~AUTHOR'S NOTES~
This is my first posted fic and the first story I have deemed worthy for the eyes of others.
The characters might seem a little OOC but take into consideration that there has been a new threat that caught the Z senshi totally unprepared. Chikyuu is in a shambles and even Dende has been lost as well as the dragonballs. Even the greatest man can be changed by disaster and that is what has happened. Very slight one-sided YAOI suggested and some rape content. I consider it pretty tasteful and it is necessary for the story line. Vegeta happens to be my favorite character and this is sorta how I see his personality.
To really understand all parts of this story you have to be versed in DBZ up to Janenba and fusion. I also didn't stick perfectly to the story lines.
Hope you enjoy it.
' things' – denote thoughts and mind speech.
"things" – denote plain speech.
-things- - denote dream sequence/memory speech.
. "things" – denote Goku's lines when Vegeta and Goku are conversing closely.
~END AUTHOR'S NOTES~
I guess since everyone else has one I should too: Dragonball ain't mine but this story is and I like it so if you have a problem with it then that is too bad. If you like it then great! But it's mine.
Vegeta stood on a bluff overlooking what had once been his city. All around was devastation. The landscape was charred and smoking. The once grand, rolling city seemed to have melted back into the earth. Any buildings still standing resembled skeletons decomposing under the brutal sun. His eyes scanned the horizon emotionlessly despite the grim scowl he wore. All around, as far as the eye could see, smoke from other cities filled the skyline. Vegeta guessed that most of the earth must look the same by now. This had not been the first place to fall under attack.
Vegeta clenched his fists. His jaw cracked under the pressure of his toothy snarl.
'Even after being warned I was unable to protect them. I couldn't save them.
Couldn't do a damn thing!'
That had been a week ago. He'd had his time to morn and to heal. Now he stood above it all, gaunt and ruined but he held his head high still. They could not take his pride, the only thing he had left once again.
All the others were gone, all but one.
He knew why they had spared that one. The same reason he himself had been allowed to escape.
The bandages he'd rigged began to itch as he sweated beneath the burning wind. He'd existed here since the destruction. Broken, feverish, and starving until he found the strength to search for food. Now his dust covered wounds festered and stung. Rage took him and he bellowed to the sky ripping the bindings away to cause fresh blood to flow from his injuries. One rib shifted under the strain of his muscles, turning his bellow to a gasp. The man fell to his knees and held his side for a time, breaths coming shallowly. He imagined mocking laughter following him, sneering at his weakness.
Vegeta stood slowly. He did what he had done his whole life, what he'd had to do from the day he learned to walk, to fight, to be the Sayajin no Ouji of Vegetasai.
" I am the Prince of the Saiyans. I will NOT be defeated! I shall destroy all that oppose me. I am the greatest warrior this world has ever known. I am Vegeta! And I will have vengeance!"
An old familiar coldness filled his eyes. Arrogant rebellion took root in his soul once again after so many years. He pushed all else deep down inside and gathered that coldness to him as if it were armor. There was still hope. A secret he'd kept almost from the beginning. He slowly flew off into the smoky atmosphere carefully trying not to waste what little energy he still held.
The prince landed upon a small island far into the ocean. His retreat. An old scientist had resided here before Vegeta had convinced the old man to leave it to him. It was a complete facility with it's own power source and a dense jungle protecting it from prying outsiders. Most importantly it was, as of yet, untouched. With new purpose Vegeta took off toward the mainland once again.
In the mountain regions fires still fed on the few still green hills, the rest was black and lifeless. The sky here was thick with ash and death. The terrain turned frigid where the flames had fed on themselves and burned out. Vegeta landed in a clearing that had once been familiar and friendly but was now twisted and grim. Vegeta glanced around at the devastation.
'He is here, I can feel him. '
'Damn him!! Where is he?!!'
The prince approached a pile of rubble to one side of him. Suddenly he drew up short. He had found him.
A figure sat upon the wreckage.
Covered in ash and dirt it seemed to be just another piece of the rubble until a silent sob wracked it's frame. Vegeta floated up to hover before it, careful not to touch the wreckage.
"What are you doing?"
The figure choked on another sob and smeared more grime onto it's tear streaked face with the back of it's hand.
. "Nothing." It replied after an eternity.
"There is nothing here for you."
. "They are here."
Vegeta wrinkled his nose in disgust, eyes narrowing slightly.
"I know."
The figure finally turned its head to look at him. The eyes were dull and lost but there was comprehension for Vegeta's words. They stared at one another for a few moments. Vegeta's eyes were sharp and hawk like in contrast and he allowed a nasty smirk to grow on his lips. With a roar the black figure threw itself at the princely Saiyajin and the ensuing battle was brief.
Both combatants lay on the ground soiled and bleeding. Vegeta stood shakily and stumbled to where Goku collapsed. The larger Saiyan had been half insane with rage and fever and was easily defeated. Vegeta hefted the man onto his shoulders, nearly falling with the weight, and made his way back to his island.
Goku awoke in a regeneration tank. He made no move to leave it. He did nothing at all. He merely floated and stared strait ahead. After a while, it could have been minutes hours or days, it made no difference, he realized that he could see Vegeta's form floating in another healing chamber directly in across the room. Vegeta's last insult came back to him but the glint of anger dissolved quickly. It had been the truth. His wife and two sons were buried under the ruins of the house they had lived in and he would have joined them in time if Vegeta hadn't come. Vaguely he wondered why the man had come. Days had gone by since the others had been killed, Goku didn't know how many. He only remembered being deathly cold during those nights spent upon his family's grave. Bulma and Trunks were already gone when Goku's family had been attacked. Why was Vegeta here now after so much time?
Goku watched calmly as Vegeta's form began to twitch in the liquid of the 2nd chamber, negative emotions radiated from the sleeping man causing Goku to tense. The movements of the other Saiyajin became more violent until it seemed as if Vegeta was trying to fend off some invisible attacker. Goku could faintly hear the sounds of Vegeta's blows on the sides of the chamber as he witnessed the all too familiar nightmare play out before him. Goku didn't even blink when Vegeta knocked loose the breathing apparatus over his mouth. The prince's eyes snapped open and he clawed at his throat. An alarm sounded in the distance, causing the chamber to drain instantly. When the door opened Vegeta fell from the machine to the floor. He huddled there heaving liquid from his lungs and shaking violently. Goku watched while Vegeta knelt on the floor, his head pressed to the ground between his muscular arms. He looked nothing like the Saiyajin no Ouji he'd been scarcely two weeks before.
Goku finally found the will to move. He pulled himself from his own tank. His legs wobbled under his weight once they found the ground. The big Saiyan fell to his knees beside his prince and gently pressed a hand to his shoulder. Vegeta's hard eyes turned to find Goku's soft ones. There were no words. There was nothing to be said. The prince reached out with his own hand and gripped Goku's arm for a moment, squeezing gently, before pushing it away.
They ate silently, still managing to deplete Vegeta's store of food by half. After they had finished Vegeta left the room returning with a bundle under his arm and a bag in his hand. Goku's attention was caught once again by the tail snaking back and forth behind Vegeta. The last nightmare Vegeta had suffered seemed to have been so extreme that it triggered the re-growth of his lost tail. Vegeta now had his full power restored. He set down the bundle and dumped the contents of the small bag before the larger Saiyan. Goku found himself looking at a full suit of Saiyajin armor and six senzu beans.
"I cannot do this alone, Kakarott. It would be worth nothing."
Goku met Vegeta's guarded stare.
'What is this?' He thought, 'Vegeta is asking for my help! Why? Bulma and Trunks are gone. He always swore that they were the only things keeping him from destroying this planet himself. Has he changed so much?'
' Have I changed so much?'
The last question was tinged with guilt. He looked down at his hands, they were no longer coated with grime and death. They should have been. He should have died with his family, died to protect them. They were gone now. Everyone was gone now. The earth was finally destroyed.
"What is left to fight for?"
Before Goku could react, the force of Vegeta's blow sent him crashing against the wall. The Saiyajin prince was livid and towered over the prone Goku.
" As long as blood still flows through you veins there will *always* be reason to fight!! MIGHTY KAKAROTT, the strongest warrior in the universe! The champion against every threat the earth has known *including* ME would rather lay down and die then fight!?! If only I had known I could defeat you so easily. I would have slaughtered your family long ago! You disgust me, Kakarott! STAND ON YOUR FEET!!"
Goku stood slowly, Anger Beginning to flare in his dull eyes.
"Without the Dragon balls to fall back on you are nothing! You've always had them to back you up! What are you afraid of? You will see your pathetic loved ones soon enough. Avenge them while you have the chance! I will never see my mate or my son again. My soul is spoken for. *I* choose my own fate, *no one else*! I choose to die with honor as a warrior of a great race. I choose to avenge MY FAMILY!
What the hell is wrong with you!?!?!"
Vegeta grasped Goku by the collar and shook him hard.
"How could someone so weak have bested me so many times!!"
He roared into Goku's face while gazing cruelly into his bloodshot eyes.
"I will NOT accept this behavior! Not from you! I will give you a choice.
Either you pull yourself together *right now* and fight like the Saiyajin I always thought you to be...Kakarott... or I will rip you apart right here... GOKU!!"
It was the first time Vegeta had ever used the earth name to address the other Saiyan and it dripped with as much loathing and scorn as Vegeta could instill it with.
Through out this lecture Goku had been growing more and more angry until he now was shaking with the emotion. Vegeta was sure that the tall man was about to attack but instead he slumped. All the tension seemed to flow from his body and he nodded.
. "Your right, Vegeta."
Vegeta's eyes bulged and he choked when Goku threw his arms around him in a strong bear hug.
. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Gackk!! Get off of me, Kakarott!"
Ignoring Vegeta completely, Goku buried his face in his prince's immobile shoulder and hugged tighter.
"I'm sorry," came his muffled voice. "I *am* being foolish. I just...I...their eyes!" Goku sobbed. "I saw it all. I see her face every time I blink...her's and Gohan's and Goten's. But you're right. They can't be hurt anymore."
Goku pulled away. He stood tall and met Vegeta's stern gaze with one of his own.
"It is about time!"
Vegeta stalked out of the room. A shadow of Goku's old self appeared on his face as he grinned at the retreating Saiyajin's back.
Darkness settled over the little island like a thick mist. No stars shone through the smoggy atmosphere. All was quiet.
Vegeta lay in his bed staring at the blackness shrouding the ceiling. A droplet of moisture trickled across his sweat-streaked temple.
'That cursed dream again.'
At least he'd managed to gain some semblance of control. He hadn't cried out this time.
The gloom was complete, perfectly set-off by the non-light that oozed through the open window. 'A fitting place for me to spend the last remaining hours of my life', he thought. It seemed to Vegeta as if the world had suddenly become a reflection of his own soul, dark and brutal. He could not decide whether to feel insulted by fate's twisted sense of humor or defeated as his carefully hidden hope for a better life crumbled before his eyes.
Suddenly a presence appeared in the center of the room. It did not surprise Vegeta. He had felt Goku's restless energy on the other side of the compound, probably in the kitchen. The damn fool was always hungry.
