When he has a cold, tell him to blow his nose

Buy him reindeer ears for Christmas

Make raspberry noises at Death Eater meetings, then gasp and scream: "The Dark Lord has spoken! REBDOG."

Buy him pink lip gloss, with matching contact lenses

Buy him fake tan

Give Nagini a basket with "I'm so cute" written on the side; and a matching dog toy.

Dye your Death Eater robes pink and make "hem hem" noises whenever he tries to speak.

Give him a manicure.

Sing "Bad" at meetings: a one two three four: "I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm really really bad..."

Buy a pink fluffy mobile phone. Interrupt a Death Eater meeting saying: "My Lord, you parents want to talk to you."

Repeat step 10, but with "Mommy asks when you're going to be home for dinner and do you want baked beans or fish fingers?"

Complain about how it's "Too much EFFORT!" whenever he asks you to do something.

Give him wheeziness pills.