The first time it happens, John is more surprised than he probably ought to be. Somehow, though, he'd expected that things would be different now that he'd up and moved to another galaxy. He'd been right about that, but not necessarily in all the ways he might have hoped.

What happens is this: he and Ford are going over off-world safety protocol one day when Ford casually mentions how he's friends with one of the anthropologists, Dr. Jensen. Which is cool, because maybe she wants to be placed on an off-world team (because they really could use more anthropologists on off-world teams), so John's already thinking ahead, mentally assembling a team and blocking out time for the weapons and field training she'll undoubtedly need, when Ford completely derails everything by saying, "She was asking about you."

John's mouth tightens into a smile, the kind that only seems to come out when he's deeply uncomfortable, and he scraps all his plans. "That so?" he asks.

It's blindingly obvious they haven't known each other long, because instead of picking up on the strain in his voice and the tense line of his jaw, Ford barrels right on, replaying what might very well be the entire conversation he and Dr. Jensen had on the matter. John is deeply disturbed to hear himself described as 'dreamy', but no matter how many times he tries to interrupt, Ford won't let him.

Eventually, Ford winds down, and he looks at John expectantly. That look, that look, is exactly what John had hoped he'd be able to avoid out here. Well-meaning friends and family have been giving it to him for as long as he can remember, waiting for him to show interest in this girl or that guy when he just can't.

He knows how to fake it, had tried for long enough that he managed to actually marry someone, but it hadn't taken long for her to figure out that there was no attraction there. He'd cared about her, sure, but as a friend. After an explosive divorce, faking feelings hadn't seemed worth it anymore.

"Sir?" Ford asks tentatively, snapping John back to the present.

John sighs internally and prepares to argue this out. "Thank you for that…illuminating information, Lieutenant."

Ford is obviously waiting for him to say something more, but John just doesn't know what else to say. "Aren't you going to...?"

"Not interested."

"But you don't even know-"

"Doesn't matter; I still wouldn't be interested."

After a second, Ford's eyes widen in surprise. "Wait, you mean you're- No, scratch that. I'm not asking."

It takes John a minute to figure out that Ford completely misunderstood and now thinks he's gay, but by that time, Ford has gathered up his stuff and is halfway out the door.

"I'll see you later, sir." Ford winks, and as soon as he's gone, John lets his head thunk down onto his desk. Well, at least it'll deter Ford from trying to set him up.

The second time it happens, John really isn't expecting it. They're off-world this time, visiting people Teyla knows and who actually turn out to still be friendly toward the Athosians. They've managed to negotiate some kind of trade agreement, and Teyla's been happily catching up with friends she hasn't seen in years.

John is glad they came here, not just because Teyla's happy, but because he's been left in relative peace thus far. A few people engage him in small talk, but mostly, they're too busy eating and laughing together in groups to pay him much attention. It's just as well since he's not feeling very social today. He's doing pretty well just picking at some food and hanging on the outer edges of the group; really, he's probably being left alone more here than he would have been on Atlantis. After awhile, Teyla materializes next to him, and he'd obviously not been tracking his team as well as he thought he had if she managed to sneak up on him.

"John, are you enjoying yourself?"

John shrugs. "No one shooting at us is a good day in my book."

Teyla nods her agreement, but he can tell she didn't come over just to check on him. They stand in silence long enough that John begins to think he might be wrong, when she finally speaks again.

"It has been nice seeing old friends again."

John nods. "Yeah, I bet."

He wonders why it's been so long since she saw them, anyway, and is just about to ask when she changes the subject on him entirely. "I believe Unmar may have some interest in you."

It takes John a second to remember which one Unmar is, but once he does, he has to hold back a frustrated sigh; the guy hadn't exactly been subtle in his attempts to flirt. The serene way Teyla's looking at him can only mean that she's confident the idea of being set up with her friend will have some appeal for him, which means she must have talked to Ford about this at some point. He really needs to find some friends who aren't overly invested in his personal life.

John doesn't want to try to explain again that no, not interested, not gay, really not interested at all, but she's his friend, and he wants her to understand. "Look, Teyla, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I don't...do that sort of thing."

Teyla actually looks surprised by his words. "You are not interested in men?" Before John can tell her that no he's not, thank you very much, a look of comprehension dawns on her face. Wonderful. "Or you are not interested in a stranger."

She looks very satisfied with her conclusion, problem solved, John once again placed neatly in a box in which he doesn't belong, no matter that he thinks he probably wouldn't be interested in a stranger, were he romantically inclined at all.

"It's not that, Teyla. I'm not interested in anyone."

Teyla gives him a blank look. "You...do not wish to have a romantic relationship?"

"Right, exactly."

Teyla still looks skeptical, but John doesn't know how to make it any clearer than that.

"I will not endeavor to find someone for you again, then."

She smiles, and John returns it, but he wishes he didn't feel as unconvinced by her words as she'd seemed about his.

"Are you and McKay fucking yet?"