"What do you want, Kakarott?"
. "I couldn't sleep."
"So you thought you would wake me too, is that it?"
. "No….I thought you were awake, I felt your power level change."
Vegeta realized that he had raised his ki unknowingly during his nightmare. Angrily he dropped it down to nothing again.
"Go back to sleep, Kakarott."
Goku made no move to leave.
. "Could I just...?"
Vegeta, eyes still aimed toward the ceiling, cut him off.
"Aren't you a little *old* to be afraid of the dark, Kakarott?"
The shadowy figure sighed and turned away.
. "I'll leave, goodnight Vegeta."
The prince turned his head to watch the ghostly figure move toward the door. At the sound of fingers upon the doorknob Vegeta closed his eyes and grimly whispered the other Saiyan's name. Resignedly he raised himself onto his pillows till his shoulders and head rested against the wall.
"Come, Kakarott." He called gruffly.
Goku slowly approached the bed and lay down beside the smaller Saiyan. The bed dipped deeply under Goku's mass causing Vegeta to drop his hands to steady himself. After some hesitation he decided to leave his arm where it rested on Goku's shoulder. The larger Saiyan curled up against Vegeta's side, his head pillowed on the prince's chest. The prince settled back again, staring forward once more, lost in memories of the times he'd done just this for his son and especially for his daughter when they would have bad dreams. If someone had told him that he would one day do the same for his hated rival he would have laughed hysterically before killing the daft cretin. But here they were.
Vegeta tensed when he felt Goku wrap large arms around his lean waist. He almost threw the big lug out of the bed before restraining himself. These were their last hours on earth. He would do this one last thing for Goku before they were forever sent their separate ways. Goku to heaven and to both his own family and Vegeta's, and Vegeta to hell and eternal damnation for his sins.
Goku fell asleep quickly, a light snore escaped his lips as his newly grown tail wound itself around Vegeta's thigh. Vegeta absently caressed Goku's spiky hair as he had done to his daughter's so many times before. His life had always seemed to take very strange turns and for once he decided to accept this one. He'd be dead soon and none of this would matter anyway. He looked down upon Goku's sleeping face and marveled at how nothing seemed to be able to strip the man of his innocence. Even seeing his family die before his eyes had not truly scarred him. He'd mostly been overwhelmed by the unfairness of it.
'Unfairness'
Vegeta grunted at the thought.
'Fairness is a concept created for those too weak to survive but for the pity of the strong.'
Still gazing down at Goku's peaceful face Vegeta gave a tiny sad smile before finishing his thought out loud.
"Fairness was created by men like you, Kakarott. You are too soft- hearted for your own good."
A quiet rumble filled the room and Vegeta was shocked to realize it was coming from Goku. The brute was purring! He tried so hard to be human and yet here he was purring like a kitten. Vegeta wondered if he even knew about it.
'After all the things we've been through you still amaze me. You always treated me as if I could be your friend. You still strive to be my comrade. But then, I can never seem to be able to move away from you no matter how hard I try. If I didn't know better I'd say that we had a bond.'
Vegeta turned his eyes to the ceiling once again and he reached out to any being that might be listening. Anyone that might give a damn for what was happening in the universe.
'I am the last prince of Vegetasai. And I have done great evil in my life. I have no excuse and seek none, I have put away my past though there is now no chance for the redemption I thought to seek. I know the consequences of my deeds and I accept them. I ask now only for strength. Not to put things right, I know that can never be done. Give me strength to make them pay. To make them suffer as they have made the innocent and guilty suffer alike for their pleasure. Just as I once did. Allow me to make them suffer and then I shall relinquish my soul completely to its fate.'
'Please. Give me strength.'
Vegeta relaxed again after his silent prayer was finished and closed his eyes. After a moment he realized Goku had stopped purring. He opened his eyes to see Goku's own staring up at him knowingly. An angry suspicion flared up in Vegeta's mind.
"What is it now, Kakarott?" he growled.
That faint question came back to him and he wondered again if Goku knew he had been purring. Goku blushed slightly seeming embarrassed.
. "Yes, I knew it."
Dead silence filled the dark room.
"What?" Vegeta questioned, his voice simmering.
. "I knew I was purring."
Once again Vegeta kept himself from throwing Goku across the room.
"Would you mind telling me why you are nosing about in my thoughts? I had thought that was a Saiyajin trait that you lacked."
Vegeta's hand fisted painfully in Goku's hair and tilted the larger man's head back until they were nose to nose.
"Tell me now before I do something you won't like!" he hissed.
"I don't know Vegeta, I really don't! You are the only one I've ever been able to do it with and even then almost never. You are always so guarded that there's usually nothing, but just now it was almost as if they were my own thoughts."
The prince snarled as the implications hit him.
"'If I didn't know better', huh?!" he snapped.
"When did you do it?! Shit!!! Things are finally starting to make sense!"
. "Do what, Vegeta?" Asked Goku at a loss.
"When. Did. You. Bond. Me?!!!"
Vegeta shook Goku hard in punctuation for each word he shouted.
. "Ve...Vege...St…Stop...Veg..."
The prince pressed him into the mattress, teeth bared in anger.
"Answer me, Kakarott!"
. "I don't know what you mean. What's a bond?"
Vegeta growled in frustration.
"A bond, you fool, is a psychic link Saiyajin can create when they feel very strongly about another being. When did you bond me? When did you first hear my thoughts?!"
"Oh. I think it was probably just before the androids appeared."
Vegeta's hands fell away from Goku's throat and he slumped against the wall in shock.
"So long ago." He whispered in defeat.
"No wonder your death affected me so much. And I never noticed it because you were gone. That is why I am still alive."
Vegeta looked back at Goku's wide eyes dazedly.
"I should have been dead by now. You made me doubt myself!"
. "What?"
"I am bonded to Bulma, you bastard!! I should have died when that bond was broken. I should have been blissfully dead! But now I find myself bonded to *you*!
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!"
His voice echoed through out the complex. Goku's ears rang and he cringed glad he couldn't really see the look of hatred he knew Vegeta wore. There was silence for a while as Goku pulled himself into a sitting position. He could feel the Vegeta relax somewhat again though the prince's mental barriers were forged in steel. He had no clue as to what the Saiyajin might do next.
Goku still wasn't sure what exactly was going on but it seemed to be his fault. This 'Bond' as Vegeta put it had certainly been strange to Goku when he'd first noticed it. He had wanted so much to get closer to Vegeta, to be his friend if only he'd allow it. Vegeta meant a lot to him. Then he began to get glimpses of what Vegeta thought, how he saw things, how he felt. It had been almost like a premonition and it would disappear as quickly as it came. It was what had enabled Goku to begin to understand the other man and allowed their unsteady friendship to grow. The strongest it had ever been was during their fight against Janenba in hell, the first time Vegeta had ever laid bare his emotions and lost that iron control he held so dear. Just before he had put aside his pride to allow Fusion. After that things had changed even more between them.
A sigh escaped Vegeta's lips, muffled by hands that covered his face. His voice came shakily and quiet, muffled still by his hands.
"How can you be so blameless, Kakarott, so naive? How can you be so innocent that I can not hold you accountable even for *this*?"
The prince pushed himself up, turning his back to Goku.
"I could feel you. Kami!! I could feel you! You were half dead with fever and no power signature and I could *still feel you*!! I should have known then!!"
Silence filled the darkness again. Goku couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make things worse so he stayed silent. Finally a harsh wry chuckle broke the stillness. Vegeta turned and locked eyes with Goku through the gloom, bleak and resigned eyes.
"Your hands dealt the death of me all those decades ago. The death of everything I knew to be true. And now I am rationed life by those same hands. You never *could* fathom the pain of my existence. And I could never seem to cause you the kind of pain that you imparted to me without even thinking. Always so innocent, blood seemed to slide from you fingers while it forever stained mine."
The familiar smirk twisted his features at the irony of the situation.
"I have actually been almost content these last years. No battles to fight but my own, my children to mold, Bulma...
Do you know what you have done, Kakarott?"
It was a genuine question. Goku started when he realized Vegeta was waiting for him to answer.
. "Um...no, Vegeta, what did I do?"
"You have finally given me the means to have my revenge. You have revealed to me a way to show you exactly what you've done to me." Vegeta leaned very close and his voice grew even quieter. "And I almost haven't got the will to take it."
Goku's breath caught. First from the closeness between them, they were so close that Vegeta's breath felt hot on his cheeks. The only times they'd been this close were during sparring matches and fights. Second, because of Vegeta's last words. He didn't want revenge anymore?! Then the closeness was gone, Vegeta had moved to the far corner of the bed from Goku. The tall Saiyan felt he should at least say something.
"Vegeta. I'm sorry. I don't really know when it happened. I don't even know what happened."
Vegeta chuckled again sounding more like himself this time.
"I know, Kakarott. That is why I have not tried to rip you apart. Yet."
Goku stuck one hand behind his head and also laughed quietly.
"I'd noticed," haha, "I only wanted to get to know you better. I guess it was really important to me that we be friends."
Vegeta's head turned slightly toward Goku.
"You wanted to be friends, huh?"
. "Well...yeah."
Hmph "You wanted to get to know me better, is that it?"
"Yeah, Vegeta, you know pretty much all about me. But even after Fusion I still hardly know anything about you."
Vegeta turned toward Goku, one leg bent before him on the bed, the other still touching the floor. His expression was unreadable from that distance in the dark.
"Kakarott. Once two people are bonded they cannot outlive one another unless there is another bond to sustain them. When I die, you will die." He paused for a moment. "Friendship is not a strong enough emotion to create a bond."
The silence was palpable. Vegeta chuckled yet again.
"Now, I think I can take my revenge."
Goku shook himself out of his paralysis.
. "But...you said you didn't want revenge anymore!"
"I said 'almost'. The fact that you have felt love for me for at least two decades makes it that much more irresistible."
Goku stammered, what could he say?
Vegeta leaned forward.
"You want to get to know me, Kakarott? Are you sure? I wish I'd known this a long time ago, I would have enjoyed it a lot more."
Goku wasn't sure what to expect, Vegeta was being so calm.
All at once it was as if floodgates had opened inside Goku's head. Emotions filled him and overwhelmed him in their intensity. Pain and despair washed over him. Hatred and loathing tore at his brain. Darkness seemed to wrap around him like a shroud.
Cold so *cold*.
Both Saiyans sat upon the bed in the dark. One still as death and grim, eyes closed with forced calm printed upon his features. The other cringed and shook, huddled against the wall holding his head in his hands and whimpering. His dark eyes open but unseeing, all attention focused inside himself on hidden demons.
Battered on every side by horribly strong and conflicting emotions Goku floundered for something solid to hold onto. Abruptly he realized Vegeta stood beside his crouched form in the sea of blackness. Goku flung his arms around the shorter man's calf afraid he might be washed away at any second.
Vegeta looked down upon Goku's prone form with scorn.
"What's the matter, Kakarotto? Feeling overwhelmed? You said you wanted to get to know me. Seen enough?"
The maelstrom of emotion swirled about Vegeta but didn't touch him. He was impervious to it.
