AN-This little piece is un-betaed, so if you find any mistakes please share them nicely or keep them to yourself. This takes place sometime in the 'Loyalty' timeline. Hope you enjoy!

1. EGO VS ID

Jack was dreaming again.

The sand and surf were cool beneath his feet. The sun was just rising, casting a gorgeous array of yellows and pinks across the sky. It was Jacks favorite time of day.

Of course, all of these things weren't really what tipped him off that he was having a run through his favorite dreamscape, oh no.

It was because she was there; and she shouldn't be.

Standing against the incoming swells, she was a vision lovelier than the scene she was currently gazing at. She was dressed simply in a white cotton dress, not one of those ostentatiously expensive pieces she always seemed to be wearing with the Graysons.

Jack knew deep down why his mind probably chose to see her this way, but for some reason this just seemed to really fit her more than anything else he had ever seen her wear. It made her more approachable, more his.

But that was the whole problem wasn't it? She wasn't his...and he shouldn't still want her to be.

She really shouldn't be here.

Slowly, almost as if he were dragged by an unseen rope, Jack walked down the beach until he was standing next to her. He refused-for now-to look directly at her. In his peripheral he could tell that she never turned to look at him, didn't move her body closer to his like she had numerous times before.

They stood in a silence together that, for all its picture of serenity, was quietly charged with that THING that always seemed to be between here, the charge made his body practically shake with the effort it took not to grab her, to not devour her mouth with his until all he could taste were her sighs. Her body would sink against him, trying desperately to mold with his because they just couldn't get close enough...and he would hold her as if he couldn't bear to ever let her go, as if it would destroy his very being to be denied her love.

Jack clenched his hands into fists at his sides. This was a dream, not reality.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was calm, but his tone still held a hint of hostility. He could see from the corner of his eye that she turned to face him, but he kept his face stony and straight forward. He didn't want to see the expression on her's.

"I was waiting for you Jack. Ill always wait for you." She said softly.

The last part made him finally turn and meet her eyes with frustration. "

That is not true and you know it! This isn't Real! Your with Grayson, your not waiting for me, you never even wanted me! I finally have Amanda back, I want HER, so why are you still here?"

Emily's eyes were bottomless. Privately, Jack would admit that he thought they were her most beautiful and enticing feature. He could easily get lost in their depths and happily drown there, but now they were filled with a deep sadness. It was the same expression she had shown when he had foolishily thrown his heart at her.

His outburst didn't phase her at all. Instead, she just smiled. "Yes, All of those things are true, but that doesn't mean that this isn't as well."

Jack's ran his hands through his hair and over his face for a moment before looking at her again. "Yes it does. You didn't want me Emily. You told me I was tearing my heart out for the wrong girl. You got ENGAGED for Christ sake! This-" he gestured between them, "this is just my mind being screwed up and it needs to stop, Okay? It needs to stop. I love Amanda, so please, just leave me alone!"

Emily's expression had grown distant with each word, and Jack desperately hoped he had made his point to his subconscious.

He couldn't keep fighting her, even if she wasn't real.

After a moment she finally said "You don't really mean that, do you."

It was a statement, not a question. Jack wisely kept his mouth shut.

"I am so sorry that I hurt you that night, and I know that it hurts to see me with Daniel, but I do love you Jack."

Jack shook his head. "NO, no you don't! I am just telling myself something I shouldn't even want to hear anymore!"

At this Emily cocked her head to the side for a moment. "But Amanda does? Have I ever asked you to be anything but who and what you are Jack? Has that feeling you get around me ever surfaced with her?"

Emily's face suddenly turned angry, which surprised him because Jack didn't think that he had ever seen the real Emily as anything other than mildly annoyed. Some odd part of Jacks brain found it incredibly interesting how both Emily and Amanda could share the same eye color, but looking into her dangerously glittering eyes was a completely different experience for him. Those same eyes narrowed and Jack could practically feel the disdain dripping from her voice.

"Amanda shows up unannounced for the first time in over fifteen years and doesn't even tell you her identity right away? Next she's acting out of control and then complains about your personality to compensate for her bad behavior Jack!"

"No! She's adjusting to being back, to being with me. She had a horrible time of it while she was gone and being here with the memories of her dad only makes that worse."

"You mean the memories she didn't even remember the first day she was here?" Emily countered. "That is pretty convenient, to be able to claim memory loss whenever it suits her."

"Hey, you don't know shit about what she's been through. I can't believe your saying this, I can't believe I am doing this to myself!" Jack shouted angrily."

"And I can't believe that you want to give up what you feel for a memory that isn't real anymore!"

Emily was pleading with him now. "She isn't the same, Jack. She isn't the little girl you fell in love with, she has even admitted as much. Little Amanda Clarke is gone. In her place is a slightly unhinged woman with a murky past, few scruples and an unstable temperament!"

