Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: So, as I was writing the last several paragraphs of this chapter, I feel like I was thinking a lot of what I should be writing up here in the "A/N." I really don't have a reasonable explanation for why it took pretty much half a year to update. Only that I feel bad for leaving you hanging for so long. If it makes it any better, I've already started the next chapter. To anyone who is still reading this story, THANK YOU!

A/N2: This chapter is dedicated to "WhiteLadyDragon." You have been a great support from the very beginning of this story, even before I had come up with the concept. Thanks for your advice and friendship!

Chapter 19

"The pain of leaving those you love is only a prelude to understanding yourself."

– Shirley MacLaine

...

"...I've stayed out of the task force's way, haven't made any attempts at escaping, and have generally made an effort at not interfering in any shape or form. That is why I believe I deserve to have a little more leeway when it comes to how I wish to spend my spare time."

I held my breath and tightly gripped onto the edges of my sleeves. Light and Uncle Soichiro were aiming supportive looks my way as we waited for the verdict from the only person in the room who's opinion mattered.

Ryuzaki swivelled lazily around in his chair a couple of times before he came to a stop and grudgingly sighed out, "I suppose you have an idea of where you would like to spend this free time?"

I released my breath and quickly spouted out, dreading that he would cut me off before I could fully get my words out, "Misa's having an outdoor shoot in a few days and I want to go watch her. Matsuda will be there, along with tons of other people, so it's not like I could just slip away if I wanted to – which I don't, just to make that clear! And it will only be for a few hours!"

"Hmm," Ryuzaki grumbled out, his thumb wedged behind his bottom lip. "I don't know-"

"Oh, come on, Ryuzaki! She hasn't been able to get out and about for weeks!" Light suddenly interrupted, attempting to speak on my behalf.

"Your cousin has started up school-"

"School doesn't count, Ryuzaki. Surely even you know that attending school is not a form of a break," Light cut off Ryuzaki again. He was leaning forward in his own chair, his eyes determined.

Ryuzaki sat in silence for a second, his thumb momentarily paused from stretching his bottom lip. His eyes roamed towards Light and he said in a serious, almost innocent-like manner, "I quite enjoyed my academic studies, Light. Perhaps you find that hard to relate to-"

"Oh, for crying out loud," Light sighed out in exasperation and rolled back in his chair, evidently annoyed at Ryuzaki's shot at him.

Ryuzaki poked further into Light's pride, his lips very slightly upturned in a smirk meant to aggravate. "Although you excelled in school, Light, not everyone can find the enjoyment that comes with learning new material and-"

Light took the bait. He shot back indignantly, "This coming from the person who was barely motivated a few weeks ago to even investigate! And-"

"I thought the discussion was regarding Etsuko's request," Uncle Soichiro piped in, evidently weary of Light's and Ryuzaki's boyish squabble over saving one's pride. I gave uncle an appreciative smile which he returned tiredly.

Light turned to his computer screen with a slightly embarrassed grimace on his face, but there was no self-conscious expression on Ryuzaki's face as he turned back to me. He stared at me with a hard, concentrating look, as if he was trying to see directly into my brain to read my thoughts. I stared resolutely back into those dark, coal eyes, no longer intimidated or shy (well, for a short period of time at least).

Ryuzaki finally grumbled out in a regretful tone, "Fine."

"Thank you, Ryuzaki! I-"

"But only for the shoot," Ryuzaki sternly laid down the rules as I bounced up and down on the spot in excitement and relief. "And you must remain within Matsuda's sight the entire time."

"I doubt that will be a problem," Light commented over his shoulder, his voice teasing and slightly mischievous. He glanced over at me with knowing eyes and I stared back at him with a pointed, warning look.

Ryuzaki didn't miss the meaning behind Light's teasing remark and languidly commented as he returned back to his computer screen, "Mmm, yes, I suppose you're right."

"What? What are you talking about?" Uncle sat forward in his seat and stared back and forth from Light and I with a creased, confused brow.

"Well, you see, dad, Etsuko and Mat-"

"Nothing, uncle, nothing!" I hurriedly interrupted Light with a slightly panicked voice. Light chuckled softly to himself as uncle returned back to his computer screen, a puzzled frown on his face.

"Shut up," I muttered under my breath and nudged Light's shoulder. He just continued to laugh softly, knowing I really wasn't angry with him but just slightly annoyed. My barely concealed smile of relief told him I wasn't even really annoyed, but just flustered with his attempts to reveal my secret.

My secret relationship...

"I thought you said you weren't interfering with the task force. Wasn't that what you just said, cousin, to convince Ryuzaki to let you go out with your boyfri-"

"Light!" I hissed more loudly than I intended causing Ryuzaki to –

"Miss Yagami, unless you want me to retract my generous offer-"

"Alright, alright, I'm gone," I quickly told Ryuzaki before he could make good on his threat and shot Light one more dirty look (which he just laughed at) before I exited the main investigation room and headed upstairs.

It shouldn't have surprised me that Light had found out about my relationship with Matsuda. We had both tried to keep it as secret as possible, but with cameras everywhere filming all the time, it was hard to keep our relationship completely under the radar. Matsuda's suite didn't have any cameras, but mine did, along with almost all of the hallways, so it would have been easy for Light to have witnessed some intimate moment between Matsuda and I, however fleeting and innocent. Light had a talent for reading people, and however good my cover up was regarding my relationship with Matsuda, Light was able to read the tiny signs that I was no longer single. I didn't try to cover up my flushed cheeks anymore when Matsuda entered the room. We stood closer to one another than we did before, not touching, but just barely separated. And there were the quick, private smiles that we aimed at one another when we didn't think anyone else was watching. All little things that seemed to go undetected by most people, but which were huge, red flags to Light.

Not that Light seemed to mind. On the contrary to how he had acted before, he seemed perfectly fine with Matsuda and I dating, even though he hadn't verbally confirmed such an opinion. But I knew Light wouldn't be teasing me regarding Matsuda if he had a problem with our relationship. So I just took his teasing in stride, knowing that it was only innocent, good fun and not spiteful. It had seemed like ages ago when Light had poked fun, and although his mischievous remarks could be a bit annoying at times, I welcomed his lightheartedness that had been absent for so many months.

"So, good news! I can go!" I announced as I walked right into Matsuda's suite, not even knocking. Matsuda looked up from some paperwork that he was sifting through at his kitchen table and broke out in a wide smile.

"That's great! See, I told you he would let you go," Matsuda spoke over his shoulder as I grabbed two mugs and switched the tea kettle on.

"You're a lot more optimistic than me," I commented as I scooped some loose tea leaves out of the tin.

"You should try it more often. It's easier than it looks," Matsuda said as he leaned back in his chair and plopped the pile of papers onto the table.

I smirked to myself as I walked from the kitchen and sat down across from him. "I prefer to be realistically wary and cautious, thank you very much."

Matsuda chuckled and I softly laughed at our silly discussion. I shifted in my seat and steered the conversation to something more serious.

"So, what are you working on? Or is it something top secret?" I shuffled forward and glanced at the papers on the table.

Matsuda laughed a little and shook his head as he stared tiredly down at the pile of papers. "No, no. Just some contracts that I have to sign as Misa's manager. That and some invitations to some new photo shoots that I need to review before passing them over to Misa."

"Oh." I sat back and tried not to look disappointed. "So, not investigation work."

Matsuda shuffled in his seat, evidently uncomfortable. "Being Misa's manager is investigation work, Etsuko. At least, it helps in some way make the investigation process smoother. And I enjoy being Misa Misa's manager!"

"I know, Matsuda, but..." I sighed and was careful with the words that I choose. I didn't want to offend or hurt Matsuda's feelings. "It's just, I wish Ryuzaki would include you more in the actual work with hunting down Kira. You quit your job as a police officer in order to catch Kira! That's solid proof that you're more than determined and willing to help out!"

Matsuda was silent for a second before stiffly responding, "Quitting my job doesn't automatically mean I'm more determined than others."