"This is just the beginning so you better learn to cope. I never had anything to cling to and I see no reason you should receive that advantage. I learned early in childhood that the only absolute in life is myself, the only thing I could afford to depend upon was me, that is why I had to be strong."
Then Vegeta vanished and Goku was again tossed as if by ocean waves. Goku grasped at what Vegeta had told him.
'the only absolute in life is myself'
Goku drew in upon himself and tried to still the raging emotions in the part of his mind that was still his own. He forced himself to be calm, distant. It felt very alien to him, he had always been very free and honest with his feelings. The emotions were still there, they still made him want to scream, but he could control them somewhat now.
"About time, Kakarott. Not perfect but you may survive with you mind intact now." came Vegeta's voice from out of the darkness.
All of a sudden the blackness lifted.
Goku found himself standing on a balcony overlooking an alien horizon. The land was red and rocky and beautiful in its brutality.
-Enjoying the view, brat?-
The voice behind him filled him with dread. Slowly Goku turned around to face a pair of knees. He looked up into a battle-hardened face that was filled with disgust.
-Perhaps you'd like to take a stroll instead of training today.-
Goku was too frightened to reply, his tail lashed nervously behind him.
-Sniveling whelp! If you were *my* pup I'd drown you to make way for a worthy offspring. I don't see why the king puts up with a runt like you. Come, brat, I'll toughen you up or kill you trying.-
The large Saiyajin yanked Goku off his feet, nearly tearing off his arm, and dragged him away.
Pain followed. Pain, humiliation, and sorrow. Goku awoke in a rejuvenation tank. Through the glass the big soldier was watching him. Soundlessly through the glass the man promised not to be as easy on him next time.
The scene melted away to be replaced by another.
Goku fell to the rocky red dirt. Tears streaked the dust on his face and blood dripped onto the ground from his gasping mouth. Humiliation rolled through him as he choked back a sob.
'So weak. He was SO WEAK!!'
-Aww, look at the little baby!-
-You gonna cry, baby?-
The 3 bigger boys jeered as they kicked him and pelted him with rocks.
-Leave me alone!!- Goku cried.
He struggled to stand. His pain, humiliation, and helplessness were all consuming, as they always seemed to be. One of the boys snatched at his tail and yanked it hard. White-hot pain flared behind his eyes.
'It will stop!! This WILL STOP!!'
Goku leapt at the other boy, biting and clawing. Blood splattered everywhere and the boy clawed back but he had not been prepared for the weak little prince to fight in return. The two other boys just watched and laughed.
-Look! He does have some spine!-
-Not much talent though.-
'It will stop!! I will MAKE IT STOP!!'
Desperate, Goku raked at the boy's eyes. Screams erupted, drawing the attention of the adults supervising the children's' training grounds. A woman approached and cuffed the two gawking boys harshly, sending them off to resume their training. Roughly she grasped Goku by the hair and pulled him off of the screaming boy to asses the damage.
-Weakling.- she spat at Goku -You should have been able to take all tree of them.-
In disgust she tossed him back to the ground, leaving both he and the now blind boy to fend for themselves. Goku dragged himself to his feet. Rage filled him. Rage, agony, pain, and humiliation so strong that he felt he might die from the pressure inside his skull. Tears streamed freely down his bloody and bruised face. A high-pitched scream ripped from his chest and he lashed out with all his might upon the woman walking away. A red haze swept over his sight making the world seem as if it were covered in blood just like him. The woman disappeared with a wail in a flash of light and Goku collapsed exhausted.
As time went on Goku learned to recognize emotion for the weakness it was. Feelings were pain, they brought suffering. He quickly adapted, forced to find a way to survive.
The destruction of his innocence and youth came quick and ruthless, time passed by and a new scene and a new soldier appeared in front of Goku.
-I suppose its time to increase your training to the next level, boy. You may become worthy of a name yet, brat. Whether you are worthy of a prince's name still waits to be seen. I will not be as easy as your former teacher.-
Goku stood perfectly still as his new teacher spoke. His face carefully neutral. He'd learned long ago that any sign of emotion or weakness was severely punished. Every emotion except anger. Anger was sometimes rewarded. He would have to gauge this new teacher, learn his weaknesses. The last one had been very hard to eliminate. The man's last sentence drove a shaft of ice into Goku's gut but he quickly crushed it. Fear was inviting death. He could never feel fear. He would find a weakness.
Memories continued and Goku lived them as if they were his own, his own feelings, his own pain. There were times that he felt he would collapse, wished he could weep until he ceased to exist but that was impossible. He could never give in to such weakness.
He met his father, King Vegeta, for the first time and felt the disdain and regal arrogance. His father was the ultimate in strength holding his head high with pride and total control. Goku had to attain it. He would be strong, the king would be proud of him.
He excelled under his trainers, the strongest at his age. He was to be the crown prince, excellence was expected. He was only allowed to advance in training once he proved stronger then his teachers. Each instructor was merely an obstacle in the way of his goal and to not reach that goal was death. So Goku traded death for life. By the time he was eight years old he had lost count of the trainers to die at his young hands. He had earned his name.
Then he met Frieza. Frieza was cold to the Saiyajin hot. Unfeeling and detached compared to the fierce passion of the warriors that raised the prince.
Goku stood in the great hall by his father's throne. Frieza stood before him looking down with those icy empty eyes. One frozen finger caressed his cheek but Goku gave no sign of feeling it. He merely stared up into the alien's face in regal certainty and challenge. Frieza was impressed, even the strongest could not hold his gaze with such certainty.
-My fine little prince.-
The prince's training continued to the next step. He began the purging of worlds under Frieza's tutelage. Those cold eyes would settle on him, cold and calculating, making his hair stand on end. But he could not show unease. Weakness meant death and he traded death for life. He fed off others' weaknesses becoming stronger. Pain, hatred, pride, and distain were all he knew. He became the strongest. Nothing else mattered. The strong survived and the weak perished.
Father was pleased.
Frieza was pleased.
The purging of worlds continued further into the galaxy and Frieza came to him one day.
-My dear little prince, I'm afraid that you will not be going home this time.- That cold calculating stare burned into him.
-Why.- It was a statement not a question.
-Your father has given permission for you to continue with us to purge the far end of this galaxy. There is a particularly troublesome race I wish to quiet. Your abilities would be useful.-
Goku nodded, the promise of a difficult purge enticing his warriors spirit.
-Also, your father suggested that you continue your next step of training under me.-
As Frieza spoke he circled the young prince, lightly tracing fingertips over the armor the boy wore. Anger boiled in Goku's veins at the audacity of Frieza's touch but he kept his face still.
'So the almighty Frieza is to be my new instructor.'
Goku relished the thought of the power he would possess once he surpassed the ice-jin.
At the touch of Frieza'a tail upon his thigh the prince's hand automatically snapped onto it, a growl of warning leaving his throat as he turned to face the alien. Frieza smiled and his eyes flashed. Stars appeared behind Goku's eyes and he found himself on his knees, his own tail crushed in Frieza's palm. The boy's growl was now a snarl of pain.
-My *sweet* little prince.-
Then the true pain of his existence began. Nothing that came before could rival it.
Pain, weakness, helplessness, shame, humiliation, revulsion, self-loathing, horror.
Raped, broken, and bloody he dragged himself to a regeneration tank. For the first time in years he felt himself about to weep but refused. His body may be ruined but he would never break. He would heal and come back stronger. He now lived for a new goal. He lived for the day he would surpass and kill Frieza. Nothing else mattered.
Years went by and Goku was tempered in ice. He became cold, frozen in all but the battlefield. He reveled in the killing, in the control, the power, the dominion he possessed over all he surveyed. He dealt death not for life as he used to but because it was all he had left. He envisioned Frieza's face as he killed. His hatred was all encompassing, hatred ,loathing and revulsion were all he had for the universe now. He was incapable of anything else.
Then there was Kakarotto.
The ache in Goku's body still fresh from Frieza's latest "training session" fueled his bloodlust. The prince's strength had risen dramatically, Frieza had nearly killed his little playmate this time causing a surge in Goku's life energy in order to sustain him. He would be ready to challenge the alien soon.
Now he was ready to kill, ready to fling away the weakness only Frieza knew and clad himself in strength. He would prove once again to himself and to the galaxy that he was the strongest.
He met Kakarott.
And he lost.
For the first time since he was a child he lost in battle. There was another stronger then himself. There was another*Saiyajin* stronger than himself. Not since learning that his father had never given him to Frieza but had in fact been destroyed along with his entire home planet had Goku been so affected by anything.
He was shattered.
Weak!!
He remembered what his life was like before Frieza. He once again fought for his life. Trading death for life.
Survive!!
Survive to kill Frieza!!
Nothing else mattered.
There was nothing left.
Worthless!
Nothing left but pride.
Pride. Won't let go. Nothing left.
Never! Never give up. Never defeated!!
Will win!! Must win!!
My birthright! My destiny to win!!
To be the best!!
Never defeated!!
Goku felt Frieza's caresses even through the beating. The others didn't see. Didn't see the humiliation, didn't see the torment. Goku dangled helplessly, Frieza's tail wrapped around his neck. A failure. He lost. Could not ascend to the next level. Could not surpass his teacher. Worthless, nothing left but death.
Trading life for death.
He could not win and relief would come soon. The fight was over and he would rest soon.
Crumpled on the ground waiting for the nothingness to take him, he saw Kakarott. He saw the power in the pathetic, weak, third-class, yet somehow superior warrior. Goku touched the man's mind, merely brushed against it. So revoltingly blameless and pure it would have made the prince sick if he weren't already broken. But the power, the power that innocent life held.
Trading life for death.
'Someone must win! It will be him!'
'Frieza must pay, he must lose!!'
'Someone must win! Must carry on!'
'Cannot give up, he must pay!!'
Goku called out to Kakarott, soft fool that he was, someone must win. Brushed that sickeningly sweet mind once more and pressed forward Frieza's many sins. It would not take much, this pure soul believed in justice. Not too much, not all, mustn't damage that soft mind, just enough. Feel the rage! Make him pay!
Death.
Life!
'Why!?! Torment! Cruelty in the name of mercy! Let me die! I have nothing to live for!'
'Does he plan to take Frieza's place? To destroy me as the alien had?'
'He is not so strong as to own me through mercy!! Never!!'
'I shall never be owned again!'
'If they wish to torment me forever then I shall torment them.'
'I answer to no one! I shall win my freedom!'
Time passed slowly for Goku.
He was mired in hopelessness. Lost in a life he'd given up yet was forced to endure. Nothing. He had nothing but hatred and pain. Nothing but sorrow and self-loathing. And now he couldn't even find the momentary happiness in killing. Kakarott was too strong.
'Kakarott.'
He found the meaning of his life in that one word. That name embodied all that overwhelmed the last prince of Vegetasai. All that made him wish to cease to exist could be heaped upon that name. If he could only find a way to erase that name perhaps he could find peace. He had to grow strong, strong to erase the pain.
Time passed so slowly and Goku drew his hate around himself like a shield. It was the only thing that had always served him, the thing he knew best. Hate and strength. Each fed off the other.