"I don't care, I love her! We will find out who she is together, and I am not going to let her down by wishing she was you!" Emily watched him but said nothing. Pain and sorrow were etched across her face and it still hurt him to see her looking like that, real or imagined.

Jack jerked away and took a few steps back from her. He needed the distance to do this. He had to do this.

"I don't want you anymore Emily. I finally have Amanda back. I have loved her since we were kids and she's actually there, in the real world! She care's about me, and that is more than I could have ever asked for. I'm not letting anything ruin what we have now that I finally have the chance to show her how much she means to me."

Jack could hear the desperation in his own words, but he wouldn't back down, not from this.

Amanda deserved nothing less than his whole heart, and for the longest time that had never been a problem. In some of his darker moments, Jack had wondered if a large part of him would always feel that way and never make room for someone else, never give him the chance to fall in love again.

Apparently irony was a bitch.

He waited for Emily to shout or scream at him that he was lying, or hell, maybe even disappear before his eyes like some apparition.

She did none of those things.

Instead, she took a slow deliberate step towards him; then another, and another. Jack was suddenly reminded of what happen's to deer when it was caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle: paralysis, adrenaline, and a sheer knowing of impending doom.

That was exactly how Jack felt as Emily closed the distance and reached for his face.

The first tingle of awareness flowed through him and she leaned in. "Do you remember what you said to me that night Jack?" He said nothing but Emily continued."You told me how this feeling, this feeling, only comes along once or twice in a lifetime if were lucky, and we should seize it immediately. You described it so beautifully Jack.. it was perfect."

Her voice was achingly tender when she spoke, causing a familiar echo in his heart.

Ok, one last ditch effort... "You- or more importantly I- forget that you told me that I was saying it to the wrong girl ." He pointedly reminded her.

"And you forget that I never said that you were alone in what you felt. Only that I was sorry."

Jack felt the bottom give out beneath him and that gave Emily all the opportunity she needed. She grabbed his slackened hand and entwined their fingers at the same time she closed the distance and gave his soul what it had been dying for. The feel of her, it was so real in this place that all he wanted to do was drown in it, in this easy connection between them.

Now he was lost; lost because he was so confused and he didnt care because she was here, here with him now and kissing with so much passion and tenderness he felt his heart breaking into a million pieces.

But she said... she had told him...

After an eternity and a supreme effort Jack broke away. "If that is true, than why Emily? Why Grayson? Why wont you be with me?" He asked desperately. Jack placed his hands on either side of her face and willed an answer from her.

A look of regret passed over her and Jack felt his buoyed hope turn to lead in his stomach. " You know I cant answer that. But I have never said that I loved him Jack." She whispered.

"You've never said that to me either." Jack countered a little bitterly.

Emily looked at him meaningfully and cupped his face. "Maybe not with words."

Then she proceeded to show just what she meant with her mouth.

Jack Porter woke suddenly, his body shooting straight up in bed.

He was breathing as if he had run a marathon and unfortunately was sweating to match. Remnants of the dream were still echoing through his mind, so it took him a minute to realize that he was in bed, with Amanda snoring softly at his side.

Ill always wait for you...Jack...

Groaning in frustration at the memory, Jack covered his face and sank back once more against his pillow. He hadn't considered being quiet-because normally Amanda slept like the dead-but now she groggily threw one arm over his torso and garbled a barely intelligible "you ok baby?"

Jack immediately felt guilty so he swept a soothing hand over her hair. "Yeah...yeah, just a dream. I'm sorry for waking you up, go back to sleep sweetheart."

But he needn't have bothered since Amanda had already drifted back into her coma. Her arm was still lying limply over him and for some reason all Jack wanted to do at that moment was move it. After a moments deliberation he did just that and quietly maneuvered out of bed.

Needing some time to clear his head, Jack shuffled his way over to his bathroom and started a cold shower. Twenty miserable minutes later he emerged a little more awake but no less confused.

He found himself next to his bed and for a minute he watched Amanda sleep. At that moment her face showed an inner peace he never saw when she was awake. Even when she was with him and her eyes glowed with enthusiasm, there was still a restlessness about her that didn't seem right to him.

Of course he had never acknowledged it before, not even to himself.

Well that is not true, otherwise my subconscious wouldn't be trying to shove it into my waking selfs' face.

Growing more disturbed the more he thought about it, Jack abandoned his vigil and decided to locate Sammy and take the old dog for a walk down the beach.

Of course, when he reached Sammy's favorite sleeping spot, the old dog was gone-and all of the sudden he knew where he would find him...again.

Jack cursed a single word for his luck.

"Damnit!"