I stiffened in my seat and leaned back a bit. I looked down at my hands regretfully. I had been so careful with my words, and yet they still backfired on me. I knew by Matsuda's comment that he was thinking about Aizawa. I had noticed a few days ago that Aizawa was not driving me to school anymore, something that he took turns with Matsuda doing. When I had finally questioned Matsuda about Aizawa's absence a couple of days ago, he had sadly informed me that Aizawa had left the task force. Being the breadwinner for his young family was the reason he couldn't leave his job with the NPA. But the more Matsuda had told me about how Ryuzaki had responded to Aizawa's decision, the more I realized that Aizawa's motives were not purely due to having to provide for his wife and children. Aizawa had never appeared to like Ryuzaki that much and finally Ryuzaki had pushed him too far. I understood only too well how Ryuzaki could push someone far enough for them to want to run away, but I was still surprised that Aizawa had actually left. I never had really gotten to know him, but I wish I could have said goodbye. I hadn't made life very easy for Aizawa; there were plenty of times where he had to drag me back to my room, and then there was the time where I had practically confessed to Ryuzaki that him and Matsuda had revealed information to me that Ryuzaki wanted covered up. But now he was gone, along with the opportunity to apologize for my mistakes and stubbornness.

"Yeah, I know," I quietly responded. I got up to fill our mugs, giving me time to think how I wanted to proceed with the discussion.

When I returned to the table, I simply said in a slow, thoughtful way, "As long as you're happy with your contribution, Matsuda, that's what matters to me."

Matsuda flashed me a crooked smile as he lifted his mug to his lips and wryly stated, "You're not just saying that for my sake, are you, Etsuko?"

I was silent for a second as I watched Matsuda sip at his tea, and then puffed out an exasperated sigh and confessed, "Alright, fine. I'm not going to be satisfied until Ryuzaki includes you in more of the investigation."

Matsuda chuckled quietly and resumed drinking his tea. However, his smile didn't last long before it was replaced with an uncomfortable frown that seemed to deepen as his eyes roamed the papers on the table. His eyes darted rapidly across the pages, as if they were scanning for some deeper meaning behind the printed words. I was slightly startled by his sudden, melancholy demeanour.

"Matsuda, is everything al-"

"How about we watch some TV, Etsuko? I need a break from all this paperwork," Matsuda spouted happily, having broken out of his glazed, disheartened stare. I nodded numbly as he stood up and headed towards the couch, almost eager to get away from Misa's contracts and photo shoot invitations.

I plunked down beside Matsuda and watched him intently as he flipped through the channels. He seemed to be concentrating on finding a TV show he liked, but his gaze also seemed focused on something way out of sight. Something that was way out in the distance in his mind's eye.

"Matsuda, although I would like for Ryuzaki to include you more, I did mean what I said. I'm happy as long as you're happy with your contributions. And you are contributing, Matsuda. You believe that, right?" I softly coaxed, searching his eyes as they remained fixed on the television screen.

I waited patiently for his answer. He turned to me and nodded quickly, not being able to look me directly in the eye. When he spoke, he sounded content and appeared eager to reassure me, but his words did not sound confident or sincere.

"Of course, Etsuko, of course."

Before I could probe any further, he draped his arm around my shoulders and turned up the volume on the game show that was on the TV. I relaxed into his arms and tried to focus on the answer the game contestant was spewing forth, but I couldn't help but dwell on the dispirited way that Matsuda had answered my question.

...

The evening of Misa's outdoor shoot was unusually warm for an autumn day. There was a slight breeze that would rustle the trees surrounding the park fountain where the shoot was taking place, but the air was mainly stifled with a claustrophobic haze of humidity. The spray from the fountain would sometimes drift on the wind and it felt good when that mist hit my cheek. I had discarded my fall jacket across one of the folding chairs that were set up around the place, but Matsuda still wore his regular business suit and tie, his shirt buttoned all the way up to his neck. I could see he was uncomfortable by his flushed cheeks and the way a few strands of his hair stuck to his sweat-slicked brow. However, he seemed to also be lost in an uncomfortable strain of thought as he clenched his cup of coffee tightly and stared intently at the fountain.

I shifted on the spot, my eyes momentarily taking a break from watching Misa complain to the wardrobe assistant that her wings were not staying in place. Based off of her loud complaining and disapproving, pointed looks, she was acting more like a devil than the angel she was supposed to be portraying.

I looked up at Matsuda and cleared my throat to get his attention. He looked down at me and smiled crookedly. It was something that Matsuda just seemed to do when he didn't know what to say or how to react. He would flash you a smile, as if it was the most natural thing to do, even if he wasn't feeling great. But I could tell when he was faking it and when it was genuine. And so far, it seemed like he had been faking it the whole evening.

"I really wish I could get Hideki Ryuga's autograph for Sayu. She would be in complete shock! But, I wouldn't have any way of explaining how I got it," I happily spouted, hoping my cheerfulness would rub off on Matsuda.

Matsuda looked mildly confused at my random comment, but good naturedly replied, "You could always pretend that you bumped into him when you were shopping one day or something."

I scoffed and muttered skeptically, "Yeah, right. Like I would be shopping in the same spots where all the fashionable, attractive people do."

Matsuda, sensing the underline self-deprecating tone to my comment, took my hand in his, leaned over to me, and whispered affectionately, "Why wouldn't you be? You're very pretty."

I couldn't help but blush, in which I tried to cover up by shaking my hair into my face. Matsuda squeezed my hand and chuckled softly under his breath at my flustered state. I just stood rigidly beside him, feeling awkward, flattered, and bashful at the same time. I squeezed his hand back in thanks and continued watching the film crew walk back and forth.

I noticed that a few camera men and some other assistants were shooting Matsuda and I quick looks when they would pass us by. Their expressions were either nosy and curious or curt and disapproving. Matsuda either didn't notice the looks or wasn't fazed by them. I, however, began to squirm a little bit on the spot and twisted my hand in his.

"Maybe we shouldn't be holding hands in public," I softly suggested, my face still turned towards the film crew and their looks.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Matsuda arch an eyebrow at my suggestion. "Why?" He sounded unconvinced and surprised.

"Because people are looking at us," I responded straightforwardly.

It was Matsuda's turn to scoff as he gripped my hand tighter and proudly stated, "Let them look! We've got nothing to hide." Matsuda suddenly turned to me and, as if to make his point, swiftly swooped down and quickly kissed me on the cheek.

I gasped and slightly tugged away. "Matsu! What would my uncle think if he saw us acting like that?" I tried to sound reprimanding, but I couldn't help but laugh a little at his sudden show of affection. Matsuda just grinned with boyish charm and mischief.

My laughter didn't last long before I started thinking about what I had said about Uncle Soichiro. He hadn't figured it out that Matsuda and I had started dating and I could only wonder what he would think of such an arrangement. Would he think we were rushing into a relationship too quickly? Would he even approve of such a match? I had heard him state on occasion to Sayu that he would not want her to ever date or marry someone from the police force. Was it because he did not want her to worry one day as Aunt Sachiko did about the safety of her boyfriend or husband? Or did he want something better for his daughter, someone who held more prestige than even a policeman? Would he have the same thoughts regarding me?

I began to think about my own father and what his thoughts would be on our relationship. My dad seemed to like Matsuda the couple of times they had met each other, but that didn't necessarily mean my father would want me to date him. I knew for a fact that my mother would be skeptical and critical of any man I started dating.

I inwardly groaned at how such a new, happy part of my life could be tainted by my over critical and worrying mind. It wasn't the first time that I wished I could have been more carefree like Matsuda.

"In all seriousness though..." I slowly stated as I withdrew my hand from Matsuda's grip. "...perhaps we should have more seriously considered jumping into a dating relationship before we actually did."

Matsuda slowly turned to look at me with a worried expression. "Are...are you having second thoughts about us-"

"No! No, of course not!" I urgently exclaimed as I quickly took his hand back and held it within both of mine. "It's just...well, perhaps we should have waited until the Kira investigation comes to an end?"

Matsuda tentatively explained, as if he didn't want to startle me, "Etsuko, that could take a long time still-"

"I know, I know. But, maybe we should have asked our parents first on what they think of-"

"We're grown adults. We don't need to ask their permission," Matsuda stated solidly, but I could hear the bitter undertone to his voice. I knew he was thinking of his father. I didn't know any intimate details regarding his relationship with his dad, but I had the feeling they weren't close.