But it was so hard here. His hate could not thrive as it had in all the other places he'd been forced to survive. Soon there remained only one thing that truly kindled his anger.
Kakarott.
So weak! The fool strove so hard to be like these worthless humans. So pathetic. So innocent. So perfect. How could he hide his Saiyan heritage so well? The only time he truly resembled what he was was in battle. Then the bloodlust showed itself, the competence in battle erased everything else. Goku found some small respect for the stomach turning optimist in battle. The prince refused to use that weak earth name as a show of that slight respect though Kakarott couldn't see it. Goku found that he almost liked the idiot at times though that changed nothing. He would kill him one day as was the Saiyan way, a prince's way, his way. To ascend to the next level. To be free.
Slowly he weakened. Life without strife changed him. He began to lose himself. Weakened with that woman.
Then Frieza returned.
Goku readied himself. He could be redeemed. Then the chance was gone and there was yet another as powerful as himself. Must be strong. Strong to erase the pain. Strong to retake control.
For a short time he did regain control, he was the strongest. Then it was ripped away again because he let his pride control him.
So weak, so pitiful and surpassed now by none other than Kakarott's own son.
Goku watched helplessly as Kakarott gave up his life to save them.
Kakarott was gone.
'PAIN! So much pain! Make it stop!'
'Hopeless! Useless! Meaningless!'
'PAIN!!!'
Goku lost everything when Kakarott died, lost the will to live once again. In a moment of supreme weakness, in a moment of all encompassing fear of what was happening to him he ran into the arms of the woman and his child and bonded her.
Time healed wounds but only dulled the pain.
The chance came. The chance came with Majin Bobiti and Goku leapt for it selfishly. He never expected the guilt that came with it. The guilt over what he'd done. He'd lost so much of himself in those years spent on earth. Only afterwards did he realize what he'd gained. He risked everything. He gave up his identity to fight Kakarott. Gave up his woman, his son, his home. Offered everything he now held dear to Majin Buu.
Goku seethed deep underground while standing with the long dead Kakarott and his whelp and that insufferable Kaiosama.
'Seven years!!'
'I waited seven years for this! And fate again laughs in my face! Mocking me for my penance. Kakarott and his brat couldn't care less, each grinning like imbeciles. I still have not been able to learn the extent of Kakarott's strength, and that brat! That weak excuse for our once proud race. That smug expression as he fought the king of demons. What a fool! I could have ended this by now! This should have been over and done with and I should be exalting in my victory over Kakarott. I don't care if this bakayaro is the Supreme Kai or not, I have better things to do with Kakarott's single day on earth! Seven years!! I will not wait anymore!'
-I will end this NOW!!-
Goku's temper flared almost beyond control as they tried to reason with him. He was so enraged that he even turned his wrath upon the Supreme Kai himself, fully intent on blasting him into the next world if he raised a hand to stop the prince.
-What kind of person ARE you?!-
'This little pipsqueak is the Kaiosama, he should know the answer to that.'
'I am Vegeta! Destroyer of lives, races, worlds! The last of the line of Vegetasai and a Super Saiyan Elite. I do what I will for no better reason than that I wish it and I have grown very tired of this particular outing.'
The only thing that held him back from destroying the entire ship they stood in far underground was Kakarott. When Kakarott grasped his arm it shook him enough that he managed to gain control of his anger and reminded him of where he was and who he was with. For the last seven years no one had dared to touch him without his permission much less defy his will. The clash was almost welcome. Yes. He could wait a little longer.
-Whatever *you* say, Kakarott.-
He replied with a sneer, turning away to fully regain his composure. He felt the Kaiosama relax behind his back. 'How did such a pathetic frightened fool become the Supreme Kai?' Kakarott's brat had merely watched throughout the whole altercation unable to do anything. 'Helpless, weak, and pathetic. Kakarott is the only one here worth even a glimer of my respect and even he is too soft. Too willing to accept his son's failure as a "good try".'
The angry prince proceeded to ignore the lot of them, their conversation would not help this situation. They had lost their chance to continue because of Gohan and could only wait now.
Suddenly a darkness descended upon Goku. A blackness that seemed to press into his very mind. It oozed over his mental barriers and pressed in on him like a vice on his skull. He cried out and grasped his head in his hands, the pain causing him to stumble. As if through a haze he could hear the others calling out to him. Mindlessly he responded to their queries, all his attention taken up with trying to close his mind to the evil presence around him. He tried to protect himself but the more control he invested, the more the darkness seemed to penetrate and encircle his mind. He drew all his energy into himself in an effort to fend off the attacker but to no avail. He watched as memories were pulled from his mind and displayed as if for all the world to see. Old emotions, weaknesses, and wants were dragged back to the surface again after all these years of relatively peaceful life. All his sins and glories were revisited upon him and he couldn't help but revel in them. A voice accompanied those memories promising more glory and power to come. Vaguely he could hear the Supreme Kai cry out in his ear to fight. Not to let Bobiti win. He called to Goku to let go, let go of the past and become innocent and pure. 'Innocent? I have never been innocent, not even as a child!' Even as he fought, even as Kaiosama's words entered his ears, his life paraded by his eyes. It was filled with blood and hate, strength and pride, and most of all death. Death always by his hands. All around he saw death, could smell blood in his nostrils and exalted in it. Underneath it all was a tinge of ...guilt?...self-loathing?...but it was overshadowed so it might as well have not been there at all.
With one last scream of anguished pain he lost the lonely battle.
Standing strong and strait, breathing deep in his lungs, the Saiyajin turned to face his enemies. Why had he fought so hard? He felt complete again, he drew his strength and hate about himself like a shroud as he had not been able to do for years. He was himself again. He was the Prince of the Saiyajin.
Kaiosama and the two other Saiyans in the room gasped in unison at the large M that now adorned Goku's brow along with an expression none of them had seen since Frieza had been killed all those years ago.
'Free!! Free again!!'
'Kakarott would pay finally, consequences be damned!'
What had he done?!
He could not let them be destroyed.
He had not killed so ruthlessly in so very long, where had he gotten this conscience from?
He had grown weak but it did not matter.
In an act of penance he died so that his woman and son might live.
He died as Kakarott had died seven years before. To save his loved ones.
To defeat Buu.
Fusion with Kakarott changed much.
Kakarott truly *was* innocent, it wasn't just a ploy. He really didn't care who was stronger.
Pointless.
Goku was the only one who cared and it didn't mean as much as it once did. Kakarott stood by him in everything and there was nothing he could do about it. Only time could make it fade.
What had seemed like years to Goku had really only been mere moments. Vegeta breathed deeply for several minutes while reburying his memories deep within. He opened his eyes to study the dark slumped form of his unadmited friend.
"You have wanted to know me for decades, Kakarott. I finally let you. Was it worth the loss of your innocence?"
Goku made no reply beyond a shudder. Images still flitted through his mind as real as life. Frieza flashed before his eyes, lustful and violent and Goku choked on a sob.
. "Oh Kami!!!"
Vegeta did not laugh or chuckle or even smirk at Goku's state of mind. In fact, his face held no expression at all. Goku began to take large gulping breaths, trying to regain control of his raging emotions. After a while Vegeta moved next to him and enfolded the larger man in his arms.
'Kakarott'
Goku cringed away from the name, he now knew what it meant, what it stood for. He suddenly realized that the voice was coming from inside his head. Vegeta hadn't closed the link when he drew back his memories. He had stayed to make sure that Goku was still sane.
'Do you wish me to help you set them so rest?' Came Vegeta's gentle tone.
Goku shivered, images kept surfacing no matter how he pushed them away.
. 'Yes...Please! I never...I don't know how.'
'I know.'
Vegeta gently showed Goku how to push down the images and lock them away. Goku held tight to the presence both in his mind and outside as he tried to regain himself. Trying to understand fully what he had experienced. He felt again the vileness, the undiluted scorn and contempt he had felt upon meeting himself for the first time in Vegeta's memories and trembled.
'I had no idea, no comprehension that such hate could exist. You really did HATE me.'
'Yes, Kakarott, and you refused to believe. You were always so sure that there was goodness in me somewhere. Perhaps now you see the truth. I had no concept of goodness until I came here.'
'Terrible! So Terrible!'
'No, Kakarott. Life! It is my Life. It is who I am. It is men like you in simple, safe places like this that know otherwise. Even here on this backwater planet there were humans who knew life as I do. Now they've all had a taste.'
Finally Goku gazed up into Vegeta's cold, empty, dispassionate eyes. He'd always believed them to be a mask hiding what lay beneath. Now he could see the truth. Vegeta's soul showed plainly in his eyes. But he could see more now. Vegeta's eyes were not so cold as they once were. His gaze was not so absolute.
'You never had to survive true hardship. In a way I valued the purity you embody, once I realized it was real at least. Purity I could never understand. You are the opposing force. The exact opposite of all I ever knew and am. You represented all I hated and could never have....and then you bonded me and made it 100 times worse though I couldn't see it at the time.'
Vegeta reclined against the wall as he had earlier and breathed deeply.
'In fact, there are things I'd forgotten or just couldn't see until this very moment.'
Vegeta's attention returned to Goku's still form. The big Saiyan hadn't moved from his half crouch, his arms still hugging himself protectively.
"Speak, Kakarott. This may be the last chance."
Goku looked up at Vegeta's relaxed figure and barked a single low, wry laugh.
"I'm speechless."
Goku's eyes were distant. He was still sorting out his thoughts, working things through. Finally he too stretched out and leaned against the wall beside Vegeta.
"You didn't bond Bulma until after I died." Was Goku's realization.
"That is one revelation this night has provided."
Goku thought some more.
"A bond can only be formed if both people feel strongly for each other."
"Very astute, Kakarott. The day you brought me back from the dead and defeated Frieza was the day you became the most important person in my life. You became the reason for my existence. You saw for yourself, I held nothing back from you. Hate is every bit as powerful as love."
"You don't hate me anymore?"
Vegeta shrugged. "Sometimes I do....but for the most part I do not."
After a few seconds of silence.
"I am not sorry I met you, Vegeta. I am sorry for the pain you felt because of me but I am not sorry for what I did to you or for any of the things we've gone through. If any of it had not happened then you probably would not be with me now."
"I'm sure it would have been terribly boring being supreme ruler of the universe." Vegeta replied sarcastically.
Goku flung his arms around the surprised prince.
"You are not worthless or dark no matter what you may think. You are the most worthy and strong person I will ever know and I am honored to stand by your side. My Prince."
As Goku spoke he poured all his feelings behind those words into the mind link they shared. Vegeta remained rigid but gradually gave in to the embrace placing his own hands upon Goku's broad back. Vegeta whispered almost too low for Goku to hear.
"I am glad that I will be able to keep a part of you with me when my soul is sent to hell."
Goku squeezed his friend tighter and they stayed that way. As the night continued they slept supporting each other, free of nightmares.
When the dawn came they stood side by side to meet the tide of fate.
Did you like? Hate? Ah well, was worth a try.
If enough people liked it I may upload the second half of the story. It isn't as good as the first part and has a very….different atmosphere. I don't think it is as good.