The inauspicious third time it happens begins with words he's sure he'll never, ever forget Ronon saying to him. This unfortunate conversation starts in the middle of a morning run, and John promptly chokes on his own spit. He slows to a stop, coughing and spluttering, and just generally completely thrown for a loop. Ronon stops next to him, and when John finally looks up, Ronon is frowning at him like he doesn't quite make sense.

"Why would you ask me something like that? Actually, why would you even think something like that?" John's voice cracks, and he does his best not to wince.

"Because of all the sexual tension?" Ronon suggests, like he thinks John's being kind of oblivious.

John would almost swear he can feel part of his brain silently splutter and die. By now, he really should know better than to ask Ronon a question to which he doesn't actually want the answer.

"There is no sexual tension between me and Rodney." John tries to keep his voice flat, sound really firm about this, but the whole idea has him freaked enough that it's difficult to keep his usual cool. Ronon just raises an eyebrow at him. "Seriously, I've never had sexual tension with anyone in my life, let alone Rodney."

Ronon doesn't seem terribly convinced, and this is why John hates being on the defensive; he can't ever seem to stop talking, which makes him feel so ridiculous.

"So, what is it, then?"

"Friendliness?" No, that doesn't sound quite right, though they are friends. "Banter?" Not quite right, either, even if he does enjoy a good snarkfest with Rodney. "Friendship held together by the fact that we support, yet challenge, each other." God, that just sounds stupid. Unfortunately, it's the best John's got.

"So...you don't want to fuck McKay?"

"No." John sighs in relief, glad he managed to get the main idea across, when a horrible thought occurs to him. "You're not asking because he's said he wants to..."

Ronon shakes his head, and John's body loses much of the tension he hadn't been aware was building as the conversation progressed. More than one of his friendships had been ruined by feelings, and John doesn't know what he'd do if that happened with Rodney.

"Teyla said something about you only wanting to fuck your friends."

John almost certainly should have known. Teyla obviously wouldn't have put it in exactly those words, but she'd had that general idea after she had tried to set him up.

"Well, she's wrong. I don't want her, or you, or Rodney, or Carson, or Elizabeth, or anyone."

Ronon just shrugs and nods in the direction they'd been running minutes before. Yeah, finishing that run sounds good right about now.

The last time it happens – and he's pretty sure it actually will be the last time – John opens his door to Rodney already talking. "...so she was wondering if maybe you were interested." Rodney turns to look at John as the door slides shut, obviously expecting some kind of answer.

This type of thing is not unheard of with Rodney, though usually the conversation isn't quite as far along as it is that night. John tries to figure out what Rodney might be talking about, but he really has no idea. As far as he can remember, Rodney hasn't mentioned anyone being interested in something he has a hand in, so this must be something new.

"Care to start the conversation from the beginning again?" Rodney opens his mouth, and John just knows he's going to protest. "If you actually want an answer."

Rodney scowls and starts pacing the room. "I don't want an answer, nor do I need one. You do just fine without anyone's help, but will she listen to me? Of course not."

"Rodney," John says, the warning clear in his tone.

"Yes, well, Jennifer has this friend."

And that's about where John flops down on his bed and tries to smother himself with his own pillow. Rodney keeps going, saying something about the Daedalus and a nurse, but John just doesn't care. Rodney is obviously out of the team 'find a significant other for John' loop, but of course that wouldn't stop him. It's probably better that he is, though, because who knows where he'd have gone with this if he had all the information.

"Rodney, just stop," John finally says, and Rodney cuts off abruptly, midsentence of a description of incredible something-or-others that John is sure he wouldn't agree with. "The answer is no. I'm not interested, and I don't want to be set up."

"Well, of course you don't, Colonel. You can and do have all the alien women you want, I'm sure, but Jennifer wouldn't take that as an answer, and I couldn't very well not ask you, because she would know."

"I really don't." Rodney looks at him blankly. "Have all the alien women I want," John clarifies. "Actually, I do, because I don't want any."

Rodney's mouth drops open. "You mean you're-" Rodney's voice practically squeaks, and John would laugh if he weren't so fucking sick of this discussion. Maybe he should just send out a memo.

"Asexual, Rodney."

"Oh." There's a moment of blessed silence before Rodney rallies. "But what about all the-" Rodney waves his hand around, presumably indicating all the alien women he thinks John has slept with.

"Alien women? It's called being friendly. Trying to further alliances doesn't mean I ever wanted anything else to do with them."

"Then how about Chaya? You can't tell me there was nothing there. Or, wait. Weren't you married?"

"Chaya was an Ancient, Rodney. And yeah, maybe that made her more intriguing than usual, but it wasn't anything more than that. She was lonely, so I figured she could use a friend. As for my ex-wife...people do crazy things when they're in denial and trying to be like everyone else. There's a reason we're divorced."

Rodney just gapes at him for awhile, and John tries to decide whether they'll press on with this conversation once Rodney stops being so shocked or whether they'll actually move beyond it sometime before he needs to sleep. Eventually, he gets tired of waiting.