We were silent for a second, the director's barking orders and the steady gurgle of the fountain the only sounds surrounding us. I noticed Matsuda's grip on his cup of coffee was tighter than before. I wondered if he was upset with me and I grew even more frustrated with myself than I was before.

"Just...forget everything I said. I'm just being dumb," I muttered, feeling defeated with myself.

Matsuda was silent. I snuck a glance at his face and noticed he was staring down at his shoes in a determined, serious manner.

"Matsuda? Are you angr-"

"MATSU! Hey, Matsu!"

Matsuda snapped out of his concentrated state and darted towards Misa who was calling for him. Before he completely dashed away, he turned swiftly back towards me and opened his mouth as if to say something. But no words exited his mouth and he simply stared at me in a helpless, flustered kind of way. He raised his arms a little and then let them drop to his sides before he turned around and ran towards Misa. I watched him run off, my frustration towards myself morphing into worry.

Is he angry with me? I should have just been silent. Here he was holding my hand and kissing me on the cheek, and I completely ruined the mood by opening my big, fat mouth. No wonder he looked so dejected.

I decided I needed to gather my thoughts before Matsuda returned from obeying whatever demand Misa was doling out. I wanted to have some form of apology or explanation prepared before he returned. I strolled over to the portable toilets, knowing I would find privacy there. I locked the door behind me and tried to ignore the smell as I brainstormed what I would tell Matsuda.

I only lasted about five minutes before the stench from the portable toilet became too much and I happily exited into the outside. I could see from across the park that Misa was back to filming, which meant that Matsuda would be waiting for me to return. I hadn't come up with any clear-cut words to tell him, but decided to ask him instead what was wrong. He had been melancholy lately and his behaviour before he dashed away to Misa made me even more curious and concerned about what was going on with him. By the time I rounded the fountain and approached the spot where Matsuda and I had been standing, I felt good about my game plan.

However, my confidence quickly slipped away as I realized that Matsuda was not standing where we had been watching the shoot. Left in his presence was his crumpled cup of coffee and nothing else.

I scanned the area around the fountain, but Matsuda was nowhere to be seen. I didn't see him conversing with any of the film crew and Misa was back to sitting moodily by herself. I frowned and began to walk towards Misa.

Now where did he go?

I approached Misa cautiously, noticing that she was visibly uptight about something. Her arms were crossed across her chest and her foot was tapping impatiently against the folding chair she was sitting in. Her nose was scrunched up with dissatisfaction and her eyes were narrowed with irritation. She had her large, downy coat draped across her shoulders like it was a royal cape, which suited her appearance quite accurately; she appeared ready to chop someone's head off if they displeased her in the tiniest way.

"Uh, Misa...do you know where Matsuda is?" I hesitantly asked, my voice soft and steady to convey that it was not my intention to piss her off.

Misa humphed and crossed her arms tighter. "That's what Misa was going to ask you, Etsuko. It seems your boyfriend is missing when he should be bringing Misa a cup of water or updating Misa on photo shoots-"

"So, you haven't seen him at all since you finished shooting?" I ignored Misa's rant regarding Matsuda's performance as her manager; it was a tense subject between us, since she usually didn't seem all that pleased with Matsuda's managerial actions. I always tried to explain to her (in a somewhat impatient manner which I couldn't quite control) that Matsuda's calling in life was not to be a fashion model's manager, but a police officer. That usually made Misa settle down with her complaints, but it was a subject between us that required regular resolution.

Misa sighed and shook her head, her shoulders relaxing slightly and her frown dissolving a tad. "No, Misa hasn't. He must have run off somewhere. Maybe he's in the washroom, if you can call those disgusting, little, portable shacks 'washroo-"

"No, I just came from there. I wonder where he's gone," my voice trailing quietly off as I continued to scan the area. Misa must have noticed the hint of worry in my voice and my slightly creased brow, because all of the frustration in her voice disappeared as she reached over and squeezed my shoulder supportively.

"Misa's sure he'll be back soon, Etsuko," Misa kindly reassured. I flashed her a quick smile, thankful for her remark. Despite her complaints regarding Matsuda's actions as her manager, she was still a good friend. When I had first informed her that Matsuda and I were dating, she had been over-the-moon with delight and ooohed and ahhhed over our new relationship. I had laughed along with her, but I had also wished that I could have done the same with her and Light. I wished that the same joy and excitement that I felt with Matsuda, Misa could experience with Light.

"Thanks, Misa. I'm sure you're right."

Matsuda didn't quickly come back though. Misa eventually had to return to her shoot and I was left alone, my worry increasing steadily with each minute that passed with him still gone. I barely paid any attention to watching Misa's shoot, but concentrated my sight on my watch and scrutinizing the area. I scanned the people passing by the fountain, trying to pick out Matsuda's form. A couple of times I thought I saw him approaching, only to realize with disappointment that it wasn't him. Twilight was darkening into night time and it was becoming increasingly difficult to pinpoint features of the people who walked by. I stopped a couple of crew members to ask if they had seen him, but none had in their busyness of working.

Where did he go? Why couldn't he just remain where he was and not run off somewhere? He knows I worry about things like this. Maybe he got a call from Ryuzaki and had to go back to HQ and is actually being put to work on investigation stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's probably what it is.

My mental reassurances were clouded by one irrational fear that tainted every prior plausible thought.

Or maybe he got hit by a bus when crossing the street.

I grumbled to myself and tried to distract myself by watching Misa's shoot, but I found I couldn't stand still and decided to walk to the other end of the park and back. Perhaps that would clear my thoughts and dispel the jittery, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Or at least lessen it.

As I walked down the now mainly deserted park path, the warm glow from the lamplights shining down on the patches of pavement, my mind began to wander towards my father and when he didn't come home that August night when I was six years old. I quickly rationalized that the likelihood of Matsuda being in danger was miniscule and that he wasn't even technically a cop anymore. He didn't carry a gun or his badge, so if he passed by a robbery or some attempted murder, he wouldn't be able to do anything and the cops-who-were-still-cops would have to take care of it. Knowing Matsuda though, he would try to do something.

"Just stop it, Etsuko. Just stop," I mumbled to myself and turned around to head back to the shoot.

When I rounded the fountain, I found that the film crew were packing up their equipment for the night. I could see Misa a ways away chatting on her phone. Or was it phones? She was standing up, still in her costume, and was staring intently into the distance as she had both her work and personal phones near her ears, listening hard. As I neared her, she hung up with one of the phones and started to wave me over frantically as soon as she saw me approaching. I ran up to her, thinking she had news of where Matsuda was.

"Etsuko! Misa thought you had disappeared on me, too! Light wants to speak to you!" Misa exclaimed as she handed me her cell phone.

"Is Matsuda with him?" I eagerly asked as I took the phone.

I didn't wait for Misa's answer and held the phone firmly to my ear. "Light?"

"Etsuko, I've tried phoning you for the past ten minutes. Didn't Ryuzaki give you a cell phone to use if you ever needed to contact the task force?" Light sounded a little exasperated, clearly not too impressed with my forgetfulness.

"Sorry. I must have left it back in my apartment. I...I never use it really," I explained, telling Light the truth. The cell phone that Ryuzaki had "given" me (more like slipped into my pocket when I had first moved into HQ) remained mostly on my bedroom dresser unused. I was only able to contact the task force, Watari, and Ryuzaki, which rendered it pretty useless since they were always at HQ if I needed anything. I wasn't able to use it to contact anyone on the outside, so I found it quite ineffective. The one day it could have come in handy and I didn't have it on me.

"It's fine. Just listen to me because I have to be quick. Catch a cab and get back to headquarters right away, understand? Ryuzaki needs you here right now," Light quickly explained, his voice firm and serious. I thought I also could detect a faint hint of alarm in his voice.

"Light, what's going on? Why does Ryuzaki need me back right away? Matsuda's been gone for over half an hour now and I'm not leaving until we know where he is."

"We know where Matsuda is, Etsuko, but I can't tell you anything until you get back to headquarters, okay?" Light's voice increased in volume and that tinge of alarm became more noticeable in his tone. My worry transformed into dread.