This is my first posted fic and the first story I have deemed worthy for the eyes of others.
The characters might seem a little OOC but take into consideration that there has been a new threat that caught the Z senshi totally unprepared. Chikyuu is in a shambles and even Dende has been lost as well as the dragonballs. Even the greatest man can be changed by disaster and that is what has happened. Very slight one-sided YAOI suggested and some rape content. I consider it pretty tasteful and it is necessary for the story line. Vegeta happens to be my favorite character and this is sorta how I see his personality.
To really understand all parts of this story you have to be versed in DBZ up to Janenba and fusion. I also didn't stick perfectly to the story lines.
Hope you enjoy it.
' things' – denote thoughts and mind speech.
"things" – denote plain speech.
-things- - denote dream sequence/memory speech.
. "things" – denote Goku's lines when Vegeta and Goku are conversing closely.
~END AUTHOR'S NOTES~
I guess since everyone else has one I should too: Dragonball ain't mine but this story is and I like it so if you have a problem with it then that is too bad. If you like it then great! But it's mine.
Vegeta stood on a bluff overlooking what had once been his city. All around was devastation. The landscape was charred and smoking. The once grand, rolling city seemed to have melted back into the earth. Any buildings still standing resembled skeletons decomposing under the brutal sun. His eyes scanned the horizon emotionlessly despite the grim scowl he wore. All around, as far as the eye could see, smoke from other cities filled the skyline. Vegeta guessed that most of the earth must look the same by now. This had not been the first place to fall under attack.
Vegeta clenched his fists. His jaw cracked under the pressure of his toothy snarl.
'Even after being warned I was unable to protect them. I couldn't save them.
Couldn't do a damn thing!'
That had been a week ago. He'd had his time to morn and to heal. Now he stood above it all, gaunt and ruined but he held his head high still. They could not take his pride, the only thing he had left once again.
All the others were gone, all but one.
He knew why they had spared that one. The same reason he himself had been allowed to escape.
The bandages he'd rigged began to itch as he sweated beneath the burning wind. He'd existed here since the destruction. Broken, feverish, and starving until he found the strength to search for food. Now his dust covered wounds festered and stung. Rage took him and he bellowed to the sky ripping the bindings away to cause fresh blood to flow from his injuries. One rib shifted under the strain of his muscles, turning his bellow to a gasp. The man fell to his knees and held his side for a time, breaths coming shallowly. He imagined mocking laughter following him, sneering at his weakness.
Vegeta stood slowly. He did what he had done his whole life, what he'd had to do from the day he learned to walk, to fight, to be the Sayajin no Ouji of Vegetasai.
" I am the Prince of the Saiyans. I will NOT be defeated! I shall destroy all that oppose me. I am the greatest warrior this world has ever known. I am Vegeta! And I will have vengeance!"
An old familiar coldness filled his eyes. Arrogant rebellion took root in his soul once again after so many years. He pushed all else deep down inside and gathered that coldness to him as if it were armor. There was still hope. A secret he'd kept almost from the beginning. He slowly flew off into the smoky atmosphere carefully trying not to waste what little energy he still held.
The prince landed upon a small island far into the ocean. His retreat. An old scientist had resided here before Vegeta had convinced the old man to leave it to him. It was a complete facility with it's own power source and a dense jungle protecting it from prying outsiders. Most importantly it was, as of yet, untouched. With new purpose Vegeta took off toward the mainland once again.
In the mountain regions fires still fed on the few still green hills, the rest was black and lifeless. The sky here was thick with ash and death. The terrain turned frigid where the flames had fed on themselves and burned out. Vegeta landed in a clearing that had once been familiar and friendly but was now twisted and grim. Vegeta glanced around at the devastation.
'He is here, I can feel him. '
'Damn him!! Where is he?!!'
The prince approached a pile of rubble to one side of him. Suddenly he drew up short. He had found him.
A figure sat upon the wreckage.
Covered in ash and dirt it seemed to be just another piece of the rubble until a silent sob wracked it's frame. Vegeta floated up to hover before it, careful not to touch the wreckage.
"What are you doing?"
The figure choked on another sob and smeared more grime onto it's tear streaked face with the back of it's hand.
. "Nothing." It replied after an eternity.
"There is nothing here for you."
. "They are here."
Vegeta wrinkled his nose in disgust, eyes narrowing slightly.
"I know."
The figure finally turned its head to look at him. The eyes were dull and lost but there was comprehension for Vegeta's words. They stared at one another for a few moments. Vegeta's eyes were sharp and hawk like in contrast and he allowed a nasty smirk to grow on his lips. With a roar the black figure threw itself at the princely Saiyajin and the ensuing battle was brief.
Both combatants lay on the ground soiled and bleeding. Vegeta stood shakily and stumbled to where Goku collapsed. The larger Saiyan had been half insane with rage and fever and was easily defeated. Vegeta hefted the man onto his shoulders, nearly falling with the weight, and made his way back to his island.
Goku awoke in a regeneration tank. He made no move to leave it. He did nothing at all. He merely floated and stared strait ahead. After a while, it could have been minutes hours or days, it made no difference, he realized that he could see Vegeta's form floating in another healing chamber directly in across the room. Vegeta's last insult came back to him but the glint of anger dissolved quickly. It had been the truth. His wife and two sons were buried under the ruins of the house they had lived in and he would have joined them in time if Vegeta hadn't come. Vaguely he wondered why the man had come. Days had gone by since the others had been killed, Goku didn't know how many. He only remembered being deathly cold during those nights spent upon his family's grave. Bulma and Trunks were already gone when Goku's family had been attacked. Why was Vegeta here now after so much time?
Goku watched calmly as Vegeta's form began to twitch in the liquid of the 2nd chamber, negative emotions radiated from the sleeping man causing Goku to tense. The movements of the other Saiyajin became more violent until it seemed as if Vegeta was trying to fend off some invisible attacker. Goku could faintly hear the sounds of Vegeta's blows on the sides of the chamber as he witnessed the all too familiar nightmare play out before him. Goku didn't even blink when Vegeta knocked loose the breathing apparatus over his mouth. The prince's eyes snapped open and he clawed at his throat. An alarm sounded in the distance, causing the chamber to drain instantly. When the door opened Vegeta fell from the machine to the floor. He huddled there heaving liquid from his lungs and shaking violently. Goku watched while Vegeta knelt on the floor, his head pressed to the ground between his muscular arms. He looked nothing like the Saiyajin no Ouji he'd been scarcely two weeks before.
Goku finally found the will to move. He pulled himself from his own tank. His legs wobbled under his weight once they found the ground. The big Saiyan fell to his knees beside his prince and gently pressed a hand to his shoulder. Vegeta's hard eyes turned to find Goku's soft ones. There were no words. There was nothing to be said. The prince reached out with his own hand and gripped Goku's arm for a moment, squeezing gently, before pushing it away.
They ate silently, still managing to deplete Vegeta's store of food by half. After they had finished Vegeta left the room returning with a bundle under his arm and a bag in his hand. Goku's attention was caught once again by the tail snaking back and forth behind Vegeta. The last nightmare Vegeta had suffered seemed to have been so extreme that it triggered the re-growth of his lost tail. Vegeta now had his full power restored. He set down the bundle and dumped the contents of the small bag before the larger Saiyan. Goku found himself looking at a full suit of Saiyajin armor and six senzu beans.
"I cannot do this alone, Kakarott. It would be worth nothing."
Goku met Vegeta's guarded stare.
'What is this?' He thought, 'Vegeta is asking for my help! Why? Bulma and Trunks are gone. He always swore that they were the only things keeping him from destroying this planet himself. Has he changed so much?'
' Have I changed so much?'
The last question was tinged with guilt. He looked down at his hands, they were no longer coated with grime and death. They should have been. He should have died with his family, died to protect them. They were gone now. Everyone was gone now. The earth was finally destroyed.
"What is left to fight for?"
Before Goku could react, the force of Vegeta's blow sent him crashing against the wall. The Saiyajin prince was livid and towered over the prone Goku.
" As long as blood still flows through you veins there will *always* be reason to fight!! MIGHTY KAKAROTT, the strongest warrior in the universe! The champion against every threat the earth has known *including* ME would rather lay down and die then fight!?! If only I had known I could defeat you so easily. I would have slaughtered your family long ago! You disgust me, Kakarott! STAND ON YOUR FEET!!"
Goku stood slowly, Anger Beginning to flare in his dull eyes.
"Without the Dragon balls to fall back on you are nothing! You've always had them to back you up! What are you afraid of? You will see your pathetic loved ones soon enough. Avenge them while you have the chance! I will never see my mate or my son again. My soul is spoken for. *I* choose my own fate, *no one else*! I choose to die with honor as a warrior of a great race. I choose to avenge MY FAMILY!
What the hell is wrong with you!?!?!"
Vegeta grasped Goku by the collar and shook him hard.
"How could someone so weak have bested me so many times!!"
He roared into Goku's face while gazing cruelly into his bloodshot eyes.
"I will NOT accept this behavior! Not from you! I will give you a choice.
Either you pull yourself together *right now* and fight like the Saiyajin I always thought you to be...Kakarott... or I will rip you apart right here... GOKU!!"
It was the first time Vegeta had ever used the earth name to address the other Saiyan and it dripped with as much loathing and scorn as Vegeta could instill it with.
Through out this lecture Goku had been growing more and more angry until he now was shaking with the emotion. Vegeta was sure that the tall man was about to attack but instead he slumped. All the tension seemed to flow from his body and he nodded.
. "Your right, Vegeta."
Vegeta's eyes bulged and he choked when Goku threw his arms around him in a strong bear hug.
. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Gackk!! Get off of me, Kakarott!"
Ignoring Vegeta completely, Goku buried his face in his prince's immobile shoulder and hugged tighter.
"I'm sorry," came his muffled voice. "I *am* being foolish. I just...I...their eyes!" Goku sobbed. "I saw it all. I see her face every time I blink...her's and Gohan's and Goten's. But you're right. They can't be hurt anymore."
Goku pulled away. He stood tall and met Vegeta's stern gaze with one of his own.
"It is about time!"
Vegeta stalked out of the room. A shadow of Goku's old self appeared on his face as he grinned at the retreating Saiyajin's back.
Darkness settled over the little island like a thick mist. No stars shone through the smoggy atmosphere. All was quiet.
Vegeta lay in his bed staring at the blackness shrouding the ceiling. A droplet of moisture trickled across his sweat-streaked temple.
'That cursed dream again.'
At least he'd managed to gain some semblance of control. He hadn't cried out this time.
The gloom was complete, perfectly set-off by the non-light that oozed through the open window. 'A fitting place for me to spend the last remaining hours of my life', he thought. It seemed to Vegeta as if the world had suddenly become a reflection of his own soul, dark and brutal. He could not decide whether to feel insulted by fate's twisted sense of humor or defeated as his carefully hidden hope for a better life crumbled before his eyes.
Suddenly a presence appeared in the center of the room. It did not surprise Vegeta. He had felt Goku's restless energy on the other side of the compound, probably in the kitchen. The damn fool was always hungry.
