grin uncontrollably as I watch the red drops pitter patter onto the bathroom's laminated floor. The familiar sensation of the scratchy, dented feeling shoots up and down my arm. I release the pressure as the drips become steadier faster. I replace the blade and watch in my element as a small puddle forms, the drips swirling into each other. If I could, I'd sit and watch them all day. After a while, the drips become more spaced out until they come to a halt altogether. I dig out an antiseptic wipe from deep within my cupboard then start to wipe up the cut. I wince at the sting of it then relax as a glowing feeling enters my body.

I'm not lost anymore; I've been brought back to earth, no more floating about. Finally the pains out, leaving enough room for my happiness. My cheek muscles lock into a permanent smile as I saunter back out my bathroom and into my bedroom. I drift over to the window and swing it open, taking a huge breathe of the fresh spring air. I hear laughter and look down to see both Harry and Danny armed with water pistols. There diving and rolling about, James Bond style, squirting at each other and then faking dramatic deaths. I duck back out the window, planning on joining them. Just as I'm clicking the window shut, I catch Tom's eye. He's lounging on a sunbed, his eyes fixed on mine, trying to find something out of place on my face. He can't though, he won't, there's nothing there, so he returns to whatever book he's reading.

I jog out into the garden in only my swimming trunks. Tom gets up as soon as I walk out. He passes me, giving me a slight smile as he goes. He must be offended by my outburst earlier on, not that I blame him. I'm about to apologise but he's already disappeared. I wonder what he's up to.

The question dissolves when a wave of happiness sweeps through me. I sprint over to Danny and Harry, grabbing a pistol as I go then take aim. Harry squeals like a girl and dives for cover behind our trampoline. Danny freezes in mock fear. I laugh hysterically as I pull the trigger; he staggers backwards, clutching his chest. Me and Harry roll our eyes.

"You should have gone to acting school!" I laugh harder while I place my foot on his chest, keeping him down before squirting him right in his left eye.

The three of us stumble into the house, laughing and joking around. We only came in because of the darkness and now freezing cold winds. British weather is famous for switching directions in the blink of an eye.

"Dinner's on the table!" Tom yells from the dining room.

Our stomachs rumble, none of us had even given food a thought whilst chasing each other around the garden.

Just as I'm about to sit down, Tom grabs my wrist, his lips brushing past my ear.

"I need to talk to you" he whispers. I frown, not understanding but following him out the room.

"What's up?" I ask cheerily.

"I was cleaning upstairs and came across your bathroom… Dougie, why was there blood all over the floor?" Tom asks, his voice quivering.

Inside, fear and shock paralyze me. I let out an easy laugh, "Tom, I had a nose bleed! Harry kicked my nose by accident when he jumped on me in the pool!" I shake my head in fake disbelief, the lie falling from between my lips simply.

Tom stops, like he's thinking hard, then let's out a long breath he must have been holding in.

"Thank god!" he sounds overly relieved.

I roll my eyes, "Sorry, I couldn't be bothered to clean it up, thought I'd leave it for you" I tease.

He punches me jokingly on my cut arm; I flinch ever so slightly, subtle enough for him not to see.

"Come on, let's get dinner!"

He walks back into the dining room.

I stay back and start to shake. That was so close. Too close for my liking. I need to be more careful. I grit my teeth, and then pinch my cut. Fresh pain nips at it, I nod in satisfaction then go to join everyone.

So… did you's like? I promise it's going to get more exciting!
Please review!
xxx