A/n: In which Poseidon learns about shipper names.Hahaha, sorry, still laughing in amusement at the characters in my head. I didn't think I would enjoy writing for Ares this much, but he's almost as fun as Apollo. Even when Apollo's not in the chapter, I still give a line to him to amuse myself. Anyway, some reviewers wanted some Athena/Poseidon fighting and I am happy to oblige. Their arguments are not hard to write and/or come up with insults for. Tell me if I got their voices right. I kind of channeled a more adult version of Annabeth for Athena and basically Poseidon's lines in this are basically what I think Percy would say to someone who annoyed him.
Disclaimer: The gods are not mine….I can't believe it's necessary to say that.
"Yeah, that's my boy."
"Poseidon, what on Earth are you watching?"
"You know we can't really use that phrase…because we're not on Earth, Athena."
"…I'm aware of that, Kelp Head. But you ARE watching something that is playing out ON EARTH…are you not?"
"You know what, you can just take your smarty pants little attitude and leave me be, warrior princess."
-Offended gasp and eyebrow raise- "Seriously? Princess?"
"My house, my rules."
-deadpan- "We're not in YOUR house, Poseidon. You live in the underwater palace that you're so fond of, remember? We're on Mount Olympus, therefore that phrase has no power in this context."
-Glare- "I know that! It was only meant as an expression!"
"But for the expression to work, it has to be true!"
"Says who?"
"Says…the laws of logic and anyone with a brain that hasn't been rotted from sea water!"
"Excuse me! I'll have you know sea water does magnificent things for your skin! In fact, it looks like you could use a little facial…"
"I'll give you a facial!"
"Woah, woah, hold up guys! Not that I'm against seeing you two fight or anything, but the last time a fight broke out, Zeus blamed me, so, uh, let's cool it."
"Ares, Zeus blamed you for that fight for the specific reason that it was YOUR fault; you pinned Demeter and Aphrodite against each other then influence their emotions so they would feel hostile towards each other…."
"Don't talk down to me like some genius-scholar- lady, Athena. Besides, I still say it wasn't my fault; I only did it because Apollo promised me I could drive the sun-chariot if I caused a girl-fight."
-eyebrow raise- "Uh…yeah, that's wonderful, Ares, really, I don't blame you, dude…well I kinda do…"
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Uh-huh….sure, I'm watching you, Fish Face."
"Can someone please think of more inventive nicknames for me? I mean, truly, that's just sad."
"I notice you say that AFTER he leaves."
"….Duh. I may be awesome and king of the sea and all, but Ares is insane. I'm not pissing off a dude with anger-issues. I don't know about you, but I don't wanna die today."
"….You can't die. You're immortal."
"…I knew that."
"Uh huh."
"I did! I just…forgot to put it together…just-just get out, Athena! You've interrupted my TV-watching."
"TV-watching? Am I the only one that finds it creepy that we refer to watching humans-including our kids- as watching a television program?"
"Yes. Yes, you are."
"Terrific. I guess I'll leave you to you're strange…wait, is that Annabeth?"
"Crap. You noticed."
"It's my daughter! You're spying on my daughter! Of course I'd notice!"
-Eye roll- "I'm not spying on YOUR DAUGHTER…well, not JUST her…I'm watching Percabeth."
"….What did you just say?"
"Percabeth" –Grins- "Aphrodite taught me about shipper-names. Like Brad and Angelina-Bradgelina. Cool, right?"
"…Oh yes, now I remember why Zeus worries when he leaves you alone in the palace."
-Glares- "Ignoring that comment."
"So, you're saying, you're watching our kids?"
"Yes."
"Watching them do what? And why?"
"If you want to know what they're doing, then just look at the screen, Athena. And you think I'M dumb. And because it's awesome. My boy really knows how to charm."
"Oh, gross, wipe that proud grin on your face, Poseidon. My Annabeth wouldn't fall for stupid ladies' man's tricks."
"Stupid? My son is not stupid! And, look for yourself, your majesty, because she is, and already has, fallen for him!"
"…I'm still trying to accept that…I'll get there."
"What is it that you find so appalling about my son?"
"That he's YOUR son."
"Really? You're still holding a grudge? I thought you were supposed to be 'mature'."
"It's not easy to let go of old grudges when the person who made them continues to do things to wrong you!"
"'Wrong you'? Seriously? You sound like you're from the middle ages. And what have I done to offend you lately?
"Oh, I don't know. There was the time, last month, when you and Apollo accidentally knocked over and subsequently destroyed my throne! Or last week when you put green dye in my shampoo, or just yesterday when you ate all my ambrosia!"
"…Ok, bad question, I guess….Moving on."
"Bad question? You think you can just…wait…what are they doing…what is he..why is your son putting his hand there? No, Annabeth! Stop that! Stop kissing him!"
"…Uh, Oh Wise One, yeah…they can't hear you."
"SHUT UP!"