"What do you want, Kakarott?"
. "I couldn't sleep."
"So you thought you would wake me too, is that it?"
. "No….I thought you were awake, I felt your power level change."
Vegeta realized that he had raised his ki unknowingly during his nightmare. Angrily he dropped it down to nothing again.
"Go back to sleep, Kakarott."
Goku made no move to leave.
. "Could I just...?"
Vegeta, eyes still aimed toward the ceiling, cut him off.
"Aren't you a little *old* to be afraid of the dark, Kakarott?"
The shadowy figure sighed and turned away.
. "I'll leave, goodnight Vegeta."
The prince turned his head to watch the ghostly figure move toward the door. At the sound of fingers upon the doorknob Vegeta closed his eyes and grimly whispered the other Saiyan's name. Resignedly he raised himself onto his pillows till his shoulders and head rested against the wall.
"Come, Kakarott." He called gruffly.
Goku slowly approached the bed and lay down beside the smaller Saiyan. The bed dipped deeply under Goku's mass causing Vegeta to drop his hands to steady himself. After some hesitation he decided to leave his arm where it rested on Goku's shoulder. The larger Saiyan curled up against Vegeta's side, his head pillowed on the prince's chest. The prince settled back again, staring forward once more, lost in memories of the times he'd done just this for his son and especially for his daughter when they would have bad dreams. If someone had told him that he would one day do the same for his hated rival he would have laughed hysterically before killing the daft cretin. But here they were.
Vegeta tensed when he felt Goku wrap large arms around his lean waist. He almost threw the big lug out of the bed before restraining himself. These were their last hours on earth. He would do this one last thing for Goku before they were forever sent their separate ways. Goku to heaven and to both his own family and Vegeta's, and Vegeta to hell and eternal damnation for his sins.
Goku fell asleep quickly, a light snore escaped his lips as his newly grown tail wound itself around Vegeta's thigh. Vegeta absently caressed Goku's spiky hair as he had done to his daughter's so many times before. His life had always seemed to take very strange turns and for once he decided to accept this one. He'd be dead soon and none of this would matter anyway. He looked down upon Goku's sleeping face and marveled at how nothing seemed to be able to strip the man of his innocence. Even seeing his family die before his eyes had not truly scarred him. He'd mostly been overwhelmed by the unfairness of it.
'Unfairness'
Vegeta grunted at the thought.
'Fairness is a concept created for those too weak to survive but for the pity of the strong.'
Still gazing down at Goku's peaceful face Vegeta gave a tiny sad smile before finishing his thought out loud.
"Fairness was created by men like you, Kakarott. You are too soft- hearted for your own good."
A quiet rumble filled the room and Vegeta was shocked to realize it was coming from Goku. The brute was purring! He tried so hard to be human and yet here he was purring like a kitten. Vegeta wondered if he even knew about it.
'After all the things we've been through you still amaze me. You always treated me as if I could be your friend. You still strive to be my comrade. But then, I can never seem to be able to move away from you no matter how hard I try. If I didn't know better I'd say that we had a bond.'
Vegeta turned his eyes to the ceiling once again and he reached out to any being that might be listening. Anyone that might give a damn for what was happening in the universe.
'I am the last prince of Vegetasai. And I have done great evil in my life. I have no excuse and seek none, I have put away my past though there is now no chance for the redemption I thought to seek. I know the consequences of my deeds and I accept them. I ask now only for strength. Not to put things right, I know that can never be done. Give me strength to make them pay. To make them suffer as they have made the innocent and guilty suffer alike for their pleasure. Just as I once did. Allow me to make them suffer and then I shall relinquish my soul completely to its fate.'
'Please. Give me strength.'
Vegeta relaxed again after his silent prayer was finished and closed his eyes. After a moment he realized Goku had stopped purring. He opened his eyes to see Goku's own staring up at him knowingly. An angry suspicion flared up in Vegeta's mind.
"What is it now, Kakarott?" he growled.
That faint question came back to him and he wondered again if Goku knew he had been purring. Goku blushed slightly seeming embarrassed.
. "Yes, I knew it."
Dead silence filled the dark room.
"What?" Vegeta questioned, his voice simmering.
. "I knew I was purring."
Once again Vegeta kept himself from throwing Goku across the room.
"Would you mind telling me why you are nosing about in my thoughts? I had thought that was a Saiyajin trait that you lacked."
Vegeta's hand fisted painfully in Goku's hair and tilted the larger man's head back until they were nose to nose.
"Tell me now before I do something you won't like!" he hissed.
"I don't know Vegeta, I really don't! You are the only one I've ever been able to do it with and even then almost never. You are always so guarded that there's usually nothing, but just now it was almost as if they were my own thoughts."
The prince snarled as the implications hit him.
"'If I didn't know better', huh?!" he snapped.
"When did you do it?! Shit!!! Things are finally starting to make sense!"
. "Do what, Vegeta?" Asked Goku at a loss.
"When. Did. You. Bond. Me?!!!"
Vegeta shook Goku hard in punctuation for each word he shouted.
. "Ve...Vege...St…Stop...Veg..."
The prince pressed him into the mattress, teeth bared in anger.
"Answer me, Kakarott!"
. "I don't know what you mean. What's a bond?"
Vegeta growled in frustration.
"A bond, you fool, is a psychic link Saiyajin can create when they feel very strongly about another being. When did you bond me? When did you first hear my thoughts?!"
"Oh. I think it was probably just before the androids appeared."
Vegeta's hands fell away from Goku's throat and he slumped against the wall in shock.
"So long ago." He whispered in defeat.
"No wonder your death affected me so much. And I never noticed it because you were gone. That is why I am still alive."
Vegeta looked back at Goku's wide eyes dazedly.
"I should have been dead by now. You made me doubt myself!"
. "What?"
"I am bonded to Bulma, you bastard!! I should have died when that bond was broken. I should have been blissfully dead! But now I find myself bonded to *you*!
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!"
His voice echoed through out the complex. Goku's ears rang and he cringed glad he couldn't really see the look of hatred he knew Vegeta wore. There was silence for a while as Goku pulled himself into a sitting position. He could feel the Vegeta relax somewhat again though the prince's mental barriers were forged in steel. He had no clue as to what the Saiyajin might do next.
Goku still wasn't sure what exactly was going on but it seemed to be his fault. This 'Bond' as Vegeta put it had certainly been strange to Goku when he'd first noticed it. He had wanted so much to get closer to Vegeta, to be his friend if only he'd allow it. Vegeta meant a lot to him. Then he began to get glimpses of what Vegeta thought, how he saw things, how he felt. It had been almost like a premonition and it would disappear as quickly as it came. It was what had enabled Goku to begin to understand the other man and allowed their unsteady friendship to grow. The strongest it had ever been was during their fight against Janenba in hell, the first time Vegeta had ever laid bare his emotions and lost that iron control he held so dear. Just before he had put aside his pride to allow Fusion. After that things had changed even more between them.
A sigh escaped Vegeta's lips, muffled by hands that covered his face. His voice came shakily and quiet, muffled still by his hands.
"How can you be so blameless, Kakarott, so naive? How can you be so innocent that I can not hold you accountable even for *this*?"
The prince pushed himself up, turning his back to Goku.
"I could feel you. Kami!! I could feel you! You were half dead with fever and no power signature and I could *still feel you*!! I should have known then!!"
Silence filled the darkness again. Goku couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make things worse so he stayed silent. Finally a harsh wry chuckle broke the stillness. Vegeta turned and locked eyes with Goku through the gloom, bleak and resigned eyes.
"Your hands dealt the death of me all those decades ago. The death of everything I knew to be true. And now I am rationed life by those same hands. You never *could* fathom the pain of my existence. And I could never seem to cause you the kind of pain that you imparted to me without even thinking. Always so innocent, blood seemed to slide from you fingers while it forever stained mine."
The familiar smirk twisted his features at the irony of the situation.
"I have actually been almost content these last years. No battles to fight but my own, my children to mold, Bulma...
Do you know what you have done, Kakarott?"
It was a genuine question. Goku started when he realized Vegeta was waiting for him to answer.
. "Um...no, Vegeta, what did I do?"
"You have finally given me the means to have my revenge. You have revealed to me a way to show you exactly what you've done to me." Vegeta leaned very close and his voice grew even quieter. "And I almost haven't got the will to take it."
Goku's breath caught. First from the closeness between them, they were so close that Vegeta's breath felt hot on his cheeks. The only times they'd been this close were during sparring matches and fights. Second, because of Vegeta's last words. He didn't want revenge anymore?! Then the closeness was gone, Vegeta had moved to the far corner of the bed from Goku. The tall Saiyan felt he should at least say something.
"Vegeta. I'm sorry. I don't really know when it happened. I don't even know what happened."
Vegeta chuckled again sounding more like himself this time.
"I know, Kakarott. That is why I have not tried to rip you apart. Yet."
Goku stuck one hand behind his head and also laughed quietly.
"I'd noticed," haha, "I only wanted to get to know you better. I guess it was really important to me that we be friends."
Vegeta's head turned slightly toward Goku.
"You wanted to be friends, huh?"
. "Well...yeah."
Hmph "You wanted to get to know me better, is that it?"
"Yeah, Vegeta, you know pretty much all about me. But even after Fusion I still hardly know anything about you."
Vegeta turned toward Goku, one leg bent before him on the bed, the other still touching the floor. His expression was unreadable from that distance in the dark.
"Kakarott. Once two people are bonded they cannot outlive one another unless there is another bond to sustain them. When I die, you will die." He paused for a moment. "Friendship is not a strong enough emotion to create a bond."
The silence was palpable. Vegeta chuckled yet again.
"Now, I think I can take my revenge."
Goku shook himself out of his paralysis.
. "But...you said you didn't want revenge anymore!"
"I said 'almost'. The fact that you have felt love for me for at least two decades makes it that much more irresistible."
Goku stammered, what could he say?
Vegeta leaned forward.
"You want to get to know me, Kakarott? Are you sure? I wish I'd known this a long time ago, I would have enjoyed it a lot more."
Goku wasn't sure what to expect, Vegeta was being so calm.
All at once it was as if floodgates had opened inside Goku's head. Emotions filled him and overwhelmed him in their intensity. Pain and despair washed over him. Hatred and loathing tore at his brain. Darkness seemed to wrap around him like a shroud.
Cold so *cold*.
Both Saiyans sat upon the bed in the dark. One still as death and grim, eyes closed with forced calm printed upon his features. The other cringed and shook, huddled against the wall holding his head in his hands and whimpering. His dark eyes open but unseeing, all attention focused inside himself on hidden demons.
Battered on every side by horribly strong and conflicting emotions Goku floundered for something solid to hold onto. Abruptly he realized Vegeta stood beside his crouched form in the sea of blackness. Goku flung his arms around the shorter man's calf afraid he might be washed away at any second.
Vegeta looked down upon Goku's prone form with scorn.
"What's the matter, Kakarotto? Feeling overwhelmed? You said you wanted to get to know me. Seen enough?"
The maelstrom of emotion swirled about Vegeta but didn't touch him. He was impervious to it.
