(Sorry it's been a while- real life caught up with me! Hopefully the next update'll be up a bit quicker. Hope you like it, thanks again for the beautiful responses~)

Eleven.

Wake up.

Head buzzing, mind blank. Stare at ceiling. Cringe against throbbing hands, look down. Still bandaged. Roll eyes back up to ceiling. Lay still. Think.

Remember thrashing. Remember screaming. Remember… nothing.

Who am I?

Remember thinking about Dean. Why Dean? Try to remember. Try, try, concentrate, try. Focus. Feel nagging, feel memory, there in back of mind. Reach for it. Can't touch it. Try again. No luck.

Pull back bandaged hand, punch wall. Cringe, yell, shut eyes tight.

Fume. No memory, no control, no patience.

Was so close. Had memory before voiceless white uniforms, remembered, then injection. Memory gone. Again.

Punch wall again. Harder. Yell louder. Need to know. Need to remember. Almost had it.

Punch wall third time. Yell. Punch. Yell. Punch. Yell. Punch-

"Cas."

Freeze. Open eyes, turn head. Blink.

Dean stares, intent. Sitting on chair, hands folded on table.

Feel guilt. Shame. Turn head back, stare at ceiling. Can't take judgment. Feel gaze on side of head. Try to ignore.

"You're not doing yourself any favors." Dean's voice fills room. Reverberates.

Cringe against pain in hands. Nod. Throat hoarse from screaming. Whisper, "Can't remember."

Look up at Dean. Scared. Want Dean to help.

Dean looks right back, pauses. Gaze unwavering, green, trees by water. "You will."

Don't believe him. Sit up. Look away. Rock back, forth. Stare at floor.

Hear footsteps, Dean walks closer. Closer, closer, almost there, he hesitates.

Sits on edge of bed. Opposite end. Too close. Too close, too close, not close enough. Swallow. Turn to look at Dean, shift weight to not fall over. Stay still, blue locked with green.

"I promise you, you will remember, Castiel."

Tilt head. Believe him. Nod once.

Don't look away.

Green never leaves blue.

Aware of everything. Buzzing white light in ceiling, white jacket too tight, heart pounding, hands throbbing. Mind blank. Nothing but green in sight.

Lean forward, look closer.

Want to drown in green, trees by water, water familiar. Head spins, heart pounds, body aches.

Still leaning. Close to Dean now. Inches away. Too close. Keep leaning.

Feel memory. Grip tight, remembering.

Remember.

Remember staring, remember longing. Remember wanting to hold. To touch. To save. To protect. Remembering wanting to be around Dean. Everything feels right around Dean. Dean gave purpose, Dean gave light. Remember wanting Dean, everything about Dean, always wanting nothing but Dean.

Leaning, not looking at eyes. Looking at lips, stubble, jaw, neck, hear pulse, see him swallow. Remember wanting to trace shape of jaw, kiss pulse on neck, tangle hands in hair. Want to try, want to feel, keep leaning forward, want to-

"Castiel."

Freeze. Stop leaning. Two inches from Dean. Too close. Want to lean forward, close gap. Not close enough.

Dean puts out hand, places on chest. Pushes away. Stands up quickly, coughs. Murmurs mostly to himself, "I-I'm sorry," green darts from floor to blue to floor to blue to the wall. Face flushed.

Silence. Watch green eyes harden.

Tone changes. Low. Dangerous. Determined. "That's it."

Dean's eyes slide from wall to meet with blue, "I don't care about progress anymore- I'm getting you out of here."

Keep staring at Dean. Heart still pounding. Head still spinning. Tilt head, narrow eyes. Rock back, forth, back, forth. Bite lip. Look at bandaged hands. Want to reach out to Dean. Hold back. Shut eyes tight.

"…Cas?" Remain still. Heart pounding. Too much, too much. Hear feet shuffling. "Cas. Open your eyes."

Shake head. Bite lip. Too much, too much, can't open eyes. Won't open eyes. Won't see light.

Feel a hand on knee. "Cas."

Eyes snap open. Jump at touch. Open mouth to scream.

Green meets blue. Green trees, blue water. Familiar. Close mouth.

Look down at knee, at hand, at Dean kneeling on ground. Heart pounds. Rock back, forth, back. Narrow eyes.

Dean hesitates, pulls hand back. Cautious. Unsure.

Voice quieter, more intense, more demanding, " You listen to me. Next time you see me, we're running. I'm getting you the Hell out of this place. For now you just need to sit tight, and take care of yourself. Make sure you can run."

Blink. Heart pounds. Nod once.

Dean stands up, looks down. "I'm coming back. Soon. I promise."

Rock back, forth. Frown.

Nod.

Dean rocks back on heels, bites lip, hesitates. Turns and hurries out of door. Door slams behind him.

Stare at door. Tilt head.

Wait.