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Dear Mr. Scorpius Malfoy,

I'm writing to inform you that you've made several errors in your latest article. I am not a "party girl" who's been "drinking herself into oblivion night after night," and I'm most certainly not, "throwing away my life" as you so eloquently put it. It was my cousin Albus' birthday and it was the first bar I had been to in ages.

Also, I was wearing something from my cousin Lily Luna's label, not something from that Parkinson brand.

I hope you'll publish the corrections in the next issue of the Daily Prophet. Please owl me back as soon as you can.

Sincerely,

Rose Weasley

Dear Valued Reader,

Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I greatly enjoyed reading them and appreciate the time and effort it took for you to send your owl. I'll keep them in mind while writing my next article.

Sincerely,

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Mr. Malfoy,

As lovely as your form letter was, I'd appreciate a quick owl to let me know you've seen and acknowledged my letter.

Sincerely,

R. Weasley

Dear Valued Reader,

Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I greatly enjoyed reading them and appreciate the time and effort it took for you to send your owl. I'll keep them in mind while writing my next article.

Sincerely,

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Malfoy,

I'm only asking that you read my letter, acknowledge your mistakes and publish corrections in your next issue. Please send me a letter letting me know you'll do so.

If you send me another one of those "Dear Valued Reader" letters…

R. Weasley

Rose Weasley,

Did you seriously have to sic your crazy owl on me? It wouldn't stop pecking at me until I read ALL your letters and sat down to reply to you.

It's still staring at me with beady eyes. It's already made me bleed once.

Your bird is terrifying.

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Senior Writer Scorpius Malfoy,

I'm so terribly sorry to hear that my owl acted in such a manner! She usually never bites… I really don't know what got into her!

She made you bleed? She's terrifying? I'm honestly shocked, shocked I tell you!

I'm so sorry to have to send her again, but you're last letter gave me no reassurance that you'd print the corrections in your next issue.

I gave her a stern talking to and I hope she won't peck you again. I know you're a senior writer at such an established newspaper and you're much to busy to trifle with someone like me, but I'd oh so appreciate a little letter from you to let me know you understand me.

You're biggest fan,

Rose Weasley

Darius,

Guess what? That last article I wrote about Rose actually caught her attention enough to write to me.

She really hasn't changed a bit- she's as sarcastic as she was in Hogwarts.

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Lily,

Thanks for telling me about that article. I sent him a letter detailing the errors of his article (yes, I included the bit about my dress being from your label), but he's being incredibly frustrating about printing corrections.

Love,

Rose

ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER,

Tell your idiotic friend to stop being so damn idiotic.

Your favorite cousin,

Rose

Rose Weasley,

My biggest fan? I'm flattered! I always knew you had a thing for me… you tried to fight it our seventh year, but I saw those sneaky glances during Prefect meetings.

That reminds me, aren't you supposed to be dating that idiot Randall Thomas? How does he feel about the fact that you're my biggest fan?

Your bird pecked me again even though I picked up the quill right after reading your letter. I feel like it has some sort of malicious plans for me… something like slow death by pecking.

Worried,

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Scorpius,

Rose sent me an angry owl asking (and I quote), "Tell your idiotic friend to stop being so damn idiotic."

I'm guessing you're the idiotic friend. What are you doing now? I honestly (foolishly?) thought this would end after Hogwarts. Can't you two please get along?

Al

Al,

I'm being perfectly polite. I don't know what she's talking about.

Scorpius Malfy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Senior Writer Scorpius Malfoy,

For Merlin's sake, just tell me you'll print the corrections. I'm sure someone of "Senior Writer" status as yourself doesn't have the time to be writing millions of letters to a little nobody like me.

As much as I appreciate your sparkling wit and brilliance that shines off your letters, all I need is the acknowledgement that you'll print the corrections.

Thanks,

R. Weasley

Scorpius,

I just read the article that got my cousin in a tizzy, and I don't blame her. What were you thinking?

In fact, I've read your past ten articles and they've all been insulting Rose in some manner. I'm surprised this is the first time she's owled you.

I'm half tempted to send her these clippings... do you have anything to offer to stop me from doing so? I think I might be persuaded to keep these articles to myself for a few Firewhiskeys…

Al

Al,

What you're basically admitting to me is that you haven't read a single one of my articles since I started at the Daily Prophet.

Thanks Al, thanks. And here I was thinking that we were buddies.

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

P.S. Do none of you guys read the Daily Prophet? Because this is the first time I've heard from anyone in your family about my articles and (as you now know) I have been writing about your family for a while…

Rose Weasley,

I saw your letters.

So I hear you're working at St. Mungo's as a Healer in Training? How's that going for you? Is idiot Randall also working there?

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

Darius,

Did you know Scorpius was writing all this crazy stuff about Rose? What the hell is he thinking? I thought I wouldn't have to deal with Scorpius and Rose's crazy fights anymore now that we're all out of Hogwarts.

Why Darius? Why? Why does Scorpius insist on provoking my cousin like this? Doesn't he know she's batshit crazy?

Mournfully,

Al

Al,

You great, big dunce. How do you not see it?

You might have been booksmart, but you weren't always the quickest Seeker in the game when it came to reading people.

Darius

P.S. Want to go to the bar tonight? Had a horrid day at work.

Darius,

Why am I great, big dunce? What am I not seeing? TELL ME.

And I was a great Seeker and you know it.

Al

P.S. Sure, I'm down. I just have to pass another Auror exam, but it should be a cinch. I've been practicing with my father for a while so I should be fine. (I'll admit, sometimes it doesn't suck having the hero of the wizarding world as a father.)

Scorpius,

My family reads the Daily Prophet… it's just most of us tend to skip over the gossip column… I think the only reason Lily caught it is your latest article is that she saw the picture of Rose in her dress and noticed that it wasn't attributed to her label.

Not that there's anything wrong with writing the gossip article… It's just not the type of thing that my family regularly checks out unless it's on the front page.

Al

P.S. Darius seems to having a hard time at work (I told him working for my uncle Percy was NOT the best idea) and he wants to go out for a drink. The Lucky Cat at 9? Sound good to you?

Al,

It's not a gossip column. It's a what's-going-on-around-town column. And I'm going to get to write articles on other things soon.

At least I'm a Senior Writer while you're just a Auror in Training.

Scorpius Malfoy

Senior Writer

Daily Prophet

P.S. The Lucky Cat sounds great to me. I'll see you and Darius at 9.