"Rodney, you still with me, buddy?"

"Yes, well, you've just completely thrown my whole perception of you. Excuse me if I need a minute to get a handle on this!"

John nods. He probably should be glad that Rodney's even letting him explain; he can afford some time for Rodney to figure out what to do with the new information.

"So you've never slept with any of them? The whole Kirk thing is just a cover?" Rodney asks skeptically.

"There is no cover. Just because everyone else assumes I'm hitting on someone doesn't mean I am."

"But-"

"Look, Ronon thinks I'm interested in you. Did you think that? No, of course you didn't, because I'm not." Rodney's mouth turns down at the corners, like maybe he wants to argue but doesn't know what argument to make. "Do we really have to make this a thing? Is it that hard to accept that I'm just not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone?"

"That you aren't? Yes, it's difficult. We've known each other for years, Colonel, and I never even suspected. Would it be that easy for you if you were in my shoes?"

Yes, it would, John wants to say, but he knows he can't be sure. There are some things he'd have no problem with at all, but Rodney does seem to have a knack for taking John by surprise.

"Point taken," John says. There's not much else he can do now that he's given Rodney the spiel; Rodney will get it through his head soon enough. "Can we just move on and maybe actually get to the movie you're supposed to be here to watch?"

"Yes, of course."

They start the movie, but John can't manage to relax like he usually does with Rodney. If he'd known this was going to happen, he might have just gone on letting Rodney believe whatever he wanted. Except, once they're maybe an hour into the movie, Rodney brings it up again.

"It's not like I care if you are. Asexual, or whatever. It's just...difficult enough to relate to you without that. To be sure that I really understand you."

John feels his body begin to relax at Rodney's words, and it wasn't that he didn't know it was important to him what Rodney thought, but he hadn't quite realized it was that important. Because it sounds more like Rodney is afraid that their friendship will suffer than anything else. John hasn't always been the best at communicating, and Rodney certainly isn't the best at understanding people, but John will take that kind of problem any day over his best friend not able to accept something John can't change about himself.

"Just because you didn't know I was asexual doesn't mean I wasn't. I'm still the same person you've known for the last five years. You just...know more about me, now. It doesn't actually change anything except that you know how much I hate when everyone tries to set me up with their friends and cousins and 'sister's mom's gay friend who you'd just love'."

Rodney nearly laughs at that, and John allows his lips to widen into a smile.

"I guess that's true."

"Glad you see it my way. And Rodney," John pauses, "We'll manage just fine. As long as you knock off the whole Kirk thing."

Rodney sniffs. "I suppose that wouldn't be too much trouble."

They both turn back to the movie after that, and John settles in again, assuming that will be the end of the conversation. It doesn't take long for him to figure out that this is probably going to be a little bit more of an ongoing subject of conversation than he might have liked.

"So, does this mean you've never had sex before?"

John isn't often asked that question, even when someone just accepts him at his word when he says he's asexual, but he's not surprised Rodney would be one to ask it. Usually he appreciates Rodney's bluntness, but he's not terribly fond of impertinent questions regarding his personal life. He raises an eyebrow and stares at Rodney.

"Oh, what? Now I can't ask about it? You opened the door on this whole thing, and it's only natural that I would be curious," Rodney declares smugly.

Rodney's smugness has always made John want to take him down a peg, throw him off his game a little (well, unless he's being smug about having saved their lives), so John can't help but say, "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Rodney scowls at him, and John has to hold back the grin that wants to spread across his face; Rodney has always refused to talk about who he's slept with, though to this day, John has no idea why. "Fine, be childish if you must, Colonel. I didn't really want to know, anyway."

John sobers just slightly, because as much as he does like teasing Rodney, Rodney's been pretty awesome with this so far, trying to understand what things are like for him, and John has no desire to shut that down.

"I have, but it wasn't exactly a pleasant experience." John hopes that will be enough of an answer, because he can't imagine trying to explain it any further to Rodney when he's never been able to fully explain it, even to himself.

"Huh." Rodney is silent for a moment, then, "Why even try it at all?"

"Denial? Kind of expected when you're married to someone? It's not like I knew I'd hate it; it mostly just didn't seem worth the time and effort. Then I was married, and not much time or effort was required."

"Well, at least you had the good sense to get out of it while you could."

John doesn't say that getting out of it had less to do with his sexuality issues and more to do with his emotional distance issues, though he knows it's the truth. Rodney, however, doesn't need to know all the gory details of his marriage's implosion, and John is just fine with letting Rodney think that he'd seen the light and embraced his inner self, or whatever it is that Rodney actually thinks.

"That's me. Full of sense."

Rodney rolls his eyes and goes off on a tangent about how very little sense John ever exhibits, and John lets the sound of ranting wash over him. He's sure Rodney will get back to the original topic eventually, but for now, he'll enjoy the comforting familiarity of listening to Rodney rant.