"This is just the beginning so you better learn to cope. I never had anything to cling to and I see no reason you should receive that advantage. I learned early in childhood that the only absolute in life is myself, the only thing I could afford to depend upon was me, that is why I had to be strong."
Then Vegeta vanished and Goku was again tossed as if by ocean waves. Goku grasped at what Vegeta had told him.
'the only absolute in life is myself'
Goku drew in upon himself and tried to still the raging emotions in the part of his mind that was still his own. He forced himself to be calm, distant. It felt very alien to him, he had always been very free and honest with his feelings. The emotions were still there, they still made him want to scream, but he could control them somewhat now.
"About time, Kakarott. Not perfect but you may survive with you mind intact now." came Vegeta's voice from out of the darkness.
All of a sudden the blackness lifted.
Goku found himself standing on a balcony overlooking an alien horizon. The land was red and rocky and beautiful in its brutality.
-Enjoying the view, brat?-
The voice behind him filled him with dread. Slowly Goku turned around to face a pair of knees. He looked up into a battle-hardened face that was filled with disgust.
-Perhaps you'd like to take a stroll instead of training today.-
Goku was too frightened to reply, his tail lashed nervously behind him.
-Sniveling whelp! If you were *my* pup I'd drown you to make way for a worthy offspring. I don't see why the king puts up with a runt like you. Come, brat, I'll toughen you up or kill you trying.-
The large Saiyajin yanked Goku off his feet, nearly tearing off his arm, and dragged him away.
Pain followed. Pain, humiliation, and sorrow. Goku awoke in a rejuvenation tank. Through the glass the big soldier was watching him. Soundlessly through the glass the man promised not to be as easy on him next time.
The scene melted away to be replaced by another.
Goku fell to the rocky red dirt. Tears streaked the dust on his face and blood dripped onto the ground from his gasping mouth. Humiliation rolled through him as he choked back a sob.
'So weak. He was SO WEAK!!'
-Aww, look at the little baby!-
-You gonna cry, baby?-
The 3 bigger boys jeered as they kicked him and pelted him with rocks.
-Leave me alone!!- Goku cried.
He struggled to stand. His pain, humiliation, and helplessness were all consuming, as they always seemed to be. One of the boys snatched at his tail and yanked it hard. White-hot pain flared behind his eyes.
'It will stop!! This WILL STOP!!'
Goku leapt at the other boy, biting and clawing. Blood splattered everywhere and the boy clawed back but he had not been prepared for the weak little prince to fight in return. The two other boys just watched and laughed.
-Look! He does have some spine!-
-Not much talent though.-
'It will stop!! I will MAKE IT STOP!!'
Desperate, Goku raked at the boy's eyes. Screams erupted, drawing the attention of the adults supervising the children's' training grounds. A woman approached and cuffed the two gawking boys harshly, sending them off to resume their training. Roughly she grasped Goku by the hair and pulled him off of the screaming boy to asses the damage.
-Weakling.- she spat at Goku -You should have been able to take all tree of them.-
In disgust she tossed him back to the ground, leaving both he and the now blind boy to fend for themselves. Goku dragged himself to his feet. Rage filled him. Rage, agony, pain, and humiliation so strong that he felt he might die from the pressure inside his skull. Tears streamed freely down his bloody and bruised face. A high-pitched scream ripped from his chest and he lashed out with all his might upon the woman walking away. A red haze swept over his sight making the world seem as if it were covered in blood just like him. The woman disappeared with a wail in a flash of light and Goku collapsed exhausted.
As time went on Goku learned to recognize emotion for the weakness it was. Feelings were pain, they brought suffering. He quickly adapted, forced to find a way to survive.
The destruction of his innocence and youth came quick and ruthless, time passed by and a new scene and a new soldier appeared in front of Goku.
-I suppose its time to increase your training to the next level, boy. You may become worthy of a name yet, brat. Whether you are worthy of a prince's name still waits to be seen. I will not be as easy as your former teacher.-
Goku stood perfectly still as his new teacher spoke. His face carefully neutral. He'd learned long ago that any sign of emotion or weakness was severely punished. Every emotion except anger. Anger was sometimes rewarded. He would have to gauge this new teacher, learn his weaknesses. The last one had been very hard to eliminate. The man's last sentence drove a shaft of ice into Goku's gut but he quickly crushed it. Fear was inviting death. He could never feel fear. He would find a weakness.
Memories continued and Goku lived them as if they were his own, his own feelings, his own pain. There were times that he felt he would collapse, wished he could weep until he ceased to exist but that was impossible. He could never give in to such weakness.
He met his father, King Vegeta, for the first time and felt the disdain and regal arrogance. His father was the ultimate in strength holding his head high with pride and total control. Goku had to attain it. He would be strong, the king would be proud of him.
He excelled under his trainers, the strongest at his age. He was to be the crown prince, excellence was expected. He was only allowed to advance in training once he proved stronger then his teachers. Each instructor was merely an obstacle in the way of his goal and to not reach that goal was death. So Goku traded death for life. By the time he was eight years old he had lost count of the trainers to die at his young hands. He had earned his name.
Then he met Frieza. Frieza was cold to the Saiyajin hot. Unfeeling and detached compared to the fierce passion of the warriors that raised the prince.
Goku stood in the great hall by his father's throne. Frieza stood before him looking down with those icy empty eyes. One frozen finger caressed his cheek but Goku gave no sign of feeling it. He merely stared up into the alien's face in regal certainty and challenge. Frieza was impressed, even the strongest could not hold his gaze with such certainty.
-My fine little prince.-
The prince's training continued to the next step. He began the purging of worlds under Frieza's tutelage. Those cold eyes would settle on him, cold and calculating, making his hair stand on end. But he could not show unease. Weakness meant death and he traded death for life. He fed off others' weaknesses becoming stronger. Pain, hatred, pride, and distain were all he knew. He became the strongest. Nothing else mattered. The strong survived and the weak perished.
Father was pleased.
Frieza was pleased.
The purging of worlds continued further into the galaxy and Frieza came to him one day.
-My dear little prince, I'm afraid that you will not be going home this time.- That cold calculating stare burned into him.
-Why.- It was a statement not a question.
-Your father has given permission for you to continue with us to purge the far end of this galaxy. There is a particularly troublesome race I wish to quiet. Your abilities would be useful.-
Goku nodded, the promise of a difficult purge enticing his warriors spirit.
-Also, your father suggested that you continue your next step of training under me.-
As Frieza spoke he circled the young prince, lightly tracing fingertips over the armor the boy wore. Anger boiled in Goku's veins at the audacity of Frieza's touch but he kept his face still.
'So the almighty Frieza is to be my new instructor.'
Goku relished the thought of the power he would possess once he surpassed the ice-jin.
At the touch of Frieza'a tail upon his thigh the prince's hand automatically snapped onto it, a growl of warning leaving his throat as he turned to face the alien. Frieza smiled and his eyes flashed. Stars appeared behind Goku's eyes and he found himself on his knees, his own tail crushed in Frieza's palm. The boy's growl was now a snarl of pain.
-My *sweet* little prince.-
Then the true pain of his existence began. Nothing that came before could rival it.
Pain, weakness, helplessness, shame, humiliation, revulsion, self-loathing, horror.
Raped, broken, and bloody he dragged himself to a regeneration tank. For the first time in years he felt himself about to weep but refused. His body may be ruined but he would never break. He would heal and come back stronger. He now lived for a new goal. He lived for the day he would surpass and kill Frieza. Nothing else mattered.
Years went by and Goku was tempered in ice. He became cold, frozen in all but the battlefield. He reveled in the killing, in the control, the power, the dominion he possessed over all he surveyed. He dealt death not for life as he used to but because it was all he had left. He envisioned Frieza's face as he killed. His hatred was all encompassing, hatred ,loathing and revulsion were all he had for the universe now. He was incapable of anything else.
Then there was Kakarotto.
The ache in Goku's body still fresh from Frieza's latest "training session" fueled his bloodlust. The prince's strength had risen dramatically, Frieza had nearly killed his little playmate this time causing a surge in Goku's life energy in order to sustain him. He would be ready to challenge the alien soon.
Now he was ready to kill, ready to fling away the weakness only Frieza knew and clad himself in strength. He would prove once again to himself and to the galaxy that he was the strongest.
He met Kakarott.
And he lost.
For the first time since he was a child he lost in battle. There was another stronger then himself. There was another*Saiyajin* stronger than himself. Not since learning that his father had never given him to Frieza but had in fact been destroyed along with his entire home planet had Goku been so affected by anything.
He was shattered.
Weak!!
He remembered what his life was like before Frieza. He once again fought for his life. Trading death for life.
Survive!!
Survive to kill Frieza!!
Nothing else mattered.
There was nothing left.
Worthless!
Nothing left but pride.
Pride. Won't let go. Nothing left.
Never! Never give up. Never defeated!!
Will win!! Must win!!
My birthright! My destiny to win!!
To be the best!!
Never defeated!!
Goku felt Frieza's caresses even through the beating. The others didn't see. Didn't see the humiliation, didn't see the torment. Goku dangled helplessly, Frieza's tail wrapped around his neck. A failure. He lost. Could not ascend to the next level. Could not surpass his teacher. Worthless, nothing left but death.
Trading life for death.
He could not win and relief would come soon. The fight was over and he would rest soon.
Crumpled on the ground waiting for the nothingness to take him, he saw Kakarott. He saw the power in the pathetic, weak, third-class, yet somehow superior warrior. Goku touched the man's mind, merely brushed against it. So revoltingly blameless and pure it would have made the prince sick if he weren't already broken. But the power, the power that innocent life held.
Trading life for death.
'Someone must win! It will be him!'
'Frieza must pay, he must lose!!'
'Someone must win! Must carry on!'
'Cannot give up, he must pay!!'
Goku called out to Kakarott, soft fool that he was, someone must win. Brushed that sickeningly sweet mind once more and pressed forward Frieza's many sins. It would not take much, this pure soul believed in justice. Not too much, not all, mustn't damage that soft mind, just enough. Feel the rage! Make him pay!
Death.
Life!
'Why!?! Torment! Cruelty in the name of mercy! Let me die! I have nothing to live for!'
'Does he plan to take Frieza's place? To destroy me as the alien had?'
'He is not so strong as to own me through mercy!! Never!!'
'I shall never be owned again!'
'If they wish to torment me forever then I shall torment them.'
'I answer to no one! I shall win my freedom!'
Time passed slowly for Goku.
He was mired in hopelessness. Lost in a life he'd given up yet was forced to endure. Nothing. He had nothing but hatred and pain. Nothing but sorrow and self-loathing. And now he couldn't even find the momentary happiness in killing. Kakarott was too strong.
'Kakarott.'
He found the meaning of his life in that one word. That name embodied all that overwhelmed the last prince of Vegetasai. All that made him wish to cease to exist could be heaped upon that name. If he could only find a way to erase that name perhaps he could find peace. He had to grow strong, strong to erase the pain.
Time passed so slowly and Goku drew his hate around himself like a shield. It was the only thing that had always served him, the thing he knew best. Hate and strength. Each fed off the other.
