Um... I'm not quite sure how I thought this up. x3 Mindless crack for the win?

"So, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

The tall man reclined in his chair, brushing black hair away from his eyepatched eye. "see, I was an Espada, right? You know about Espadas?"

Kisuke nodded, pulling his hat further down his face. "And how does that make you feel?"

"Pretty fucking awesome. I mean, I jumped three ranks in the time it took that damn Neliel to get back. Heh, see what I did there? Neliel tu's her name, and-" he broke off when he saw that Kisuke wasn't paying attention, and was in fact asleep. The shorter man jerked back awake.

"Anyway. Is Neliel a prominent figure in your past?" he asked. Nnoitra blinked.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"Is she important?"

"Hell no! Nel's a bitch, with her 'you're just an animal' and 'there's no reason to fight' and 'Ichigo's so sexy'!" He did a bad imitation of the former third Espada's voice, breaking into a falsetto.

"Ichigo?"

"Don't get me started on that fucking creep. He's got like, a fucking harem with Inoue, Nel, and all those Soul Society chicks. He says he's all 'protect!', but really he's just trying to get more-"

"Right, right, I completely understand," Kisuke said hastily. Nnoitra, who had been leaning forward intently, leaned back in his chair again. "Is there anything or anyone else you would like to talk about?"

Nnoitra thought a bit. "There's that bastard Zaraki. He's such a fucking idiot. He thinks he's stronger than me. Me. Nnoitra-fucking-Jiruga is stronger than everyone. I am the strongest!"

"Sure, yeah, we'll go with that," Kisuke muttered. "Anyway, a lovely young man set this up for us. Is he a friend of yours?'

"Tesla set this up? That fucker! I'm going to fucking kill him!"

"I never said it was Tesla..." Kisuke said. "Though it was... Anyway, by your reaction, I'd say he's not your friend. However, he seems to care-"

"Tesla's my fraccion. He's my fucking servant. Sure, when I can't get any-"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Kisuke said. "Anyway, you see him as your servant. Elaborate, please."

Nnoitra blinked. Kisuke sighed.

"Explain."

"Well, he's my damn fraccion. It's like... like that fucking Grimmjow and his fraccion. They're our servants. Hell, Barragon's even call him the king!"

"You don't like Grimmjow." This was a statement, not a question. Nnoitra was only too happy to agree.

"You're right! He's so damn sexy I lose all the Arrancar bitches to him! He makes it so I can't fuck anyone except Tes-"

Kisuke looked a bit green. "Anyway. Um. You can go."

Nnoitra stood up. "That was kind of fun. Can I come back another time?"

"Um. No. We're closing. Forever."

Um. Yeah. No idea where this came from. I'm insane, I know it.