CHAPTER 16 : THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE

Meetings, reports, training sessions, life had settled after the deaths of Sir Aiden and Robert and the king had never again made mention of it. He had grilled Rupert, Gielbert and Brian, mentioning how disappointed he was in their behaviour. These meetings were however private, never reported in council.

Training sessions were progressing well, Mulgan had taken a big stride forward and was becoming a formidable opponent in the lists. He trusted Arthur and together they had many a knight shaking in his boots as he lined up at the opposite end. Like Ash before him, it was the partnership of rider and horse which enabled the rider to shine as he had no worries that his mount might veer as the other horse thundered toward him.

Iago was completely different. He had settled after his excursion to Yewdene but he was always going to be one to watch as he was such an individual. Although he was not Arthur's primary mount, he was ridden by him and Gidun and he were now compatible, much to Merlin's relief. Merlin had even ridden him on occasions and he had behaved for him which had amused Arthur as no one else apart from the trainers at Castle Farm had ever had any success with him.

"He's frightened of you, Merlin, stop telling him about the continental epicurean delights of chevaline."

"I don't Arthur, I just have to say to him, 'Bonjour, Mon Petit Filet Mignon!' and he behaves himself."

Arthur so often just wanted to slip his arm over Merlin's shoulders and pull him to himself but recent events were always in the forefront of their minds and any physical contact was kept to an absolute minimum so he just laughed. He wasn't jealous that Iago behaved for Merlin as he was proud that Merlin could ride him especially as anyone else who had tried to put their foot in his stirrup had looked foolish hopping around after him. Even if anyone managed to mount him, he behaved so badly that after ten minutes they were glad to dismount and turn the reins over to the grooms. He was a one knight and one manservant horse!

One day, Gielbert arrived just before lunch looking worried. He told Arthur confidentially that Donatienne was going into labour and he had been barred from their chambers by a very bossy lady's maid who had sent for the midwife. He had been told in no uncertain terms that he was not needed and in the nicest of manners ordered to get out of their way.

"No problem, hang out with us today and they will send a page when you are welcome to return." So, Gielbert had lunch with Arthur. The three of them sat around and every time there was a sound in the corridor, Gielbert would jump up in anticipation of the arrival of news from his chambers.

Merlin remembered how it was in Ealdor, all the men would gather in someone's cottage drinking while the village women and his Mam would take over the responsibilities of the other children in the family and wait with the mother as the baby took its time arriving. Mortality rates within the first year of a child's life were high but each new arrival was welcomed and once the mother and baby were presentable one of the others would go to tell the father so that the baby's head could be wet and the drinking became a celebration. Men were not wanted or expected to be involved with childbirth.

Many times, his mother would be away for as long as two days and return with downcast eyes as either the mother or the baby had died. Other times, she would come bustling in with a big smile to tell him that so and so had a new baby brother. Merlin was fascinated by the newborns and remembered one time when his mother had returned with a squalling bundle who reigned over their home until another family member was found to take her in. He was young around eight and all for keeping the little baby but his Mam told him she would be better off in a proper family with a mother and a father and siblings.

"But we're a proper family you and me, we can keep her." But his mother wouldn't listen and soon the cooing adorable baby was taken by a distant cousin. He realised that he would have liked to have had a little sister and for some time he had pleading with his mother that she have another baby. He remembered that she had just ruffled his hair and said, "No, not even for you, Merlin My Love, is that going to happen!"

...and then he had visited Camelot and met the golden haired Arthur and babies became less interesting that was until he had held Little Merlin.

He was keeping an eye on Arthur as the arrival of Donatienne's baby was going to be difficult for him. So far he was coping but he had seen him daydreaming and he knew that another little baby was on his mind. Beside Gaius, Geoffrey and Sir Leon, no one in Camelot knew why Arthur might have problems with the arrival of Gielbert's baby.

Gielbert had been allowed in to see his wife as the birth wasn't imminent; he held her and told her he loved her and she whispered to him, "Next time, I see you there will be three of us!" Then the lady's maid told him his wife needed to rest and that they wouldn't want to see him around there until after the birth. So, he left with his manservant in tow, to spend the night in one of the knights' guest chambers.