"Light, what are you not telling me?" I hesitantly asked, not really sure if I wanted the answer.

I heard Light sigh on the other end and I could hear Ryuzaki in the background mumble something to my cousin. I strained to hear what he was saying, but it was useless. There was another second of silence and then Light firmly stated, "You need to get back here right away. Everything will be explained then. Understand, Etsuko?"

I swallowed with difficulty, my mouth bone dry. "Yes, alright. I'll be there right away."

I hung up the phone and handed it back to Misa, who had been not-so-secretly listening in on the conversation. She was eyeing me with curiosity as she pocketed the phone in her purse.

"So, what do they have you doing?" Misa asked as she slipped out of her shoes and into her own pair of flats.

I blinked and shook my head, momentarily trying to piece together what exactly was going on. "Light wants me to head back to headquarters and...sorry, Misa, but I've got to go. I have a feeling something bad has happened to Matsuda."

I didn't even wait for Misa to respond before I shrugged on my jacket and headed towards the main road. Before I could get too far out of hearing range, Misa called out to me, "Misa just spoke to Matsuda, Etsuko! Everything's under control!"

I whipped back around to face her and called back anxiously, "What do you mean everything's under control? Where's Matsuda?"

Misa opened her mouth and then hesitated. She was being held back from telling me something. I concluded that there were things Light or Ryuzaki had told her that she wasn't supposed to repeat to me. And that made me more frustrated and worried than anything.

I took a few steps back towards Misa and called back eagerly, "Please, Misa! What's going on? Please tell me where Matsuda is! He's...he's my boyfriend after all!"

Misa sadly looked at me and then loudly sighed and shook her head. "Misa's sure they'll tell you once you get back to HQ! Just don't worry, Etsuko! Don't worry!"

I puffed out a sigh of frustration. I was tired of not being told what was going on. I spun back around and ran towards the busy downtown road, my eyes already searching for a cab.

"Don't worry." Pfftt, yeah, right. My boyfriend's missing and everyone's being secretive of his whereabouts, but I'm not supposed to worry.

I hailed a cab and told the driver to take the fastest route possible to headquarters. The fifteen minutes it took to get back to HQ seemed instead like an hour, and I barely counted the fare as I stuffed a wad of cash into the driver's hand and booked it up the stairs to HQ. Ryuzaki and Light were in the main investigation area, both of them scanning the huge screens against the far wall. I only vaguely noticed that the room projected on the screens was Misa's living room in her apartment.

"Alright, so now can you tell me what's going on?" I puffed out as I tried to catch my breath from running up the stairs two at a time.

Ryuzaki and Light both turned towards me and watched me huff and puff for a couple of seconds in silence. Light kept aiming Ryuzaki sidelong glances, as if he was wondering just how much to reveal. He looked worried and uncomfortable. Ryuzaki, on the other hand, appeared as calm as ever, if not maybe a little bit pissed as well.

"Please go on up to your suite, Miss Yagami, until you are called for," Ryuzaki stated.

My breath suddenly came whooshing back into my lungs and I sputtered out in outrage, "What?! You had me rush back here as quickly as possible just to tell me to go to my apartment? You've got to be kidding! I'm not going anywhere until I know where Matsuda is!"

"I'm afraid that that isn't possible right now, Miss Ya-"

"Etsu, it's going to be alright-"

"Light, that's not going to help!" I shrugged Light's hands off my shoulders and tried to sound determined and strong; I wasn't going to allow my words to waver with worry. "I'm not going to back down. I deserve to know where my boyf – where Matsuda is. Right now."

I refrained from stamping my foot, not wanting to look childish. Light sighed and turned towards Ryuzaki. When Ryuzaki simply went about punching things into his computer (or in other words, continued to ignore my little rant), Light turned back to me and firmly stated, "Matsuda's on his way here."

Ryuzaki stopped typing and turned around to flash Light a perturbed look. "I believe giving your cousin any information at this time, Light, was not part of our plan."

Light ignored Ryuzaki's reprimanding words and continued to gaze at me. I could tell he was being truthful, but the stubborn sternness clouding his eyes indicated that he was holding back from telling me everything. I couldn't help but give in to my childish desires and stamped my foot angrily.

"Dammit, that's all you're going to tell me, isn't it?"

Light sighed and ran his hand over his eyes, clearly frustrated that things weren't running smoothly. "Yes, that's all I'm going to tell you for now, Etsuko. I honestly think it's for the best."

I continued to frown at Light, not trying to disguise the irritation I felt. I crossed my arms and snapped moodily at Ryuzaki, "I know better than to ask you for more information."

Ryuzaki didn't acknowledge my comment.

"But that's not going to stop me from becoming involved. If there's anything I can do or any way I can help, please let me. I can't just sit in my room and be useless. Especially...especially since this concerns Matsuda," I ended miserably, the worry momentarily replacing the anger.

Light, without taking his determined eyes off of my still smoldering ones, asked Ryuzaki over his shoulder, "Ryuzaki?"

Ryuzaki grumbled quietly and, after a second of standing hunched over his computer screen, he slowly turned around and muttered out, "Well, perhaps there is something you can do to help out..."

...

"THIS is how he wants me to help out?!"

I picked up another article of Misa's clothing that had been tossed on the living room carpet and added it to the growing pile of clothing in my arms. I did a weird, crab-like kind of shuffling walk towards her bedroom, almost completely weighed down by all the clothing I had gathered. Misa may have always appeared put together in appearance, but her apartment was another story. I had seen her after a long day of photo shoots come home and just toss clothing on the ground. I didn't care about how messy she could be, until I was told that I was going to be cleaning her apartment about fifteen minutes ago.

"Why he can't come up here and help clean is beyond me," I complained as I unloaded the whole pile onto Misa's bed. I then shuffled back to the living room to resume my cleaning. After demanding several times more for information, Ryuzaki had informed me that Matsuda and Misa were going to be returning to her apartment. They were going to entertain some potential clients that were interested in using Misa as the face for their advertising campaign. Matsuda had apparently forgotten that he had an appointment with this company to promote Misa, and had suddenly remembered and then scurried off to arrange the details for the get together during Misa's shoot. I would have bought the whole situation if it wasn't for the urgency in Light's voice when he had phoned me and the genuine confusion from Misa when I had asked her where Matsuda was. Misa demanded to be kept up-to-date on photo shoots and rehearsals, so for her to not remember to remind Matsuda to make the appointment seemed very out of place.

There was something else going on...

Watari was busy in the kitchen preparing sushi and slicing generous portions of fish. I could smell something delicious bubbling on the stovetop and my stomach gurgled with hunger. I called out as I sprayed some polish cleaner on a dust rag and began to clean the coffee table top, "Watari, how much time do we have again before they arrive?"

Without breaking his concentration on slicing and dicing the tuna, Watari calmly answered, "Half an hour-"

"Oh, that's good! I still need to vacuum and then-"

"—but we only have ten more minutes before the others arrive," Watari smoothly finished his sentence, not a hint of urgency in his voice. He tasted the simmering sauce and then resumed slicing.

"Wait, what others?" I paused in my rubbing the glass table top, but I had barely spoken before there was a knock on Misa's apartment door.

Watari finally turned around from the counter and walked towards the door. "Ah, it seems they have arrived early."

The question of who "they" were was answered as Watari opened the door and a highly excitable and highly talkative group of girls spilled through the entranceway. I counted five altogether and stared at the fashionable clothes they were all wearing. They all appeared to know each other and were happily chattering away with one another as if Watari and I were not present. I was somewhat intimidated by their appearances; they all seemed to have pristinely applied make-up and each individual had dyed hair that complimented their eye colour perfectly. That and the fact that they all appeared slim and toned, as if they were all fashion mod –

"May I introduce you to five of the girls from Akiyama Modeling Agency. They are here to help provide hospitable entertainment for the guests who will be arriving this evening," Watari smoothly introduced the pack of girls who had quieted down as soon as he started to speak. Some of them nodded eagerly while others just stood gracefully and smiled demurely.

Provide entertainment? Are they going to set up an improv photo shoot or something?

