Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: None really, but timeline is between final chapter of VF Vol 6 and Koi wo Suru crossover.

Contains: humor, silliness, a bit of crackiness, sex, a teensy weensy bit of sap

Author's Note: I read a discussion on the YA comm a while back about the fact that in the crossover with Koi wo Suru where Akihito plays photographer/chaperone for a high school trip, he's wearing the same tie Asami wore in Volume 6 of VF. So that inspired this. I just wanted to write a short silly piece to take a breather from Under the Skin and Emotions Have an Echo. Hope you enjoy! P.S. This is dedicated to ptw30 for going above and beyond trying to keep me sane and writing while I'm beseiged by in-laws. Thank you! :)

"Is this my tie?"

Akihito slapped Asami's hand away.

"Finders keepers. Anyway..." Akihito peered down, trying to do up the knot properly. "You ruined the only one I owned, so you owe me."

"Oh, yes." A reminiscent smile crooked Asami's lips. "You should buy better ties. Mine never tear like that, despite how wild your struggles become."

Akihito glared through his blush. "Shut up. And, jeez, so sorry I don't have thousands of yen to waste on stupid silk ties. Crap!" He yanked the knot loose in frustration.

"I'll buy you whatever you need." Asami brushed his hands away and deftly adjusted the tie to perfect proportions.

"Like hell!" Akihito lifted his chin, sulking at being treated like a little kid, but he had to admit, Asami knew what he was doing, probably from all the practice he got. Ha, served him right-having to wear one of these gorilla suits every day.

"I don't see how you stand it." Akihito tugged at the collar of his shirt, already feeling stifled, though he'd only put it on five minutes ago.

"If you'd allow me to dress you in a quality suit-"

"Don't start with that again! Number one-I'm not your dress up doll. Two-nothing could ever feel as good as my jeans. Three-I can buy my own damn clothes."

Amused, Asami began buttoning his own shirt. "One-You really should have learned by now not to make rash statements. Two-I've definitely got something that makes you feel much better. Three-You can't afford even a new pair of underwear right now without skimping on groceries. And since you insist on paying for those as well and you're cooking for me, I'm telling you now that bowls of instant ramen aren't going to cut it."

"That was only one time! And that was because I couldn't leave the condo yet and I had to break into my secret stash!"

"I don't see why you can't just rely on me for these mundane things."

"Because, oh great Lord Asami, they may be mundane to someone of your exalted status, but they're a significant part of my life, and I can support myself without your interference."

"Your parents must have often despaired of your stubbornness."

"Identifying with my dad, old man? Not surprising, I guess."

"Only if he turned you over his knee and spanked the cheekiness out of you."

Akihito quickly whirled around, putting his back side out of immediate reach. "Don't you even think about it, pervert."

One slim eyebrow lifted. "Are you challenging me?"

Akihito thought very carefully about his answer, which most definitely wanted to be: 'Hell, yes!'. However, he really didn't want to be late for this job. It wouldn't set a good example for the students he'd be chaperoning around for the entire weekend. If he got in Asami's face, well, Asami wouldn't hesitate to prove his point and more.

If only he had already put his slacks on. But no such luck, and he'd only be causing himself even more embarrassment running for the elevator in only his shirt and tie, his boxers, and his black dress socks. He still couldn't look the snooty, middle-aged housewife who lived on the 26th floor in the eye.

Asami's smirk made up his mind for him. "You've already been at my ass for ages this morning. Touch it again, for any reason and you'll be sporting a black eye at that oh so important meeting you have."

Akihito curled his fingers into a fist and punched the flat of his palm, a threatening cast to his eyebrows.

Amused laughter wasn't exactly the reaction he was going for, but it was better than the alternative. Asami zipped up his own slacks and stood. Akihito watched him warily, but he only went to the closet to put on his vest and jacket.

Huh. He guessed Asami really did have a plane to catch.

He turned to retrieve his slacks from the back of the chair. That was his big mistake. He'd forgotten one of the major rules of combat in the Asami-Takaba household: Never turn your back on a quasi-Yakuza with something to prove.

He grunted as he was bent over the back of the chair, his hands forced flat onto the seat he was practically close enough to kiss.

"You're slipping, Takaba."

The smug taunt made him huff.

"Asami," Akihito whined. "I don't have time to take my clothes to the cleaners!" He probably couldn't afford that until his next paycheck either.

Asami laughed. "Then you'd better keep your hands where they are. That way your shirt won't get wrinkled."

His slacks were tugged from beneath him, where they had rested on the chair, and then Asami's hands were on the ass Akihito had so foolishly defied him to touch. His boxers were tugged just far enough down to expose the round flesh that Asami apparently couldn't get enough of.

Akihito huffed again as Asami took his time doing nothing more than looking mixed in with the occasional squeeze.