Supper was a long drawn out affair. The king went on and on about absolutely nothing as far as Arthur was concerned but he nodded politely and made all the obligatory sounds to pretend interest. Merlin served him wine and Arthur made him jump as he let his hand run up his thigh. He laughed as he realised that Merlin could have lost control of the wine pitcher and soaked him.

Merlin nudged him with his foot and he realised that the king was speaking to him, "Right, Arthur, isn't that so?"

"Yes, Sire, exactly!" Arthur, he thought to himself, 'One day, you're going to agree to something you will later regret,' so he made himself pay attention to the rest of the king's meanderings.

Later as the two of them were returning to their chamber, Merlin said, "Arthur, your mind was miles away tonight."

"Yes, but not my hand!"

Merlin burst out laughing. "You were so lucky that the pitcher wasn't full as I would have been in the king's bad books again as I would most certainly have spilt some on you."

"Yes, but you didn't, did you?"

"Not this time!"

"Listen to you, 'Not this time'! Are you insinuating that there might be another time?"

Merlin grinned at him coyly, "I hope so..."

Merlin held open the door and Arthur walked in pulling him after him and holding him against the door.

Arthur ran his finger up Merlin's neck but he pulled away.

"Not here, not tonight! Let's go to the turret room."

In the end, to get away from a very amourous Arthur, Merlin had raced up the stairs. But arthur wouldn't give up and continued to try to grab him. He'd pleading with him, "Arthur it's not safe doing that, one of us might fall. Spiral stone stairs are not conducive to fooling..." then Arthur had a flashback of a servant slipping and cracking his head on each step and the body tumbling until it finally became wedged between the circular walls.

He arrived slightly out of breath and Merlin noticed the look on his face and realised that he was upset. He held his chin and looked into his eyes, "Arthur Love, what is it?"

"I suddenly remembered Edmund lying on the stairs."

"Arthur, that was nearly ten years ago. You and he weren't fooling and I promise that if even your foot had slipped down one stair, I would have held onto you."

"But I'm heavier..."

"Trust me, Arthur, if necessary I would have the strength of ten knights to hang onto you if you were in danger of falling."

"Merlin, stop exaggerating..."

"Well, would you accept two..."

Arthur grinned at his best friend who certainly had delusions of grandeur. Merlin having the strength of two, let alone ten knights made him smile. He loved him so much that sometimes even thinking of ever being separated from him hurt.

Merlin opened the door to the little courtyard and the warm autumn air swept in. It was still quite early and on the horizon, there remained the glow of sunset and the sky was not yet dark. Arthur plonked himself on the bench and Merlin lay against him clasped in the only arms which he ever wanted around him.

A nightingale serenaded the two lovers and Merlin never wanted to leave the moment but Arthur began to complain that there must be a more comfortable place to sit as the bench was hard and Merlin was no lightweight.

Later, as the night claimed the whole sky chasing the sunset below the horizon but allowing stars to appear, Merlin murmured, "Satiated?" and put his fingers to Arthur's lips.

He felt him smile as he whispered, "Mmm...temporarily..."

"Arthur Pendragon, you are going to be the death of me."

He fell into a troubled sleep.

Where were all the men? None were around only women with hushed voices.

Doors slammed in his face as he tried to gain access.

Gaius admitted... but he was refused.

No one knew Arthur, it was as if he had never existed.

Crown prince? No, never one in Camelot...

He was on the beach, alone, carrying a bundle

His Mam arrived, she smiled as she wrestled the bundle from him saying that men didn't deserve babies.

His legs gave way and he fell pleading, "Mam, leave him with me, I need him. He's mine and ..."

He felt someone touch him and he looked up at a little blond boy of maybe six,"What's your name?"

"Merlin."

"Like the bird...?"

He was beginning to feel confident, this was comfortingly familiar..."What yours?"

"Arthur."

"Like the prince...?"

"No, like the friend!"

...and he bust into tears as when he next glanced up the boy was gone.

He knew he would awake with a start. He knew his heart would be thumping and someone would be calling him as he would be cradled in their embrace.