"Ryuzaki has asked that you assist them in getting ready for this evening, Miss Yagami," Watari concluded, his mustache twitching slightly in amusement. It wasn't hard to guess that Watari already knew what type of reaction he would receive from me.

I groaned as quietly as I could and my hands clenched into fists. "You mean he wants me to wait on them while they get ready." It wasn't phrased as a question, because I already knew the answer.

Watari nodded and simply said, "Yes."

I sighed softly, not wanting the agency girls to see my dissatisfaction with the arrangement. I didn't like being treated like a maid. I wanted to help out in a more significant way. Realistically though, I knew that cleaning up after Misa and helping the agency models get ready for the guests was as much help as I could be in the situation.

If it helps make the evening a little easier for Matsuda, then I'll do it.

I showed the girls to a large spare bedroom and they instantly went about their routines of getting ready. It was a whirlwind of tossed clothing, mad dashes towards the limited outlets for hair straighteners and curlers, and organizing the vanity space with bagfuls of make-up and hairspray. They seemed to have the whole situation under control, but I helped out as best I could with touching up someone's skirt with the iron, fetching sparkling water for a parched throat (or, in one model's case, a bottle of Sake at her request), and holding up hand mirrors for final inspections of how one looked.

Five minutes before Matsuda, Misa, and the guests were to arrive, Watari popped his head into the bedroom and announced with just a smidgen of haste, "The guests will be arriving very shortly, Miss Yagami. I am requested to be at the doors to welcome them in. I suggest that the agency models be ready soon so you can make your exit."

I glanced over the mirror I was holding steady for one of the model's and nodded confidently, knowing that Watari was really telling me to hurry up. "For sure, Watari. We're almost done."

Watari hesitated for a second, perhaps weighing the option to either stay until he saw me out the door or to go downstairs and be in place for the guests. I tried to help him along in his decision by adorning a pleasant smile and stating earnestly, "This is the last model who needs to make sure everything's in place and then we're done. Ryuzaki ordered me to remain until all the models were ready, right?"

Watari hesitated a second longer, but then nodded and exited by saying, "Very well, Miss Yagami."

As soon as Watari had closed the door, the model who was preening at the mirror mumbled in a snarky tone, "I'm not almost done with the mirror, for your information. I'll still be another five minutes or so."

I glanced at her from the side of the mirror and mumbled tentatively, trying to phrase my words as politely as possible, "Can't you just...uh, just be a bit quicker than usual?"

She tore her eyes away from her image and stared at me with large, dubious eyes, as if I had just asked her to jump off the balcony. She snapped with contempt, "Are you serious?! What do you know about getting ready for entertaining?" Her eyes narrowed as she scrutinized my plain, brown hair and T-shirt and jean shorts.

I tried not to sound too affronted and muttered, "Uh, well, not much I guess-"

"Ignore her. She's always taking more time oohhing and ahhing at herself than the other girls," one of the other models reassured me and flashed me a kind smile. I grinned shyly back.

The model at the mirror snarled as she sprayed half a bottle of hairspray into her dark brown hair. "At least I have more style than just wearing boring, old braids and a ratty Fedora hat." The model at the mirror flashed a prideful, insulting smirk towards the other model as she pulled her purple top even lower to show more cleavage.

The other model appeared unfazed by the hurtful jab as she flipped one of her brown braids over her shoulder and stroked her treasured hat that was sitting on the bed. "The agency director thought my sense of style was good enough for a photo shoot in New York City, Hitomi." As if to make her point, she began to fiddle with the hem of a "I Love NY" t-shirt that was lying across a chair. I had noticed that she had been wearing it when she had first entered the suite.

"Yeah, at least Kumiko doesn't have to whore herself around in order to get overseas photo shoots!" One of the other models piped up tauntingly and the rest of the models squealed with laughter. The model named Kumiko refrained from joining in the laughter aimed at her fellow colleague and simply rolled her eyes and retouched her make-up in the mirror. I felt uncomfortable with the models' cattiness and wondered how Misa put up with their insults and bitchiness.

It was in the middle of their raucous laughter that I heard a door close a little ways off in the suite. I craned my neck towards the door to hear better. As the models' giggles died down, I could clearly hear muffled voices and footsteps nearing the door to Misa's living room. I tensed with sudden haste.

"The guests are here! You have to go out there now and welcome them or-"

"Listen, did you not just hear what I said? I said I would be another five minutes or so," the model named Hitomi snapped contemptuously as she waved her mascara wand in my face, as if ready to stab my eyeball with it.

I didn't let up though and pleaded urgently, "You don't understand! If he catches me still here when the guests arrive, then I'll be in big trouble and-"

"Hitomi, you look great. Let's just go and get out of this girl's way," Kumiko wearily muttered as she pulled on Hitomi's shoulder strap and steered her towards the bedroom door. She flashed me an apologetic, tired smile as Hitomi began to complain about how she still wasn't ready. I shrugged my shoulders indifferently as a response as the other girls followed suit and chattered happily as they exited into the living room.

I tiptoed a couple of steps into the living room, hoping I could make a quick escape somehow through some other exit. But I quickly dashed back into the spare bedroom as I heard the click of the living room door open and the guests enter. The models chorused a sing-songy welcome to the guests and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how fake and overly sweet they sounded when seconds before they were harassing one another. I could hear Misa's voice and the quiet murmur of male voices and I knew that I would not be able to leave the bedroom without being seen.

Heaven forbid that some ordinary businessmen see some ordinary girl quietly slip out of the suite. I don't know why Ryuzaki is being so strict about this.

I paused in my thoughts as I began to fold some discarded clothes on the carpet.

Unless...unless this isn't just some regular meeting regarding Misa's career. This all seemed too fishy to begin with, and now it seems even fishier.

I continued to fold clothing and sort the various bottles of hair products on the dresser. It appeared that I would have to wait in the spare bedroom until the guests departed. I reasoned that I should clean up a little. I listened absently to the chatter from the room next door and the occasional peal of high-pitched laughter or the gruff chuckling of one of the businessmen. I strained to hear Matsuda's voice, but I couldn't decipher it amidst the models' giggles and the overall noise from the living room.

If only I could just hear his voice conversing with one of the businessmen or Misa. Just to have that proof that he's here and not lost.

I must have been cleaning the room for only about ten minutes when the phone on the night table suddenly rang. I stared at it suspiciously, wondering who could be phoning. The phone hadn't rung a second time before I realized that there was only one possible caller.

I picked up the phone and muttered tiredly, "Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"Miss Yagami, I believe I had instructed for you to leave Misa's suite before the guests arrived," Ryuzaki droned out in a calm, straight forward manner. I could hear the undertone of irritation loud and clear though.

"I know, I know! But one of the models was being difficult and-"

"I don't want to hear excuses, Miss Yagami. I just want you to listen to me closely because I don't want to repeat myself."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, not liking the slow, condescending tone he was using, as if he was speaking to a child. "What is it?"

If Ryuzaki heard my impatient sigh, he didn't acknowledge it and explained in a stern, low voice, "All of the guests are currently sitting down in the living room and are busy being occupied with the models. Now is the ideal time to slip out of the bedroom, through the kitchen, quickly past the living room, and out the suite door. Do you understand me, Miss Yagami?"

I didn't answer right away, but just stared off towards the opposite wall, trying to figure out why Ryuzaki was giving me such instructions. "Um, why do you want me to leave the room? I would've assumed that you'd want me to just stay here and wait until the guests leave. Doesn't that make more sense?"

Ryuzaki was quick with a direct, cutting answer, clearly not having the patience to deal with my inquiring, "Miss Yagami, please do not question my directions. You will leave as soon as I hang up the phone. You will take the stairs. And you will not speak to anyone. That includes Matsuda. Understood?"

A knot of worry began to coil within my gut at Ryuzaki's rushed words. He sounded more impatient than usual and even a little exasperated. Somewhat similar to how Light had sounded on the phone earlier on. Why couldn't I take the elevator like I always did? And why didn't he want me to speak to anyone? He had said "that includes Matsuda," but his tone of voice had conveyed something more like "that especially includes Matsuda." Again I began to question the genuineness of what was going on and if everything that was being said and done was completely legit. Something seemed off...