But it was so hard here. His hate could not thrive as it had in all the other places he'd been forced to survive. Soon there remained only one thing that truly kindled his anger.
Kakarott.
So weak! The fool strove so hard to be like these worthless humans. So pathetic. So innocent. So perfect. How could he hide his Saiyan heritage so well? The only time he truly resembled what he was was in battle. Then the bloodlust showed itself, the competence in battle erased everything else. Goku found some small respect for the stomach turning optimist in battle. The prince refused to use that weak earth name as a show of that slight respect though Kakarott couldn't see it. Goku found that he almost liked the idiot at times though that changed nothing. He would kill him one day as was the Saiyan way, a prince's way, his way. To ascend to the next level. To be free.
Slowly he weakened. Life without strife changed him. He began to lose himself. Weakened with that woman.
Then Frieza returned.
Goku readied himself. He could be redeemed. Then the chance was gone and there was yet another as powerful as himself. Must be strong. Strong to erase the pain. Strong to retake control.
For a short time he did regain control, he was the strongest. Then it was ripped away again because he let his pride control him.
So weak, so pitiful and surpassed now by none other than Kakarott's own son.
Goku watched helplessly as Kakarott gave up his life to save them.
Kakarott was gone.
'PAIN! So much pain! Make it stop!'
'Hopeless! Useless! Meaningless!'
'PAIN!!!'
Goku lost everything when Kakarott died, lost the will to live once again. In a moment of supreme weakness, in a moment of all encompassing fear of what was happening to him he ran into the arms of the woman and his child and bonded her.
Time healed wounds but only dulled the pain.
The chance came. The chance came with Majin Bobiti and Goku leapt for it selfishly. He never expected the guilt that came with it. The guilt over what he'd done. He'd lost so much of himself in those years spent on earth. Only afterwards did he realize what he'd gained. He risked everything. He gave up his identity to fight Kakarott. Gave up his woman, his son, his home. Offered everything he now held dear to Majin Buu.
Goku seethed deep underground while standing with the long dead Kakarott and his whelp and that insufferable Kaiosama.
'Seven years!!'
'I waited seven years for this! And fate again laughs in my face! Mocking me for my penance. Kakarott and his brat couldn't care less, each grinning like imbeciles. I still have not been able to learn the extent of Kakarott's strength, and that brat! That weak excuse for our once proud race. That smug expression as he fought the king of demons. What a fool! I could have ended this by now! This should have been over and done with and I should be exalting in my victory over Kakarott. I don't care if this bakayaro is the Supreme Kai or not, I have better things to do with Kakarott's single day on earth! Seven years!! I will not wait anymore!'
-I will end this NOW!!-
Goku's temper flared almost beyond control as they tried to reason with him. He was so enraged that he even turned his wrath upon the Supreme Kai himself, fully intent on blasting him into the next world if he raised a hand to stop the prince.
-What kind of person ARE you?!-
'This little pipsqueak is the Kaiosama, he should know the answer to that.'
'I am Vegeta! Destroyer of lives, races, worlds! The last of the line of Vegetasai and a Super Saiyan Elite. I do what I will for no better reason than that I wish it and I have grown very tired of this particular outing.'
The only thing that held him back from destroying the entire ship they stood in far underground was Kakarott. When Kakarott grasped his arm it shook him enough that he managed to gain control of his anger and reminded him of where he was and who he was with. For the last seven years no one had dared to touch him without his permission much less defy his will. The clash was almost welcome. Yes. He could wait a little longer.
-Whatever *you* say, Kakarott.-
He replied with a sneer, turning away to fully regain his composure. He felt the Kaiosama relax behind his back. 'How did such a pathetic frightened fool become the Supreme Kai?' Kakarott's brat had merely watched throughout the whole altercation unable to do anything. 'Helpless, weak, and pathetic. Kakarott is the only one here worth even a glimer of my respect and even he is too soft. Too willing to accept his son's failure as a "good try".'
The angry prince proceeded to ignore the lot of them, their conversation would not help this situation. They had lost their chance to continue because of Gohan and could only wait now.
Suddenly a darkness descended upon Goku. A blackness that seemed to press into his very mind. It oozed over his mental barriers and pressed in on him like a vice on his skull. He cried out and grasped his head in his hands, the pain causing him to stumble. As if through a haze he could hear the others calling out to him. Mindlessly he responded to their queries, all his attention taken up with trying to close his mind to the evil presence around him. He tried to protect himself but the more control he invested, the more the darkness seemed to penetrate and encircle his mind. He drew all his energy into himself in an effort to fend off the attacker but to no avail. He watched as memories were pulled from his mind and displayed as if for all the world to see. Old emotions, weaknesses, and wants were dragged back to the surface again after all these years of relatively peaceful life. All his sins and glories were revisited upon him and he couldn't help but revel in them. A voice accompanied those memories promising more glory and power to come. Vaguely he could hear the Supreme Kai cry out in his ear to fight. Not to let Bobiti win. He called to Goku to let go, let go of the past and become innocent and pure. 'Innocent? I have never been innocent, not even as a child!' Even as he fought, even as Kaiosama's words entered his ears, his life paraded by his eyes. It was filled with blood and hate, strength and pride, and most of all death. Death always by his hands. All around he saw death, could smell blood in his nostrils and exalted in it. Underneath it all was a tinge of ...guilt?...self-loathing?...but it was overshadowed so it might as well have not been there at all.
With one last scream of anguished pain he lost the lonely battle.
Standing strong and strait, breathing deep in his lungs, the Saiyajin turned to face his enemies. Why had he fought so hard? He felt complete again, he drew his strength and hate about himself like a shroud as he had not been able to do for years. He was himself again. He was the Prince of the Saiyajin.
Kaiosama and the two other Saiyans in the room gasped in unison at the large M that now adorned Goku's brow along with an expression none of them had seen since Frieza had been killed all those years ago.
'Free!! Free again!!'
'Kakarott would pay finally, consequences be damned!'
What had he done?!
He could not let them be destroyed.
He had not killed so ruthlessly in so very long, where had he gotten this conscience from?
He had grown weak but it did not matter.
In an act of penance he died so that his woman and son might live.
He died as Kakarott had died seven years before. To save his loved ones.
To defeat Buu.
Fusion with Kakarott changed much.
Kakarott truly *was* innocent, it wasn't just a ploy. He really didn't care who was stronger.
Pointless.
Goku was the only one who cared and it didn't mean as much as it once did. Kakarott stood by him in everything and there was nothing he could do about it. Only time could make it fade.
What had seemed like years to Goku had really only been mere moments. Vegeta breathed deeply for several minutes while reburying his memories deep within. He opened his eyes to study the dark slumped form of his unadmited friend.
"You have wanted to know me for decades, Kakarott. I finally let you. Was it worth the loss of your innocence?"
Goku made no reply beyond a shudder. Images still flitted through his mind as real as life. Frieza flashed before his eyes, lustful and violent and Goku choked on a sob.
. "Oh Kami!!!"
Vegeta did not laugh or chuckle or even smirk at Goku's state of mind. In fact, his face held no expression at all. Goku began to take large gulping breaths, trying to regain control of his raging emotions. After a while Vegeta moved next to him and enfolded the larger man in his arms.
'Kakarott'
Goku cringed away from the name, he now knew what it meant, what it stood for. He suddenly realized that the voice was coming from inside his head. Vegeta hadn't closed the link when he drew back his memories. He had stayed to make sure that Goku was still sane.
'Do you wish me to help you set them so rest?' Came Vegeta's gentle tone.
Goku shivered, images kept surfacing no matter how he pushed them away.
. 'Yes...Please! I never...I don't know how.'
'I know.'
Vegeta gently showed Goku how to push down the images and lock them away. Goku held tight to the presence both in his mind and outside as he tried to regain himself. Trying to understand fully what he had experienced. He felt again the vileness, the undiluted scorn and contempt he had felt upon meeting himself for the first time in Vegeta's memories and trembled.
'I had no idea, no comprehension that such hate could exist. You really did HATE me.'
'Yes, Kakarott, and you refused to believe. You were always so sure that there was goodness in me somewhere. Perhaps now you see the truth. I had no concept of goodness until I came here.'
'Terrible! So Terrible!'
'No, Kakarott. Life! It is my Life. It is who I am. It is men like you in simple, safe places like this that know otherwise. Even here on this backwater planet there were humans who knew life as I do. Now they've all had a taste.'
Finally Goku gazed up into Vegeta's cold, empty, dispassionate eyes. He'd always believed them to be a mask hiding what lay beneath. Now he could see the truth. Vegeta's soul showed plainly in his eyes. But he could see more now. Vegeta's eyes were not so cold as they once were. His gaze was not so absolute.
'You never had to survive true hardship. In a way I valued the purity you embody, once I realized it was real at least. Purity I could never understand. You are the opposing force. The exact opposite of all I ever knew and am. You represented all I hated and could never have....and then you bonded me and made it 100 times worse though I couldn't see it at the time.'
Vegeta reclined against the wall as he had earlier and breathed deeply.
'In fact, there are things I'd forgotten or just couldn't see until this very moment.'
Vegeta's attention returned to Goku's still form. The big Saiyan hadn't moved from his half crouch, his arms still hugging himself protectively.
"Speak, Kakarott. This may be the last chance."
Goku looked up at Vegeta's relaxed figure and barked a single low, wry laugh.
"I'm speechless."
Goku's eyes were distant. He was still sorting out his thoughts, working things through. Finally he too stretched out and leaned against the wall beside Vegeta.
"You didn't bond Bulma until after I died." Was Goku's realization.
"That is one revelation this night has provided."
Goku thought some more.
"A bond can only be formed if both people feel strongly for each other."
"Very astute, Kakarott. The day you brought me back from the dead and defeated Frieza was the day you became the most important person in my life. You became the reason for my existence. You saw for yourself, I held nothing back from you. Hate is every bit as powerful as love."
"You don't hate me anymore?"
Vegeta shrugged. "Sometimes I do....but for the most part I do not."
After a few seconds of silence.
"I am not sorry I met you, Vegeta. I am sorry for the pain you felt because of me but I am not sorry for what I did to you or for any of the things we've gone through. If any of it had not happened then you probably would not be with me now."
"I'm sure it would have been terribly boring being supreme ruler of the universe." Vegeta replied sarcastically.
Goku flung his arms around the surprised prince.
"You are not worthless or dark no matter what you may think. You are the most worthy and strong person I will ever know and I am honored to stand by your side. My Prince."
As Goku spoke he poured all his feelings behind those words into the mind link they shared. Vegeta remained rigid but gradually gave in to the embrace placing his own hands upon Goku's broad back. Vegeta whispered almost too low for Goku to hear.
"I am glad that I will be able to keep a part of you with me when my soul is sent to hell."
Goku squeezed his friend tighter and they stayed that way. As the night continued they slept supporting each other, free of nightmares.
When the dawn came they stood side by side to meet the tide of fate.
Did you like? Hate? Ah well, was worth a try.
If enough people liked it I may upload the second half of the story. It isn't as good as the first part and has a very….different atmosphere. I don't think it is as good.