But it wasn't Arthur, the following morning but the slapping of the flags on the turrets wakening Merlin. It was light and clouds were scudding across the sky. It promised to be a fine day. He lay there thinking. He pushed the dream away, hopeful that there would be some good news about Donatienne. He decided to go downstairs and collect the breakfast platters but all plans were put on hold as Arthur had other ideas.

Later, they made their way downstairs together, stopping to kiss before they opened the door into the corridor. They had no sooner made it to their chambers than there was a tap on the door and Gaius entered.

"You look exhausted, Gaius, what were you up to last night?"

"I was busy. The midwife needed assistance."

Merlin could see Arthur tense so he walked to him and put his hand in the middle of his back. "...and Donatienne?"

"Just as dawn was breaking, she delivered a lovely little girl. Both mother and baby are doing fine but the father is a mess, sleep deprived and in a state of bewilderment."

Gaius watched emotionally as Merlin hugging a suddenly sobbing Arthur, said, "They did it; they have their own little baby. Be happy for them, Arthur, remember the love you had for Little Merlin, they are now experiencing the same feelings."

"It hurts!"

Gaius said, "...and it always will be there but take a step away from your little boy, as you have to congratulate the new parents and join in their joy at this happy event."

"How's Donatienne? Arthur managed to ask.

"She had a rough time but is resting and soon all the memories of pain will be replaced with the joy of the new arrival.

In a couple of weeks, you'll be able to see her and her daughter. I'm going to go and have a couple of hours sleep." He nodded at Merlin winking, "I'm too old to be doing all-nighters!"

Arthur sat at the table. His mind was miles away. Everything which had happened had rushed back, swallowing him again. He looked at Merlin and gave a semblance of a smile, as he served their food.

When he finally sat down opposite him, Merlin reached across the table, took his hand and kissed it. "Together, we will be able to face Gielbert and congratulate him on his daughter. What name do you thing they will choose for her?"

"I don't care!"

"Yes, you do. She's Gielbert's daughter and you liked her mother."

"But the baby could have been mine!"

"No, she couldn't Arthur, you didn't want to marry Donatienne. She waited for you but you didn't love her that way."

"Because, I was waiting for you..."

Merlin got up and walked around the table and put his arms around his crown prince's neck and nuzzled in his hair saying, "Yes, Arthur because you were waiting for me, just as I waited for you to make up your mind to tell me that you were interested in that boy called Merlin." Merlin couldn't continue and he hoped that Arthur didn't mind the tears which were falling into his blond hair.

Arthur pushed his chair away from the table and Merlin slid down onto the floor beside him and kneeling with his arms around him, he put his head into Arthur's lap and whispered. "Why does something I will never have, make me feel so vulnerable?"

"We're a couple of girls, where babies are concerned, aren't we, Merlin? Yet, I wouldn't have it any other way, Love, would you?"

Gielbert was ecstatic and came to visit telling them that Donatienne was well and that their little daughter was beautiful. They had decided to call her Marie-Aurore because of her time of birth. He confided that she would probably be called Aurora but for his wife's sake he'd agree to the French equivalent as her official name.

That night in the dining hall, Merlin had never been prouder of Arthur as he had stood and announced the birth of the little girl and had asked the other knights and ladies of the court to raise their glasses in welcoming Gielbert and Donatienne's daughter.

Merlin glanced at Gaius and could see that he was also remembering a little baby boy who apart from Sir Leon's words on the beach had never been acknowledged by the court and Arthur's brother knights. From somewhere in his past, he remembered a phrase, 'the death ye died, I watched beside'. They had done their best and would never regret any of it.

Merlin found a little packet on his pillow one night. He smiled, Arthur had remembered... He turned and looked at him saying, "Your allowing me to be with you everyday is a present that lasts all year."

"Shut up, Merlin!" Open it, I want to see your face..."

Merlin sat up in bed and opened the small wooden box. There was a little silver ring. It was engraved with the same design as Arthur's coronet. His eyes opened wide and he smiled.

"If I could, I would happily have you share my coronet but that cannot be so I want you to wear this as a reminder that what I am is yours, what I have is yours and what I will be, will also be yours. Please accept it."