"Miss Yagami, do you understand?" Ryuzaki repeated.

I quietly responded, lost within my worries, "Yes, I understand."

Ryuzaki didn't wait for me to say anything else and hung up the phone. I listened to the dead end tone for a couple of seconds before setting the phone down and heading towards the bedroom door.

I waited until the murmuring voices died down a little before opening the door a crack and peeking out. I could see a few shadows dancing off of the walls, but no actual businessmen. I slowly took a few steps out of the room and down the hallway, careful to hug the wall. I had barely made it into the kitchen when I almost collided into a hefty, broad shouldered man who had also staggered into the kitchen at the same time as me.

"Oh, excuse me, I was just leaving-"

"Hiding in the kitchen were we? Aren't you supposed to be out there, urgh, entertaining us?" The man belched out his words and swayed back and forth on the spot, his expensive suit ruined by a few Sake stains. Clearly, he had had already too much to drink, but was still going strong; his balance was unsteady, but his voice was stable and firm.

Realizing that he believed me to be one of the models, I nervously stuttered as I began to inch away from his lurching frame, "I-I was just go-going back into there—"

"No, don't go. Why not stay in the kitchen here with me?" The man swayed closer to me, invading my personal space with his looming body and reeking breath. My heart began to pound as I backed up and felt the corner of the counter jab into my back.

The businessman brushed some of his yellowish, blond hair out of his beady eyes and rested a hand on the counter space right beside me. "We can have our own little fashion show right here." The man smirked at what seemed to be a silent joke and then muttered in a slow, husky tone, "It can be an au naturel fashion show."

Before I could move away, the man's hand suddenly reached towards the edge of my T-shirt and grabbed a hold of it. I pulled away and squeaked out in a panicked voice, "No! Leave me alone-"

"Oh, come on now. You're not dressed like the other models, but I bet under that baggy T-shirt of yours it's all-"

I stumbled as I continued to back away, my fingers trying to pry off the businessman's strong ones. "No, please! Please leave me-"

"Come on-"

"She said leave her alone."

I gasped out a heavy sigh of relief as I glanced around the businessman to find Matsuda standing in the entrance way of the kitchen. His suit jacket was absent and I could tell he had been drinking a little by his flushed cheeks. But his words had been steady and clear and the glare he was aiming at the businessman was unmistakably sober with disapproval. A flash of something akin to loathing flickered behind his stare, an emotion I had never seen behind Matsuda's eyes.

The businessman eyed Matsuda to see what type of threat he posed and snapped rudely, "Aren't you supposed to be serving the food or drinks or whatever, manager?"

Hearing the businessman's voice seemed to snap Matsuda out of his silent glaring and a trace of fear suddenly flashed across his eyes. He gulped and his eyes darted from the businessman to me, as if he was weighing the situation or coming to some sort of understanding.

When Matsuda spoke again, his voice was flustered and nervous. "Please return to the living room where a new bottle of Sake has been served. There are many models there that you can, uh, entertain yourself with. This, um, model I need to have a word with."

The businessman snorted derisively and roughly shoved Matsuda aside with his shoulder, gruffly stating as he passed out of the kitchen, "Fine. More models to choose from in the living room anyways."

As soon as the businessman had left, Matsuda approached me and took me by the shoulders. His words were quick and shaky and his eyes were wide with concern. "Are you okay, Etsuko? I'm sorry that that guy came in here—what are you doing here anyways?"

"I'm fine. Listen, Matsuda, I'm not supposed to be speaking with you, but I need to know what's going on! Things don't seem to be making much sense," I hurriedly said, my hands on top of Matsuda's which were still resting on my shoulders.

Matsuda suddenly tensed up and withdrew his hands from my shoulders as he took a couple of steps back. His voice was uncharacteristically flat.

"Etsuko, you have to leave now. Go back to your apartment and just stay there until Ryuzaki says so. Okay?"

I shook my head and retorted incredulously, "Are you serious? Why can't you tell me what's going on? Isn't there some way that I can be useful besides just getting out of everyone's way?"

Matsuda cringed at my words. He studied my face, with its exasperated, disappointed expression. And he narrowed in on my eager eyes. The clatter and laugher from the living room seemed miles away as we stood in silence staring at each other. Matsuda finally sighed with understanding and stepped towards me.

"Etsuko, I'm not pushing you away or trying to get rid of you. You're more than capable of helping out. I know that," Matsuda seriously said, his words heavy with conviction. "But it's not right that you be here. You have to trust me on this one."

Trust. Something I really wasn't used to doling out, even to those I relied on and believed in. Even with Matsuda, who was one of the most trusting persons I had ever met, trusting him didn't always come easy. I remember once Ryuzaki had proposed to me that the reason I didn't trust people was because of what had happened to my dad years ago. But maybe that was only half true. Perhaps the reason I found it so hard to trust people was because I had such little experience doing it.

Practice makes perfect...or something like that...

All I wanted to do was stay with Matsuda. Was I prepared though to trust his word and take my leave?

I sighed and fiddled with a loose thread on my T-shirt, finding it hard to be completely still. I hated saying goodbyes, even if they were for a superficial amount of time.

I finally looked up at Matsuda and tried to sound firm as I addressed him. "Fine. As long as you explain everything once the businessmen have gone home and you come down to my apartment."

I didn't understand Matsuda's reaction of flinching backwards a tad and his lips contorting into a frown. What had I said to cause such a response? Before I could outwardly ask, Matsuda suddenly gathered me into a tight hug, his fingers grasping onto my arms almost possessively. My arms were pinned so tightly to my sides that I couldn't even return the embrace. Matsuda's heart was pounding a mile a minute, as if he had just run a marathon instead of standing still. And, I wasn't completely sure, but it almost felt like he was shaking.

"Matsu-"

"Just head downstairs, Etsuko and..."

I looked up at him as his words trailed off with no direction. His eyes were slightly watery as he stared straight ahead. From the angle I was at being pressed against his chest and looking up, I could clearly see his Adam's apple bob up and down uncomfortably as it accompanied his racing pulse. His worrying actions weren't making leaving him any easier.

"Matsuda...you will come down to my apartment after?" I nervously asked, not sure anymore of what he was planning on doing.

Matsuda glanced down at me with a distant, solemn gaze, but refrained from answering as he pressed his lips to my forehead in a long, tender kiss and then slowly released me. His silence was anything but reassuring.

He held my hand a moment longer and then stated again softly, still not answering my simple question, "Just head downstairs, Etsuko. Please."

I realized he wasn't going to answer me and my own heart began to thud with trepidation. Matsuda didn't wait to see me out of the kitchen and simply walked backwards towards the living room, his eyes never leaving mine until he finally rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. I listened to his exuberant voice mix with the models' and the businessmen's voices and felt nauseous knowing his cheerfulness was just a ruse to trick the other occupants of the living room. I suddenly felt like I needed air and dashed out of the kitchen and through the living room without even glancing to see if someone had noticed my presence. I sped down the hallway to the front door of the suite and practically slammed the door shut behind me, wanting to drown out the laughter from the living room. I stood leaning against the door staring down at my feet for several minutes, trying to figure out the situation. But it was useless. It was like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that had no picture on them.

As I trudged towards the stairwell, I suddenly stopped and realized that I did have one "puzzle piece" that could possibly provide some clarity.

I whipped my head around to face the elevator that was located at the far end of the hall.

He told me to use the stairs. There had to be some reason. Perhaps the elevator is the key to solving this whole mystery of what's been going on.

Without a second thought, I dashed towards the elevator and hesitated for a second on which button to press before pushing both the down and up buttons. I bounced up and down on my feet, waiting with apprehension and impatience at the same time. Would the opening of the elevator doors reveal something to me, or would I have to return to my apartment empty handed?

The ding of the elevator signalled its arrival and I held my breath as the doors slid open.

I never could have imagined the sight that found my eyes when the elevator doors opened. It was beyond strange and curious and even a little worrisome.

My uncle and one of the other police officers were standing at opposite ends of each other, practically wedged against the sides of the elevator. The offending object that was doing the crushing? A mattress. About a queen sized mattress that was literally taking up the entire elevator space.