"Jeez, take a picture. It'll last longer."

"Why, that's an excellent idea, Akihito. Thank you for that."

Shit. Akihito scowled. "You'd better not even think about using my cameras."

"Another threat? You never learn do you?"

Two fingers slid between his cheeks, pushing past the tight ring of muscle and pumping lazily. Akihito groaned.

"You're swollen here. So hot. I can feel you sucking my fingers in deeper."

His face was red only because he dangling over the chair with his ass in the air, not because he was affected at all by Asami's dirty talk.

Crap, who was he kidding? If he didn't put a stop to this now, he'd end up begging Asami to continue, and no way was he going to let that happen this morning.

"A-Asami. You've already got your clothes on too. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Unlike you, I have more than one suit. If I dirty one, I have a closet full of others to fall back on. See how that works?"

"Asshole." The fingers thrust deeper. "Ahhhh...Asami!"

"Yes, that's better, my cute Akihito."

"Have...haven't you-" Had enough, he wanted to say, but he just moaned as Asami curled his fingers and rubbed at the spot that made Akihito see white. His toes curled. His cock throbbed.

"Yes? Haven't I...what?"

Shit. "N-nothing. Nevermind. Just do it already."

"Do what?" The innocent, questioning lilt to Asami's voice made Akihito bristle.

And this was why Asami was an utter bastard. He could never just accept the win graciously. Noooo. He had to rub it in as much as possible.

"Fuck me, you bastard, if you're going to, or else let me up so I can jerk myself off and get out of here before you get even more annoying!"

The fingers stilled a moment, then Asami's rough voice spoke in his ear.

"Another inspired idea, Akihito. We'll explore it together soon."

Akihito rolled his eyes. Like he didn't know that was coming. Before he could retort, Asami's fingers were gone and his thick cock took their place. He grunted as Asami shoved in without ceremony.

"Fuck, Asami! There's no warranty on my ass, you know!"

"You're nice and loose from earlier, take it easy."

"Says you! You don't have something the size of monster daikon shoved up your ass."

Asami dragged his cock back in a slow, tortuous glide then shoved back in roughly.

"Ungh!"

"Did you really just compare my dick to a radish?"

"A monster radish!"

Asami laughed. "Perhaps I should fuck you with one and see if you can tell the difference."

He began to pound Akihito in earnest then, leaving him without enough to air to call him a sick bastard. Instead, Akihito held onto the chair for dear life until Asami forced one of the hands he was using to brace himself around Akihito's own cock.

Sure, he pouted. Make me do all the work. But his hand flew in time to Asami's thrusts, and he got embarrassingly loud as usual, drowning out the sound of Asami's balls slapping against his ass.

He came with a strangled cry, taking pleasure in shooting come all over Asami's expensive chair. He wasn't cleaning that up.

Asami came a moment later, resting against Akihito's bent back for a moment as he caught his breath. A few seconds later, a light kiss was dropped on the crown of Akihito's head, and the weight was gone.

By the time Akihito gathered himself and turned around, Asami was already impeccable, his clothing perfectly situated, not a strand of hair out of place. How the fuck did he do that?

Akihito wobbled. His slacks hit him in the face.

"Get dressed. I'll drive you to the train station."

"In the limo?"

"Of course."

"Promise you won't molest me on the way?"

Asami looked thoughtful as he tucked his cigarettes and lighter into his inner jacket pocket.

"Hm. I can't make any solid promises. After all, we're not going to see each other for a few days. I'm going overseas and you're going back to high school." He smirked. "Perhaps you'll learn some useful things this time."

Asshole. "Haha. No thanks, then. I'll walk."

"With your luggage?"

Akihito put on his pants. "It's just a duffle bag and my camera bag. I can manage."

"Can't you even rely on me for a simple ride to the station?"

He shot Asami a pointed look. The bastard just smirked again.

"How about a compromise, then?"

"A compromise?" Akihito squinted in mistrust.

"Don't look so suspicious. I always keep my word. A compromise. Let me drive you. I won't molest you, but you have to give me a kiss."

Akihito stared. He pondered. It was whole three days.

"One kiss?"

"One kiss in the car," Asami amended. "One kiss now."

Hmph, always trying to push the envelope. Still...it was a long walk to the station.

Akihito tilted his face up and closed his eyes. Asami's kiss was surprisingly gentle and his eyes were soft when Akihito finally opened his own to see. His heart skipped a beat as Asami opened his mouth to speak, his mouth curving into a warm smile.

"Akihito..."

"Y-yeah?"

"Your fly is open."

Akihito looked down, flushing as he quickly did up his zip. Asami had turned away when he looked up again to glare, but then Akihito's frown softened into a grin.

I'll miss you too.