Merlin leant over to accept Arthur's kiss and was then told which finger it should be worn on.

"But, Arthur, it's my birthday present, I can choose which finger to put it on."

"No, it has to match mine. Does it fit?

"Yes..."

"Then put it on the index finger of the hand, closest to your heart."

"But, Arthur, yours is on your right hand..."

"Yes, so if we hold hands, our rings will be united."

"You, Oh Mighty One, are an incurable romantic..."

"Remember, 'mighty is who mighty does'. Come here!"

"You made that up, better to remember 'how the mighty fall'!"

"Merlin, I fell for you, isn't that a mighty enough happening even in your life?"

"Love me, Arthur, take me away to the mighty expanse of the universe, let me see the stars..."

"Shut up, Merlin!"

Camelot was once again into its end of year preparation. From the seamstresses working on warmer winter clothing, to the kitchen staff packing away winter provisions, the whole castle was preparing for the change in weather and the arrival of winter.

Larders and meat lockers were being filled. Root vegetables would be harvested throughout the winter. Merlin used to enjoy watching the outside staff retrieving fresh carrots and parsnips as it meant an added variety to what was already in storage and something different to eat until he got fed up with the monotony and was then happy to see swedes and celeriac. The weather played an important part in all winter foods especially root vegetables.

Arthur was in his element as he was encouraged to hunt. He was not expected to show up for council meetings. Dining with his father at night was his only way to keep up on the happenings of importance in the kingdom.

After the first couple of outings, with Merlin tagging along with a look of absolute boredom on his face and a marked distaste for handling dead things, Arthur gave him his blessing to stay in Camelot and assist Gaius.

Autumn was a busy time for the court physician as he had to lay by herbs and plants which would be dried and then used as needed, throughout the winter. Merlin quite happily wandered the local woods with Gaius, collected anything which was useful, plant, tree bark, fungus and roots.

"Well, at least you won't be able to make any really obnoxiously smelling remedies this winter as most frogs, toads and snails will be unavailable. Do you really think that the worse tasting and smelling the remedy the more efficacious it is?"

"Spoken like a real academic. Honestly, Merlin, there are some people who believe that unless the medicine tastes vile, it will not be effective."

"But, I don't feel that way, if you give it to me and it is colourless and has no smell, I would trust that it would work. Anyway, apart from a few colds and upset stomachs, I am surprisingly healthy."

"Yes, you are considering your strange diet and the sometimes questionable things which you insist on consuming. I'm surprised that you don't hop around considering all the greens you eat. Can you reach those brown leaves? Thanks."

"I once ate eel."

"How did that happen?"

"I thought it was a strange, soft, root vegetable and Arthur didn't tell me otherwise. Anyway, he told me not to worry as eels are related to the pig but without legs and they are smaller and longer. You enjoy pork so maybe you should try it someday."

"Merlin, your knowledge of animal classifications, sometimes floors me! Don't tell me you believed him?"

"No, but I pretended I did and made his day! Anyway, I'll get my own back and you can be sure it won't be with something as wholesome as eel. What about these berries they look plump and delicious, are they of any use?"

"Handle them carefully as they will stain your hands red and it won't come off easily."

"Not even if I use my special gifts?"

"Probably, but it might turn you into a robin red-breast."

"That's the only thing which I don't like about Arthur's merlins... but I would never tell him as he'd laugh at me."

Gaius looked slightly confused but packed up his basket as the two of them started back home. "So what, could upset you about your namesake which is a great little falcon?"

"They hunt songbirds, robins, and even nightingales."

"Yes, but not only songbirds they hunt pigeons, thrushes, starlings and jays and sometimes even voles."

"...and dragonflies..."

"Merlin, life is hard and we're all part of the food chain whether we like it or not."

"I know but just let me know when the king is going to be served for..."

"Merlin, that's enough! You'll put me off my supper!"

Together, they made there way up to the castle, through the portcullis into the courtyard. Arthur saw them from his window and realised how lucky he had been with the two men who were so important in his life. Now, if only he could instill in Merlin a love for hunting living things, life would be complete...

FINIS

To be continued in TO LOVE AND BE LOVED which is the seventh story in the Rejected By Royalty series.