My surprise lasted for only a second before I roughly pushed it aside at the first sign of panicky realization crossing Uncle Soichiro's face. I then proceeded to push and wedge myself into the elevator before the doors could close and swiftly jabbed the Door Close button. Uncle Soichiro had only a second to open his mouth and get the first syllable of my name out, before I hastily interrupted him.

"Ets-"

"Uncle, what's going on with Matsuda? I know that everything is not right and that the meeting upstairs in Misa's suite is not what it seems. So now you're stuck with me in this elevator and I demand to know what's going on."

Uncle Soichiro blinked and studied me with something akin to shock. I had never spoken to my uncle or any other family member in such a demanding, rude way, but this wasn't an ordinary situation and I was fed up with not receiving any answers.

Uncle Soichiro swallowed and licked his lips, no doubt hesitating on how exactly he should respond. "Uh, Etsuko, no-nothing's going on with Mat-"

"Uncle, you're riding an elevator with a gigantic mattress. How can I possibly believe you that nothing is going on?" I skeptically asked, my eyebrows raised in dubious arches as I scrutinized the mattress.

Uncle remained resolutely silent as he shifted the mattress in his hands. The other police officer was watching Uncle Soichiro carefully, waiting for a plan of action from his boss. I stubbornly stared down my uncle, trying hard to not budge from my determined stance.

Uncle Soichiro cleared his throat and straightforwardly said in that semi-strict, police voice that he used when he was being firm, "Etsuko, this is not the time to discuss this. Officer Mogi and I have to be somewhere very soon. Delays are not an option. So please get off at the next floor and we'll talk later if you wish."

Uncle Soichiro's stern voice always got under my skin, perhaps because I so rarely heard it aimed at me. I shrank back a little, trying to think of how to respond. Uncle continued to stare me down with an unyielding look. No words came to me as we continued to descend down, past my floor, and then down a couple more. I could tell that uncle was becoming impatient as we neared the ninth floor, which was their destination based off of the glowing 9 button on the elevator panel. It was then that I realized I had only to do one thing to get Uncle Soichiro to speak to me.

The elevator dinged as we reached the ninth floor. Uncle Soichiro moved towards the elevator doors, but I was at the front and not encumbered by half a mattress. My hand swiftly darted to the side and jabbed the Door Hold button. My finger remained firmly pressed against the button.

Uncle's stern voice grew louder and more urgent when he realized what I was doing. "Etsuko, open the door right now! You don't know what you're doing!"

"I'm going to keep these doors closed until I get an answer, uncle! I'm sure delivering a mattress can wait a couple of seconds," I quickly spurted out, my eyes never leaving uncle's as I stood blocking the door.

Uncle shook his head and gruffly sighed in exasperation. "This isn't time for games! You don't understand! If we're not out of this elevator and positioned with this mattress in the next ten minutes then-"

"Then what?! What's going to happen?" I cried out, my voice increasing in pitch and volume and urgency. I could only attribute my increasing frenzied state to the adrenaline that was crazily coursing through my body at that moment.

I noticed that Officer Mogi's eyes kept flashing towards my hand pressing the button and I wondered if he was trying to gage how he could get his hands free from holding the mattress to grab my hand away. I inched slowly closer to the panel of elevator buttons, effectively blocking them. Officer Mogi's frown deepened and he flashed uncle a curious look, silently inquiring what should be done.

I was going to voice the same question again, but I studied uncle's demeanour a little closer. He didn't look simply impatient, but panicked by his rapidly shifting eyes and heavy breathing. And I realized with stomach-turning clarity that the answer to my question would be anything but reassuring.

I asked again, this time in a wavering, hesitant whisper, "What's going to happen, uncle?"

Uncle deeply sighed and looked away from me, and suddenly, just like that, I had my answer. It's amazing how sometimes the loudest, clearest answer is communicated without words. Matsuda's racing pulse when I had been in his arms and then his dejected stare as he had backed away from me in the kitchen. His actions had overpowered any reassuring words he could have spoken to me. Combined now with uncle's defeated sigh and broken gaze, I knew what he was afraid to tell me.

"It's Matsuda, isn't it? Something bad is going to happen to him," I choked out, cringing at my own words.

Maybe it was because I was family to Uncle Soichiro. Maybe it was because he knew how much I had been through since January and felt guilty about it. Or maybe he had already suspected how close to Matsuda I really was. Whatever the reason, I believe one of them was the motive to why uncle answered me truthfully, or even answered me at all.

Uncle swallowed and simply said, his voice almost bland it was so straightforward, "Yes."

I closed my eyes and exhaled a shuddering sigh. For a split second, a gentle wave of relief washed over me; I had at last received confirmation to my worry. However, it was quickly drowned by a tidal wave of dread and concern.

Uncle's firm, steady voice broke the tense silence before I could utter any question or word. "Etsuko, I know you want answers, but right now it's important that you just listen to me. Matsuda is in a dangerous situation, but that's why Mogi and I are here to help him out."

I shook my head and accusingly asked, "By carrying around a mattress? How's that going to help Matsuda?" I shot the mattress an angry glare, as if it was the cause for Matsuda's dilemma. I hated how stupidly useless it looked.

Uncle exhaled a withering sigh and swiftly answered, "I can see why you think that, Etsuko, but..." Uncle Soichiro awkwardly shifted the mattress in his hands in order to lean in a little closer to me. He semi-successfully controlled the impatience in his voice and quietly, calmly said, "Listen, if you want to be of any help, Etsuko, you can't ask us any more questions right now. You have to let us exit the elevator and do what we came here to do. You have to trust me on this."

Trust again. How many more times was I going to have to rely solely on someone's trust? How many times had Light told me in the past several months to trust him? Or Uncle Soichiro? Or Matsuda? Or even Misa? I was tired of trusting people, even though I had a pretty shitty record of doing so. It seemed that in the past few months though, I had learned how mentally exhausting doling out trust was. I didn't like doing it.

But then I pictured Matsuda's distressed face that I had seen only a few minutes ago and suddenly trust seemed easy.

I told myself that I would help out in any way I could this evening in order to help out Matsuda. So be it then.

I shakily breathed out and quietly muttered back, "Okay, uncle. I'll trust you on this. I...I promise."

Uncle's shoulders untensed and he graciously responded, "Thank you, Etsuko."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and let my hand limply fall away from the Door Hold button. As soon as the elevator doors opened, uncle and Officer Mogi quickly side-stepped me and darted towards the far end of the hallway. I stared numbly after them as they half-ran, half-hobbled down the hall with the mattress, until the elevator doors began to close and my frozen state cracked and I ran down the hallway after them.

I followed them into a dark, empty room at the end of the hall. They didn't even bother turning on the lights as they grunted and groaned while setting down the mattress against the wall. Mogi swung upon the balcony door and stepped out into the night, peering upwards at the building with a calculating, nervous gaze. Uncle dragged a large, clunky bag that had been sitting in the corner of the room towards the mattress and patted it a couple of times, as if determining how heavy or tough it was.

I continued to stand rooted to the spot watching them hurry around in the dark room, confused and frustrated at the same time.

"I just...I just don't understand how this is going to help Matsuda," I whined meekly, knowing I had agreed to trust uncle, but still not being able to keep quiet.

Uncle Soichiro helped Mogi squeeze the mattress outside onto the balcony. They leaned it up against the balcony railing at a slanted angle; it still appeared useless and stupid. Uncle Soichiro muttered breathlessly over his shoulder as he heaved the bag into his arms and carried it towards the sliding balcony door, "Etsuko, I know this must look ridiculous and completely unhelpful, but it's going to help Matsuda."

I snorted and crossed my arms even tighter across my chest as I skeptically scoffed, "How exactly? Is he going to jump from the building or something?"

Instead of reassuring me that what I had said was nonsense, a nervous, knowing look passed between uncle and Mogi and I suddenly felt like I had been punched straight into the gut. My jaw became slack and my arms uncrossed and dangled loosely at my sides as I gaped at the two men before me.

"Are...are you serious?" I pointed towards the balcony and stared back and forth from uncle to Mogi. "He's not really going to-"

Uncle rapidly approached me and held his hands out as if to block me from coming any closer. "Etsuko, just stay back and don't-"

"Chief! I think I hear him!" Mogi suddenly called from the balcony, his eyes fixed upwards at the balconies above. Uncle, his hands still stretched out to block me, turned his head towards the balcony and listened. I craned forwards a little to hear whatever Mogi had heard.

At first I could only hear my heart beat pounding within my ears, but then after a second I could hear a familiar voice drifting on the wind outside. It seemed to come from above and it sounded rather jovial and upbeat. The recognizable pitch and tone that always seemed to contain some form of good-naturedness could only belong to Matsuda.

I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, but the sound of his voice unfroze my feet and I hurried towards the balcony. "What is Matsuda do-"

"Stay back! You must stay back and be quiet, Etsuko," Uncle whispered fiercely, his hands effectively blocking me from coming any closer to the outside.

I saw the urgency flash behind uncle's eyes and I knew that whatever was supposed to happen was going to happen soon. I hugged myself tightly and whimpered a little as I slowly backed away. A slow haze of panic began to descend upon me, but I tried desperately to keep it at bay and continued to back away towards a corner of the room. Mogi was now standing beside the mattress, his sturdy build keeping the mattress upright and his eyes never leaving the balconies above. Uncle stood ready near the balcony door, the heavy bag in his arms. It was as if I wasn't in the room; the wall of concentration that surrounded the two men was as thick and strong as an actual brick wall.

Other voices could be heard now from several floors above. Unlike Matsuda's cheery voice, these sounded panicked and surprised. The volume of the frenzied voices grew louder and more alarmed and I couldn't help but cover my ears as I crouched down in the corner. I moaned quietly as I waited tensely for whatever was going to happen. I simply watched uncle and Mogi with wide eyes frozen with fear and uncertainty.

Please. Please let Matsuda be okay. Please let Matsuda be okay. Please, please, please.

Suddenly, a loud scream was heard plummeting from above, accompanied by a chorus of panicked yells. I watched with astonished eyes as a body ungracefully tumbled from above and landed roughly on top of the mattress. The body bounced off of the mattress and rolled part way into the room. Mogi ducked out of the way as uncle stepped forward and heaved the bag over the balcony. I could hear a loud thumping crash below and the refrain of voices continued to holler.

Somehow though, the voices seemed to grow softer as I began to make out the features of the person who had come flying down from above. The black hair with the unruly fringe. The slender, tall build. The familiar tan dress shirt. And then suddenly—

"Matsuda!"

Matsuda looked up at my abrupt cry and suddenly I was out of the corner and crouched down beside his hunched over form on the carpet. Without caring or even recognizing that uncle and Mogi were still in the room, I threw my arms around Matsuda's neck and warbled out a long slew of mumbled words.

"Why, why did you do that, you, you, you...why, Matsuda, why, are, are you crazy?! You, you-"

"Etsuko, it's okay, it's okay," Matsuda tried to reassure me with his soft words, but my voice only grew louder and more rushed.

I looked up at him and cried out in exasperation, "You're crazy! You're absolutely crazy! Throwing yourself out of buildings and, and – why did you do that?! You, you, you could have DIED!"

"I know, I know! But I had to do it! If I didn't, those men were going to kill me. I had to take the risk! It was the only way," Matsuda rapidly explained, his hand gently prying away some of my fingers that were still tightly wrapped around his neck.

"What do you mean they were going to kill you?! Who were they? What were you doing up there with them-"

"I was trying to help the investigate-"

I interrupted Matsuda by fiercely spouting back, "Helping the investigation?! You already risk your life by just being on the Kira investigation, why do you have to risk it even more by doing things like this?"

Matsuda sighed and held his hand steady against the back of my head while his other hand squeezed my shoulder supportively. "Etsuko, I admit I could have gone about doing things differently and actually thinking things through tonight. And I also know that Ryuzaki is going to be furious with me. But I learned really valuable things that will benefit the investigation, so it was all worth it!" Matsuda looked me in the eye with flashing earnestness. "I'm not worthless now, Etsuko!"

My throat clicked and I rapidly scanned Matsuda's face to see if he was actually being serious or not. The few seconds I needed to spew forth all of my panic subsided and I began to calm down. I closed my eyes and shook my head sadly. My voice wavered slightly as I softly consoled, "Matsuda, you never were worthless. Didn't you know that already?"

When I opened my eyes I could see Matsuda was looking away slightly to the side with an embarrassed, sad expression. It was similar to how he had looked when we had been watching TV days before and during Misa's outdoor shoot. And I realized that he hadn't been upset with me, but that he had been upset with himself. That his self-confidence had reached an all time low and that he had tried to prove himself by doing something that had almost cost him his life. And I had a problem with that.

My hand reached out and steadied itself against the back of Matsuda's head. I gently gripped some of his hair and beseechingly asked again, "Don't you know that?"

Matsuda looked at me, our eyes and foreheads almost touching we were so close to one another. I could see his pupils furiously scanning and searching my face, as if they were desperately trying to capture the image of my genuine and eager expression. I could feel his shoulders slouch against me and he smiled with tired defeat. "Yes, I should have known that." He looked directly at me, behind his eyes an unspoken apology for having doubted my belief in him. I only smiled and shook my head slightly, implying no hurt feelings.

"But I'm not sorry for taking the risk, Etsuko," Matsuda confidently carried on. "Sometimes...sometimes uncovering valuable knowledge requires taking risks."

I sighed. I disliked the fact that Matsuda was right. How many times had I taken risks to gain or share information in just the last several months? Tracking Matsuda down to the Niwa Hotel and barging across Ryuzaki for the first time. Secretly conversing with Light numerous times in our coded communication style. Breaking out of my room and the hotel to inform Aunt Sachiko and Sayu about Light's and uncle's confinement. Simply the past hour when I had defied Ryuzaki's orders and encountered uncle and Mogi.

It was a frightening and uncomfortable truth to swallow, but one that I digested nonetheless and hesitantly accepted. It was easier for me to accept when it came to myself, but when the risk involved Matsuda, I didn't want to believe it. Perhaps that was normal when it was someone that you lov—

"A-hem!"

Matsuda and I both jumped at uncle's startling voice. We turned to face him and suddenly realized how close we were to each other. We hurriedly separated and stood up. Matsuda, having no tie to fidget with, began to wring the end of his shirt compulsively, while I simply flushed all over and stared at uncle with mortification. His eyes were hard, but not with anger. They were steely with controlled concern than anything else.

My voice warbled and squeaked as I implored, "Uncle, I-I-I can explain-"

"All I'm going to say is that it's not my business. You're both adults and I'm not your father, Etsuko. But I hope you've at least thought this through," Uncle Soichiro straightforwardly addressed Matsuda and I, his voice stern, but patient.

Before I could come up with a decent explanation or justification, Matsuda took a step closer to me and answered just as straightforwardly as uncle, "I may not have thought this whole evening through, Chief, but I've sure thought this one through."

I felt Matsuda's hand enclose around mine and I looked at him with admiration. His confidence and genuineness were heartwarming. Uncle seemed to be mildly surprised with Matsuda's conviction and simply nodded. It was obvious to me that uncle wasn't entirely impressed with our relationship, but that there was still a level of acceptance.

I frowned as Matsuda's hand dropped from mine and he turned to me and said, "I should stick around for a bit. Debrief after, uh, everything that's happened tonight."

"Yeah, I understand." I hoped I sounded understanding, because I sure didn't feel like it. My boyfriend had just thrown himself over a balcony, could have very possibly died at either the expense of some homicidal businessmen or the concrete road, and now I was expected to just be on my merry way and –

"But I promise you I'll be down to see you before the end of the night," Matsuda concluded, his voice firm with assurance.

I smiled and nodded, knowing that this time he was making a promise without death lingering over his head. Knowing that I could trust his word. Knowing that I would be counting down the minutes before I could see him.

What would I do without him? I didn't think I could ever be this...this – could ever feel...

My smile broadened as I nodded once more and softly responded, "I'll be waiting."

...

A/N: Once again...THANK YOU!